Chapter 68
My mind became complicated.
Of course, it wasn’t because Yoon Cheong and Ji Yeohoon came chasing after me, but because of what that guy who had been thrown far away had said.
“Weren’t you two listening?”
“We heard.”
“His voice was loud.”
Stop lying, his voice was extremely quiet.
He spoke in a voice that was almost dying out, so I was wondering if I should move closer to hear him better.
It seems they were already at a distance where they could hear his voice.
Well, these guys who said they came along because they were worried wouldn’t have missed the conversation.
If the situation were reversed, I would have likely listened too, so I decided not to get angry.
“Wasn’t that throw too harsh?”
It seemed as forceful as when he was thrown inside the gate before.
“He deserves it.”
“Why?”
Isn’t expressing one’s feelings something close to self-satisfaction?
Neither Yoon Cheong nor Ji Yeohoon answered my question, but their faces were full of discontent. No, it wasn’t just discontent; they were almost angry.
I blinked, a bit dumbfounded.
Confessing isn’t something to get angry about.
Of course, I was a bit flustered by the completely unexpected words.
Isn’t it too out of nowhere?
It hasn’t even been a year since we learned each other’s faces and names, and it’s his classmates that Ye Han-seo sees often, not me.
What events could have possibly fostered these feelings?
Not understanding, I thought I should ask him why instead.
I had no intention of mocking his feelings or hastily concluding that his emotions weren’t genuine.
I don’t want to arbitrarily measure the depth of his emotions, but…
I still need to ask.
But why are you two suddenly getting heated?
“You can come closer, but don’t throw him too hard.”
“It’s dangerous.”
Even Ji Yeohoon, who usually had an almost smiling expression in front of me, had his face completely hardened.
Ye Han-seo, who had been thrown far away, came closer at a fast speed, but at some point, he couldn’t approach any further.
It was clearly visible that Yoon Cheong was blocking Ye Han-seo, so I raised my hand and patted Yoon Cheong’s back.
“It’s okay, you’re both here anyway. He didn’t threaten me or anything, so why are you being so hostile?”
“He’s got bad intentions.”
Is confessing considered having bad intentions?
What’s going on, did that guy try to break my mental state with a confession to punish me?
If so, he should have done it to the top student, why do it to me?
But guys, my mental state is healthy, and it’s not breaking. I’m not going to quit school either.
What is there to be afraid of when these guys are by my side? I just approached Ye Han-seo.
“What’s your reason? Was that why you asked me to spare you some time, to confess?”
No matter how I think about it, Yoon Cheong and Ji Yeohoon wouldn’t leave my side. With their level of attachment to me, they definitely wouldn’t be absent when I receive a confession.
Did Ye Han-seo not think about that and just go for it? I don’t understand.
Even though he’s quick to anger, rushes in without thinking, and has a loud voice, I don’t think he’d do this just because of that one trait.
The more calmly I thought about it, the more it seemed like what he wanted was a situation where he could talk to me.
So didn’t he deliberately blurt it out to check if those guys were present?
I was about 70% certain this guess was correct.
The remaining 30% was… if he really did confess to me.
But do people who confess usually have pale faces and speak calmly?
In dramas and movies, they hold back their pounding hearts, their faces turn red, and so on.
I looked at Ye Han-seo with a face that said “answer me.”
Yoon Cheong seemed to relax his force a bit, allowing Ye Han-seo to come a bit closer to me.
See, his face is really calm. It’s neither the face of someone who just confessed, nor someone who got scolded after confessing…
“I’m serious.”
“…”
…and my prediction was completely off.
Why? Where did I go wrong?
Ye Han-seo stood still, looking at me with very calm eyes as if asking for an answer.
I was genuinely confused and opened and closed my mouth. Really?
“Where… I mean, since when did you feel like you liked me? Let me ask that first.”
I really don’t understand.
We didn’t have particularly good feelings toward each other, and seeing his actions, it would be difficult for me to feel affection for him too.
Honestly, was something off from our first meeting?
I met him to confront his actions toward Ji Yeohoon, and because he approached me, he got a beating from Yoon Cheong who came with me.
It wouldn’t be easy for him to build affection for me, if only because of my kids who are always around me.
“Just…”
“Just?”
“…because you treat me well.”
Where did I treat you well?
Not understanding Ye Han-seo’s words at all, I looked at Yoon Cheong and Ji Yeohoon.
“Have I treated Ye Han-seo better than other kids?”
“Hmm…”
The two guys generally tend to agree with and view my actions positively, but since I haven’t particularly treated Ye Han-seo well, they couldn’t agree this time.
My behavior toward him wasn’t any different from how I treated the kids in my class or Ji Yeohoon’s classmates.
