I was sick for a full fifteen days.
For four of those, I couldn’t even open my eyes; for the next three, I’d manage to wake only to fall asleep again in no time; and for the following week, my entire body ached so badly I could do nothing but groan in agony.
“Haah, I’m dying here.”
Even now, I couldn’t exactly say I had made a full recovery, but the fact that I could at least sit up felt like a monumental achievement. Although, one of my legs was broken.
‘Wait, when did this leg even get broken?’
Everything had hurt so much that I hadn’t even realized it. Maybe Jung Hyun-soo had snapped it while using her powers? If not, the only other explanation was that my leg had broken during Guiding—which would’ve been utterly absurd—so it had to be the former.
“…….”
I stretched my stiff body out long, then curled up again. From what I heard, my body had taken quite a beating. Apparently, the very act of stepping forward to subdue a rampaging Esper had been the first mistake—or so Kim Sol said.
‘You’ve lost your mind! When an Esper goes on a rampage, nobody can stop them! And you thought you could step in?! You should’ve run away at the very least!’
It was just a phone call, but his voice had been so loud and shrill that my ears felt like they were about to start bleeding.
‘…Ugh, blood.’
Just imagining it made me shudder. I used to be unfazed by the sight of blood, but after seeing so much of it that day, I couldn’t even picture it anymore without feeling nauseous. Especially considering that all that blood had been mine. It was a miracle I hadn’t died from blood loss.
‘Seriously, if I had known Cha Jae-woo would get there that quickly, I would’ve just hidden somewhere.’
I smiled and told Kim Sol what he wanted to hear. I made sure not to hint that I’d actually been of any help. Even without anyone spelling it out, the fact that Cha Jae-woo had stormed into the gate that day, furious and shouting “What the hell are you doing?!” at me, made it clear enough: trying to Guide a rampaging Esper was a crazy, reckless, and impossible act.
Well, considering how things turned out, maybe it wasn’t completely impossible…Still, under normal circumstances, it absolutely would’ve been, so I figured I could safely say it was.
Anyway, I quickly realized I needed to keep my mouth shut about what I’d done. Of course, Cha Jae-woo didn’t trust me. He had said, in that stiff and firm tone of his:
“Never do that kind of Guiding again. And keep your damn mouth shut.”
It wasn’t just a comment—it felt like he was scolding me. When he said that, it had been about five or six days since that incident. Back then, I still spent more time passed out under the effects of painkillers than awake.
I hadn’t seen Cha Jae-woo’s face for a while, so when he suddenly appeared, I’d been ridiculously happy. Though sadly, all he did was snap at me and storm right back out.
“…It’s hard to even get a glimpse of him these days.”
I deliberately mumbled a little louder than usual. I knew Cha Jae-woo was somewhere in the house, and I said it just loud enough for him to hear.
“It’s about time he needs Guiding again.”
While I had been bedridden, Cha Jae-woo hadn’t received a single session of Guiding. Sure, Lee Ju-yeon was around, so it’s not like he would have completely fallen apart, but without seeing for myself, I couldn’t help feeling uneasy.
He was the only one who had entered the gate back then. Which meant he probably had to both clear the gate and stop Jung Hyun-soo, who I hadn’t managed to fully stabilize. It was obvious that his resonance waves would’ve become unstable because of it.
How much help could Lee Ju-yeon’s Guiding really be for Cha Jae-woo? Even if their matching rate had improved, it hadn’t even reached 40 percent. It probably didn’t go that well.
‘If he can just maintain his current condition, that would already be a miracle.’
There was one thing I had clearly realized after Guiding Cha Jae-woo for a while. Maybe it wasn’t the same for all Espers, but the worse their condition was, the faster they deteriorated. Even when using the same amount of power, the stability of their resonance waves varied drastically depending on their physical state.
He had entered the gate alone, and afterward, hadn’t received proper Guiding even once. So it was only natural for me to be worried about him now.
No matter how much more mana Lee Ju-yeon might have compared to me, the only one who could truly, properly Guide Cha Jae-woo was me.
‘It was clearer when I was holding her tight.’
I recalled the moment I had been Guiding Jung Hyun-soo.
As expected, the level of skinship definitely affected the effectiveness of Guiding. It hadn’t just been my imagination. Now, all that was left was to Guide Cha Jae-woo. If I had learned properly, it was only right to put it to good use.
“My mana’s overflowing, you know? If I don’t use it today, it’s such a waste, such a waste!”
But despite raising my voice playfully, there was no reaction.
‘Why isn’t he responding? It’s most efficient to do Guiding while there’s still mana left and replenish it afterward.’
Aside from the broken leg that made it impossible to walk and some overall poor condition, there was no real issue when it came to Guiding. Unlike with Jung Hyun-soo, I wouldn’t even have to expend much energy this time. If he didn’t take it, he’d be the one losing out.
‘He must be worried about me, right?’
I smirked, finding the assumption convincing. There was no need to force the thought down. No matter how many times I turned it over in my head, there was only one reason Cha Jae-woo wasn’t coming to receive Guiding: he was worried about me.
I could clearly picture his face, frozen in horror, as he had looked at me inside the gate. Even the one time he came to visit afterward, all he did was threaten me not to ever pull such a stunt again. In the end, it was all because he was worried.
‘Whether he was worried about losing his Guide or about me personally, a worry’s a worry.’
I shrugged as I stared at the door that seemed as if it would never open. Well, if he wouldn’t come, I’d just have to go to him. I had crutches and a wheelchair available. Considering the distance to Cha Jae-woo’s room, it would be better to use the wheelchair. The crutches hurt my armpits and were uncomfortable.
