At the same time, I remembered why I had come out here in the first place.
Right… I need to apologize. And if possible, I need to tell him how I feel, at least once before the end.
Thinking this was truly the end, I lowered my gaze from Min Siheon and stared at the table. At that moment, the guy standing in front of me grabbed my arm as if telling me to look at him.
“…Ah, that hurts.”
“……”
This was definitely the Min Siheon I knew. He still had that gentle face, stubborn like a child.
As if demanding compensation for all the time we’d been apart, he refused to let his gaze leave me.
Was this what relief felt like? A strange emotion brushed past me.
“…What, do you hate me? You won’t even let me drink.”
“…Yeah, I hate you. Jungwoo, I really hate you to death.”
Min Siheon’s gnawing voice rang in my ears. I didn’t even know why I’d missed hearing that low, blunt guy’s voice so much.
“…I was confused. I don’t have any excuse for that.”
“What were you so afraid of?”
He kept asking for an answer without pause. I hadn’t realized because his attitude seemed calm, but maybe he’d still been rotting inside.
“Well, it’s just….”
I decided this wouldn’t do—I needed to get him to sit down first. As I stood up to pull a nearby chair over for him, my steps wavered and I staggered.
What’s wrong with me? Suddenly, the past few days flashed through my mind.
Right. He wasn’t the only one who hadn’t been sleeping or eating.
I had forgotten that I, too, hadn’t been living like a proper human being lately.
I thought I’d only drunk a little, but with my body already pushed to its limit, it must’ve turned into poison.
…Fuck, drinking on an empty stomach is this deadly? Just as I tried to steady my legs—
Min Siheon’s figure blurred, and his shape began to collapse in my vision.
My body tipped forward. And ridiculously, the thought that crossed my mind was this: Ah, looks like I’m about to confess with a bump on my forehead.
I let myself go with gravity, silently wishing I’d at least fall gently. But why? The pain that should have come never did.
All I felt was a large hand supporting my upper body—the familiar, cool temperature of skin chilled by sweat.
…Min Siheon. When I lifted my head, his face was right there. The moment he caught me, his jaw was clenched tight, teeth grinding together.
Between fluttering lashes, I saw eyes like brown glass marbles.
“Jungwoo.”
Just that one call of my name from Min Siheon made it feel like my entire heart was melting.
Maybe that was why my loosened lips started spilling words on their own.
…I like you, but I thought you liked Go Heemin.
I didn’t have the confidence to keep that promise I made—to support you.
Even though I told myself I could stay by your side as just a friend, I knew I couldn’t. I thought if I faced you, everything would show.
I was afraid you’d hate me if you knew what I was really like, so I didn’t have the courage to stand next to you.
I don’t have the courage to remain friends, but I’m sorry for not being brave either. I’m sorry for not stepping forward when it mattered most.
I’m sorry for cowardly avoiding you until you were the one who came to me first. I’m sorry for wanting to keep our time together going—even if it meant running away.
…So, so it’s my fault. Min Siheon.
I didn’t even know if these words were coming across properly in my drunken, wrecked state.
I was just stammering through the best I could manage.
Even at my faint, trailing voice, Min Siheon focused on me completely.
He looked as if he was concentrating with everything he had, afraid to miss a single word, tone, or syllable I said.
“Mm… yeah…,” he murmured softly, as if soothing me.
…You’re too kind, too gentle. That’s why you got tangled up with someone awful like me.
Min Siheon had suffered things he never needed to because he got involved with a coward like me.
This had never happened before. I only became irrational when it came to you.
Min Siheon. I think I’ve finally broken. What am I supposed to do now? I’m so scared.
With slurred pronunciation and a completely disheveled face, I ended up blurting out something that was practically a confession.
I knew it sounded pathetic, but I felt like if not now, I’d never be able to say it.
“It’s okay if you hate me… even if you dislike me…. Just let me see you from far away….”
Min Siheon’s eyes widened at my words. It was only for a moment, but he clearly looked surprised.
Of course, it didn’t last long—soon he broke into a bright smile. The corners of his lips lifted high, and the white cheek I liked so much dimpled slightly.
Making that kind of face over such a clumsy confession… he was really unfair. That was cheating.
“Jungwoo.”
Min Siheon supported my slipping body again. Even while tightening his arm around my waist, he let out a helpless laugh, like he had already lost.
It looked like he was about to say something…. But unfortunately, I had reached my limit.
Just before my vision went black, I don’t know why the words my high school friends used to say to me suddenly came to mind.
“Cha Jungwoo, you good-for-nothing romance idiot who only looks decent on the outside.”
