Today is an unlucky day.
As usual, that bastard threw a fit, demanding I buy him alcohol. I refused and got hit in the head with a beer bottle. Luckily, I’ve learned to dodge, so my head didn’t get smashed. I hate going to the hospital when I get hurt.
Last time, a neighbor called the police, and the doctors kept asking questions. They couldn’t help anyway, and it just made that bastard angry. I had to hide in the corner, afraid he’d beat me again. Worst of all, I couldn’t go to school.
If I can’t go to school, I can’t see Seong-hyeon.
That’s the worst part.
“Sigh…….”
Dragging my worn-out slippers, Ha-jin walked down the night street. The humid summer air clung to my skin. Stumbling under the dim streetlights, I felt my phone vibrate and took it out.
The cracked screen displayed a photo of Seong-hyeon I had secretly taken. As I gently traced his face, my finger got a small cut. It stung and bled, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t want to get blood on Seong-hyeon’s face as I checked why my phone was vibrating.
“Oh, it’s Seong-hyeon.”
Seong-hyeon had posted something new on SNS. With a racing heart, I checked his latest post through my private account.
He must have gone to the pool with friends. There was a photo of Seong-hyeon in a swimsuit, making a V-sign with others. I stared at the photo, mesmerized by his radiant, pale skin. My eyes were fixed on Seong-hyeon, filled with a desperate longing for something I could never have.
“Fuck. Yoon Seong-hyeon…….”
Who are you smiling for?
A dark, twisted feeling gripped me, and I slumped to the ground. I couldn’t tell if it was anger at the guys standing next to Seong-hyeon or something else. Seeing him smile happily in the photo made my blood boil. I wanted that smile to be for me, and me alone.
……No. What I really wanted wasn’t the Seong-hyeon in the photo.
Looking at his photos every night wasn’t enough. I wanted to be closer to Yoon Seong-hyeon than anyone else. I wanted him to look at me, and only me. I wanted to spend every moment with him, in school and out. I wanted to own his days, his moments, his everything. From the moment he woke up until he went to sleep, I wanted to be the only one in Yoon Seong-hyeon’s world. If only that could happen.
Suddenly, Ha-jin felt disgusted with himself. Everything seemed hollow. He felt dirty and pathetic, stalking a classmate’s daily life every night, indulging in dark fantasies that would never come true. Everything felt meaningless.
Why am I even alive?
In the dimly lit night, dark thoughts took over.
The road ahead split into two paths.
To the right was the supermarket that sold alcohol to minors.
Ha-jin’s feet turned left. It wasn’t a conscious decision, just an impulse. As he walked down the left path, his empty mind began to think.
Should I run away, like Mom?
His mother had left him, escaping her abusive husband. Where was she now?
Surely, she was better off than him.
Would he be less miserable if he went somewhere that bastard wasn’t?
Ha-jin didn’t hope for happiness. His happiness was Yoon Seong-hyeon liking him back. But since that was impossible, there would be no happiness in his life.
So, he just wanted to be less miserable. For that, the bastard had to disappear from his life.
But what if he got caught, like Mom?
She had tried to escape three times—once with him, twice without. Each time, she was dragged back to hell. The bastard beat her mercilessly, and Ha-jin could only hide, trembling. He remembered being so sick he couldn’t eat for days.
His mother’s face was covered in bruises, and she obeyed the bastard for a while. Three months later, she vanished. This time, the bastard couldn’t find her. She had escaped to another country with someone’s help.
So, for Ha-jin to escape like his mother, he needed money and help. Otherwise, he’d be caught again, just like her. The thought was terrifying.
Ha-jin stopped abruptly. He had wandered into a bustling street, different from before. Everyone around him seemed happy and carefree, while he felt trapped in hell.
Another impulse struck him.
Should I just die?
If he couldn’t escape, death seemed like the only option. It was the only way to be free from that bastard. But then…
What about Seong-hyeon? If he died, he’d never see Seong-hyeon again.
A sharp pain shot through Ha-jin’s chest. The mere thought of not seeing Seong-hyeon for a few days was agonizing, but the idea of never seeing him again was suffocating.
But he hates me anyway.
“……”
Ha-jin’s face twisted at the mocking voice in his head. Yoon Seong-hyeon wouldn’t care if he disappeared from the world. He wouldn’t feel sadness, regret, or anything at all.
He might even be relieved that something so annoying and disgusting was gone.
