The moment he tried to feel at ease, the words Ji Haesu had spoken in Do Si-in’s voice stabbed into his ear like a needle. His body jerked violently, and his eyes flew open.
—Do you think you’re allowed to feel comfort or peace, Choi Suho?
“Hhk…!”
—You don’t get to.
Do Si-in, covered head to toe in blood from being hit by a car, was sitting on his lap, staring at him with eyes blown wide open. That day—because of the accident Suho caused—he’d been struck by a car and lost his child.
—I lost my child and my womb because of you.
“N-no, the womb was a misunderstanding! The car hit your stomach too hard—your womb was damaged, there was no other choice!”
Removing the womb had been unavoidable. The impact to the abdomen had been so severe that the child was already dead, and the womb itself was damaged. To save the Omega, both the womb and the child had to be removed. On top of that, multiple organs were injured, and there was a risk of death—that was what the doctor had said.
—But you thought, ‘Ah, thank goodness it’s raining.’ Thank goodness it’s raining so it can be disguised as a simple accident death. You justified it to yourself, saying it wasn’t your fault—that it was an accident caused by worn tires slipping on wet roads, and that I’d jaywalked after hearing news about my dad. When in truth, you waited until I was crossing the street. You’d already decided you were going to hit me no matter what.
Because every word was true, Choi Suho could only stare at Do Si-in bleeding in front of him, cold sweat pouring down his body, unable to offer a single excuse.
That day, everything had coincidentally lined up perfectly. Hearing about the accident while in the hotel suite, he’d thought, ‘Ah, thank goodness. It really looks like an accident—no, an accidental death. Even if Dad finds out, there’s no way he’d blame me. It’s not my fault.’
So losing the child, the organs being damaged—including the womb—it wasn’t my fault.
I only meant to hit you lightly, just enough to cause a miscarriage. I never intended to damage your organs!
But what would change if he made excuses now? Because of what he planned, Do Si-in lost his child, lost his womb, suffered organ damage, and lost his father. Then he tried to kill himself, and Suho—afraid his father would find out—had him admitted under another person’s name to a rural psychiatric hospital with no connections. And there, Do Si-in was brutally violated.
All of it stemmed from the first mistake he made.
If I hadn’t done that, the lives of so many people—including Do Si-in—wouldn’t have been ruined.
“I-I… I was wrong……”
Choi Suho trembled as he spoke, but the blood-soaked Do Si-in didn’t blink.
—So what changes?
In Do Si-in’s arms, dripping blood, was a crying baby, wailing waaa, waaa.
—Look. This is our child. The one you killed……
“Aaaahhh!”
Choi Suho screamed. In Do Si-in’s blood-soaked arms—
—Look! The child you killed!
“I-I was wrong! I’m sorry, I’m sorryyy!”
A grotesque creature formed of the faces of all the people he’d violated was crying, going uh… uuuuh… uuuuuu.
—Choi Suho, Choi Suho……… because of you…… because of you……
“I was wrong. I was wrong……!”
Choi Suho begged, sobbing.
“I-I was wrong……!”
Then, among the grotesque mass, one face twisted with a kikik sound and turned to look straight at him. The moment Choi Suho met that face, he couldn’t breathe. A familiar name spilled from his mouth by reflex.
“……Juho hyung?”
—You should never have been born.
Choi Juho was cursing him. Juho—his father—who’d been raped by Jang Yuguk and given birth to him, was hating him.
—You really should never have been born. I should never have had you. I regret giving birth to you! If I hadn’t gotten pregnant with you, I wouldn’t have died!
They were words he very well might have said if he’d been alive. No—he probably would’ve hurled even worse curses. He wouldn’t have looked at him with eyes that acknowledged him as his child. He might not have admitted that he was his son at all. Thinking that made Suho’s chest feel like it was being torn apart.
The father who gave birth to him denies him.
Regrets having given birth to him.
—I wanted to tear apart the womb that carried you!
A weak moan slipped out. It hurt so much that every breath made his chest ache dully.
