#20
Hajun woke up with a start from the bed, letting out a high-pitched sound close to a scream. He calmed his rapid breathing while clutching his head with both hands. His heart was pounding uncomfortably hard.
In the quiet room, the sound of rain could be heard through the window. That dream again. He pushed back his sweat-soaked bangs and buried his face between his knees.
*
[We’re going on stage now]
Imun frowned at the message that was marked as read. He’d never failed to receive a reply before. After sending one more KaTok message to Hajun, he gripped his phone tightly. He wanted nothing more than to hear his voice right then, but—
‘Don’t contact me on purpose.’
Imun sighed after recalling his words.
The scolding that never failed to accompany their calls. At first, he hadn’t thought much of it, but after experiencing the same situation several times, he began to wonder if he’d been inconsiderate.
It had been five days since he’d stopped requesting calls as a test. When someone suddenly changes their behavior, it would be natural to ask why out of curiosity, but Hajun hadn’t mentioned anything of the sort. It seemed his unfortunate prediction was correct.
Was it wrong of him to have pestered Hajun to call so often? No matter how much he reviewed their conversations, he couldn’t find any particular slip of the tongue. After checking the chat log again, he scrolled all the way down.
The KaTok message he’d just sent had already been marked as read in the meantime. But sadly, Hajun still remained silent.
Even if he disliked calls, his messages had been no different from usual. So Imun had been reassured that KaTok was still fine, but as if mocking himself for taking comfort in this, his contact with Hajun had been completely cut off since the evening. Imun tightly closed his eyes, trying to calm the rising sense of urgency.
‘Hey, Imun.’
Whenever he answered the phone, Hajun would habitually call his name. His voice had a strange power. When they talked, even his frayed nerves from moving between shooting locations would magically soften.
A person who wants nothing from me. A person who sees me for who I am. After just a few days without talking to him, his entire body creaked as if complaining of fatigue. He desperately missed the peace of mind he had unknowingly enjoyed.
While massaging his throbbing temples to alleviate his headache, Saha’s bustling voice pierced his ears.
“Haneul everyone, so today Rai-hyung…”
Hyung must be streaming right now too. After watching Saha and Rai filming a live broadcast from the corner of the waiting room, Imun spoke to the manager.
“Hyung, how much waiting time do we have left?”
“Hmm, let’s see? I think we need to go out in about ten minutes…”
While nodding to the manager who was getting up to check, Imun barely stopped his hand that was about to press the call button unconsciously.
‘Don’t worry about my broadcast, just call me whenever you have time.’
When he didn’t know Hajun was a streamer, it couldn’t be helped, but now that he knew his occupation, he should have refrained from calling. Yet he had occasionally requested calls during Hajun’s broadcast hours.
He had enjoyed that Hajun prioritized him over his live broadcast, and had acted spoiled despite knowing he shouldn’t.
“So that’s why.”
He finally vaguely understood why Hajun had been avoiding calls recently. After staring blankly at the still-unchanged chat window, he abruptly stood up.
No matter how positively he tried to think about it, it was definitely strange that even his previously consistent messages had suddenly disappeared. It’s because I’m worried, I can’t help it. Just as he opened the waiting room door, promising himself that this would be the last call interrupting Hajun’s live broadcast, Saha called out, stopping Imun in his tracks.
“Hyung! Wait… Gangha-nim is currently ranting and cursing at you on his broadcast? Now… what? They say he’s blowing his top on the broadcast right now.”
“What… did you say?”
“Ugh… they’re saying Gangha-nim is… crying now?”
“Let me see that for a second.”
Quickly turning back, he snatched Saha’s phone. After smiling brightly at the fans who were pouring out hearts and cheers, he got straight to the point.
“What do you mean Gangha-nim is crying? Why… is he crying?”
– He found out you said you don’t have a single friend on yesterday’s variety show ã… ã…
– He seems to have had a mental breakdown and suddenly started a drinking broadcast ã… ã… ã… He’s crying and making a fuss now ã… ã…
“Ah…”
Why did hyung have to watch that broadcast of all things. It seemed that something he had said at the filming set a few weeks ago had been misunderstood against his intentions. If he had known it would reach Hajun, he would have expressed it more indirectly even if it was the same story.
‘It’s about time we head out.’ After exchanging glances with the manager who was mouthing words from the opposite side, Imun lifted the corners of his mouth.
“Haneul everyone who are watching Gangha-nim’s broadcast, I’ll call him as soon as I finish my schedule, so please tell Gangha-nim that what was said on the broadcast was a misunderstanding, and ask him to please answer the phone.”