Annoyingly enough, they were completely right. Those bastards really had sharp eyes.
Without even having a proper conversation, I slowly lost consciousness like that. It was a night where being held firmly in his arms felt strangely safe.
***
…Where is this? I blinked into a dim, hazy view.
Did I regain my senses just from resting a little? My body felt as heavy as if weighed down by a thousand pounds, leaning against a wall.
As I forced my eyelids open, I sensed someone’s presence in the darkness.
“……”
The person right next to me was Min Siheon.
He was crouched down, gently touching my ankle where I sat slumped on the floor.
Ah, I just realized—this must be the entrance of Min Siheon’s place.
Maybe we’d been like this for a while; the sensor light above the shoe cabinet didn’t react anymore.
…Min Siheon, I want to see your face. I noticed him sitting beside me, bent at the waist, focused on my feet.
It seemed like he had been loosening my shoelaces to take off my sneakers.
As my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark, a thought crossed my mind—if not now, I’d never find the courage.
Yeah. My image was already ruined anyway; maybe I could only do this today.
I let out a slow, warm breath and opened my dried lips. My voice came out rough, like scraping metal, from a throat unused for too long.
“…If I say I like you… that’d be shameless, right?”
“……”
It wasn’t a voice anyone would call pleasant.
Maybe that was why Min Siheon, who had been looking down, flinched.
Then, slowly, he raised his head. The face I’d been longing to see appeared, and my heart pounded violently.
Even though it was this dark, why could I see his face so clearly? I wondered at the strange mystery of love.
His thick lashes fluttered as he looked at me with an expression of disbelief. Watching the long shadows cast by those lashes, I thought again how pretty he was.
The eyes that curved thinly when he smiled wide, the bridge of his nose that wrinkled when he got shy, the dimples that appeared when his lips curled up—and beneath them, lips that parted slightly to reveal even teeth and a hidden tongue.
The moment I met his eyes, my body tilted forward without me realizing. Holding onto the tiny sliver of reason I had left, the place I aimed for was his cheek.
As I turned my head and pressed my lips against him, I felt the cold skin trembling faintly.
Chup—my soft lips touched Min Siheon’s cheek and pulled away. Despite thinking my mouth felt dry, there must have been moisture left on my lips.
The faint sound of contact broke the quiet silence.
I pulled back slightly, wetting my lips, then met his eyes again and whispered once more.
It sounded like the voice of someone parched, impatient.
I didn’t even know I could make a voice like that. But I couldn’t stop speaking.
“…This time, I’ll do it on your lips.”
“……”
“If you don’t like it, slap my cheek. …I’ll go slow.”
After giving that not-quite-a-warning, I changed my destination and leaned in again.
Much slower than before, I pressed myself steadily closer to him. My fingertips, braced against the floor, trembled in case he might feel uncomfortable.
20 centimeters, 10 centimeters, and then 5. Up close enough to feel his breath, he looked more beautiful than any face I’d ever seen.
…Sorry, Min Siheon. I can’t hold back anymore.
After ten seconds that felt like an hour, our lips finally met. Chup—the soft contact made my gaze lower in quiet satisfaction.
A lukewarm warmth seeped through our lips, completely different from his cheek.
My toes curled, and the whole world felt fluffy and distant, like a sensation far removed from reality.
At the same time, a heavy heartbeat thudded over my chest. Thump, thump—the pleasant vibration spread from my lips to my fingertips, then through my entire body.
The person right in front of me still had his eyes open. He must have been so surprised—his glossy pupils trembled, unable to settle.
I’m really seeing Min Siheon like this. Even while our lips were touching, I couldn’t stop a small laugh from slipping out.
Feeling slightly short of breath, I pulled away briefly, inhaled, then pressed my lips against his again.
…I really like this. I felt like I wanted to stay like this forever. Why didn’t I know something this good before? I was really an idiot.
Of course, I also thought how unfortunate it was for Min Siheon to end up kissing someone who smelled like alcohol.
And so, time passed in a strange mix of excitement and guilt.
Bright light began to pour over Min Siheon’s face. Maybe the clouds had cleared and the moon had emerged—the view before my eyes suddenly grew clearer.
In the brightened surroundings, Min Siheon’s eyes shimmered as he scanned my trembling face, trying to understand what was happening.
I hadn’t noticed in the dark, but this was actually pretty embarrassing.
I worried my heart might burst, so I slowly closed my half-open eyes.
I didn’t know what Min Siheon was thinking, but if he wasn’t going to reject me, I wanted to stay close just a little longer.
