“Of course that’s true, but…….”
With his lips lightly bitten, Tae-hoon carefully chose his words before continuing slowly.
“The affection Ji Gwan-young has and the affection I have…… seem to be a little different.”
It was actually quite common for people connected as Pairs to become lovers. Espers and Guides were probably the kind of relationship most likely to fall in love in this world. The counselor fully understood the core of Choi Tae-hoon’s concerns.
Until now, Choi Tae-hoon had lived his entire life as an ordinary heterosexual man. What this Guide was experiencing now was probably the growing pains that came from being physically involved with another man and living intimately like lovers simply because they were Pairs.
The counselor was about to soothe him by bringing up a few common examples. But Tae-hoon spoke first.
“Yes, they definitely seem different. But because I realized they’re different……. I became greedy.”
“Greedy?”
Tae-hoon’s mouth pressed shut once more.
He even frowned slightly between the brows, as if deep in thought. The counselor was genuinely becoming curious now. The word “greed” sounded strangely out of place when associated with Choi Tae-hoon.
Up until now, Tae-hoon had shown almost perfectly ideal Guide tendencies in counseling. Every evaluation and consultation report he’d undergone through the mental care system consistently described him as upright, proper, and the optimal Guide who would get along well with any Esper.
Of course, that was only an analysis of Choi Tae-hoon’s personal disposition. Unfortunately, during the matching test period that stretched well over ten years, he had never found a single Esper compatible with him.
Except for Ji Gwan-young.
Tae-hoon inhaled deeply, like taking a long breath before slowly exhaling. It was a kind of starting signal.
“I’ve honestly never met someone with such a terrible personality in my life.”
If Ji Gwan-young had heard that, he definitely wouldn’t have looked pleased. But Tae-hoon had accumulated far too many thoughts inside himself recently. And now, the dam holding them back had finally burst.
“He’s an actor, yet he barely skims through the dramas he films, and for movies he just shows his face at the premiere and says he’ll only watch them if he has time. He literally says, ‘What’s the point of watching them?’ And that’s not all. If The Center asks him for anything, he immediately makes a face. Not long ago, during an important briefing at The Center, he kept giving Researcher Oh Yeon a hard time, and I was so embarrassed I thought I’d die. I’ve seriously never seen someone speak in such an obnoxious way.”
“……”
“And somehow he seems like someone with a huge network of connections, but there aren’t even twenty contacts saved in his phone. Last time I checked, his entire incoming and outgoing call history was basically just me. I genuinely don’t know how he even works as an actor. When I asked when he meets friends or acquaintances, he said he doesn’t have any and doesn’t meet anyone. At this point, I honestly think he has severe social issues, but then if you look up his interviews or videos online, good lord. He looks unbelievably polite and kind. It’s basically a nationwide scam. No, it is a scam!”
The one who calmed Tae-hoon down as both his speech and voice rapidly escalated was the mental care counselor. Seeing the counselor laugh in surprise while raising both hands in a calming gesture, Tae-hoon let out another long sigh.
To begin with, Choi Tae-hoon wasn’t a particularly talkative person. The last time he’d poured out words this quickly was almost a year ago, when his younger brother Choi Woojin had cried for three straight days after breaking up with his girlfriend and barely ate anything.
“……Haa. But then I really thought carefully about why, even if we’re Pairs, I ended up liking someone who’s twisted a million times over inside.”
“Haha. Wow, this is new. It’s my first time hearing you talk this much, Tae-hoon-ssi. So, what conclusion did you come to after all that thinking?”
Instead of answering, Tae-hoon rubbed his face and lowered his head.
In some ways, Choi Tae-hoon was actually a rather difficult counseling client. Even in moments when he needed to openly express negative emotions, he instinctively concealed them instead. He could share positive feelings endlessly, but negative thoughts were always shoved deep down to the very bottom.
