Survival Audition: My Job is Idol 40

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Chapter 40

“Sorry, I was watching the live broadcast. You watched it too, right?”

Juha apologized first as soon as he answered the phone.

-…Yeah. How’s your body?

Taeri’s voice was careful, like someone being considerate.

“I slept all day so I’m much better.”

-Can you come out for a moment?

“Right now? Where?”

Juha asked while looking at his watch. It was late, nearly midnight.

Behind Taeri’s voice, he could hear sounds of cars passing and people walking and chattering – living noises that suggested he wasn’t at home.

-In front of your house where I got off earlier.

“Really?”

-If you’re not feeling well, I’ll just go…

Taeri’s voice dropped considerably.

“It’s okay. I’ll come down. Wait at the playground in front.”

After hanging up, Juha changed his clothes. Taeri’s unusually subdued voice bothered him.

‘Is something wrong?’

He was suddenly worried that Taeri had come all the way to his house at this hour. If someone with a bad ankle had gone out of his way to come here to say something, it wouldn’t be ordinary.

“Where are you going?”

When Juha came out of his room, Lee Yunha, who was lying on the living room sofa looking at her phone, asked.

“I’ll go out for a bit. I’ll be back soon.”

“Buy ice cream when you come back. World Cone or Bbureo-bwa Cone.”

“I don’t know. If I remember.”

Juha answered roughly and left the house.

The night air was cool. Since it was late midnight, there weren’t many people walking around the apartment complex. The moon was bright and with the streetlights on, it was quite bright.

As he went near the playground, he saw Taeri holding a carrier with two coffee cups.

Though he was wearing a hat in the darkness, he could recognize him at a glance. The way Taeri’s gaze moved here and there looked somehow anxious.

Seeing the cast still wrapped around Taeri’s ankle made Juha feel sorry for no reason.

“Choi Taeri.”

“Lee Juha…”

When Juha called out, Taeri turned his head with a gentle smile.

“What brings you here at this hour? And with your ankle not being good.”

“Drink this. I didn’t know what you liked, so I bought a cold vanilla latte.”

Taeri handed him the coffee from the carrier.

“Thanks. I like this.”

“And this.”

Taeri took out a small paper bag from his pocket.

“What’s this?”

“Ointment for scratches and painkillers, they said.”

“My body is fine though…”

“Still, apply it and take it before sleeping.”

Juha reluctantly took the bag. The moment Juha’s fingertips touched it, Taeri flinched and pulled his hand away.

“…”

A strange awkwardness flowed between them, as if their morning of kissing and clinging together had been a dream. It was clearly Taeri’s problem. He seemed to be hesitating, hiding something he wanted to say.

“Sit down.”

“Mm.”

When Juha suggested the swing, Taeri sat on the swing holding his coffee.

Juha sat next to him, swinging while sipping his iced vanilla latte.

Perhaps because it was late at night, there weren’t many people passing by the playground. The wind rustled and the sound of nearby tree branches bumping could be heard. Because Taeri was unusually quiet, Juha also kept his mouth shut. The awkward atmosphere continued. Something was definitely wrong, but Taeri didn’t readily open his mouth.

‘Let me speak first then.’

When water droplets began to form on the cup surface, Juha spoke first.

“Did you watch today’s broadcast?”

“Yeah.”

Taeri nodded with his head down.

“With whom?”

“Alone.”

It was an unexpected answer. Thinking of Taeri watching with someone else made him jealous, but imagining him watching alone suddenly made him seem lonely.

He was about to say ‘You should have contacted me’ when he remembered his cold self who had only sent back a single ‘Yeah’ in reply to Taeri.

“What about your parents?”

“They’re not leisurely enough people to watch idol auditions.”

“Still, their son is on it…”

“If I had felt hurt about every little thing like that, I would have already cried myself to death.”

“…”

Juha looked at Taeri quietly. His expression was too calm to offer any particular comfort. Even if he had called Yoo Youngin at least, he would have rushed to Taeri immediately. However, he had watched the live broadcast alone as if used to it. Like someone born alone in the world with no one else.

Whether Juha had doubts or not, Taeri swayed on the swing he was riding. Juha also dragged his feet beside him, swinging aimlessly.

He could feel Taeri’s lips twitching several times, but Juha left him alone until he spoke directly.

Could he be regretting that confession this morning? Did he want to reconsider their relationship? The silence amplified his anxiety.

“After saying those words in the taxi, I was very anxious.”

After finishing his words, Taeri bit his lip.

“Why…”

Juha held back his words for a moment. He wanted to hear his true feelings first. He was suddenly afraid of what reaction he should show if Taeri wanted to take back that confession.

Taeri licked his lips and took his time.

“I remember you saying that everything is unfair to you because it’s all first experiences. But for me too, everything I do with you is a first. I thought that what I said might have sounded too hasty and could be burdensome to you.”

“…”

“Still, Lee Juha, I don’t think I just like you. I think I love you.”

Taeri stopped his swing and looked at Juha.

Taeri’s eyes mixed fear, excitement, expectation, and affection. Only after reading his gaze did Juha realize.

Taeri hadn’t come to retract his confession of love, but to make it certain. Honestly, he was so lovable. This man acting like he didn’t know what to do as if he had fallen into unrequited love was so beautiful he couldn’t stand it.

Unaware of those feelings, Taeri continued with his head down again.

“I was scared you might distance yourself after hearing those words. But I’ve never liked anyone as much as you in my life…”

“I love you, Choi Taeri.”

