53
Jo Junghyun almost answered with a “yes.” If he’d already showered, it might have been different, but not now. He’d been firmly warned not to shower for a day because his immunity was weakened, and showering could lead to catching a cold.
“Don’t try to dodge the question. Come on.”
Jo Junghyun lightly tapped Ji Seunghyeok’s arm. Realizing that Jo Junghyun wouldn’t back down no matter what he said, Ji Seunghyeok expressed his disappointment.
“I’ve been sleeping here just fine until now.”
“That’s exactly why you shouldn’t. It’s just one day anyway. Sleep apart for a day, and then we can see each other continuously again.”
“Are you trying to console me? It feels like our ages have been reversed.”
At Ji Seunghyeok’s slight smile and words, Jo Junghyun blushed slightly. Ji Seunghyeok gave a soft kiss to Jo Junghyun’s forehead before preparing to leave.
“I’ll come early tomorrow morning. Right after I wake up.”
“Yes. Please go home safely.”
After saying goodbye, there was the sound of the door closing.
When Ji Seunghyeok left, the hospital room felt eerily empty, as if all warmth had disappeared.
Even the sound of his own footsteps returning to the bed seemed extremely loud. Back in bed, Jo Junghyun covered himself with the blanket. In truth, he was the one most disappointed that Ji Seunghyeok had left. But he couldn’t feel comfortable with the thought of Ji Seunghyeok curling up to sleep in a bed smaller than his own body. He glanced at the clock. If he slept and woke up, he could see Ji Seunghyeok again.
He tossed and turned in bed, but sleep didn’t come easily.
Jo Junghyun lay on his side, blinking his eyes.
Perhaps it was because his body had healed. Thoughts that hadn’t occurred to him when he was in pain now kept creeping up, climbing from his ankles upward.
He recalled himself getting aroused from the pheromone injection, craving an alpha.
Even in that situation, he had an erection and moved his hips in pursuit of pleasure.
Contrary to what his mind felt as disgust, his body had faithfully become aroused.
All because of a single pheromone injection.
It didn’t matter who it was. Truly, anyone would have been fine.
Anyone who could quench that burning thirst would have been acceptable.
If Ji Seunghyeok had been even a little late, he might have been grinding his hips against a stranger whose name he didn’t even know.
Now he thought it impossible, but at that time, it wasn’t a situation where he could confidently say so. That terrible feeling of no longer being himself.
How could one distinguish between a body excited by pheromones and love?
What guarantee was there that the two wouldn’t be confused?
During his heat cycle, it could have been that Ji Seunghyeok’s alpha pheromones were simply responding to his omega pheromones.
If their pheromone compatibility was good, it was entirely possible to mistake that for something else.
That’s what scared Jo Junghyun.
What if these feelings he had for Ji Seunghyeok were just simple tricks of pheromones? What if Ji Seunghyeok’s feelings for him were because of pheromones?
He bit his rolled lip.
Until now, he’d never had such thoughts.
But now, he couldn’t go back to a time before having these thoughts.
He curled his body into a ball. For a moment, he regretted not asking him to stay, but it would have been unseemly to show this side of himself when Ji Seunghyeok was present. He didn’t want to worry him.
But could he assert with certainty that even this feeling wasn’t just being manipulated by pheromones?
Tears pooled in his slowly blinking eyes, streaming sideways down his face.
As Jo Junghyun was letting out a long, thin sigh, he was brought back to reality by the sound of a phone coming from somewhere.
It was Ji Seunghyeok.
Before answering the call, Jo Junghyun coughed once. He didn’t want to reveal that his voice sounded strange from crying.
“Hello?”
“It’s me. Were you sleeping?”
“Oh, no. Did you arrive home?”
“Yes. I just got home and am calling you now.”
The soft, gentle voice seeped in warmly. If Ji Seunghyeok were with him, he felt like all negative thoughts would disappear.
“I miss you.”
Jo Junghyun felt a twinge of regret at the words that had unconsciously escaped his lips.
Before he could correct himself, Ji Seunghyeok, sensing something was off with Jo Junghyun, asked:
“…Should I come back, Junghyun?”
“Ah, no. You must be tired from staying here all this time. You should rest. It’s okay. We’ll see each other in the morning, right?”
“…”
“Then, if you could come a little early in the morning… no, you don’t have to do that either. Just rest comfortably today. I’m really fine. Really.”
Ji Seunghyeok didn’t respond immediately.
As Jo Junghyun was about to speak again, becoming anxious, Ji Seunghyeok said:
“Alright. I’ll come early tomorrow, so don’t grumble about being woken up from sleep, okay?”
“Yes, I understand.”