And yet now, Choi Tae-hoon was trying to shed the shell he had always wrapped around himself. The counselor waited without interrupting him. But after a long silence, the words that finally emerged from Tae-hoon were much simpler than expected.
“Ji Gwan-young treats me really well.”
“Hmm, yes. I’ve heard plenty of rumors about that, and I’ve even seen it myself. Haha.”
At the counselor’s amused response, Tae-hoon continued in a low voice that now sounded somewhat depressed.
“You know, the day I said he was especially irritating a few days ago… I actually kicked him with my foot. Told him to sit down already.”
“…….Oh.”
“But he didn’t even get angry at me. He just held my hand all day and stayed with me at the official residence after canceling the rest of his schedule because I looked exhausted. When I woke up, he’d already prepared breakfast before leaving, and while he was at it, he contacted The Center to say my condition wasn’t good and even got me excused from Guide training.”
There were also things Tae-hoon couldn’t bring himself to add out of embarrassment.
From his ankle bone, past his knees, all the way to the deep inner parts of his thighs, Ji Gwan-young had left marks too indecent to even describe aloud. Tae-hoon had discovered them while showering after waking up and had become so embarrassed he could barely breathe properly.
Lately, Ji Gwan-young had been enjoying leaving traces of himself on his Pair’s body. As though the enormous Name engraved across his back wasn’t enough, he obsessively marked him over and over.
“He hates people enough that he won’t even let anyone into his house, but he says my younger siblings bothering him for hours is fine…… And he keeps telling me never to apologize no matter what happens.”
“……”
Unable to even meet the counselor’s eyes, Tae-hoon lowered his head and spoke softly, almost like a sigh.
“I started thinking… this person alone will always be on my side no matter what I do. That he’ll have no choice but to stand beside me……. And because of that, I finally understood the bond between Pairs that I honestly couldn’t relate to before.”
“Because he’s your perfect and absolute ally?”
“……Yes. That’s it. Because when an Esper says they truly can’t live without me, it isn’t an empty statement.”
A trace of self-mockery lingered in Tae-hoon’s eyes as he said that. The truth was, Tae-hoon felt guilty simply for thinking of Ji Gwan-young that way. Ji Gwan-young was simply following him sincerely, yet Tae-hoon felt as though he was selfishly interpreting the unavoidable weakness inherent to Espers however he pleased.
Tae-hoon stared at the floor for a long while before noticing the counselor’s unwavering gaze on him. He finally raised his head and smiled weakly.
“But there’s an obvious prerequisite here.”
“A prerequisite?”
“A Guide.”
It had once been such an obvious fact for so long, but now it had become the beginning of every anxiety he carried. Choi Tae-hoon replayed the words endlessly drifting through his mind.
‘How exactly do you plan to make me your Esper, Lee Hansol-ssi?’
‘I’m a Guide!’
‘Would it be easier to understand if I said I’m a Guide who used to be an Esper……..’
Truthfully, Tae-hoon had never once imagined Ji Gwan-young could become someone else’s Esper besides his own. Naturally, he had always believed that man was his Pair.
But now that he knew that certainty—once so absolute—could shatter at any moment, the anxiety sprouting inside him made his mouth run dry.
“I only gained all of this because I’m Ji Gwan-young-ssi’s Guide.”
Tae-hoon’s clenched fist tightened hard.
“To me, an Esper is…… only Ji Gwan-young-ssi. I may not know much else, but that one thing—I’ve already learned it since I was five years old. I searched for twenty-three years for an Esper compatible with me.”
Once he finally started speaking the words he had been too afraid to say aloud, they poured out nonstop. Choi Tae-hoon was secretly surprised by how casually he was able to say these things now. But that was only Tae-hoon’s own perception. The counselor simply found it difficult to look away from the man who had always seemed unwavering but now looked as though he might collapse.
“But to Ji Gwan-young-ssi… am I that kind of Guide?”
“……”
“…..It’s greed. I know that. I also know how dangerous it is for a Guide to be matched with only one person.”