Just correcting him when he was wrong, and mediating so that the classmates could get along well.
Kids grow through fighting, so as long as it wasn’t too severe, I deliberately didn’t step forward to stop fights.
I just apologized if I did something wrong, and if he did something wrong, I gave him time to think so he could realize it?
Rather, I was just trying to teach him the emotion of guilt.
But why did that bounce back this way?
Feeling increasingly troubled, I scratched my head and asked Ye Han-seo.
“Can you be sure of your feelings?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m asking if it’s just your Esper instinct making you want to flirt with the first Guide you properly encountered.”
“I’m not that stupid.”
He could have flared up at my words.
However, Ye Han-seo shook his head rather than getting angry and looked straight into my eyes.
“…”
This really seems genuine?
I was surprised.
Espers receive classes teaching them to properly distinguish between “the attraction that arises from wanting to make someone their Guide and needing guiding” and “genuine attraction toward the person.”
Guides receive those classes too.
That’s why Guides sometimes reject Espers who rashly confess or try to pursue them unconditionally, or deliberately check their emotions.
A relationship that starts with unhealthy emotions will surely be poison for both parties.
There were surprisingly many cases of Espers who mistook slight attraction and the need for guiding as love and became obsessive toward Guides.
That was one of the reasons why I was firm with Yoon Seong-jin, who always came straight at me.
But Ye Han-seo’s emotions weren’t the kind of attraction an Esper feels toward a Guide.
This has become a headache…
“So, what do you want me to do?”
“…I’d like you to become my exclusive Guide later.”
“Is that all?”
“Hyung!”
“Moon Soo-young.”
Both of you be quiet, I’m listening to what he has to say, I didn’t say I’d accept it.
I gestured for them to stay still, and the two seemed to bite their lower lips slightly before calming down.
Ye Han-seo, who seemed to have gained a bit of courage, opened his mouth again.
“I want you to be with me. I’ve thought about it a lot, and even though I’m young now, I’d like you to be my boyfriend after graduation.”
He’s not talking about his immediate desire.
He’s expressing his feelings and hopes without forcing them, so in terms of how he speaks, he passes.
But that doesn’t mean I’ll accept it!
“Don’t you think your order is messed up?”
“Huh?”
“There’s something that’s not finished yet.”
I didn’t give you time to build affection, did I?
At my calm voice, Ye Han-seo finally seemed to realize.
He lowered his head, and then, bending at the waist, he spoke.
“I’m sorry. I was wrong. I would like you to forgive me for what I’ve done.”
“Hmm.”
That’s clean.
He probably realized what he had done while taking classes, and he must have heard a lot personally too.
The homeroom teacher of the third-year middle school Esper class must have talked about what happened several times, so I didn’t have to think he was apologizing without understanding.
“I accept your apology for now. Don’t do this to other Guides besides me in the future.”
“Other…?”
“And I’m sorry about your confession.”
I thought it would be better for him if I spoke clearly.
If I’m not definite, the one with feelings would be left with lingering attachments.
“If you’re just busy now, or if I need to be an adult, I can wait…”
“No, it’s different from that.”
He was right. I was busy.
I didn’t have room, and these two guys who stay close to me know best that I don’t have room for my emotions.
I’ve never explained it to them, but maybe because we’ve been together since we were young, they’re as sensitive to me as I am to them.
I was still anxious that Ji Yeohoon might go astray, and I was afraid Yoon Cheong might go berserk.
I try to prevent anything from happening, but I’m still scared that gates might burst open, and I’m afraid of getting hurt or sick.
I’m not sure if the changes I’ve made so far are right, and I’m tense about the butterfly effect that might be created by my answers, which have no definite right answer, all converging at once.
There was no way I could share my tension, which I couldn’t tell anyone, not even those closest to me.
“There’s no guarantee that I’ll have more room in my life when I become an adult, or conversely, when you become an adult. There’s no guarantee that I’ll come to like you either.”
“I can wait.”
“Ye Han-seo, I’m telling you not to wait.”
I don’t have the time or room to think about the word “love.”
At my firm words, Ye Han-seo closed his mouth.
“…”
He looked sad, as if he had thought there was some possibility on his side. But from my perspective, it was a confession with no possibility at all.
“I’m busy raising these guys now, and I’m also busy because of my family and my newly born baby sister.”
“…We don’t need to be raised.”
“We’ll grow up well on our own, hyung~.”
That’s just a figure of speech, you bastards.
I’ll think about the word “love” later. When I can afford to, I’ll think about it then.
But you know, Ye Han-seo.
When I delve deeper into my emotions, when I come to think about love, I don’t think you’ll be among those words.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
