# Chapter 19. I Wish Someone Would Invent a Machine That Could Let Me Sleep for About 10 Years
I don’t know how the movie theater suddenly changed to his house, but as soon as I heard it, I wanted to visit more than any other concern.
‘Won’t it be completely filled with Yeonho?’
Like how family photos dominate our house, I imagine his photos would be plastered from the entrance wall, with plenty of childhood pictures displayed in the living room.
Among those countless photos, there might be baby Yeonho who’s so cute I couldn’t even describe it, and Yeonho just learning to walk, buried in dolls as cute as himself. Kindergarten Yeonho might be smiling with a missing front tooth, like I did back then. Even the handsome Yeonho couldn’t avoid losing baby teeth.
Imagining that made it hard to suppress a smile, so I bit the inside of my cheek with my lips closed.
‘I wonder what Yeonho’s room looks like?’
Is it ordinary like mine, or well-decorated like rooms often seen in dramas?
It might also just have a bed with nothing else.
Since he said he likes movies, there would probably be movie-related DVDs, and since he studies well, his bookshelf would be full of books, and wouldn’t his elementary school or middle school yearbooks be stuffed in there too? Wouldn’t middle school Yeonho have had even shorter hair than now? He would definitely have been shorter, and his voice…
Since it would have been right at puberty, it probably wasn’t just sweet like now.
‘…Did he smile a lot back then too?’
Did he make people’s hearts sick with his pretty smile and acting skills that rival professional actors?
Who knows. Maybe back then, he wasn’t good at soccer, and could barely play “Chopsticks” on the piano. Yes, if he was that ordinary, he probably wouldn’t have received three confessions in a month.
‘If I ask to see them, would he show me?’
Well, why wouldn’t he show me? It’s not such a big deal. Yes, if I get to go to Yeonho’s house, I should first ask to see his albums. If possible, his elementary school album too. And if there’s anything else, that too.
I had never thought about wanting to visit Yeonho’s house before, but now that the opportunity had arisen, dozens of reasons came to mind. And not because of the chocolate Yeonho mentioned later.
I’m not a child who can be tempted by such things, but Yeonho, whether he meant it or not, gently shook my hand that he was holding, saying with a soft smile that if I didn’t like chocolate, we could buy cake. I just stared at that hand.
‘Should I say something to him one of these days?’
That I don’t particularly like chocolate or cake, so don’t give them to me. That because he keeps giving me such things, I brush my teeth six times a day and use mouthwash frequently, but I still feel uneasy about getting cavities.
‘Ah, if I say that, would he give them to someone else instead?’
…I wouldn’t like that.
Thinking this, I raised my head again and saw two buses pulling up at the bus stop visible over Yeonho’s shoulder. The crowded classmates of ours were divided onto buses going in their home directions, and after the buses departed, only one or two people remained there.
Watching the departing buses, it suddenly occurred to me that this might be Yeonho’s last whim.
‘Or if not that, his final prank.’
Maybe when I get to his home, there will be a bunch of classmates who took those buses, and Yeonho might find it amusing to see me among them.
If the classmates ask, Yeonho would say he just invited me out of courtesy but didn’t expect me to come right away.
‘The kids would probably criticize me for being insensitive.’
And Yeonho, after putting me in such a place, might say that all his kindness toward me, the kisses, giving me food, asking for praise, acting cute asking for rewards, sending messages saying he’s bored and trying to appear lovable—all of it was actually just to tease me. And now that it’s all over, he might ask me to delete his picture and number saved in my phone.
He’ll think bringing me was a good idea, enjoying the bonus entertainment of watching me worry like this, and nosy Kim Jungwoo or Yun Heurum, whom he rejected, might laugh at me.
I’ve seen such scenarios often in movies and dramas.
My younger older sister, who watched with me, nagged me, saying I should never follow such invitations. Saying I was the type who would follow along all ten times if asked ten times.
Ah, just imagining Yeonho’s face laughing like it’s amusing made my legs feel weak. My floating thoughts were grounded again. Anyway, that scenario has more realism.
‘The sudden invitation to see a movie was probably for this too, right? And not knowing that, I even asked if he liked movies… How funny must I have looked?’
“We’re just going to watch a movie, and I won’t do anything else. Okay?”
Yeonho’s words suddenly intruded into my clouded mind.
‘Sorry, but I’ve figured out your plan. Why don’t you just tell me here?’
I wanted to say that, but my lips felt like they would part but didn’t. It’s fine if you deceive me or tease me, but I hope you don’t directly say that it’s the truth in the end.
“Seungwoo, you don’t know that everything you think shows on your face.”
“…?”
“Why do you seem to have only bad thoughts when you’re with me?”
