It was fully autumn now. Outside the long windows of the quiet mansion, the trees had turned brilliant shades of red and gold. Soon enough, snow would start piling atop those branches.
Feels like it was around this time… when I left Jun’s house.
“Hyunsoo, come closer.”
At the call, I turned my head. The middle-aged man lying at the center of the bed reached out his hand to me. Without a word, I moved closer, following that hand. His familiar touch continued, and as expected, I hardened quickly under his grasp.
“Hah… ha….”
Apparently pleased, the man lifted himself and buried his face between my legs. The same routine as yesterday repeated itself. A life where I hardened at his touch, spilled, and was emptied.
[Forget me]
The life I live now began right after I left Jun’s house with nothing but a single note behind. Back then, I had already been sold off because of my father’s debts. If those debts had only been in his name, I could’ve simply renounced the inheritance after he died and been done with it. But he’d shackled me while he was still alive, so I couldn’t escape.
Loan shark contracts made under my names. I couldn’t even claim forged documents—because it was true that I’d pressed my fingerprint, signed, and stamped them myself. Once after being kicked by my father, once when he threatened me with a knife… after it happened once or twice, signing a third or fourth time felt almost normal.
I’d never had a reason to feel grateful toward my parents while they were alive, but I found myself slightly thankful to the mother I’d never even met. Because I’d inherited her delicate looks, I avoided dying a sudden, violent death. Of course, that didn’t mean my current life was better than death.
After leaving Jun’s house, this was the second place I’d lived. The old man who first took me in died of old age. The night his wheezing breaths finally stopped, I thought I’d be free. He had promised that if he died, he’d leave his property to me. I really believed it would happen.
But nothing like that dream came true. Children I’d never seen before—living overseas—showed up, took all of his wealth, and I was handed off to someone else like a bad debt. That’s how I ended up here, with this middle-aged man.
If the old man couldn’t get it up no matter how hard he tried, this one was the opposite—aggressive, full of vitality. He didn’t even need to try; he’d get aroused easily and finish just as easily.
But he had bad habits with his hands. Just like that damn father of mine.
Thud!
Fresh red blood dotted the pure white bedsheets again. The man liked it—said it turned him on more. Said he liked seeing me bleed. At first, I resisted being hit, but not anymore.
“…Hah, spread a little more. That’s it.”
Creak—. Creak—.
Gripping the blood-stained sheets, the man thrust like a rabid dog in heat. I shook helplessly beneath him, my body swaying soundlessly like a reed in the wind—almost breaking, but never quite snapping.
Drip.
Only when I saw semen falling onto the sheets did I realize it was over. Finally, I let the strength drain from my upper body and leaned back against the mattress.
“You should pull out before sleeping.”
He stroked the bridge of my nose with his thumb where the nosebleed ran down.
“Let me lie here a little longer.”
As I spoke, the metallic taste of blood seeped between my lips. For some reason, he liked that too, pressing his lips over mine. When the heated kiss ended and we pulled apart, his mouth was smeared with blood as well.
Click.
“Director, your guest will arrive in ten minutes.”
The female secretary bowed politely, clearly used to scenes like this, and closed the door again. She must’ve knocked first but entered reluctantly when there was no answer from inside.
The man kissed me once more before getting up and leaving. Only then could I drag the sheet over and wipe my face. He hated it when I wiped away blood during the act.
“I won’t die from a nosebleed, right? …Though I kinda want to.”
That was exactly how I felt.
Leaving Jun’s house had been inevitable. Even the first time I followed him, it was just to escape reality.
I’d gone to the funeral after hearing from a detective—who kept going in and out of the ICU—that the victim’s family was holding the service. Seeing Jun sitting alone there made my emotions twist. It felt like a younger brother I never had was sitting at our father’s funeral.
When Jun came looking for me, why did I react like that? I felt like I had to ask for his forgiveness. The one who committed the crime was that damn father, so why did I cry so much? Maybe it was Jun’s empty gaze… or maybe because I saw the fist that had been about to hit me lose all its strength.
I followed him without thinking as he turned away. I didn’t even realize my shoes were mismatched because I’d put them on in such a hurry. I just kept walking behind him, step after step. The two of us looked like zombies wandering a dead city.
As if his soul had left him, Jun walked without lifting his eyes from the ground. When he opened the door to his house and went inside, I followed. Without even noticing me, he collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep.
I lay down somewhere on the living room floor and fell asleep too. When I woke up, Jun was still there with his eyes closed. He looked so peaceful while sleeping. Wouldn’t he be more at peace if he just died like this? I stretched both hands toward his neck.