That was true. There was no phrase more dangerous than “one and only Guide.”
Aside from the intangible ability to stabilize an Esper’s mind, Guides were physically no different from ordinary Middles. Guides could still suddenly experience accidents and tragedies like any normal person.
If an Esper were matched with only one Guide, then any Esper left alone due to unavoidable circumstances would’ve gone insane and destroyed most of this land long ago. Especially if that Esper was someone like Ji Gwan-young, whose limits of power were impossible to grasp—there could hardly be a more horrifying scenario.
“I know that. I really understand it logically, but……..”
Tae-hoon covered his face with both hands.
***
Choi Tae-hoon had started avoiding the compatibility rate tests.
More accurately, he had begun to fear them. Ji Gwan-young vaguely noticed it as well. So Gwan-young decided he would willingly follow his Guide’s wishes. To begin with, compatibility percentages measured by The Center didn’t matter to him at all.
“We’ll skip today’s test.”
“Huh? Why?”
“We already did one last week, didn’t we? The Center boasts about having all kinds of amazing programs. Bring whatever you want.”
Sitting leisurely with his legs crossed and arms folded, his tone sounded like an arrogant evaluator saying, Go on then. Show me this thing you brag about so much. Since Lee Mihyun took immense pride in The Center, a deep wrinkle instantly formed on her forehead.
But Gwan-young paid no attention whatsoever to her expression. The only thing that entered his eyes first was Tae-hoon, who quietly sighed in relief and finally relaxed the tension in his stiff shoulders after hearing his words.
Ji Gwan-young stared directly into Choi Tae-hoon’s eyes across from him. But whether the Guide understood that effort or not, Tae-hoon merely lifted the corners of his mouth slightly in a faint smile when their gazes briefly met before lowering his head again.
Lately, Ji Gwan-young found himself full of regrets that came too late.
Last week, he regretted not immediately taking care of Tae-hoon when he looked exhausted. Right now, he regretted not sitting beside him instead. These were things he’d never experienced before meeting Choi Tae-hoon.
He often sank into trivial thoughts now as well. He found himself replaying the things Tae-hoon had casually mentioned his younger siblings liked, imagining meeting those kids again someday. And he’d become unable to put down the phone he previously barely cared about.
After finishing their schedule at The Center, the Pair returned together to the official residence. The weather, now entering the beginning of summer, felt slightly humid. The moment they entered the house, Tae-hoon turned on the air conditioner. He needed to cool both his head and body a little.
Watching him, Gwan-young leaned slightly and followed every small movement with his eyes while thinking about what he should say. Should he suggest going somewhere nearby for dinner? Since Tae-hoon liked movies, should they watch something he liked at home instead? When would be the right time to ask? And how?
Ji Gwan-young carefully observed Tae-hoon’s expression as he tried desperately to act normal while selecting unfamiliar gentle words. If the people at The Center saw his behavior, they would probably be shocked by how cautious he was being.
“Should we just eat something simple for dinner?”
“Sure.”
One of the few available choices was quickly eliminated.
For a man living alone, Choi Tae-hoon kept his place fairly neat. There were scented candles and diffusers his younger siblings had brought him, so a faint lingering fragrance filled the air. Gwan-young quietly took in the tidy space he hadn’t visited in several days before suddenly noticing a crumpled piece of paper that looked out of place there.
Meanwhile, Tae-hoon was sighing while inspecting the contents of the refrigerator—a clear sign of how carelessly he’d been living lately. That picky man had come over, yet all he had in the fridge were a few eggs.
“Gwan-young-ssi. Sorry, but there’s nothing to eat at home, so…….”
Tae-hoon trailed off with a sigh before abruptly stopping. He’d realized what his Esper was looking at. Ji Gwan-young lightly waved the matching paper Tae-hoon had carelessly tossed aside. He’d suspected it before, but now it was obvious.
This compatibility rate really had been the problem.
