Chapter 21
My body instinctively curled up, and my bent fingers tightly gripped the tablecloth. Kim Doyun moved closer, pressing against me.
“It seems fine now.”
It was just dark, and it only appeared that way because of the light. I swallowed the saliva that had risen to my throat and looked up at Kim Doyun. Then Kim Doyun smiled again with a smile that could enchant anyone. Of all times, he had to smile right in my face. I was so entranced, almost startled, that I felt like coughing. Kim Doyun, seeing my surprise, casually stroked my body and spoke gently.
“I don’t think you need to worry. The bruise has almost disappeared. But you should focus on healing your injuries first.”
His voice was so gentle that my ears felt like they were melting. I nodded slowly, following his soothing gestures. I had felt enchanted by his face many times before, but this time it was really… I became so embarrassed that I covered my face with one hand.
But he seemed to interpret my embarrassment differently. Worry hung heavily on Kim Doyun’s expression.
“This is serious. If only we had some medicine…”
Hearing those words, I couldn’t help but laugh. Medicine? In our current situation, that was a precious item difficult to find even in dreams. I patted the back of his hand, meaning not to worry too much. Kim Doyun seemed to look down at the back of his hand where I had touched it. Was he surprised because he didn’t expect me to do that? His face, now free of worry, looked very strange. While I was staring at that face, Kim Doyun sighed softly and whispered:
“You should rest well, even if you can’t fall asleep. That’s the only way you’ll get better.”
His words were right. Even if tormented by nightmares, I needed to sleep to recover and be able to move or do anything else. I closed my eyes at his urging, but the sounds that inevitably came made it difficult to fall asleep despite my feverish head.
Shik-shik.
The now-familiar sound of wind came. The busy rustling of undergrowth, the sharp cries occasionally mixed with the wind sounds. The gestures of something trying to climb up by scratching the tree. Though it gave me goosebumps, I could maintain my composure. It was the ease that came after realizing that the creatures’ hands, feet, and bodies weren’t suited for climbing trees. But I couldn’t help my ears turning toward the sound, and listening to it made sleep gradually slip away.
“Don’t worry and rest well. I’ll stay beside you.”
Kim Doyun whispered into my ear that couldn’t fall asleep. He pulled me closer into his arms and patted my back.
His body temperature was warm, but I thought it might look disgusting from the outside, two men entangled together. I had given up caring, but Kim Doyun, who had to hold a sick person, must have been uncomfortable. He had joked that he was standing, but actually embracing another man continuously was a bit much. Thinking about it made me smile. Kim Doyun tilted his head at my smile.
“…It’s nothing.”
I closed my eyes while releasing a mix of laughter, coughing, and a hoarse voice. Unlike the fiery nightmare from before, a peaceful sleep without any dreams poured over me.
* * *
Perhaps because I had slept deeply for several days, my fever gradually began to subside. Although a mild fever remained, it wasn’t life-threatening, so I could quickly pull myself together. I pulled the tablecloth over and wrapped it around my body. However, the tablecloth, which had become slightly damp from humidity, wasn’t as warm as yesterday. It was better than nothing, but the warmth was a bit lacking, so I tilted my head. It felt like something that should be there was missing. Only then did I realize Kim Doyun’s absence.
I hurriedly got up, holding my spinning head. But my feet stood in one place, unable to move forward or backward. This giant tree, like the one where we had spent our first night, perhaps even larger than back then, left me with no choice but to gaze down endlessly.
Green leaves filled the area in all directions. The soil, visible here and there, looked like dust marks left on a green painting. I searched everywhere for Kim Doyun, but I couldn’t find even his shadow.
Where had he gone? The bag was not far away, and the vine net where we had kept the fruits was also there, but there was no trace of Kim Doyun anywhere. It felt as if the person who had been with me all this time had disappeared like an illusion.
I was about to shout with my parched throat, but concerned that my cry would attract monsters, I maintained silence. It would be terrible if Kim Doyun were to encounter creatures hiding in the shadows when he returned.
