Chapter 76
“Why do you want to change it so badly?”
I thought that because of my unique experience of dying once and coming back, I would be detached from everything.
But I was still an ordinary person, afraid of many things and weak to affection.
The deep affection the guys showed me made my ears tingle, and I wondered if it was attachment I deserved to receive, making me pay more attention to them.
If the guys I had cherished slowly since childhood returned to their old selves…
‘I’ll do what I need to do even without that.’
‘The reason I’m doing this includes you too, Yoon Cheong.’
Emotionless voices and voices filled with anger echoed awkwardly in my head.
Ah, so that’s it. I realize why it feels awkward.
The guys have grown up differently enough that those voices seem out of place.
Although they still look young, I was certain they had grown into better people than before.
Not just those two, but the Esper brothers in this person’s guild I’m talking to on the phone would also not experience what happened before the regression, so this direction must be better.
I can’t say that everything I’ve done is correct, but at least so far, none of my actions have been wrong.
I exhaled, trying to compose my increasingly muddled emotions.
I recalled the voices of the guys, not the voices from the past.
‘I don’t know what you’re worried about, but it’ll be fine.’
‘Exactly. It’ll be fine.’
Yes, it will be fine. I’m not young enough to struggle with things that haven’t happened yet.
It was funny.
I found it absurd that I felt calm when I thought of the blue and green eyes, but I was grateful to the guys and smiled a little.
“If things are better now, obviously I want to keep them this way. I’m very satisfied right now.”
That was an unchanging fact.
There were still many unconfirmed things that would happen to the guys.
But right now, I liked seeing how well they were growing.
At least they wouldn’t be glaring at someone, threatening to kill them.
I want to protect them.
– Why? I don’t like it.
“Then try to turn it back yourself.”
Hong Yun-hak cut me off with a voice tinged with laughter.
Why, what don’t you like about it?
And there was a thought that suddenly came to me during the conversation.
This person doesn’t seem to be as intelligent as I thought. I was embarrassed that I had been momentarily drawn in by talk of merging with the pre-changed self.
I realized that if I returned through Hong Yun-hak’s ability, and that’s why I could sense the discrepancies when he used his power, I could always detect it and take countermeasures whenever he used it.
Plus, the time he could use in one go wasn’t that long.
I don’t know why he said I returned through his ability, but he clearly mentioned:
‘The time I can turn back is at most 20-30 minutes.’
He could only go backward with someone as an axis.
But in the Gate, he didn’t use me as the axis, yet I knew about the discrepancy.
That means there’s a high probability I’ll continue to notice it.
That’s what Hong Yun-hak doesn’t like.
– Suddenly full of confidence?
“Anyway, if you turn back time, I can tell. I noticed it inside the Gate too.”
– What if I use it right now?
“After you said you can’t use your ability for a while?”
There’s certainly a possibility he was lying.
I needed to verify Hong Yun-hak’s words in various ways.
For now, I could only assess based on what he said, but getting information directly from him wasn’t the only way to verify his statements.
“I’ll just ask the Association, that’s all.”
It was a simple method. Cross-verification.
Of course, even if I said this, there were many people I could ask besides the Association.
“I’m telling you this because you don’t seem to know how I came back either.”
‘He didn’t use his ability.’
‘But because it’s his ability, the memories are overlapping.’
‘And a Guide isn’t even an Esper.’
He was saying that others could use his ability too.
It was impossible for me as a Guide, but there was something that made it possible for Espers.
The method I had in mind was probably right, wasn’t it?
The reason there was no information about Hong Yun-hak when I entered the Association.
I thought, “No way…” but they say doubt often catches people, so I needed to find out for certain.
– …Seems you came back at an older age than I thought?
“Don’t call me old. I was really young.”
Twenty-six isn’t old. I’m in the prime of youth.
– But I was being serious.
“About what?”
– I think it’s fate that Guide-nim returned through my ability…
“I’m hanging up.”
They say don’t feed the pigeons or attention-seekers.
Now, who should I ask?
* * *
“Hong Yun-hak? You mean Yun-hak hyung?”
“Yeah.”
“Why suddenly?”
After the Gate raid, Ye Han-dam was at school.
I wondered why he was still here when Ye Han-seo seemed to be returning to his guild for the vacation, but I understood roughly when I saw Oh Ji-hyun at breakfast.
Actually, asking the Association was a lower priority in my mind from the beginning.
No matter how much the Association accommodates Guides, they wouldn’t reveal everything about an Esper belonging to a guild under their jurisdiction.
And there was another fact that Hong Yun-hak didn’t know about me.
I didn’t mind if Hong Yun-hak knew that I had returned at a much older age than I had thought.
“I was curious about him in the Gate. Everyone was gathered nearby. He didn’t seem like a combat type.”