The way “grumble” sounded in Ji Seunghyeok’s voice was cute, and Jo Junghyun smiled a little. After saying goodnight and ending the call, Jo Junghyun got out of bed and turned on the TV. As he flipped through various channels, he stopped when a variety show with loud laughter came on. He didn’t need to turn the volume up high; just enough to eliminate the silence was fine.
Jo Junghyun sat on the sofa opposite the TV, curled up with his knees folded.
Somehow, it felt like a night where he wouldn’t easily fall asleep. If he closed his eyes, he felt like those memories from that day would resurface.
How long had he been like that?
Someone knocked on the hospital room door.
Jo Junghyun got up from the sofa and tried to respond, but perhaps due to having been crouched for so long, he got a leg cramp and tumbled down with a crash. The door flung open, possibly because the sound was heard.
“Junghyun?”
“Oh, h-hyung?”
It was Ji Seunghyeok.
He rushed to Jo Junghyun who had fallen on the floor.
“…Hyung?”
Jo Junghyun couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He had said he’d come early in the morning.
“Are you okay? Does it hurt? Should I call a nurse…?”
“Ah, no. Cramp, it’s a cramp. It’s just a leg cramp.”
“…Cramp?”
“I was crouched here for too long…”
Jo Junghyun barely managed to answer, hiding his flushed face. Ji Seunghyeok sighed lightly and then picked up Jo Junghyun in his arms. Surprised with an “Oh,” Jo Junghyun hugged Ji Seunghyeok. Ji Seunghyeok’s clothes, having just come in, smelled of the outside air.
“I-I must be heavy.”
“Not at all. Talk about that when you’ve gained more weight.”
Ji Seunghyeok brushed off Jo Junghyun’s protest and placed him on the bed.
“You were bored enough to turn on the TV, yet you told me to go?”
“Ah, that’s… …no.”
“Lie down for a bit. I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
Jo Junghyun was about to refuse again by saying no, but seeing Ji Seunghyeok’s expression turn slightly stern, he decided to obey quietly. After covering Jo Junghyun, who was comfortably lying down, with the blanket, Ji Seunghyeok gently patted his chest.
It felt a bit awkward, like becoming a five or six-year-old child.
Just as he was about to say he was fine, Jo Junghyun’s body suddenly stiffened.
Ji Seunghyeok was releasing pheromones very slightly.
Though it was extremely faint, he could definitely feel it. It was the pheromone of an extremely dominant alpha that he had felt before.
It was part of the unstable pheromone treatment that had been explained when he entered the intensive care unit. The doctor had advised that after administering the pheromone sedative, to regain stable pheromone levels, he should be exposed to very weak alpha pheromones, gradually increasing the amount. Since Ji Seunghyeok, as his current guardian, would surely have been told this, he was evidently following those instructions.
Though he understood this logically, his body reacted on its own. Jo Junghyun hardened his expression, raised his upper body, and moved backward.
He knew very well that the pheromones he was feeling now were Ji Seunghyeok’s. But.
Feeling like he might vomit, he covered his mouth with his hand, but nausea kept rising.
“…Junghyun?”
“Th-that, …that, please don’t do that. Please.”
He pleaded unconsciously, his eyes tightly shut. The tips of his fingers were so cold they felt numb.
As soon as Jo Junghyun finished speaking, the pheromones disappeared without a trace. Jo Junghyun opened his eyes cautiously and saw that the expression had vanished from Ji Seunghyeok’s face.
“Should I stay here, or would it be better for me to leave?”
He didn’t know why that question made him feel like crying. Jo Junghyun bit his lip firmly once, then grabbed Ji Seunghyeok’s collar with one hand.
He couldn’t brush it off. After showing this side of himself, he couldn’t say it was nothing.
“I’m sorry… It’s not that I dislike you… it’s just…”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
Ji Seunghyeok carefully wrapped his hands around Jo Junghyun’s trembling hand. Ji Seunghyeok’s hand, which touched Jo Junghyun’s cold one, had always had a high body temperature, but now it felt almost hot. Ji Seunghyeok’s body heat melted Jo Junghyun’s cold hand.
“I really don’t dislike you, hyung.”
“I know. It’s okay now. You can stop talking about it.”
Ji Seunghyeok patted Jo Junghyun’s hand as if to calm him. But once the floodgates had opened, they were hard to close.
“No. I want, want to talk about it…!”
Jo Junghyun looked up cautiously at Ji Seunghyeok. Their eyes met. What Ji Seunghyeok’s eyes held was concern for him. Jo Junghyun reassured himself that it would be okay to tell everything. It seemed like Ji Seunghyeok would accept all the thoughts that were troubling him now.
A soft response of “I’m listening” came to his ears.
“I’m not lying, but those memories keep coming back. The memories of that day keep, keep coming back. …I tried not to. But they keep coming back.”
“Who is it?”
There was no inflection in Ji Seunghyeok’s voice.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
