What should I do?
Lost in thought, Iberis quietly sighed and wiggled his toes. He had stopped Lucas out of shock when he felt him touch his private areas, but it felt unsatisfying to end things like this. However, it was embarrassing to ask to continue after he had told Lucas to stop.
“Shall I do it for you?”
As if sensing his dilemma, Lucas asked subtly while slowly pressing his body closer.
“Uh, what?”
“Do you prefer my mouth or my hand?”
“What, what are you…”
“You’re still not satisfied, right? I’ll take responsibility for putting you in this state and finish what we started.”
“No, it’s fine… If we just leave it, it’ll go down on its own, ah!”
Lucas pretended not to hear Iberis’s refusal and lightly thrust his hips. A sticky sound came from below where their fluids had mixed.
“Leaving it until the excitement subsides is the same as letting your body cool down. How could I just watch that happen? I’ll keep you warm continuously.”
“Th-that, hah, mmnh…”
His body, already hypersensitive, reacted strongly even to minor stimulation. Iberis pursed his lips after unconsciously letting out a moan.
“Don’t hold back your voice… Choose, how shall I do it for you?”
Lucas urged for an answer while slowly moving his hips. When Iberis’s hesitant hand suddenly wrapped around him, he visibly flinched.
“Uh, Major?”
“Y-you’re excited too, so, together… Not with your hand or mouth, like before.”
Finally succumbing to desire, Iberis averted his gaze and stammered out his words. It was too embarrassing to directly request what he wanted, so he couldn’t look Lucas in the eye.
“…If that’s your order.”
Lucas, who had been silent at the unexpected action, answered in a raspy voice. It seemed like just yesterday when Iberis would tremble at a single kiss, but now he could voice his desires. Momentarily lost in a strange emotion, Lucas soon curved his eyes in a pleased expression.
The more Iberis, who once desired nothing, increased his wants and became greedy, the more his zest for life would grow – something Lucas welcomed with open arms. Lucas was delighted by this change in him.
“I’ll do as you wish.”
Peck. After lightly kissing Iberis’s sweaty forehead, Lucas thrust his hips forcefully, as if striking brutally. Their lower bodies collided and separated repeatedly with wet sounds from the fierce hip movements.
“J-just a bit, hng, slow-er, ah!”
Iberis’s slender body, no match for Lucas’s strength, shook pitifully as it was pounded from below. Taken aback by the unexpectedly intense movements, Iberis moaned continuously, unable to gather his thoughts.
“If it’s hard, cling to me.”
Lucas guided Iberis’s arms, floundering in waves of pleasure, to wrap around his neck. He also made Iberis’s legs embrace his waist.
“Luke, hah, Luke…”
Iberis hugged Lucas tightly, following his lead. It was an eager gesture, as if he didn’t want to be separated from Lucas even a little.
“Yes, Major.”
Lucas increased his pace while embracing Iberis, who was clinging to him with all his might. As he did so, he lowered his head to kiss the lips that were calling his name desperately.
Iberis closed his eyes as he accepted the tongue gently swirling inside his mouth. His body, now accustomed to the pleasure Lucas gave, trembled in anticipation of the ecstasy soon to come. As if responding to this, an intense sensation swept over him like a storm. The sultry, damp heat created by the two of them didn’t subside until much later.
* * *
Shaa…
In the bedroom enveloped by deep blue darkness, Iberis was lost in gloomy thoughts, accompanied by the sound of rain outside the window. Though his body was languid, with his limbs feeling limp, his restless and uneasy mind wouldn’t let him sleep.
“Sigh.”
Iberis softly sighed and turned his head towards Lucas while leaning against the bed’s headboard. A few hours ago, after finishing the guiding, Lucas had showered again, taken fever reducers, painkillers, and even antibiotics before falling into a deep sleep.
“…”
Iberis stared blankly at the motionless Lucas, then suddenly felt anxious and gently placed his hand near Lucas’s nose. Confirming the regular breath, his sudden anxiety melted away like snow. It was an action he had repeated countless times already.
Relieved, Iberis brushed back the hair covering Lucas’s elongated eyes. Seeing that he didn’t wake even when touched like this, it seemed he was truly in a deep sleep.
