Some had sneered at Nabin, asking if someone like him even deserved to call her mother. But to him, she was the anchor that kept him from drowning in this merciless world. Even though she spent most of her days lost in unconsciousness, the simple fact that she shared the same air as him was the only thing that made his unbearable days endurable. She was his last remaining family.
Every time Tae Yishin pushed him to his limits, every time the weight of guiding Han Jigang and Gong Min threatened to crush him, the reason he forced himself to stay in that suffocating mansion—instead of running away—was her. If he endured, maybe she could receive the care she needed. And perhaps, one day, she would return to how she once was—before his father died—pulling him into her arms and whispering, “My son.”
But now, it was all over. He and his mother were being cast out of the Center.
From the moment he was old enough to understand, Nabin had swallowed his grief and resentment over his father’s death, never once blaming his mother. But the relentless waves of sorrow and the crushing weight of his isolation had finally broken him.
“Mom…” His voice cracked as he stared at the tears pooling in her motionless palm. “It should have been me. I should have died that day… instead of Dad.”
Sometimes, he wondered: What if the monster had torn into his throat instead? What if he had never been born at all? The thought clung to him like tar, thick and inescapable.
“It’s my fault you’re like this…” His fingers trembled around hers, but he didn’t notice. The sorrow swelling inside him was too much to contain. “I shouldn’t have been born. I shouldn’t have survived. Because of me, Dad died. Because of me, you—”
His voice faltered. He had never once tried to end his own life, no matter how brutal things got. Mangchi had always said that despite his fragile appearance, Nabin was tougher than anyone. The other guides at the illegal parlors wore their suicide attempts like badges—scars etched into their wrists—but Nabin had never given in. He had been beaten within an inch of his life by Kim Minsu and other Espers, had woken up from self-inflicted wounds more times than he could count, but he had never once carved into his own flesh with the intent to die.
Until now.
Now, he wanted it to end. The thought of what awaited them after being expelled from the Center made his chest tighten. A future even more hellish than the present stretched before him, and for the first time, he didn’t know if he could keep fighting.
If he were alone, he would have already thrown himself out the nearest window.
But his mother was still here. Still breathing. And that single fact shackled him to life.
“I want to die,” he whispered, his voice raw. “But I can’t… because of you.”
Only when the tears soaked through the sheets did he snap back to reality. His mother’s palm was slick with his grief, her fingers still entwined with his. Horror washed over him.
What have I just said?
He wiped his face, his breath uneven. He had just told his mother—the one person who had never abandoned him—that he wished for death. That he resented her for keeping him alive. There was no greater betrayal.
It was as if he had lit a funeral pyre at her bedside.
“Mom, I didn’t mean it,” he choked out, pressing his forehead to their joined hands. “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He had always believed she could hear him, even like this. That was why he had filled their silences with stories, with songs she used to love. But now, all he could think was: Please, don’t let her have heard that.
Everything was unraveling. He was tangled in a knot with no end, and the only way out seemed to be cutting the thread.
He had been barely holding on since Kim Su-hyun’s death, barely staying afloat after Ryu Somin’s betrayal, after Tae Yishin’s cruelty. Han Jigang and Gong Min had been the only ones keeping him from drowning. But it felt like no matter how hard he climbed, another mountain always loomed ahead. And this time, he wasn’t sure he had the strength to keep going.
Yet he couldn’t give up. Not when she was still here.
“I’ll find a way,” he promised, gripping her hand tighter. “Just hold on a little longer.”
He had to check his savings, scour for affordable hospitals, swallow his pride and ask Noh Si-woo for help. His guiding mana wasn’t completely gone—he could still endure, for now.
For now, that would have to be enough.
***
Nabin left his mother’s room and wandered toward the Center’s park. He couldn’t face returning to the mansion alone, so he would wait for Han Jigang’s call. The ward’s visitor lounge was too crowded with strangers, their gazes like needles against his skin.
He feared people now—not just the ones who could hurt him, but all of them. A single glance in his direction made his mind splinter, voices whispering where there were none. Ever since Tae Yishin had used his ability on him, it had only gotten worse. When the medical staff entered his mother’s room, their eyes flickering toward him, the noise in his head became unbearable. He had fled before he could unravel completely.
The park was vast, its edges quiet and empty. Nabin found a bench in the farthest corner and sat, staring at nothing.
An ant dragged a crumb across the pavement. A child’s laughter cut through the stillness.
“Dad, you really mean it? Anything I want?”
“Today’s Children’s Day,” the man said, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Pick whatever you like.”
The boy—no older than six—beamed up at him, his small hand swallowed in his father’s. The man wore the Center’s administrative uniform, his expression soft with a love so palpable it made Nabin’s throat ache.
Children’s Day.
Time blurred in the mansion. Some days, he worked until he collapsed, waking to find another day had slipped by. It felt like only yesterday he had shivered in the cold, his coat too thin for winter. Now, summer hummed in the air, just out of reach.
He watched them disappear down the path, the father’s voice warm, the boy’s steps light.
And for the first time in a long time, Nabin let himself wonder what it would be like to be that child. To be wanted. To be safe.
