Chapter 13
The showcase rehearsal was more torturous than the stage recording.
Since all 80 trainees had to get their faces stamped by the reporters at least once, they had to change lines every 40 seconds. In this chaotic state, he wondered what kind of face stamping they could do, but everyone gave their best on stage.
Standing in front of the reporters was more like homework inspection than a stage.
Still, a stage is a stage. Since he applied here because he longed for the stage, let’s express himself to his heart’s content. Juha steeled his resolve.
Thinking of the monthly grade tests he received during his trainee days, this was a wonderful stage.
After the rehearsal ended, the trainees waited backstage.
While waiting, Yoo Youngin looked very pleased. Youngin, who looked more like a rabbit when it came to appearance alone, bounced around and talked to Taeri during every break. Taeri engaged in conversation without showing any signs of annoyance.
He didn’t want to look, but perhaps because of what happened earlier, his gaze kept drifting over. To be precise, he wasn’t looking at Yoo Youngin but at Choi Taeri.
‘Does that bastard really trust Yoo Youngin?’
Well, frankly speaking, the probability of Youngin debuting together with Taeri was much higher than Juha’s. Today, Youngin and Choi Taeri took the front row center, so they had an advantage from the start.
Honestly, he was annoyed. He was even more annoyed because he couldn’t understand why he was annoyed.
As someone ranked 24th, he wasn’t in a position to be jealous of 2nd place Youngin.
‘Let the two of them play well together.’
Juha forced himself to turn his head away.
“5 minutes to stage. Standby!”
When the staff shouted, the noisy backstage became as quiet as if the power had gone out.
The forgotten tension rose in Juha’s body.
Soon the stage opened, and the trainees went out to the stage in formation like well-made toy soldiers.
It’s not easy to stand out among 80 young men of similar age wearing the same school uniform costumes. Nevertheless, there are definitely people who catch the eye.
There’s no guarantee that would be him, but there’s also no guarantee it wouldn’t be him.
The audience seats weren’t very dark. Perhaps because of the tension, each reporter’s face and expression seemed magnified. They were like hyenas licking their lips at 80 young and fresh prey.
‘Let’s focus on the stage given to me right now.’
Juha exhaled low and got into position.
Soon the music started with flashing lights. Juha’s heartbeat changed in rhythm with the booming bass.
Though the spot where he stood wasn’t front row center, the stage always excited Juha.
[Though we’re sitting down now,
You know we’ll rise again.]
With the first stage filming and being sensitive about Choi Taeri, plus Youngin’s “fucking bastard” comment on top of it, Juha’s head had been complicated throughout.
But the moment he stood on stage, everything flew away white.
[Though we dream today,
Tomorrow we’ll soar powerfully]
The photographers shooting them, the reporters who stopped typing on their laptops and gazed endlessly at the stage.
It felt like this stage was prepared just for him alone.
At least for this moment, the 79 trainees were nothing more than decorations that made him shine brighter.
[Look at me, look at me, Look at me
Feel it, feel it, Feel me
The moment you took my hand
I will soar toward you
Only you can make me fly]
There were many other reasons why Juha liked the space called ‘on stage.’
A special space separated from the audience. And another world where he could put down the human called Lee Juha and become a new person.
The only place where he could be free.
[My job is idol
My job is idol]
“Haa, haa!”
After the song ended, his chest heaved from the breath that rose while stopping in the ending pose.
When the 5-minute stage ended, what remained was yearning rather than regret. He liked this place so much that even after wasting 6 years, he still couldn’t let go.
Adults said you can’t live doing only what you like, but for Juha, the stage wasn’t simply youthful folly.
Even if he couldn’t live ordinarily like others, Juha had resolved throughout the 6 years that he would endure everything if only he could stand on stage.
If given the chance, he wanted to stay on stage for ten hours, twenty hours.
That’s how much Juha loved the stage.
* * *
After the showcase ended, they were given a break until the first episode aired.
As soon as the bus stopped at the hotel, the trainees ran up to their rooms to pack their belongings. No matter how much they liked to go out at that age, anyone would want to go home after a training camp with this level of pressure.
