Chapter 4
“Oh shit, you’re the one making weird connections. What the hell is going on in that head of yours? You left for a few days and came back with messed-up ideas.”
Despite Jaeha roughly tousling Jaeyoon’s hair, no answer came back.
Jaeyoon’s actions were ridiculous and frustrating—rushing upstairs all determined to solve something, only to create chaos.
Returning home and trying to have a calm conversation started with the hurdle of sitting on the sofa. Due to Jaeyoon’s stubborn refusal to keep any distance, they ended up sitting side by side with Jaeha’s hand captured in his. Only when they were staring at the ceiling patterns did Jaeyoon finally speak.
“Hyung, don’t meet that bastard.”
Wow.
Each word choice was so terrible that Jaeha was momentarily speechless.
“Haah. You’re the one who needs to stop causing trouble.”
“I won’t cause trouble if hyung is just careful. If that bastard hadn’t provoked…”
“Joo Dojoon. Call him by his name. I won’t even ask you to call him Dojoon hyung.”
It was uncomfortable hearing his brother, just three years younger, referring to his friend as “this bastard” and “that bastard.”
“And what do you mean ‘don’t meet him’? Dojoon and I have overlapping classes. How can I not meet him?”
“Don’t go to school. It’ll all be useless next year anyway.”
“Why? Is a nuclear bomb going to go off?”
“Something worse than that will happen.”
Jaeha was becoming increasingly certain about something. Where his brother had been.
“Did you attend some sort of ritual somewhere? Or meet some con artist who claims to tell the future?”
“No, hyung. I’m just not explaining in detail because I know you won’t believe me. I’ll tell you what you need to know when I think you’re ready to believe it.”
It seemed like that day would never come. But Jaeha couldn’t say that outright, given how firmly Jaeyoon was holding his hand.
The only times the brothers held hands like this were during forced handshakes. Even so, Jaeha knew his brother’s hands well. Hands similar to his own—nothing special, hands that went to school and played games often. If asked whether they were hard or soft, they’d definitely fall on the softer side.
But the hand holding his now was callused and rough, like it had been working on construction sites for years. It made no sense for hands to change like this in just a few days. Moreover, when he’d messed up his brother’s hair earlier, he’d felt a large scar on the back of Jaeyoon’s head.
The scar, mostly hidden by hair, revealed itself each time Jaeha ruffled through it. Like the long scar on his side, it was an old healed wound that had left a mark.
‘He is my brother. But…’
The tightly held hand and affectionate gaze, which would normally make him cringe and pull away, remained because of the various scenarios filling Jaeha’s mind.
“I’ll tell you what you absolutely need to know right now.”
“What is it?”
“Lee Youngwoo.”
“Lee Youngwoo? How do you even know Youngwoo sunbae?”
It was shocking enough that his brother mentioned the name of the all-around angel sunbae with the perfect smile from school, but what followed was even more astounding.
“Stay away from him. He’s trash.”
Is he some kind of demon who came to destroy my relationships?
For a moment, Jaeha had this reasonable suspicion.
‘Let me stay calm first.’
Jaeha took a deep breath to settle his mind.
“Haah. You call my best friend ‘this bastard’ and ‘that bastard’… and now you want me to stay away from my sunbae too? Let me hear your reason.”
“I already said it. He’s trash.”
“You’ve never even met him.”
“I have. Countless times.”
“There’s no connection between you and Youngwoo sunbae…”
Ah, the regression.
He’d forgotten that premise. It was the basic assumption underlying all conversations with Jaeyoon since yesterday until this moment. Jaeha pressed his forehead with his free hand, feeling a headache coming on.
“If it were anyone else, maybe, but Youngwoo sunbae couldn’t possibly be like that. Do you know his nickname?”
“I do.”
“And you still misunderstand him like this? His nickname is Smile Angel…”
“Smile Sadist.”
When people hear something too absurd, their thoughts come to a halt. Jaeha’s thinking had stopped several times today while talking with Jaeyoon.
Where did such words come from? He was curious but didn’t want to ask. He was afraid of what answer might come from Jaeyoon. More than trying to convince him of how good sunbae Lee Youngwoo was, he was primarily concerned about where all these strange ideas in his brother’s head came from.
“And there’s someone hyung absolutely needs to become friends with.”
Unaware of Jaeha’s worries, Jaeyoon locked eyes with him, saying there was something even more important. Eye contact with his brother? This felt like some new form of torture. While wanting to avoid his gaze, Jaeha couldn’t completely ignore Jaeyoon’s dead-serious demeanor.
“Brother dear, how about we respect each other’s private lives?”
“I’ll definitely do that once hyung is safe.”
That safety issue again. While Jaeha grimaced and shook his head, Jaeyoon continued with what he wanted to say.
“He won’t be close to you right now. I highly recommend you get as close to him as possible.”
“Haah. So who is it?”
“Kyun Jiho. You need to become friends with him.”
“…Are you talking about the Gaeho I know?”
