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As soon as Han Jaekyung entered the hotel room, he collapsed face-down onto the bed. It would have been nice to somehow deal with his gel-slicked hair and heavy clothes and soak his body in warm water… but right now he didn’t want to move at all. If he could, he just wanted to disappear completely without a trace like this. That was all he could think about.
It was misdirected blame that everyone in the world could point fingers at him for. At this very moment, the target Han Jaekyung hated and resented most wasn’t the unnamed classmates who had put him on the chopping block and chewed him up, nor was it Moon Yeonu who had appeared after ten years trying to turn his world upside down.
“That bastard, how could he do this to me… How could he.”
Han Jaekyung couldn’t stand how every single one of Jang Yeonhu’s actions irritated and displeased him. How could Jang Yeonhu, how could he do that to Han Jaekyung? All the things that had already happened seemed entirely Jang Yeonhu’s fault.
Jang Yeonhu couldn’t have been unaware that the secret to Han Jaekyung being able to live with his head held high all this time was entirely thanks to his halo. Of course, he had even supported him materially and spiritually, telling him to use it as much as he wanted. Yet despite all that, despite having done all that, now he was pulling away that shadow.
No. Even these complaints were all just excuses. What truly made Han Jaekyung’s heart painfully sorrowful was simply the fact itself that Jang Yeonhu’s beloved was no longer him.
Sometimes some people would openly mock Han Jaekyung. Just how high were his standards that he showed an attitude of not wanting Jang Yeonhu for himself but being reluctant to give him to others? Whenever that happened, Han Jaekyung would just sneer, thinking they should have been born as Han Jaekyung if they were so upset, but that was all just pathetic deception.
Not wanting him for himself but being reluctant to give him to others? How could he dare have such presumptuous thoughts about Jang Yeonhu? It was true that he was reluctant to give him to others, but it wasn’t because Han Jaekyung didn’t want him. It was because it seemed like he could never have him even if he died trying. He’d rather hoped that no one could have him.
Choi Eunseong, who was Jang Yeonhu’s lover, was young and pretty. And seeing how he had stepped up for something that wasn’t even his business today, he was pretty and kind too.
The position that Han Jaekyung had wanted so much but never had confidence he could permanently achieve, that young and kind man had easily seized. What exactly was the difference between Choi Eunseong and himself? Jaekyung, who had buried his head deep into the soft bedding, repeated the same question over and over in his mind.
In terms of appearance, whether viewed objectively or subjectively, if you stopped anyone passing by and asked them, everyone would raise Han Jaekyung’s hand. So it couldn’t be appearance. He thought of Choi Eunseong’s rosy cheeks that protruded cutely and drew a big X in his mind.
If he were to distinguish the differences between Han Jaekyung and Choi Eunseong by factors other than appearance, in fact, he didn’t have much chance of winning in other categories. Jaekyung was the person who knew better than anyone his own fussy and fastidious way of speaking and temperament that made people beside him sick of him. Still, he thought everything would be fine since Jang Yeonhu beside him said it was okay. How could he have known that that sucker who used to say everything was okay if it was Han Jaekyung would stab him in the back like this now?
Every time Han Jaekyung saw Choi Eunseong’s white cheeks blushing red beside Jang Yeonhu, he wanted to scream at him to get lost, that was his place. If there had been a guarantee that doing so would really make that place his… he would have already done it and more.
But Han Jaekyung was too much of a coward to attempt such a thing.
Even by his own standards, hadn’t Han Jaekyung been thoroughly using Jang Yeonhu over the years to an excessive degree? So if Jang Yeonhu had really gotten fed up with such behavior and was drawn to someone with a gentle heart unlike himself, eventually coming to truly love them… no matter how much he screamed and wailed, it might already be too late to turn Jang Yeonhu around.
Every time he had such thoughts, his heart would automatically sink with a chill. In that case, it would be better to stay like this, clinging to his side even if just with the name of friend.
No. Perhaps even that was already too late. In fact, it was quite a reasonable inference since Jaekyung had long ago stopped feeling any guilt or even a trace of gratitude for using Jang Yeonhu, even before the situation had gone this wrong.
For example, during university, Jang Yeonhu had gone back and forth between school and the officetel several times because of Han Jaekyung’s errands, even leaving team project meetings in the middle. They weren’t even important errands.