***
Imun’s words that it would be harder to contact him once activities started were true. Though they consistently exchanged KaTok messages, actually hearing his voice was like trying to catch a star in the sky.
To think that talking once a day had been when he was less busy. It made him wonder if having a friend who’s too successful isn’t always a good thing. Although he kept telling himself not to agonize over not being able to make a simple phone call, his eyes kept drifting to his phone.
The phone call… it’s really because he’s busy, right? Sighing deeply, he let go of the thoughts that were heading in a negative direction today. He couldn’t be more pathetic for needlessly doubting someone who was probably working hard in the broadcast industry right now.
‘One day, after my schedule ended, I saw I had so many missed calls. Though they knew perfectly well I was busy, I was worried something had happened, so I called back… They put me on speakerphone without permission and said they were in a meeting with friends…’
Right, what’s so important about a phone call? Though it was a bit frustrating, he didn’t want to do anything that Imun might dislike. Recalling the anecdote Imun had shared, Hajun turned his head toward the monitor.
– Hyung why are you so down today
– Your complexion looks bad?;;;
– Why does your face look like this ã… ã… ã… Why such a gloomy expression
He lightly smiled after scanning the concerned chat messages from viewers that kept coming up. These days, following his complete surrender to Imun’s cute request, he had been showing his face on broadcasts since Imun’s comeback date.
Don’t show it. While inwardly repeating the same words, he glanced out the window. The rain that had been falling since dawn was intensifying as the night deepened.
I think I’d feel better if I could just make a call. Though he tried to control his emotions, he was quickly consumed by the familiar depression. He turned up the BGM even more to try to drown out the sound of rain.
“Thank you for your concern. It’s just that… dinner didn’t agree with my stomach—”
[10,000 won donation! Gangha, take a look at this]
[10,000 won donation! (YouTube video)]
[Imun-ssi, there’s a rumor that you don’t have friends, is that true?]
[Umm… Haha. Perhaps because I’ve been a trainee since I was so young, I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t really have anyone I can call a friend. I’m used to being alone and even find it fun, so I haven’t really tried to make friends either. Just, the members are both family and friends.]
He smiled wryly at Imun in the video. Unlike his own gloomy self, thankfully, Imun’s face looked bright.
“I guess this was filmed before we became friends.”
He had known for a while that Imun, like himself, didn’t have a wide circle of friends. Just as he lightly brushed off the obvious provocation—
– Look at the date here, isn’t it after the live broadcast appearance?
As if dissatisfied with his lukewarm reaction, an additional photo donation flew in. It was On The Sky’s schedule table, filled with various filming and stage commitments. After reading a chat message saying it was taken from Imun’s agency homepage, he frowned for a moment.
He couldn’t help but pay attention now. Hajun stared at the photo for a long time, even stopping the game in progress. As the viewer pointed out, the variety show he had just watched seemed to have been recorded just a few days ago. When he remained silent in the face of clear evidence, playful chat messages kept pouring in.
– Don’t cry, Gangha hyung, we can all see your tears ã… ã… ã…
– Were you just in a business relationship? Was it one-sided love? ㅜㅜㅋㅋ
Just as he was thinking Imun couldn’t have meant it sincerely, the suspicion he had painfully suppressed for days raised its head again.
Could it be that the consistently late replies, the sudden cessation of call requests, weren’t because he “couldn’t” but because he “wouldn’t”?
The candle-like hope that had illuminated his anxiety was instantly extinguished, and the disappointment he had swallowed alone came rushing in like a tide. He no longer had the strength to maintain a composed face.
When he couldn’t laugh off the viewers’ teasing, the rapidly rising chat suddenly slowed down. They seemed to have noticed the seriousness of his unusual reaction.
[30,000 won donation! Have you seen the recent Legend of Legend video trailer? lolol]
[50,000 won donation! Please review the new character balance patch]
Though he recognized their efforts to change the atmosphere, he simply couldn’t speak. His emotions churned roughly like a stormy sea.
I need to broadcast. He exhaled deeply as if to sink the ground and covered his face.
How many minutes had passed? In the end, he couldn’t pull himself together. While he was closing the game and turning off the BGM, not a single person triggered a donation.
After silently reading the chat filled with consolation, Hajun suddenly left the room.
– Everyone, read the room;; Why are you all so desperate to tease him
– ã… ã… Sorry sorry, I was just acting normal…
The viewers squabbled among themselves while looking at the empty chair. Even after agreeing to apologize without hesitation when Hajun returned, he did not come back.
‘I hope nothing’s wrong’, ‘He’ll come back before the broadcast time ends, right?’ Just as the chat was buzzing with concern for him, the door opened with a creaking sound.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
