9) It Hurts, But I’ll Try to Endure It
His place was decided quickly. One of the Director’s relatives ran a small sashimi restaurant in some fishing village down in Gyeongsang Province, and after hearing about Yi-hyeon’s situation, they readily agreed to take him in. It seemed the Director had quietly pulled some strings behind the scenes when Chief Kim kept trying to interfere with Yi-hyeon’s living arrangements.
“Thank you. I must’ve caused you a lot of trouble because of me, didn’t I?”
“What trouble? Since when does a parent find their child a burden? That man, Chief Kim—he was lurking around the orphanage like a creep for days, then suddenly disappeared a few hours ago. Must’ve gotten busy. This is our chance. Hurry and leave.”
“Yes.”
He slung the small bag—barely worthy of being called luggage—over his shoulder and stood up. The moment he stepped out of the Director’s office, the children swarmed around him in a circle.
“Yi-hyeoni hyung! Waaah!”
“Where are you going? Why are you going? Oppa, you don’t even have any money!”
“Did you start hating us now?”
“I’ll behave from now on, I’ll eat my beans, fold my clothes properly, and help with cleaning, so please don’t abandon us.”
It seemed they’d overheard fragments of the conversation between Yi-hyeon and the Director inside the office. As Yi-hyeon tried to leave quietly, the children clung to the hem of his clothes, pleading with him. His heart had already been heavy to begin with, and now his steps felt like they weighed a thousand pounds.
“Why would I have no money? I’m rich. And why would I abandon you guys? You’re my little brothers and sisters—I wouldn’t feel a thing even if I put you in my eyes.”
“Don’t lie!”
“It’s true. I’m starting college soon, and it’s too far to commute from the orphanage, so I’m just moving out early. Once I get into college, I’ll come see you every week.”
“It’s not even time for independence yet! There are still months left—so why are you leaving already?! You promised you’d stay at the orphanage until independence! Why! You just started hating us, didn’t you? That’s it, right?!”
The children at the orphanage had watched countless friends leave—through adoption or independence. Even so, sending off Yi-hyeon was especially hard. He treated them like real younger siblings—no, he was their real brother to them. Especially since he was too old to be adopted himself, they had believed with all their hearts his promise to stay until independence. Even leaving a few months early felt unbearably painful, and tears spilled over.
Left with no choice, Yi-hyeon opened his banking app and showed it to them. Inside were neatly accumulated sums: money he’d earned from part-time jobs, scholarships, and the settlement from a traffic accident. It wasn’t a large amount, but to the children’s eyes, it could only look like a fortune.
“There’s so many circles.”
“I’m really sorry I couldn’t keep my promise to stay until independence. I thought I’d move closer to campus once the independence support money came out, since I didn’t have enough to get a place. But I saved up faster than I expected. And just now, a place opened up near the university I’m going to. If I don’t sign the contract right away, I’ll lose it. I really didn’t have a choice. I’m so sorry.”
Lying to children who knew nothing made Yi-hyeon’s chest ache as if it were being torn apart.
“With this money, can you buy a house and go to college? You’re really moving because college is far? Not because you hate us?”
“I told you, that’s right. Once I get into college, I’ll come visit sometimes. I’ll send presents on birthdays and special days, too. I’ll keep coming until our youngest, Minseo, grows up and goes to college.”
“Then you’ll take Minseo to see the sharks again?”
“Of course.”
It was only enough to rent a tiny, run-down monthly room, but there was no need to explain all that in detail to young children. He forced himself to smile brightly. It was a relief that older kids like Su-ah and Jun-young were at school at the time.
“Still… living together with hyung would be way better……”
“If I make ten times the money that’s in this account, I’ll build a huge house in the countryside and we’ll all live together.”
“Really?”
“But until hyung makes lots of money, you have to listen well to the Director, okay?”
“Minseo listens to Teacher really well!”
“I know, I know. Our Minseo’s an angel.”
No words could truly fill the emptiness in the children’s hearts. And yet, they couldn’t bring themselves to stop Yi-hyeon from leaving to study. The sight of them holding back their pleas not to go, even as tears dripped down one by one, was too pitiful. Yi-hyeon’s chest felt like it would burst. The moment he got into the taxi, he finally broke down and sobbed uncontrollably.
***
“Hello, sir!”
“You’re here already? Honestly, you’re diligent as hell.”
“Three places today, right? I’ll load up supplies for three houses and head up.”
Yi-hyeon smiled brightly as he unloaded the cleaning equipment stacked in the back of the truck.
With excellent school records throughout his student years and perfect CSAT grades, Yi-hyeon could have applied to his desired university, Min-guk University. But he didn’t. He’d already told Han Jun which school he was aiming for, and he was afraid they might run into each other. Determined to avoid that one place, he applied slightly higher instead—and by sheer luck, he was accepted into Korea University’s Department of Theater and Film.
Even though he’d gotten into a better university than the one he originally wanted, he wasn’t happy at all. Perhaps it was because the emptiness left by Han Jun was simply too large.
Yi-hyeon rented a place on the outskirts of Gyeonggi Province, just beyond Seoul. Places within Seoul required outrageously high deposits, and even the monthly rent alone made his spine buckle. As he searched for cheaper rooms, his home ended up farther and farther from campus.
That was why, even with his college entrance date just around the corner, he didn’t stop working cleaning part-time jobs.
“If I had a daughter, I’d want you as my son-in-law.”
“Seriously. Polite, bright, and even good-looking. You must’ve been popular back in school.”
“Not really.”
“Then those students must’ve been blind. Completely blind.”
After unloading everything, while the men smoked cigarettes, Yi-hyeon sat some distance away and took out his phone.
[ I miss you ]
Holding the phone whose service plan he’d canceled, he opened the DM chat where he used to exchange messages with Han Jun. He typed out the words, then erased the unsent message, thinking, What’s the point?
Since leaving the orphanage, Yi-hyeon had kept his promise to Chief Kim and hadn’t visited. The only person he stayed in touch with was the Director, who was no different from a second mother to him. He’d gotten rid of his phone and deleted his SNS, so he always initiated contact himself from public phones. Today was the day he’d arranged to meet the Director after preparing Su-ah’s high school entrance gift with the money he’d saved.
When he opened the café door at the meeting spot, the Director, seated in a corner, smiled warmly and waved at him.
“Yi-hyeon, over here!”
“Teacher!”
“Oh dear, a face I used to see every day—now I only get to see it if there’s a special occasion.”
“How have you been?”
“As always. But still—why did you get even more handsome since the last time I saw you?”
The day Chief Kim came to see her, the Director immediately guessed what kind of person Assemblyman Han Cheol-woo was. Her job had been dealing with people and sending children off to good families, and she’d recognized early on that if people like them set their minds to it, they were more than capable of harming Yi-hyeon.
So she pretended to let go of Yi-hyeon, while secretly sending him to a relative’s home, where he finished high school and even took the CSAT. In case someone followed him, she didn’t meet him at all before he became an adult—even when she missed him terribly.
“You got into college with flying colors. Well done, my baby!”
“I was able to get into college because of you, Teacher. Thank you.”
Had separating him from Han Jun really been the right answer? The Director wasn’t sure. But seeing Yi-hyeon grow up bright and dependable, as if he’d overcome the pain of first love, she felt nothing but gratitude and pride.