—Young Master Suho… you were just a mischievous child when you were little. How did you grow up to be like this? My sacrifice feels so wasted. My children are so pitiful. My death is so……
Before he could even grow used to the poison-like pain spreading from his chest, another head sprouted up like a bean sprout, stretching out long and facing him head-on. The moment he saw it, contrary to his father’s words—‘Forget it, Suho. It’s not your fault’—he remembered everything.
“Nu-nurse… nanny… I’m sorry! I—I said I’d become a g-good adult!”
Choi Suho clutched his head, avoiding the gaze of the nanny who was crying tears of blood. His body trembled violently.
I’m sorry. I was wrong. I really was.
He repeated it countless times, whispered it, begged—but his apologies were nothing more than excuses, and they never reached them.
—Why did you make my death meaningless? You promised me you’d grow up to be a good adult. So why did you grow up to be an adult just like the Chairman? I told you to grow up to be a better adult than him. So why did you let me die and grow up like this?
That day was cloudless, the sky perfectly clear. It was the day they were going on a field trip from school to the largest aquarium in the Republic of Korea—so he’d been both excited and a little gloomy.
—Other kids have their moms and dads pack their lunches. Mine’s always packed by the nanny.
—Oh no, Young Master.
The nanny had two children of her own, yet she cared for Choi Suho more attentively than her own, raising him almost like a biological son. The only days the nanny went home were the weekends when his father came back. That meant her children grew up practically without their mother—but back then, Suho thought, ‘I’m all alone in this mansion anyway. And the nanny is my mom and dad.’ He never yielded her to those children. He was selfish, simply because he was young.
Even though the nanny’s children were young too.
—Those kids probably have their lunches packed by housekeepers like me as well, just like you, Young Master.
The nanny said with a smile. At the time, Suho attended a prestigious private elementary school known nationwide. Wearing his uniform, clinging to the nanny’s back, he whined as if it were only natural.
—But the nanny isn’t just a housekeeper to me……
The nanny turned around in surprise. Suho, his chubby cheeks squished against her back, murmured shyly.
—You’re my mom……
—Oh my, Young Master! You mustn’t say such things.
And yet, she was clearly delighted. The nanny packed his lunch in the shape of his favorite character, held both of his hands tightly, and smiled at him warmly.
—You have a father who gave birth to you. How could I ever be your mother……
—No!
Suho wrapped both arms tightly around the nanny’s neck. She hugged him back, holding the small, warm, soft child against her chest. Loving her so much, Suho murmured as if making a vow.
—I’ll grow up just like you said—into an adult nicer than Dad. I’ll buy you a nice house, and I’ll buy you delicious meat every day…… a-and I’ll be good to hyung and noona too! They’re nicer to me and play with me more than my other hyungs! Last time was so fun!
As Suho pulled back from her arms and grinned like a child, the nanny gently patted his head. With Jang Yuguk’s permission, she often brought her children to the mansion to play with Suho, and Suho loved them more like real siblings than the Jang family cousins.
My hyungs hate me whenever they see me, but hyung and noona like me, so I like them too. When I do well, I’ll be good to them too! I’ll be filial to the nanny as well!
People said Choi Suho was mischievous, mean, ill-mannered—but the nanny knew. He only acted that way because he wanted to be loved, because he wanted attention. With his father and her, he was an absolute sweetheart. While she stayed there, living like siblings with her own children helped correct many of Suho’s bad habits. Even at school, teachers praised him, and his friendships improved.
Didn’t people say there were no bad children in the world? If you embraced them with love and held them before they grew twisted, they’d grow up well—that’s what the nanny believed.
Thinking that, she took Suho’s hand and stepped out of the mansion again that day. A short walk away, the school shuttle bus would arrive. For safety, he was usually driven, but today, because of the field trip, they’d all decided to take the shuttle together. Chatting about this and that on the way was a small joy.
—All I want is for you to grow up kind, Young Master.
—But I just want to be good to you, Nanny.
Holding her hand, Suho chattered away and looked up at her.
—You love me, you like me……
Lowering his head, his cheeks reddening, Suho smiled shyly.
That was when it happened.
—Juho died because of you!
Juho……
—Huh? Suho? Me?
Because their names sounded similar, Suho turned his head, thinking they meant him. In the alley by the mansion, an old woman burst out, charging toward Suho with something sharp in her hand.
—Young Master Suho! No!