But instead of grabbing it, I seized his collar. Then I shook him with all my strength.
It’s too early to die.
We haven’t even properly introduced ourselves yet. Right?
Knock, knock—.
Ah.
Pulled from my memories by the sound at the door, I turned my head. At some point, the nosebleed must’ve stopped; I no longer felt it running down my cheek.
“He’s calling for you.”
A maid from the mansion gently guided me to the bathroom. Walking around the house naked had become so routine that I felt no embarrassment anymore. The servants changed the bedsheets like machines, their expressions unmoving, and checked the places where I’d been hurt.
“If you feel uncomfortable, please let us know.”
“Got it. You can go.”
I sank into the warm bathwater.
Whenever cold winds approached, I missed Jun more. When we held each other, warmth would spread through my whole body. Whenever I found myself aching for the comfort of his embrace, I lashed out at myself, telling myself I had no right to feel that way.
One night, after drinking and falling asleep, he hugged me like always and told me to sleep well. Then Jun whispered this:
[Hyung. Don’t abandon me. If you leave me……]
Those words snapped me awake. I’d only stayed by his side out of guilt, but it had started to mean something entirely different to each of us.
As self-control grew harder, I cut off even light physical contact with him. Around that same time, I had no choice but to leave the house anyway. Loan sharks were pressuring me, urging me to pass my debt onto Jun. But I could never do that. I never wanted to become like my damn father.
Leaving Jun’s house, I felt relieved that I hadn’t crossed that line—but on days when desire burned hot, my honest feelings would inevitably surface.
I should’ve made him mine. Idiot.
***
After getting off the bus and walking toward my apartment, I felt hungry. Maybe because I’d only eaten noodles for lunch, my stomach started feeling hollow around four in the afternoon. I’d planned to grab a snack, but a customer came in and I missed my chance.
Ding—.
There weren’t any decent restaurants near the apartment, so I headed to the convenience store. All the lunchboxes were sold out, leaving only a few triangle kimbap. None of them were the tuna mayo I liked.
Standing there hesitating would only delay eating even more. I grabbed two that were within reach and picked up a banana milk.
“That’s buy-two-get-one. Get another.”
I didn’t even notice when Roban had followed me inside; he stood next to me holding two banana milks.
“You buy all three.”
“Then Gentle pays. I’ll give you money for one.”
So we put three banana milks and two triangle kimbap on the counter. After paying, I picked them up—of course, Roban immediately grabbed two of the banana milks. He stuck a straw into one and started slurping as he followed behind me.
“Off work now?”
“Yeah. I gotta get back quick.”
“Why?”
“ShutUp… Hey, can you log in right now?”
“Why?”
“I think I’ve got a rough idea who Kang Chung-man is.”
“‘Rough idea’?”
I blurted everything out without taking a breath: how I’d seen a character named Yot Seller on the Blood Planet forums earlier, how he worked at a nearby real estate office, how that character name matched him—and the kicker was that Kang Chung-man was the name of the boss at that place.
Roban had already finished one banana milk and removed the straw, sticking it into a new one. Still slurping, he just nodded.
“So just log in and help me catch that bastard first.”
“I actually got a message earlier.”
“From who?”
“That CandyBoy guy.”
“Did he place an order? Address? Contact info?”
Apparently done with both banana milks, Roban dropped the empty bottles into the convenience store bag I was holding.
“Hey—.” I started to complain, but he showed me his phone screen.
“Name: Park Junpyo. Lives in Yeongdeungpo. Contact number is…”
“Is that Yot Seller’s real name? Whatever—what’s the number?”
“Aneros. You promised, right?”
“Yeah, I said I’d buy it.”
“Not that. You said you’d let me personally teach you how to use it.”
“Fine. Teach me later—just give me the contact info for that guy, whether he’s Park Junman or Kang Junpyo or whoever.”
Only after hearing my answer did Roban hand me his phone with the number already dialed in.
“Call and check if it’s him.”
Before pressing the call button, I thought carefully. I needed to ask a single decisive question—something that would confirm whether he was really Yot Seller. And that… would have to be about real estate work.
I pressed the button and waited quietly for the other side to pick up. Just as the monotonous ringing started to feel long, someone answered. When I didn’t speak, a voice came through: “Hello? Say something.” His low tone carried a faint regional accent.
Feels like him… but maybe not….
I asked the question I’d prepared in advance.