Perpetually in heat. Playboy. Casanova. Gae-jiho. Beast. The guy who had his tentacles everywhere as soon as the first semester started. He carried around five or six phones, most of which were couple phones he’d received as gifts, making it clear he had girlfriends outside of school as well.
Half the men, the singles, envied his abilities, while the other half, who had lost potential girlfriends to him, wanted to tear him apart.
“Yes, I heard he’s called that too.”
“Are you crazy? I don’t even want my shadow to cross his.”
Kyun Jiho flirted with women as naturally as breathing, even those he wasn’t dating. His constant kindness and seduction toward women made all the guys around him feel like borrowed sacks of barley.
Rumors spread that no one could escape the singles’ hell until Kyun Jiho went to the military—that’s how wide and sturdy his fishing grounds were.
Jaeha’s aversion was understandable. But Jaeyoon tried to persuade his trembling, disgusted brother.
“Kyun Jiho, that person is trustworthy.”
“I’d trust a dog’s loyalty faster. I’d rather just get a dog.”
“I know he seems flashy on the outside, which makes him look frivolous. And he is frivolous, actually. But that’s why he’s good with people. He knows how to keep to the basics.”
“Ba-sics? A guy who keeps to the basics steals other people’s girlfriends?!”
“He’s never stolen anyone, I bet.”
As Jaeha was getting angry, Jaeyoon’s certainty made him recall the rumors about Kyun Jiho. There seemed to be many who claimed their girlfriends were stolen, but looking more closely, it was a bit different.
[“Mijin, who I wanted to date!”]
[“I was going to buy a gift after work and confess to Youngmi!”]
[“I couldn’t choose between Juhee and Ayoung, and while I was hesitating, that Gaeho bastard took them both!”]
“…W-well, this isn’t a polygamous country. How does it make sense for him to date eight girlfriends at once?”
“If you have the ability, you can.”
Jaeha was confused by Jaeyoon’s way of thinking.
It was even harder to believe than their arguments about whether to dip food in sauce or pour sauce over it. Bewildered by how much his brother had changed, wondering where on earth he had been, Jaeha heard Jaeyoon drive home his point.
“You need to get as close as possible. Oh, and if you can date him, that would be good too.”
“What? Me date Gaeho?”
“Yes. He really treats his lovers well.”
Not lover, but lovers. And the shock of his brother, of all people, suggesting he date someone of the same gender.
Unable to listen anymore, Jaeha stood up, shaking off his hand. But Jaeyoon held on, following him up, preventing Jaeha from creating any distance. Jaeyoon, sticking close, seemed to have grown taller than before. It was a subtle difference, but one that made Jaeha even more uneasy.
“Who are you?”
No matter how much they were like enemies, if he were really his brother, he wouldn’t be like this.
Trying to make his hyung gay.
“You’re not my brother, are you?”
He could somehow get past the sudden scar on his side or the healed wound on the back of his head, but this was really too much. With his completely changed ideology and bizarre statements, Jaeyoon was becoming too difficult to accept.
Despite Jaeha’s suspicious glare, Jaeyoon remained composed.
No, Jaeha could see him struggling to appear calm.
The redness around his eyes and the sadness he endured while swallowing dry saliva couldn’t be completely hidden despite his efforts. Only then did Jaeha notice that Jaeyoon’s hand holding his was trembling.
When Jaeha tried to pull his hand away, Jaeyoon’s hand didn’t let go but followed along. It neither hurt Jaeha nor forced him. The hand that refused to let go delicately adjusted its strength, following just as much as Jaeha tried to avoid it.
After stepping back several times until he hit the wall, Jaeha finally heard Jaeyoon’s sorrowful confession.
“There were times I wished I wasn’t hyung’s brother.”
‘I’ve often wished I wasn’t your hyung,’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
Although they still lived together, they were, to be cold about it, strangers.
Their remarried parents had separated again after just three years. It was Jaeha who couldn’t accept that his brother, who had just graduated high school, would become a permanent stranger. He didn’t hesitate to seek help from both sets of guardians to move into a place with his brother.
Throughout that process, Jaeyoon grumbled that it was bothersome but followed along well. After they started living together, Jaeyoon would occasionally stay out overnight, they’d often fight, and sometimes go days without talking, but it had been the same even when they were a complete family.
Jaeha never expected Jaeyoon to say he had wished they weren’t brothers. After this shocking confession, Jaeyoon continued casually.
“Because it would have been easier. I might have been able to live by giving up on hyung, accepting that the changed world was natural.”
Instead of interrupting, Jaeha listened carefully to understand the thoughts embedded in his brother’s mind.
“Hyung changed too. I changed. Everyone changed. That bastard hyung called a friend treated hyung worse than anyone. Whenever you met that bastard, hyung had to spend the whole day in bed sick before getting up.”
“Look, I don’t know how you got such a misunderstanding, but Dojoon may be big, but he doesn’t hit people. He doesn’t even engage in physical play during soccer.”
“It’s not just that bastard. The sunbae hyung trusts is a sadist who could skin hyung alive and still want more.”
“Wait, time out.”
Jaeyoon’s imagination was taking too dark a turn, and Jaeha found it hard to listen.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