His mouth felt bitter. He looked down at his empty hands, wiggling his fingers, but felt nothing. It was as if his senses had been severed from his body, leaving him with an overwhelming emptiness.
Can I even say I’m alive? When I have nothing.
He heard laughter and music from nearby shops. The dark night was illuminated by artificial lights, but none of it reached him.
Ha-jin turned his head and saw the road. Cars rushed by. His feet moved aimlessly toward the traffic, just as they had chosen the path away from the supermarket earlier.
One step, two steps, three steps. The sound of car engines grew louder.
Just as Ha-jin was about to take the final step, a voice stopped him.
“Huh?”
He recognized the voice instantly. His body reacted before his mind could process it. Turning around, he saw Yoon Seong-hyeon standing there, shining brightly in the dark night.
Ha-jin’s mind went blank. Why was Seong-hyeon here?
“Hey, it’s the loser. What are you doing there?”
Seong-hyeon’s words snapped Ha-jin back to reality. He quickly turned away from the road.
“……I wasn’t doing anything.”
Seong-hyeon looked at Ha-jin, then at the road, before shrugging it off with a grin.
“Whatever. Actually, I’m glad I ran into you.”
“Huh?”
Ha-jin’s eyes widened in surprise. Seong-hyeon was glad to see him?
“See that convenience store over there?”
Seong-hyeon pointed to a brightly lit store.
“Go in there and buy some alcohol for me.”
“……?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna drink with some friends.”
Ha-jin remembered the SNS post Seong-hyeon had shared earlier. He was still hanging out with the same friends, the ones who had seen Seong-hyeon’s bare body.
“But we’re underage.”
Normally, Ha-jin would have obediently followed Seong-hyeon’s orders, but today, he felt a surge of defiance. Seong-hyeon raised an eyebrow at Ha-jin’s unusual response.
“What do you want me to do about it?”
Ha-jin stared at Seong-hyeon, who was trying to look intimidating with a furrowed brow. But to Ha-jin, he just looked adorable.
“Come on, just go buy it for me!”
Seong-hyeon grew impatient with Ha-jin’s lack of response.
“Why don’t you go buy it yourself?”
Ha-jin continued to defy him, unlike his usual self. Seong-hyeon’s frustration grew.
“I already tried! But they wouldn’t sell it to me without an ID.”
“I don’t have an ID either.”
“You won’t need one. Not with that face and build.”
“……?”
“So just go buy it, okay?”
Although Seong-hyeon’s words were demanding, his expression was soft, like a playful cat asking for a favor. It was a look he reserved for his close friends, one Ha-jin had never seen directed at him. Caught off guard, Ha-jin found himself nodding in agreement. Seong-hyeon’s face lit up with a smile.
“Finally! Here, take my card. Use this to pay. Get the alcohol I told you, and…
Seong-hyeon listed the drinks he wanted and then added, “Oh, and get some chocolate too. Two of them. You know the kind I like, right?”
Ha-jin nodded, remembering the times he had bought snacks for Seong-hyeon at the school store.
“Okay, hurry up, loser.”
With that, Seong-hyeon playfully nudged Ha-jin’s shoulder. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. Ha-jin couldn’t believe Seong-hyeon had touched him without hitting him. Usually, Seong-hyeon would scream about germs and hit him if he even tried to brush fingers. But today, Seong-hyeon had initiated the contact.
Is this a dream?
Feeling like he was walking on clouds, Ha-jin headed to the convenience store. Inside, he gathered the alcohol Seong-hyeon had asked for and placed it on the counter, still in disbelief. Just as Seong-hyeon had predicted, the cashier didn’t ask for his ID.
As he was about to pay, Ha-jin remembered the chocolate. Luckily, it was nearby. He grabbed two round tins filled with small chocolates and added them to his purchase. With the bag of items in hand, he left the store.
“Nice! I knew you could do it.”
Seeing the black plastic bag in Ha-jin’s hand, Seong-hyeon grinned and quickly took the card and bag from him. Ha-jin felt the emptiness in his hands and considered offering to carry the alcohol for Seong-hyeon, just to spend more time with him. Even though he knew it was foolish, he wanted any excuse to be near him.
“Seong-hyeon…….”
Just as Ha-jin was about to speak, Seong-hyeon called out, “Hey, loser.”
Something flew towards Ha-jin’s face. Instinctively, he caught it. It was one of the chocolates he had just bought from the convenience store. Why was Seong-hyeon giving this to him?
