# Chapter 20. Even Among Rodents, Hamsters Are Cute
Despite lying in bed for a while, the alarm rang quite late, so I must have woken up early. Since I’d been crying, my eyes kept closing on their own during the bus ride to school, making me rub them several times.
I thought that if I fell asleep now, I might return to that situation in my dream and be able to ask quickly, but that was really a foolish thought, so instead of sleeping, I plugged in my rarely used earphones and played music.
Listening at maximum volume filled my head completely with the lyrics. I had just randomly clicked something from the recommended list in the app, and it was moderately slow and moderately depressing.
The love story of a composer who had nothing to do with me had every word filled with tenderness.
After listening to lyrics that elaborately conveyed how the other person had left them, I didn’t want to waste emotional energy while listening to music, so I just turned it off.
The music wasn’t great, but having earphones in was nice because it blocked out the surrounding noise.
‘Ah, right, there was a time when I had no thoughts like this. It was better when I was just watching Yeonho from afar.’
***
They say you should listen to a Korean person’s words until the end, but yesterday Yeonho threw me into the sky by saying he liked me, then dropped me back to the ground by saying, ‘Let’s become closer friends.’
I managed to respond because refusing his offer to become closer friends would make me seem strange, but I was embarrassed when my voice came out oddly.
I was really ashamed of myself for having had some expectations. Yesterday, I didn’t have the courage to look Yeonho in the face, so I just stared at his shoes, and Yeonho, who hadn’t loosened his grip at all until then, suddenly let go of my hand.
When Yeonho’s fingers, which had been intertwined with each of my fingers, disappeared, it felt so strange.
I was wondering what this feeling was when I heard a girl’s voice. It was a thin, pretty voice that seemed familiar from somewhere. She called Yeonho’s name and laughed cutely. She seemed to be trying hard to appear that way, so I cursed her internally. That girl pretending to be innocent also had a nice scent.
Did Yeonho think the same? Whether it was shampoo fragrance or perfume she deliberately applied. Did he think it suited her? If I used something like that, would Yeonho think I smelled good too? Would he like me a little bit?
Yeonho stood blocking my way and exchanged conversation with her. It was just greetings mixed with talk about the sports festival, and something about a famous place they should go to together.
How nice. Because it’s not strange to say such things, she could take as much of Yeonho’s time as she wanted.
I was feeling so down I couldn’t say anything, so I ended up running in the opposite direction from the bus stop without even saying goodbye to Yeonho. I think I might have heard Yeonho following, but I’m not sure. Several phone calls and messages arrived, but I deliberately didn’t check them.
***
‘I wonder if Yeonho will be angry when I see him at school today?’
Since Yeonho had never been angry with me before, it was hard to imagine.
‘Will he quietly make sarcastic remarks like he does to other kids? He might ignore me, or maybe even have changed seats.’
There’s a very, very small chance that he’ll still pretend to be kind, smile, and comfort me, telling me not to do that next time.
‘In the way Yeonho does best…’
When I actually arrived at school, my worries doubled. Lost in these thoughts, I couldn’t even enter the classroom, just standing at the back door with my fingers on the handle, fidgeting with my bag strap. The length adjustment part felt somewhat loose.
‘Oh, what should I do if Yeonho is waiting for me when I go in?’
This was already the second time I’d run away like that.
‘I would have been bewildered and dumbfounded if it were me, so how bad must Yeonho have felt being left alone?’
If he gets angry with an unsmiling face, asking why I left so abruptly and didn’t answer his calls, what excuse could I give?
Could I say I dropped my phone while running and it broke? Or that I suddenly had to use the bathroom, or that I forgot I had an appointment? Would he understand that?
Since these are normal situations that happen to everyone, he might just believe it and not ask about yesterday. And then he might return to being the kind Yeonho, pretending to worry if I got home safely or if I fell down.
It was quite a hopeful thought, but I quickly dismissed it from my mind. Yeonho was very perceptive and would quickly realize if I was lying. It was better not to lie in front of him at all, even if I needed an excuse. Yeonho hates lies.
‘He might really be disappointed in me.’
It would be better to just brazenly pretend nothing happened, say something came up, and suggest we go see a movie together next time. I got a lot of birthday money recently, so I could pay for the movie and popcorn. Even if he wanted something else to eat, I could buy it since my wallet is well-stocked.
‘Ah, and I should definitely apologize for not being able to go with him yesterday…’
…But thinking about it, he might have gone perfectly well with that girl instead, so why should I be sorry?
‘Who knows. He might have asked her to go to his house too.’
The two of them might have watched a movie together, chatted happily, and even looked at his middle school graduation album. If she said he looked cute with short hair, he might have shown her even cuter childhood photos. Yeonho missing a tooth and baby Yeonho, the cutest in the world.
