The trembling that had merely touched me briefly moved away for just a moment before crashing into me even deeper. Though I had blocked my own vision, preventing myself from seeing anything, the thick floral scent filling the air made it unmistakably clear—Vin was right in front of me.
A hand gently cradled the nape of my neck, tilting my head slightly. The warmth that hesitantly pressed against me was stiff and tense, but I was no different.
It was a desperate kiss, born from nothing more than the simple desire to stay connected. A raw, unspoken truth between us—we didn’t want to part. Even if neither of us could bring ourselves to say it aloud.
“Seo-yul hyung.”
Vin called me, exhaling a breath heavy with emotion. His warm breath tickled my neck, making my body flinch. A quiet sigh slipped out from between my tightly sealed lips.
“Call my name.”
His whisper was filled with desperate longing. He clung to me, pleading—begging me to say his name, the name I had given him.
“Vin.”
“Yes, Seo-yul hyung.”
“Vin.”
“I’m right here.”
As I opened my eyes, all I saw was empty space, its deep red hue blurred. The festival that had seemed endless must have finally come to an end—the distant sounds that had once echoed in the background had vanished.
We remained on the wind-swept hill for a long time, leaning into each other. As my fingers ran through the soft strands of his hair, Vin, who had buried his face against my neck, let out a deep breath.
“Even if you try to send me away, it doesn’t matter. As long as I don’t let go.”
“Vin.”
“I’ll never let go of you, Seo-yul hyung. Never.”
His arms tightened around my waist, gripping me with increasing force. He held me so tightly I could hardly breathe. The scent emanating from him carried emotions so intense they were suffocating—anger, and a possessiveness so thick it felt tangible.
“Let go—”
“I love you, Seo-yul hyung. I really love you.”
I tried, belatedly, to push him away, but he didn’t budge. I wriggled and struggled, grunting as I attempted to free myself, but instead, he only pulled me closer.
Our chests were pressed together, the sound of our heartbeats indistinguishable from one another. A frantic rhythm, pounding louder and faster as if it would burst—mine, his, or perhaps both.
“Seo-yul hyung, say it too. Tell me you love me. Say it with me. Please?”
“I—”
“Hurry, quickly.”
Vin whined like a child, urging me to answer. He was demanding that I feel the same way he did, stubbornly insisting that I give him the words he wanted to hear. But I let the moment slip by, unable to say anything.
Vin, who had been relentlessly waiting for my response, finally loosened his arms from around my waist and met my eyes. His tear-streaked gaze held a storm of emotions, all tangled together.
“Say it. Tell me you love me too, Seo-yul hyung.”
“…Vin.”
“Say it, now. You love me too, don’t you? That’s why you said we’d always stay together. Don’t lie to me—be honest. Please? Say it already!”
Vin suddenly shouted, shaking me violently. I knew what I was supposed to say. The right words were clear in my mind. But the ones forming on my lips weren’t coming from my head—they were words buried in my heart.
The longer my silence stretched, the more Vin’s sadness and despair grew. After what felt like an eternity, I finally buried the words I truly wanted to say and forced out the ones I knew I had to.
“I don’t love you.”
“Seo-yul hyung….”
His hands, which had been gripping me so tightly, fell away, limp. Vin stared at me, stricken, his face filled with shock. I drove the final nail into the coffin. I never loved you. The lie spilled from my lips, smothering the truth in my heart.
“So forget about me. I’ll do the same. Just move on and live your life.”
“What the hell are you—ugh!”
A hand shot out from behind and seized Vin. He realized too late what was happening and struggled, but his opponent was far too experienced to be overpowered by an unseasoned boy.
A cloth soaked in anesthetic was pressed over Vin’s nose and mouth. His unfocused, hazy eyes pleaded with me for help, right until the very end. But I averted my gaze from his desperate stare.
Because this had been the plan all along.
His limbs, which had been flailing just moments ago, gradually went limp, and his body collapsed powerlessly. I instinctively moved to go to him, but a stranger stepped in my way. They were people sent by the First District Leader.
“Move.”
“I’m afraid we can’t.”
The masked figure’s voice was firm. I tried to push past them, but the ones in black did not yield.
“Just for a moment. Please, even just a few seconds….”