‘It’s over.’
The first filming and showcase, and the entire week with Choi Taeri.
Lee Juha felt both relief and regret that it was over. The stage was so good, but he was already afraid that he might be eliminated from this program and never have another chance to stand on stage.
While Juha was packing his belongings with his head full of various thoughts, Taeri entered the room.
“…”
He should say something like “good work,” but the words wouldn’t come out. Juha turned his back to Taeri and packed his belongings, pretending not to notice.
Taeri also packed his belongings as if it was no big deal. When the awkwardness filled the room to an unbearable degree, someone knocked on the door.
“I, I’ll go out.”
Juha rushed over and opened the door. It was the program staff.
“We’ll remove the camera.”
“Yes.”
While the staff removed the camera, the two silently packed their respective belongings. The sounds of moving equipment and staff chattering among themselves were rather pleasant to hear.
After the bustling staff left and the packing was finished, the penthouse interior felt empty.
Now it was really time to part with Choi Taeri.
“Did you do… well?”
Unable to bear the awkwardness, Juha spoke first.
“What wouldn’t I do well?”
To Juha’s carefully crafted question, Taeri answered lightly. Thump, the slight smile and the way Taeri’s lips curved up made Juha’s heart flutter again.
“Yeah, you worked hard for a week.”
“You too.”
After the half-hearted encouragement passed, silence again.
Both of them flinched at the sudden ringtone. It was the ringtone from Taeri’s mobile phone.
[My Idol – Yoo Youngin]
He hadn’t intended to look, but the caller’s name was clearly visible. Juha unconsciously frowned.
“Oh, hyung. Yeah. I was about to go down. No. I can’t today. Have fun. Yeah, hyung take care going home too.”
While Taeri was on the call with Youngin, Juha stared at him blankly.
From the sounds coming through the receiver, it seemed like after today’s departure, the group that hung around together had decided to have drinks at Youngin’s house.
‘They must have gotten really close in a week.’
Taeri’s appearance throughout the day, mingling with Youngin with a smiling face, was really bothersome.
Though it was Juha who first distanced himself from Taeri, he couldn’t help feeling disappointed. Moreover, having clearly heard what conversation he had with Youngin today, it was honestly annoying to see him chatting affectionately with Youngin as if for him to hear.
‘Meeting up right after departure.’
Seo Eunwon, who had been sticking with Juha throughout, was at an age to stick with his mom after departure, and Yeom Sangyeop wasn’t close enough to meet outside yet. Most of all, Juha had high walls when it came to making friends, so he didn’t want to meet them outside yet.
Comparing his colleagues with Choi Taeri’s colleagues only made him feel bad for no reason.
“What? Do you have something to say?”
Feeling Juha’s unfamiliar gaze, Taeri asked as soon as he hung up.
“How is Youngin hyung?”
Juha’s inner thoughts slipped out without him realizing. When Youngin’s name came up, Choi Taeri burst into laughter.
Having dealt with Youngin for a week, Choi Taeri knew that he was cunning, relying only on his looks without skill and depending solely on chemistry with Taeri.
It was also easy to notice that Youngin was subtly jealous of Juha. He only hung around with him because he kept following, but Taeri didn’t particularly like Youngin either.
But this was also a good opportunity. A good chance to throw bait to make Lee Juha jealous.
Trying hard to hide his rising lips, Taeri opened his mouth.
“Well. I just hang around with him because there’s no one else to hang around with. Do you mind that I hang around with Youngin hyung?”
“What would I mind about it. You’d be the one minding me.”
Lee Juha tried to act nonchalant, but his true feelings were all over his face.
When he timidly lowered his eyes, Lee Juha’s nose bridge looked particularly prominent. Whether he really didn’t like what he said, Juha swept his lips with his tongue.
The guy who didn’t even blink when arguing fiercely was being cute, embarrassed and awkward while saying such trivial things.
Anyway, seeing Lee Juha sulking made it worthwhile for Taeri to have eagerly responded to Youngin’s conversations.
“If you hate it, I won’t hang around with Youngin hyung.”