“Yeah. His ability is pretty unique.”
“Does he enter Gates often?”
“No, just the dangerous ones. His ability is to turn back time. But he needs protection himself.”
In Korea, non-combat special-type Espers are as rare as S-class.
So he’s one of those rare cases?
“Is he smart? He’d need to be to explain and organize after turning back time.”
“Uh… average. He tends to just warn about dangerous incidents that happened before turning back. He’s not the type to explain a plan.”
- Officially not as smart as me.
I was a Guide from the Association, and I remembered all the important Espers affiliated with Chaehwa.
So when I was properly active outside, I knew Ye Han-dam’s face even though he was already dead, and I knew Yoon Cheong reasonably well too.
Rather than being close, I had to remember things when going to support Chaehwa, which had no Guide, and to receive help, I needed to check which Esper had which ability.
Until Ye Han-dam caused trouble and joined the Association, there were no Espers affiliated with the Association, so we had to send official cooperation requests to Chaehwa.
So I could proudly say I knew most Espers. I was an ambitious Guide who entered the Association and read and memorized all the available Chaehwa documents.
But I didn’t even know of the existence of a key Chaehwa Esper who could turn back time? That means he wasn’t with Chaehwa, at least after I joined the Association.
Moreover, even if an Esper from Chaehwa moved to another guild, their records would remain for a while.
Records were kept for at least 3 years, no matter how trivial.
For special cases like a time manipulation Esper, it would probably be kept longer.
I’m eighteen now and joined the Association at twenty, so unless it was deliberately removed, the record should have been there when I entered the Association.
The fact that I don’t know means either it was information I couldn’t access, or it was intentionally deleted…
Seeing how openly he’s operating now, it doesn’t seem like inaccessible information, so it leans more toward being deleted later.
“He’s a nice person.”
“Is he?”
Ye Han-dam talked about Hong Yun-hak for a while.
He seemed to know roughly about his ability but only a little about his personality, so after some conversation, I said I understood and we parted ways.
The reason I couldn’t verify information about Hong Yun-hak was one of three things: someone deliberately deleted the records, Hong Yun-hak died, or both.
Whether deleted or dead, I only wondered, “Why?”
Isn’t there no reason? No answer came even as I wracked my brain.
The more I connected the thoughts, the more my head hurt.
My thoughts kept drifting toward the possibility of an Esper being able to use another Esper’s ability.
“Hyung, you said you’d stay in your room.”
“Huh? I just came out for some fresh air. I’m going back in.”
“Then you should have called me… It would be nice to walk together.”
I had purposely called and met with Ye Han-dam, but Ji Yeohoon caught me outside my room.
What if he had seen me with Ye Han-dam? It would have been even worse.
I felt guilty seeing Ji Yeohoon’s disappointed face as he held my hand.
Knowing he craved affection more than the composed Yoon Cheong, I couldn’t help but soften.
“Let’s walk a bit more together.”
“Really? We’re going for a walk?”
“Yeah.”
Ji Yeohoon’s face lit up with joy when I nodded.
I was worried about Yoon Cheong, but I was also worried about Ji Yeohoon.
Someone looking at Ji Yeohoon might think he grew up bright and affectionate in a life with affectionate parents and abundance, but I, who grew up beside him, knew that wasn’t the case.
Ji Yeohoon grew up pretending to have no deficiencies under parents who, though affectionate, found it difficult to give their child their full attention.
That’s why he was always discreetly checking things while pretending not to.
“Hyung, what are we having for dinner?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Let’s eat what you like.”
That’s why I deliberately made sure he spent more time with me and Yoon Cheong than with his family.
I wasn’t someone great enough to interfere saying “You shouldn’t treat a child like that,” and I might have been wrong in my perception.
But just as I couldn’t bear to see Yoon Cheong running wild, I also couldn’t bear to see Ji Yeohoon growing up in warm indifference.
They had grown up properly. Ji Yeohoon and Yoon Cheong had been kept on track by me since they were young.
Contrary to his exterior, Yoon Cheong was soft inside, so it took a long time to teach him to firmly refuse when needed.
Except for Ji Yeohoon, who was busy fighting from the start, Yoon Cheong would just quietly watch when he should refuse, which was frustrating in its own way.
I paid more attention to Ji Yeohoon partly because we were separated for a while and partly because he was a year younger.
The aegyo he deliberately restrained around his parents but freely showered on me—I guess he could be that comfortable because I allowed it.
The guys had affection for me, and I had affection for them as we grew up together… I couldn’t let them go back.
I squeezed Ji Yeohoon’s hand a little tighter.
“Hyung?”
“Let’s eat the same thing.”
Because past versions of the guys I hadn’t remembered for a while kept overlapping, I also kept recalling Ji Yeohoon after he returned from the past.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