Before he could dig himself deeper into a hole alone, Juha blocked Taeri’s mouth with a confession attack.

At the sudden confession, Taeri’s head shot up. His black pupils froze round.

“…What?”

“I said I love you too.”

Having spat out his troubled heart, Juha’s lips naturally curved upward. Taeri opened and closed his mouth, hesitating about what to say.

“Ah, um…”

“If you have something to say, don’t hesitate. Confess when you want to confess, get angry when you want to get angry.”

“Is that… okay?”

Taeri asked back as if frightened.

“Yeah. If you love someone, that’s okay.”

At Juha’s answer, Taeri’s face, which had been full of anxiety, brightened brilliantly.

* * *

Since the last recording was divided into two episodes, even after episode 3 aired, there was still a week of vacation left. Taeri had his cast removed about three or four days after leaving the group lodging, but to Juha’s eyes, his ankle looked as fragile as a piece of wood about to break. Since an ankle that had been injured once was prone to reinjury, even if Taeri moved just a little too much, Juha was ready to carry him on his back.

Taeri’s situation wasn’t much different. After seeing Juha looking weak the day after they had spent too intense a night, Taeri treated him carefully as if handling a sugar doll.

He cherished him wondering if he would melt in water or break if hit, to the point where Juha found it ridiculous. Even amid all this, they reasonably satisfied their instincts, but there was never again a night where their eyes rolled back like that day.

Worried that the public might discover Taeri’s injury, most of their dates were at Taeri’s house. Since both men were visually entertaining, there was never a dull moment, and they enjoyed their self-quarantine without knowing boredom. What might feel like confinement to others was actually comfortable for them since they could kiss without worrying about others watching. They would suddenly embrace each other from behind while attempting cooking that didn’t work out, or cling together and take naps while watching TV or playing games together.

Whenever Juha had time, he would practice at Han Jaewan’s practice room, but Taeri, with his ankle injury, couldn’t do that. Since he had never rested this long since starting dance, Taeri was secretly frustrated and anxious.

Having noticed his state of mind early on, Juha found things they could practice together as much as possible. He practiced singing with Taeri and took photos together to practice expressions. Sometimes they would laugh and joke around saying he was a selfie disaster, but they were serious when giving each other feedback.

For them, every moment preparing for the audition was a foundation for building their future together.

These were days too peaceful to believe they had survived and returned from the hellish pit of competition.

Rather, thinking that they would have to return to the brutal battlefield once this time passed, the two did their best to enjoy the peace even more.

Another thing contributing to their peace was that Taeri had skipped family dinner using his injury as an excuse. Since he couldn’t participate during the group stay either, Taeri hadn’t seen his family for nearly a month. At most, he had only seen his mother Ji Inhui at the hospital.

With no one around to hurl harsh words at him face-to-face, Taeri was in better spirits than ever.

* * *

As June began, the sun set later. After the sun had completely set, Juha and Taeri headed outside with a mat. It was Han River Park, about a 10-minute walk from Taeri’s house. Though Juha had never let them go outside to prevent Taeri from walking long distances even after removing his cast, today was the last day they would spend a holiday together.

Episode 4 would air today and they had to return to group lodging the day after tomorrow, so they both wanted to do something special. It was just a Han River outing, but for the two who had been dating inside the house the whole time, even this was a different experience.

The weather was nice so there were many people outside. With summer beginning, the scent from the lush grass, the sounds of children giggling and running around, and the sight of people gathered noisily chatting seemed fascinating anew.

Worried someone might recognize them, they chose the least crowded spot possible to lay out their mat.

“The air is nice!”

As soon as Juha sat down, Taeri lay down using his thigh as a pillow as if he had been waiting.

“What if people see?”

“It’s so dark I can’t even see your face right in front of me, so who would recognize us?”

Juha stroked the face of Taeri, who was lying on his thigh as a pillow. Taeri accepted his touch with his eyes closed. Unlike his masculine features, Taeri’s skin was soft and felt good to touch.

Both were wearing black caps so their faces weren’t clearly visible, but with handsomeness that couldn’t be hidden even when covered, they looked at each other contentedly every time their eyes met.

“Today’s episode 4.”

Juha said as if talking to himself.

“Yeah.”

“Aren’t you worried?”

“Worried about what?”

Taeri answered comfortably with his eyes closed.

“How our editing turned out.”

“We did well. We both passed.”

Looking at the calm Taeri, Juha chuckled.

Anyway.

Thanks to Taeri’s strong mentality, Juha decided to erase his unnecessary worries too. Since he had to prepare for group lodging tomorrow, today he could only focus on enjoying his last date with Taeri.

“Lie down for a bit. I’ll go buy beer.”

After making up his mind, Juha put Taeri’s head, which had been using his thigh as a pillow, down on the ground.

“Can’t you not go?”

Unable to stand it, Taeri immediately complained.

“No. I can’t. Since your ankle is weak, you can’t go.”

Taeri rolled around and lay on his stomach, supporting his chin with both hands, looking at Juha pitifully.

When Juha got up brushing off his clothes without even giving him a glance, Taeri threw another long tantrum saying he was heartless.

“Lee Juha.”

“What?”

“Go and come back quickly. I’ll miss you a lot.”

“I’ll miss you a lot too. If you wait quietly, I’ll go and come back quickly.”

“Say ‘I love you’ three times before you go.”