I knew I wouldn’t win if I used force, so I changed my approach. I pleaded, humbling myself, and the figures exchanged glances with each other. Finally, the one blocking my path stepped aside.
“Vin….”
I rushed to where he had fallen and immediately checked for any injuries. Thankfully, he was unharmed. He had simply fallen into a deep sleep.
“Thank God.”
I let out a shaky breath, trying to calm the unease in my chest, murmuring softly to myself. As Vin slept, completely unaware of the world around him, I gently caressed his cheek, smoothing out his disheveled bangs.
Would he be angry if he knew I was the one who called them here? When you open your eyes, I won’t be by your side anymore. I can only hope that resentment helps you forget me completely.
I hope you curse me, that you call this a filthy, unwanted bond—someone you never want to think of again. Hate me, so much that you never remember me. Because I will never be able to forget you, not for the rest of my life. So at least, I hope you can find peace.
“…I’m sorry. Truly.”
With an apology that would never reach him, I took out the portrait of me that Vin had carefully tucked into his pocket. Memories of his bright, innocent smile when he received it flickered through my mind. He had said he wanted to keep it forever. And yet, I couldn’t even grant him that wish.
I’m sorry… for taking away the last piece of me that you could have remembered.
Tears dripped onto Vin’s unconscious face. I hurriedly wiped my eyes, but once the dam had broken, it was impossible to stop.
A gentle hand rested on my trembling shoulder. When I looked up, my attendant stood there, gazing at me with quiet sympathy.
“Young Master, it’s time to go.”
“Just a little longer… please, just a little….”
I wasn’t ready to let him go yet. Clutching onto Vin with desperate hands, I shook my head violently, unwilling to part. My pleading gaze was met with an unwavering response as my attendant firmly avoided my eyes.
“The District Leader is waiting for you.”
As soon as those words fell, the waiting men moved in and took Vin away. I tried to reach for him, but my attendant grabbed me, and my outstretched hand sliced helplessly through empty air.
“No… no, please….”
Stumbling to my feet, I tried to follow them. But my legs, weak and unsteady, tangled beneath me, and I crashed onto the ground. By the time I managed to lift my head, they were already too far away—too far for me to catch.
“Young Master, are you all right?”
“Hhh… ugh.”
My attendant helped me up, but by then, it was already too late. Through my tear-blurred vision, Vin was nowhere to be seen. He had vanished completely.
Lifting a hand to wipe my eyes, I suddenly noticed the portrait still clutched in my grasp—now pitifully crumpled, warped beyond recognition. The once-bright smile on my face had been crushed under my grip, twisted and ruined. Just like me.
“…How pathetic.”
A hollow laugh escaped my lips. With the same hand that had destroyed my own image, I wiped away my tears. My attendant, hovering anxiously as if afraid I might collapse again, was told to leave me alone for a moment.
After he stepped away, I turned my attention back to the ruined portrait. Without hesitation, I tore it apart—ripping it into tiny, unrecognizable pieces and letting them scatter into the wind.
As I watched the fragments drift away, I pulled out the last remaining memory I had left. A small piece of paper, barely the size of my palm. On it, Vin was smiling at me, his expression full of warmth.
Keeping just this one… should be okay, right?
Pushing away my weakening resolve, I gripped the portrait with both hands. My fingers trembled as I slowly began to tear the fragile paper apart.
But in the end, I couldn’t do it.
My hands faltered, and I released my grip. I couldn’t bring myself to destroy Vin with my own hands.
Smoothing out the wrinkles, I stared into the eyes of the smiling boy within the portrait. I tried to mirror that bright expression, to force a smile of my own… but no matter how hard I tried, all that came out was another choked sob.
I had held it in for so long. I had finally managed to stop.
“—love you.”
From the depths of my heart, I let out the truth I had buried so deeply, speaking it into the void where no one could hear. My voice was so quiet that it was swallowed by the wind, yet the moment the words left my lips, the feelings I had denied took form, standing vividly before me.
Clutching the portrait carefully against my chest, afraid it might crease, I whispered my confession once more—words that would never reach the one they were meant for. It was pointless, but I said them anyway.
“I love you, Vin.”
And with that, I let go of the precious disaster that had stayed by my side.
taking his pictures is too mean 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