<9>
“Why are you pretending not to know, Jaekyung? You know you stayed at my place yesterday. You know that.”
Ah, thrilling. Han Jaekyung’s eyelashes trembled as if he might burst into tears at any moment. His tightly closed red lips, his face pale with shock—everything about him was so pretty that Yeonhu wanted to hold him in his arms and soothe him. The hand holding his chopsticks was tense, with veins standing out prominently on his dry hand. Yeonhu wore a seemingly kind smile that masked the dark thoughts inside—thoughts of wanting to bite and swallow each of those protruding veins.
“You can call me anytime, but please be careful about calling too late at night from now on.”
“…”
“Of course it was natural between us, but Eunseong might feel uncomfortable. Right?”
This is serious. He had intended to tease him a little and then explain that nothing like what Jaekyung was imagining had happened—that he had only attended a team gathering—but seeing his wounded expression made him even more excited.
Sometimes Yeonhu wanted to cup Jaekyung’s small head in his hands and treat it with utmost care, but occasionally he also felt the urge to grab his fine hair and grind it into the dirt. These two sides occupied exactly half of his territory each, always maintaining a tense balance, but today the latter seemed to have gained the upper hand.
After biting his lower lip hard and taking a few deep breaths, Jaekyung finally responded with a suppressed voice that anyone could tell was forced: “…Yeah,” and nodded his head.
Though he had shown him the sight of a proper kiss, it hadn’t yielded the desired benefit, so he had already wanted to deliver some great shock—and now the situation aligned perfectly. Judging by his character, which greatly valued appearances and was fastidious about relationships, Jaekyung would never extend his reach to the planning team to verify yesterday’s facts.
“I was worried you might feel hurt, but thanks for understanding. As always, you’re the only one who truly understands me, Jaekyung.”
As Yeonhu slowly spoke in a devoted and loyal voice no different from usual, Jaekyung’s complexion steadily darkened moment by moment. If he felt bad, he could just say he felt bad; if he disliked it, he could just say he disliked it. Having been accustomed for nearly twenty years to Yeonhu sticking by his side and providing everything he wanted before he could even open his mouth, Jaekyung showed every sign of being hurt but never knew how to express his feelings.
If Jaekyung wanted it, Yeonhu would make it happen.
That was a very natural and open truth that applied to their relationship. Yeonhu wished for Jaekyung to become as fussy and neurotic as his appearance suggested. Enough to scare away random people who approached him without knowing better. Others often clicked their tongues, wondering what Yeonhu lacked that he willingly played the sucker, but that showed they knew one thing but not the other.
Sticking to Jaekyung like a tongue to the roof of a mouth and fulfilling even his smallest, most trivial wishes was the easiest way to consume Jaekyung’s life entirely.
“I guess this is what they mean by the value of friendship, right?”
“…Hey, Jang Yeonhu. You…”
“Yes?”
“You… in your eyes, do I really…”
Do I really not look hurt at all? That was probably the kind of line hidden in Jaekyung’s ellipsis. Though he clearly recognized the intention, as if looking into clear water, Yeonhu just blinked and played dumb, saying, “What is it, Jaekyung? Do you have something to say?”
“Haa… No. Never mind.”
As expected. Just as Yeonhu had trained him. This time too, Jaekyung couldn’t honestly express what he wanted. That delicate and neurotic temperament that he had personally sculpted couldn’t be more lovable. Yeonhu’s heart was filled with excitement.
He wished Jaekyung would realize as soon as possible how scorching and painful the sun was outside the shade that Yeonhu had been providing so cheaply. He wished Jaekyung would realize and surrender.
Since he himself had been defeated and surrendered long ago. Now it was Jaekyung’s turn.
Born with a tenacious and greedy nature, whenever Yeonhu possessed something, he wanted to possess it completely, from head to toe, without a single flaw, whatever it might be. In this life, he had chosen Jaekyung as that one thing… and if Jaekyung would willingly give himself, Yeonhu too was long prepared to give himself entirely in return.
In his still-vivid memories of his youth, Jaekyung had abandoned Yeonhu so easily, readily offering the meager excuse that he was tired and wanted to remain friends.
‘You didn’t mishear. I’m tired of dating you. I want to stop.’
‘…Alright. Let’s do that. I listen to everything you say anyway. You know that and still say such things.’
‘Jang Yeonhu.’
‘Am I wrong?’
‘…Yeonhu.’
How full of sorrow Jaekyung’s eyes were as he spoke of breaking up, how his voice trembled as he made what was almost a plea, asking if Yeonhu couldn’t just stay by his side like that—none of that mattered. He already knew that it was his grandfather who had urged Jaekyung to make such a choice.