Saying that, Yeonho interlaced his fingers with my hand he was holding. It was so tight that I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to, so I just wiggled my fingertips.
“I feel so good when I’m with you.”
‘Stop lying. That’s all acting. You’re just teasing me. You’re going to say it was all a joke soon…’
Yet it was absurd how my heart fluttered.
‘I never thought I’d feel betrayed by my own heart. You’re getting excited over this even though you know everything?’
Indeed, Yeonho was someone who had nothing beneficial for my heart. If there were a competition where you had to lie well to win, Yeonho would take the grand prize.
‘How many people would believe that’s a lie when he speaks with that expression?’
It’s because it’s me that I know Yeonho is acting. He’s enjoying himself because he’s teasing me. Because it’s me.
“So I end up smiling whenever I see you.”
So that’s because you, Yeonho, find it amusing to tease me…
“I like you, Seungwoo.”
Because it’s amusing…
“…Huh?”
***
“I like you, Seungwoo.”
“…Huh?”
“What about you, Seungwoo? Do you like me?”
What’s all this about? Yeonho likes me? That can’t be. That can’t be…
Right, it’s the most implausible thing in the world that he would like me, not someone else. This must also be words meant to tease me. I almost fell for it and was about to ask, “Me?”
‘If I had asked like that, how ridiculous would I have looked?’
When I go to school tomorrow, rumors might be all over.
I should say no, not giving an awkward answer like last time. I should also say that what I said at school last time was a strange answer because I was taken aback, and that he should stop this kind of joke.
I’ve made up my mind like that several times, but in the end, I’ve never been able to say it.
‘That’s why he keeps playing these pranks.’
Yeonho really has a bad personality. Sometimes he’s like an angel, but other times he acts like a devil. He’s so skilled at manipulating people who have feelings for him, acting like it’s natural, and I’m the only one who knows it.
Suddenly, I remembered the day Yeonho told me I had good intuition.
‘I think he asked how I knew he was annoyed, but what was Yeonho’s expression then? Did he look upset about being caught? Or just…’
Ah, that’s not the important thing. Anyway, even I, who knows Yeonho’s true self, need to keep my head straight.
“Tell me, Seungwoo. Do you like me?”
“…Y-yeah…”
? What’s this? No, I never answered like that. I should quickly say no again…
“I like you.”
…Yeonho, why are you smiling like that? Why do you look so pleased? I just answered that I like you. Aren’t you uncomfortable? It’s strange to like a man. Shouldn’t you say it’s disgusting, like Kim Jungwoo would? You should be immediately getting away from me, knowing that. You should be making fun of me with others who might be hiding somewhere, saying “Look at this.” Why…
“You don’t just like my face, right?”
“N-no…!”
“Really not?”
“…Um… well…”
“Hmm?”
“…Th-that’s included… Ah… you’re too close.”
“Hahaha, you like my face that much? Which part do you like so much?”
“…Because it’s pretty.”
“I’m glad it’s pretty. And that you like it.”
Saying things that could be misunderstood without a second thought was Yeonho’s specialty. So, such words without any meaning don’t need to be worried about. Don’t need to be thought about further.
‘Don’t need to try to know…’
Ah, even though I know everything, my heart is beating like this, so how much hope would those who don’t know anything have from just one such sentence? Wouldn’t they feel that fluttering sensation that makes their whole body feel light just by being near him, even though it’s actually an empty shell without any emotion?
If just having my name called once makes my stomach tickle, and he holds my hand tight like this, responds kindly to my words, and even says he likes me, wouldn’t I want to be deceived, pretending not to know what I know?
Wouldn’t I want to say all the words I’ve swallowed, pretending not to?
Wouldn’t I want to confirm if Yeonho really likes me?
After getting that confirmation, wouldn’t I want to be loved by Yeonho with peace of mind?
Wouldn’t I want to desire the affection Yeonho would give to his girlfriend, whom I’m not even sure exists, while imagining her?
But I.
I, in fact, want to be loved by Yeonho.
I want to monopolize all of Yeonho’s attention and affection.
“…”
What a shitty dream.
My heart was still beating as if it had really happened.
‘I can’t remember yesterday clearly, but maybe the dream I had last night wasn’t actually a dream?’
I thought my eyes felt moist, then water entered my ear. After being calm for a while, it seems tears came again.
‘Since it was probably a dream anyway, I should have asked. Then, since it was a dream, he might have answered that he really liked me.’
The Yeonho in my dreams is more affectionate than in reality, and since he likes me, it couldn’t be a joke.
They say scientific technology has advanced a lot, so why isn’t there a machine that allows you to go back to sleep? I’d like to sleep for about 10 years just dreaming. After dreaming that long, maybe Yeonho would get bored, and these feelings might all disappear.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