“No. What are you talking about!”
At Taeri’s words, Juha was startled and waved his hands.
“If you hang around with me, I think I won’t need to hang around with Youngin hyung.”
Taeri let the words slip while gauging Juha’s reaction.
Ah, teasing Lee Juha is so fun.
He wanted to see Lee Juha burn with jealousy and jump into a fire pit.
“Just, just pretend you didn’t hear that. I didn’t say it with the intention of breaking you and Youngin hyung apart. I have Eunwon too, and Sangyeop hyung too.”
“Are you Seo Eunwon’s guardian?”
Taeri burst into laughter.
Among the trainees, there were groups that found Seo Eunwon, who was too young, somewhat bothersome.
But Juha consistently took Eunwon around with him. Not out of pity or sympathy, but because his pure attitude of not being obsessed with competition was comfortable.
“I’m not disloyal enough to abandon people I hang around with like you. Good work. I’ll leave first today.”
Juha hurriedly dragged his suitcase. It was the last day, but it felt regrettable to just let Lee Juha go in this penthouse with no staff or cameras.
“Lee Juha!”
Taeri called out to stop him.
“…Why?”
Juha asked, standing still in place.
Taeri walked over leisurely and stood in front of Juha. Contrary to his bright face color like white piano keys, the tips of Lee Juha’s ears gradually turned red.
He couldn’t just let Lee Juha go without doing something. White and pretty like wheat flour bread that had puffed up beautifully just before being put in the oven, he wanted to poke it once.
“Why aren’t you saying anything after calling me?”
While speaking, Juha studied Taeri’s expression. Taeri had a face where anticipation and excitement were subtly mixed, like a child choosing a flavor at an ice cream shop.
Juha quietly stepped half a step back.
It was because of Choi Taeri’s scent that wafted over as the distance got closer. Cool and clean, with a sweet ending, so addictive that just smelling it made him want to get close and rub faces.
Both Taeri’s scent and his gaze looking down at him made Juha uncomfortable. Juha’s pupils shook, unable to find a place to go.
This kind of silence with Choi Taeri. He hated it so much.
Because it felt like a precursor to something happening.
Juha anxiously looked Taeri up and down. Despite his blunt attitude, Taeri just smiled silently.
When Juha raised his gaze in inexplicable displeasure, their eyes met for a moment. The corners of Taeri’s mouth, which had been curved, slowly came down as he quietly looked at Juha.
He should have just packed his bags and left without unnecessarily talking, but seeing those eyes, Juha’s heart beat helplessly. Just as Juha was about to avoid his gaze, Taeri’s hand suddenly came up.
“What… ah!”
Juha reflexively closed his eyes tightly. He clenched both fists so hard his nails might leave marks, and his whole body tensed up enough to create deep wrinkles around his eyes.
He probably wasn’t going to hit him.
When he felt ridiculous for being scared without knowing what Taeri was trying to do, poke, Juha felt something pressing against his cheek. To confirm this, Juha slowly opened his eyes narrowly.
“…”
Taeri’s right index finger was poking Juha’s cheek.
The warm touch of his fingertip made his cheek seem to melt away. It was just a fingertip touching, not even a palm.
But Juha’s whole body heated up and shriveled as if he’d entered a furnace.
He should slap the hand away asking what he was doing, but no words came from Juha’s mouth.
Taeri was quietly looking at Juha’s cheek pressed by his finger. If he had laughed, he could have thought it was a joke and let it go, but Taeri’s eyes sparkled as if he’d been waiting for this scene for a long time.
Dry saliva pooled at the corner of Juha’s mouth.
‘Why…’
Whenever Taeri did something without reason, Juha’s bodily functions would stop.
All his firm resolve to push Choi Taeri away melted away like snow.
He could only quietly enjoy the moment when the person he’d fallen for showed interest.
While Taeri slowly removed his finger, Juha just looked at him with his mouth open.
As if his own behavior was ridiculous, Taeri burst into laughter. At that smile, Juha’s heart dropped once again.
“I’ll contact you, so answer.”
Taeri spat out the words and left dragging his suitcase.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