From the beginning, hiding their relationship was something he did because Jaekyung wanted it. If Jaekyung had asked if he could abandon everything for him and leave home, Yeonhu would have gladly nodded. This wasn’t the foolish and noble nonsense of a young master ignorant of life’s hardships. Even when advising Jaekyung to run away, Yeonhu already possessed enough wealth to live without working for a lifetime.
He had no particular desire to inherit the company, so with the few commercial buildings in his name and the stocks he had inherited early from his maternal family, they could have gone anywhere together and lived quite cozily. Jaekyung might have disliked staying in Korea, so Yeonhu had excitedly looked into several study abroad agencies.
When he first proposed running away and abandoning everything, Yeonhu had been confident. He believed that Jaekyung loved him as a person more deeply than anything else, just as he loved Jaekyung. Though he wasn’t thrilled about it, if it would put Jaekyung’s mind at ease, he could have brought along Driver Song too. But Jaekyung flatly rejected Yeonhu and chose the card his grandfather had extended.
Would Yeonhu not have guessed his true feelings? Jaekyung simply couldn’t abandon the insignificant achievements he had built at that time, his few relationships, and every corner of the mansion to which he had grown deeply attached. His small head would have also calculated that no matter what choice he made, Yeonhu would never leave him.
The massive, ancient mansion where Yeonhu was born and raised was the first new world that Jaekyung encountered after crossing the threshold of the orphanage. Jaekyung had a subtle obsession with that world.
Therefore, the Yeonhu that Jaekyung loved was the Yeonhu who fully belonged to that world, destined to someday inherit all its glory. Just being a Yeonhu who loved Jaekyung wasn’t enough.
“Chew thoroughly, Jaekyung. You don’t want to get indigestion.”
Beloved Jaekyung. Pitiful Jaekyung.
“Oh, right. Grandmother asked you to visit sometime. She said she misses you.”
“…Madam? Really?”
If only you would surrender now, raise both hands, and crawl back saying you were wrong—that would be so pretty. Yeonhu picked up a piece of soy-braised meat and placed it on Jaekyung’s chopsticks, which had stopped mid-air. Now that he had hurt him enough, it was time to lick the bloody wound clean. Though he would have to inflict wounds over and over until Jaekyung finally collapsed from exhaustion…
“Yes, really. She said she’s set aside some pickled vegetables and side dishes you enjoy. How about we go together after work?”
“You… Aren’t you going home with your boyfriend?”
“We can’t go together on days when I go straight home. Of course, they don’t know about him at home.”
“Do as you please, then.”
“Alright. Let’s meet at the parking lot later.”
It didn’t matter. Even if it was a wound carved like a medal on that clear face, it would surely suit Jaekyung perfectly.
* * *
“Whew, I’m so full…”
Yesterday his stomach was empty and now today it’s too full. Han Jaekyung placed the containers of side dishes he had brought home with both hands on the table with a thud and rubbed his bloated stomach. Come to think of it, it had been almost two months since he last visited Yeonhu’s family home. When he first moved out after entering university, he used to visit every weekend…
Is it strange to feel the futility of time from something so trivial? As he filled his empty refrigerator with industrious hands, Jaekyung felt the corners of his mouth quirking upward involuntarily.
The large mansion that intimidated people was still as imposing as ever, even after not seeing it for a long time. Though the old chairman and vice chairman were absent on business, Yeonhu’s grandmother and mother stood side by side to welcome Jaekyung.
“You’ve lost some weight. Is it because outside food doesn’t suit your taste?” Why did such a trivial comment seem to dig into a corner of his heart?
He knew well that their kindness toward him never exceeded the level of someone generously opening a can of food for a cute cat wandering the street, but Jaekyung could never take his eyes off that generosity. He was merely projecting his self-conceived ideal of guardians onto them, so it wasn’t such a losing deal.
“Let’s see… Was it next week?”
Anyway, having received enough side dishes to last a month with plenty left over, he needed to repay them properly. Though Jaekyung, who had completely shut his ears to such matters, heard it for the first time during tonight’s dinner, there was going to be a high school reunion next weekend. Since it was a school deliberately created to build networks and acquaintances from childhood, while an orphan like Jaekyung might not attend, Yeonhu needed to participate and spend a harmonious time with the children of other families.
Yeonhu, who usually showed his face well at such events, this time explicitly expressed reluctance, saying he had a prior engagement that made it difficult to attend. Mrs. Kang hardened her expression and asked if it was an appointment with Jaekyung. He must have made a date with his boyfriend. At that thought, a cold wind seemed to blow through his heart, which had just barely calmed down. Jaekyung waved his hands and went so far as to say that he would personally bring Yeonhu no matter what, so not to worry.
A reunion… He had blurted it out, so he would have to drag Yeonhu there, but he was already feeling anxious. Having never attended since graduation, it would naturally be full of strangers. The thought of enduring an uncomfortable time made his head throb, but it was still better than watching Yeonhu leisurely dating his boyfriend with his hands tied. Truly.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