“It’s a reward,” Seong-hyeon said, looking slightly embarrassed.
“A reward?” Ha-jin echoed, bewildered.
“Yeah. For doing what I asked today.”
Ha-jin’s lips trembled. The fingers that had felt numb moments ago now tingled with sensation. His eyes welled up with emotion. Seong-hyeon had given him chocolate, the same kind he liked. Ha-jin’s heart raced. Moments ago, he had felt worthless, but now, holding the chocolate Seong-hyeon had given him, he felt a glimmer of value.
“Ha-jin,” Seong-hyeon said, using his name properly for the first time. “Don’t do anything stupid like leaving a weird note and dying.”
A strong desire to live surged within Ha-jin, overpowering his earlier suicidal thoughts.
I have to live.
No matter what, I must survive. I have to outlive that bastard and be free. And then…
I will have Yoon Seong-hyeon.
By any means necessary, I will make him mine. I will shower him with love until he loves me back.
My love will consume you.
I will love you forever.
“See you tomorrow, Ha-jin.”
Seong-hyeon waved and walked away. Ha-jin watched him until he disappeared from sight. Only then did he turn around, his steps light as he headed home.
When Ha-jin returned with the alcohol, he was beaten until his mouth was bloody. But the pain didn’t matter. In his hand, he held the chocolate Seong-hyeon had given him, a symbol of hope and a reason to endure.
When the bastard finally passed out from drinking, Ha-jin carefully placed a piece of chocolate in his mouth. The blood from his injuries mixed with the sweetness, but it still tasted delicious. He curled up, savoring the chocolate slowly, feeling the warmth spread through him.
Today was a lucky day, he thought.
***
“……Ha-jin!”
His body shook, and he heard someone calling his name. Yet, he struggled to open his eyes.
“Hey! Ha-jin!”
Hearing his name, Ha-jin finally opened his eyes to see Seong-hyeon standing over him, brow furrowed in concern.
“Why are you sweating so much? Did you have a nightmare?”
Ha-jin realized he had dozed off. His forehead was damp with sweat.
“Are you okay?” Seong-hyeon asked, his voice filled with worry.
Ha-jin’s mouth moved on its own. “No. I had a good dream.”
Yes, it was a good dream. It was about Seong-hyeon and the chocolate he had given him. How could that be a nightmare? Even though he had suffered for days afterward from the beating, the memory of eating the chocolate Seong-hyeon gave him was a happy one.
“If it was a good dream, why do you look like that?”
Seong-hyeon clicked his tongue and wiped the sweat from Ha-jin’s forehead with his fingers. The cool touch felt soothing, and Ha-jin closed his eyes again, enjoying the sensation.
“Your hands are cold, Seong-hyeon. It feels nice. Keep doing that.”
Ha-jin rarely acted this way, but Seong-hyeon just scoffed.
“You’re huge and acting all clingy.”
Seong-hyeon’s hand moved away, and Ha-jin felt a pang of disappointment. He considered asking for more, but the moment felt too comforting to ruin.
Just as Ha-jin was about to speak, Seong-hyeon said, “Here.”
Something slipped into his mouth—a familiar sweetness. It was the same chocolate Seong-hyeon had given him in his dream. Opening his eyes, Ha-jin saw Seong-hyeon licking the chocolate off his own fingers.
“You’re tired and having weird dreams. Eat this. Sweet things help when you’re tired.”
The taste of the chocolate melting in Ha-jin’s mouth was the same as it had been back then—the taste that had given him the strength to endure, to live, and to find joy.
Did Yoon Seong-hyeon know? Did he realize that his selfish, capricious, and far-from-kind self was the sole salvation and the only love that kept Ha-jin alive in this world?
“Seong-hyeon.”
“What?”
“I love you.”
Ha-jin’s words made Seong-hyeon pause. Such sudden declarations of love had become a familiar part of their routine, yet Seong-hyeon still blushed every time.
“……Oh, come on. Seriously.”
Though he grumbled about Ha-jin’s cheesy lines, Seong-hyeon pushed another piece of chocolate into Ha-jin’s mouth. It felt like a silent confession of love, and Ha-jin happily accepted it, savoring the chocolate slowly, just as the nineteen-year-old Ha-jin had done.
“……Me too.”
Finally, as the last of the chocolate melted away, leaving only its sweetness, the one he loved spoke.
“I love you too, Ha-jin.”
It was a moment of eternal happiness.
<End of Side Story>