“Sleep well.”
Iberis smiled faintly, drawing his knees up to his chest and crossing his arms over them. He quietly gazed at Lucas’s clean face. The image of Lucas covered in dirt, blood, and sweat overlapped with his current neat appearance. The memory of that moment caused Iberis’s gray eyes to darken.
Iberis bit his lower lip hard to suppress the creeping anxiety rising again. Lucas would probably nag that it would cause a wound if he saw, but it couldn’t be helped.
Remembering when he saw Lucas standing covered in blood at the European branch still made his chest heave and his stomach churn as if he might vomit.
Now, there was no choice but to accept it.
Iberis closed his eyes with a pained expression. He sensed it was time to fully embrace the feelings he had been deliberately ignoring. This incident had made him realize a fact he hadn’t been aware of before: that people can die at any time, even without a terminal illness.
“Haah…”
Feeling a tightness in his chest, Iberis buried his head in his arms. He didn’t want Lucas to see his contorted face if he woke up. His expression must have been terrible right now.
Why hadn’t he thought of this?
Iberis berated himself for not considering this possibility until now. It was such an obvious truth, yet he had completely forgotten it, which made him feel incredibly foolish.
Especially for a defense force soldier whose daily life involved exploiting cracks that appear moment by moment, regularly subjugating demons, and occasionally arresting villains, the risk of accidents was even higher than for ordinary people. He felt utterly stupid for forgetting such an obvious fact.
Perhaps he had been too fixated on the fact that he was terminally ill.
When Iberis had been told he didn’t have long to live, instead of despairing or fearing, he had felt deeply relieved. It had sounded like he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to anyone else first anymore.
That’s why in his relationship with Lucas, he had always worried about leaving Lucas first, never imagining that Lucas might disappear before him. But today, he realized how terribly wrong that thinking had been.
Iberis slightly raised his head and turned his gaze to the bedside table. There sat a water bottle and cup for when he got thirsty, and a portable matching test device, neatly arranged. It was something Lucas had been carrying around every day for some time now.
Iberis stared at it for a moment before reaching out to grab the portable tester. Checking their matching rate after guiding had become as natural as breathing for the two of them. Today was no exception.
‘There’s no change in the matching rate.’
Before falling asleep, Lucas had insisted on conducting the portable test despite Iberis suggesting they could skip it for a day. Apparently, testing right after guiding gives the most accurate figure. And he had failed to hide his disappointment at seeing the same number as yesterday.
‘I thought it would reach 83% soon…’
Recently, Lucas had often shown signs of impatience with their matching rate, which had been stuck at 82% for a long time without showing any change.
He said it was because he wanted to remove the ‘temporary’ label and officially become a pair as soon as possible, but Iberis felt there was another reason. And he had no trouble figuring out what it was.
What Lucas needed was an excuse to stay together even if Iberis rejected him. Once they officially became a pair, the relationship couldn’t be terminated unless both the esper and guide agreed.
Knowing this, Iberis had pretended not to notice all along. Knowing better than anyone the pain of losing loved ones first, he hoped Lucas wouldn’t experience similar suffering.
That’s why, even though he was attracted to Lucas, he hesitated to make a decision. He felt sorry seeing Lucas losing his composure, yet couldn’t bring himself to take the hand extended to him.
Hoping that Lucas wouldn’t feel a sense of loss as if his heart had been ripped out when left alone in the distant future, wishing he wouldn’t suffer from guilt for not being able to protect his loved one, Iberis had ignored his growing feelings day by day.
He believed he shouldn’t take Lucas’s hand swayed by current emotions when he couldn’t promise a bright future.
So, telling himself that not accepting Lucas’s feelings was right in the long run even if it was difficult right now, he kept suppressing his ever-growing desire and comforting himself.
Yet, he couldn’t firmly push Lucas away either. Because he wasn’t lonely when with Lucas, because every moment was enjoyable, because the nights sleeping in the same bed were warm, he didn’t want to lose the peace he had finally found.
So he kept postponing the decision, thinking, “Just one more day, let’s think about it for one more day…” and dragging out the time ambiguously. This was the result of that.