Come on, this is ridiculous. Why am I always being so mindful of Yeonho? Isn’t it normal not to answer calls sometimes? And sometimes you might suddenly need to use the bathroom and run away. Besides, whether Yeonho is disappointed or not, what does it matter to me? It’s not like he likes me or anything.
Once my thoughts were organized that way, my fingers on the door handle gained strength. I pushed the classroom door sideways. The sound of the door opening echoed loudly in the quiet corridor where there were only a few students. I flinched briefly, but opening a door isn’t a crime. So I deliberately widened my eyes and entered the half-empty classroom.
The first thing I saw wasn’t an angry Yeonho, nor a Yeonho having fun talking with a girl, but Kim Jungwoo sitting on my desk. I frowned without realizing it. Kim Jungwoo was busy with his phone and didn’t notice me looking at him with annoyance.
‘What is he doing sitting on someone else’s desk? I’ll have to wipe it with tissues before using it. Or maybe I should switch it with his desk before Yeonho arrives. He probably won’t mind since his friend was sitting there.’
Thinking that, I approached, and only then did Kim Jungwoo lift his head from his phone and acknowledge me. He didn’t budge an inch despite knowing it was my seat.
“Do you usually come at this time?”
Kim Jungwoo didn’t even nod his head, let alone greet me out of courtesy. I quietly pulled out my chair and put my bag on it. I wanted to let him know this was my seat, in case he mistook it for his friend Yeonho’s place.
“Why aren’t you answering? Are you ignoring me?”
“…Oh, n-no… yeah.”
“Such a frustrating bastard… Anyway, what about Yeonho?”
“…Huh? W-well… I don’t…”
Kim Jungwoo’s way of speaking was unpleasant no matter how many times I heard it. I wondered if he kept a bag of curse words hanging from his mouth, or if thorns would grow inside his mouth if he didn’t add curses at the end of his sentences. Either way, he was obnoxious.
‘How did Yeonho end up being friends with someone like this? Since they’ve been hanging out together since March, were they in the same class during freshman year too?’
Anyway, the way he hovered around Yeonho was just like a mouse flattering a lion.
The mouse-like pest smiled unpleasantly.
“You left with that bastard Yeonho yesterday after everything was over.”
“…We did leave together… b-but why?”
My heart pounded when Kim Jungwoo suddenly brought up yesterday.
Did my voice come out without trembling? Why is he saying this? Did he see? Did he see Yeonho and me holding hands? Did he also see Yeonho kissing me before that? What if he did? He’s not the type to keep his mouth shut. What about Yeonho? Does he know that this guy saw? What is he trying to ask?
‘If he asks, then how should I answer?’
I was so nervous that my heart was racing wildly, but for a different reason than when I was with Yeonho. Unlike the kind and warm Yeonho, Kim Jungwoo’s gaze, which seemed like it would stir up my insides as he pleased, was thoroughly examining my face. While I was still tense, waiting to see what he would say, Kim Jungwoo chuckled, got up from my desk, pulled out the chair in front of me, and sat there.
“I was just asking because you and Yeonho have been sticking together a lot these days, why are you looking at me so ferociously?”
“…I-I haven’t… I don’t know when he’s coming… We don’t talk.”
“You’re speaking well now? You used to stutter like an idiot all the time.”
“…”
“Why is that bastard Yeonho so nice to you? Whenever I see him, honey seems to be dripping from his eyes.”
Kim Jungwoo made a “hmm” sound, drawing his eyebrows together strangely and putting an unpleasant smile on his face. He looked like he was deeply immersed in his own imagination. And sure enough, the words I had been worried about flowed from Kim Jungwoo’s mouth.
“Are you two really dating?”
It was a question I could answer right away. Absolutely not. However, I was worried that Yeonho might get labeled as someone who might like men. Kim Jungwoo was the type who enjoyed spreading rumors, and he could inflate stories, true or not, as much as he wanted.
Of course, given Kim Jungwoo’s usual behavior, not many people would believe his words, but…
Still, being upset and worried was a separate matter, even knowing that.
“…No.”
“Ah- is it a secret romance? Did Yeonho ask to keep it a secret?”
“I said no.”
“Well, it’s not like guys can proudly go around doing that filthy stuff.”
See? Kim Jungwoo was already so immersed in his own thoughts that he had no intention of listening to others.
Is this person really Yeonho’s friend? Why does he hang out with someone like this? Did he catch some weakness or something? There’s no way Yeonho would have any weaknesses. Such a perfect guy.
“Hey, do you know what Yeonho replied when I told him I was with you? He said not to talk to you. It’s so fucking funny. He kept ignoring me. Even with this, you’re saying you two aren’t dating?”
Ah, I really shouldn’t do this, but I felt like hitting Kim Jungwoo’s mouth with his phone just once.
Hard enough to break his front teeth.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