Most of them were unreasonable demands like saying he didn’t like the brand of bottled water that filled the refrigerator and to buy different ones, or unreasonable complaints that the arrangement of perfectly fine furniture didn’t seem right so he should rearrange it himself.
Even then, he knew it was absurd nitpicking. But Jang Yeonhu had never once refused Han Jaekyung’s calls. Even when Jaekyung suddenly contacted him at 2 AM saying he wanted cake and to bring some, then fell asleep, leaving Yeonhu waiting outside the door in sub-zero weather until he caught a severe cold, he never once showed resentment even as a joke.
Why had he done that? Had he been planning to see how far Jang Yeonhu could endure? How far can you tolerate me? Can you still like me even if I do this? It was a childish idea that even a seven-year-old wouldn’t think of, but it seemed to be quite a serious matter for Jaekyung at the time.
In the meantime, slowly, Han Jaekyung became accustomed to using Jang Yeonhu. Jang Yeonhu, who would smile and nod no matter how harsh the demands he made, became all too natural.
Jang Yeonhu loves Han Jaekyung. No matter what Han Jaekyung does.
Since all the values that made up Han Jaekyung’s world were based on that natural premise, he had forgotten the very fact that Jang Yeonhu, his personal pushover, could dare to have feelings for someone else.
Ding-dong-.
The bell suddenly rang about thirty minutes after Han Jaekyung had checked in. What could it be when he hadn’t ordered anything… Han Jaekyung, who had been lying face down without moving, finally moved his lazy limbs only after the ding-dong sound rang a couple more times.
“Good evening, sir. These are the belongings you left at the banquet hall downstairs and simple room service.”
“…Thank you. But I didn’t order anything.”
“These are Director Jang’s instructions. He also asked me to tell you that the checkout time has been adjusted to the afternoon, so please rest comfortably.”
“Ah, yes.”
What was on the small trolley was the salty clam chowder full of clam meat and a few pieces of rye bread that Han Jaekyung would look for whenever his stomach felt upset. The coat and bag he had left downstairs were also loaded on like an appendix.
Only after hearing the title “Director Jang” did he remember that this hotel was run by his maternal family. During his orphanage days when five or six people would huddle together in a room of only about ten square meters, Han Jaekyung had lived without even knowing such a brilliant world existed, while Jang Yeonhu was already adorning the pinnacle of this vast world.
Whether Jang Yeonhu was sincere or not, Han Jaekyung earnestly hoped with all his heart that his small love that had just begun would not be fulfilled. Otherwise, wouldn’t his past choice of abandoning Jang Yeonhu be too pitiable?
The moderately warm soup gently soothed Han Jaekyung’s stomach, which had only taken in alcohol without eating anything at the uncomfortable gathering. The more the savory clam chowder suited his taste, the more miserable Han Jaekyung’s current situation became instead. This time too, Jang Yeonhu hadn’t followed Han Jaekyung. The future was uncertain as to how many times he’d have to experience this before getting used to it.
Once he had roughly filled his stomach, the lethargy that had made him stretch his limbs like taffy also subsided. Only then did Han Jaekyung loosen the tie that had been suffocatingly choking his neck and began unbuttoning his shirt one by one.
In the midst of this, he suddenly thought he needed to shut Choi Eunseong’s mouth. Why hadn’t he thought of this sooner? Even if rumors starting to spread was unstoppable anyway, he had to at least prevent the disaster of what happened to Han Jaekyung today reaching Jang Yeonhu’s ears through Choi Eunseong’s mouth.
Who would have thought that his occupational habit of habitually collecting contact information first when meeting new people would be helpful at times like this? While sending a message to a contact he thought he would never be the first to contact when he saved it, Han Jaekyung felt his panicked and confused mind gradually getting organized.
He thought about calling, but he didn’t want to find out that the two of them were together again like before. What if this time Jang Yeonhu answered the phone and asked what was wrong while Eunseong was showering…
“Ah, my blood pressure is rising… They’re not together again today, are they?”
Whether Han Jaekyung’s insides were bursting or not, time relentlessly flowed leisurely. Even buried in the soft goose down comforter, Han Jaekyung tossed and turned all night unable to fall asleep, and could finally close his eyes only when the morning sun faintly rose.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