I wrapped the tablecloth around my body and quietly waited for him. But as time passed, the sun rose to midday and then began to turn red as it tilted, but Kim Doyun still hadn’t returned. As the shadows stretched out beneath the forest, my heart burned with worry.
Shaking off the bad thoughts filling my mind, my eyes ceaselessly searched for Kim Doyun. As I waited, massaging my swollen hands and feet, I realized again how much I had come to depend on him. At first, I seemed to have been reluctant about his kindness, but in front of this chaotic world, there was no one as reliable as Kim Doyun. Honestly, who wouldn’t depend on such a man right in front of them?
However, with the disappearance of the figure who had supported me both materially and mentally, a serious illness engulfed me. The name of the disease, which took the form of the hanged man, was loneliness.
Kururu.
The sky began to rumble. Startled, I looked up to see clouds gathering stealthily. Kim Doyun still hadn’t returned. I paced around the vines, worrying about him. I wanted to climb down the tree to look for him, but even walking was making me break into a cold sweat. If I pushed myself even a little, I felt like I would collapse from fever.
“Where did you go…”
I let out a self-mutter mixed with half resentment, half worry. The turbulent clouds were growing in size. At this rate, the sun would disappear, and it would become the world of those creatures again. Kim Doyun would probably be able to find a place to shelter himself, but since I couldn’t see it with my own eyes, the worry wouldn’t easily disappear. Until Kim Doyun appeared before me in one piece, I would worry and fret.
But cruelly, the sun had completely set. I stared blankly at the forest sinking into darkness. Kim Doyun hadn’t returned after all, and I was left on the tree with my sick body.
It can’t be, surely not. Malicious thoughts tried to creep into my mind.
“It can’t be, there’s no way. What kind of person is he?”
I wrapped the tablecloth around my trembling body. It was summer, and I was covered with a tablecloth, so I should have been warm, but no matter how much I wrapped myself, I was still cold. My anxious eyes saw Kim Doyun’s neatly arranged belongings. No, could I even call them Kim Doyun’s belongings? The remaining fruits and miscellaneous items brought from the building. These were things essential for survival in the forest.
Yes, because we have these. It’ll be okay. I muttered to myself, tapping my chest. Finding items in a situation like this wasn’t easy. To survive, we needed something, and things like food and tablecloths were essential. If we ignored the cold wind, we’d end up in a similar state to my current condition. Kim Doyun would have known that.
He probably climbed up another tree when the sun set on his way back. But why did he leave? Did he go to look for a fruit grove after seeing our diminishing fruit supply? If that was the case, he should have woken me up forcefully and at least told me before leaving. Or did he try to wake me, but I couldn’t get up? The problem was that my sleep had increased due to my poor physical condition. I blamed myself for sleeping so deeply, oblivious to the world.
Again, fever rose to my head, and the world spun. Bad thoughts continuously tickled my toes and whispered. What if he left because I became a burden?
Quite some time had passed since we started staying here. Kim Doyun had mashed fruits with tree branches for me when I had difficulty eating, and every night, he would hold me, soothe me, and help me sleep. Now, I no longer recoiled at the thought of two men clinging together; it was even comfortable to bury my head against Kim Doyun’s firm chest and fall asleep. When I had nightmares and couldn’t sleep, he would talk in a low voice, telling me about movies or artworks he liked. While apologizing that the only stories he could tell were boring ones. Thinking about Kim Doyun’s hardship made the tip of my nose sting.
It must have been difficult. Having caused him so much trouble, I couldn’t complain if he had left me. But, but still.
I looked at the forest and then lay down. The hard tree felt especially cold today, so I wrapped myself in the tablecloth that Kim Doyun had used.
“You said you’d stay beside me…”
I bit my lip hard, feeling like I might cry. I barely swallowed my tears and buried my face in the tablecloth. I missed Kim Doyun’s embrace, which had been firm and warm.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