I didn’t need to think long about it. I threw back the blanket and moved to place my foot down onto the floor. I appreciated Cha Jae-woo’s concern, but it had been far too long without Guiding. It had to happen today.
“Ah…!”
However, just as I was about to make a bold move, the door swung open with a loud noise before I could even transfer myself to the wheelchair. Startled, I looked up and saw Cha Jae-woo standing crookedly by the door, hand on the knob, his face twisted in irritation.
“Uh… Hello?”
I greeted him awkwardly. I had been calling him over, but I hadn’t actually expected him to show up, so I was a bit flustered.
After a brief moment of silence, I slowly settled back down on the bed. Since the person I was planning to visit had come to me instead, there was no need to push myself to get out of bed.
“Um… Are you alright?”
Since Cha Jae-woo remained silent, I had no choice but to ask first. He gave me a once-over, his expression souring, as if to say, Are you seriously asking me that?
“I’m totally fine now,”
I quickly raised my arm high to reassure him, although I immediately froze afterward. It wasn’t like I was showing off some tiny biceps or anything…
“It’s just… I thought maybe it was about time for some Guiding…”
“You want to Guide again?”
Cha Jae-woo suddenly asked, cutting me off. The way he phrased it felt strange, and I had to pause for a moment before answering.
“…Because you need it, right?”
“Haa…”
Though I was sure I’d said the right thing, all I got in return was a heavy sigh.
‘Man, he really has been worried about me.’
There was no other way to interpret it. The corners of my mouth twitched upward despite myself. I knew I should manage my expression better now that he was standing right in front of me, but it was harder than expected. Honestly, it had been a while since I’d seen him. And more than that, he didn’t seem as bad off as I had feared.
“You must have been receiving Guiding all this time, right?”
Maybe Lee Ju-yeon really had been of help after all. Had their matching rate improved over a few more sessions? If so, it made sense that Cha Jae-woo seemed relatively stable now.
“…That’s good.”
Of course, that understanding didn’t erase the small, sharp pangs of jealousy bubbling up inside me.
I figured he did it out of consideration. My condition had been truly terrible. Asking me to do Guiding in that state would have been beyond inconsiderate. Anyone with even a shred of conscience wouldn’t have done it. And honestly, if he had asked me back then, I would have felt pretty hurt.
But that was then and this was now. The thought of him receiving Guiding from Lee Ju-yeon all this time still sparked a stubborn resentment in me.
“Still, shall we go ahead and do some Guiding? I’m really feeling fine now.”
Again, Cha Jae-woo didn’t respond. Today, he seemed even more tight-lipped than usual.
Well, he was always a bit unpredictable. Some days he’d smile so unexpectedly it was almost shocking, and other days he’d just leave without a word. Honestly, that inconsistency had practically become the norm.
So, without thinking much of it, I reached out my hand toward him. After all, he hadn’t said no.
“I didn’t receive it.”
“Huh?”
“I said, I haven’t received any Guiding.”
I froze, my eyes darting around before I slowly asked back,
“All this time… none at all?”
Even to my own ears, my tone was filled with disbelief.
“Yeah. Not once.”
“Why did you do that?”
I was just as fickle as he was. Moments ago, I’d been sulking out of jealousy, but now that he said he hadn’t received any Guiding, I found myself getting angry instead.
Cha Jae-woo sighed and shook his head.
“That’s why you should do it later. Right now, I can’t handle it.”
“No, that’s wrong. It’s better to do it now so it’ll be easier later.”
“Lim Haeyul.”
“No, seriously, why didn’t you get Guided? All that time? It’s not like you didn’t have a Guide! Even if the matching rate’s low, you should’ve been getting daily sessions!”
I thought he was the type to be meticulous about his own body. So what on earth had he been thinking, leaving himself unattended like that? My anxiety spiked, making me jolt upright, ready to rush over to him immediately.
“If it’s not you, I’m not getting Guided.”
But my bold movement came to a screeching halt the instant I heard his words.
“If it’s not you doing it, I’m not even thinking about it.”
“That…”
“You’re my Guide. Why the hell would I get Guiding from someone else?”
His indifferent words pierced right through my chest.
‘I’m Cha Jae-woo’s Guide. Why would anyone else be Guiding him?!’
It was the exact same thing I had blurted out in my jealousy when I thought he had been Guided by someone else. I couldn’t tell if Cha Jae-woo had said it with that in mind, tossing my own words back at me. But unlike my current turmoil, his face was as solid and unshaken as ever.
“Do it tomorrow. Rest more today.”
Taking advantage of my confusion, Cha Jae-woo turned around. I opened my mouth, trying to call out to him, but in the end, I couldn’t even say his name—I could only watch blankly as he disappeared.
“…….”
Did I injure my heart too? Why does it hurt so much? The fear that it might just burst from beating too fast gripped me.
Of course, that wasn’t going to happen. I knew very well why my heart was pounding like this.
‘No, Cha Jae-woo basically threw me a huge bone just now.’
He practically confessed! He basically said I was the only one for him! How could my heart not race?!
Plop.
My exhausted body collapsed back onto the bed. Pressing hard against my left chest, I barely managed to swallow down the scream that was about to burst out.
‘Maybe, Cha Jae-woo…’
Maybe he’s fallen for me?
The tantalizing thought spiraled through my mind. And by the time I finally came back to my senses after a long while, my cheeks were so sore from grinning that they felt numb.
