#97. The Only Heart (4)
Who is it?
A small man was wandering around the parking lot. Rather than simply wandering, he had a strong sense of purpose as he checked license plates and peered inside tinted car windows.
The moment I glimpsed his appearance under the deeply pulled-down hat, an unpleasant sense of déjà vu made my skin crawl.
‘No way.’
That can’t be. There’s no way he could know about this place.
This ancestral burial ground is private property that has been passed down through generations of the Yeoju Lee clan. It’s not a place that even people coming to pay respects are limited to, let alone somewhere you could find by asking around.
So that person can’t be him. That person, of all people, shouldn’t dare come here.
Even while thinking this, I couldn’t tear my gaze away. More than that, I even felt the urge to approach closer. I wanted to rip off that tattered hat and confirm once and for all. Even knowing that if it really was the person I suspected, I absolutely shouldn’t do that.
My fingertips were stiff and my heart was beating rapidly. When I moved my feet forward as if possessed, it felt exactly like committing a bad deed.
When a cold raindrop fell on my carelessly extended hand, a large, warm hand came over and wrapped around my entire hand as if covering it.
The moment I recognized the owner of that hand by the faint scar on the ring finger and familiar body temperature, my restrained body whirled around in the opposite direction.
“Seowoo.”
Only then did I realize why I hadn’t gotten wet despite the winter rain falling.
“…Jihan.”
Na Jihan, who had cupped my cheek to fix my gaze on him, tilted the umbrella a bit more.
“You’ll get hurt if you rush down like that.”
“Jihan. I saw someone over there earlier…”
“Yeah. I parked the car over there.”
I wanted to turn my head, but I couldn’t. His smiling face was too close.
“Want to go ahead and wait? Turn on the engine and warm up.”
“That’s not what I meant…”
“I haven’t greeted your mother yet.”
The hand that had been firmly gripping my cheek moved slightly to gently rub around my eyes. His fingertips carried a faint scent of rain.
“Promise me you’ll wait in the car.”
Who would want to refuse when asked with that kind of face? I nodded as if enchanted and answered.
“I will.”
“Don’t go anywhere. Okay? Just stay in the car.”
“I understand.”
When I looked back at the parking lot again, no one was there. Na Jihan’s face, which I secretly glanced up at, was so peaceful that I almost thought I had seen an illusion.
‘I hope they didn’t run into each other.’
If that man I saw earlier really was my biological father, I hoped he hadn’t run into anyone who came here today, not just me. Even if he came wanting to do something somehow, I hoped he would disappear as if running away without even daring to speak to anyone.
He’s the human who destroyed our family long ago and abandoned my mother and me. Even if that debtor collapsed right in front of me, I was confident I wouldn’t feel the least bit sorry for him.
“Take your time coming back.”
“I wanted to say I’d come back as quickly as possible, but…”
Na Jihan gently said while opening the passenger door for me.
“It doesn’t seem like that’ll work, does it? I have a lot of things I’ve been wanting to tell your mother that have piled up.”
“……”
“Don’t look at me like that’s so strange. You would have done the same.”
If Na Jihan were in my position, would I have done the same?
It was a question that could be answered easily without long consideration. I would have. I would have come to pay respects every year as if it were natural, held an umbrella over him when he looked struggling, and spent a long time sharing accumulated stories while looking at my mother’s photo.
That your son is doing well. That he sometimes struggles with this world without you, but he’s still living courageously. That although it’s presumptuous to say I’m your replacement, I’ll always be by his side.
Would you make that kind of wish too?
I waited for Na Jihan as promised. At first, I just sat quietly in the warm car, but after a while I felt somehow stuffy and rolled down the window.
When I lowered the window, it was regrettable that the warmth escaped, but the fresh air rushing in opened up my breathing.
After hesitating briefly, I rolled the window down completely and rested my arms on it. When I extended my hand outside, raindrops fell tap-tap-tap on my cooling skin.
It’s just like someone crying. I had that thought while playing with the raindrops on my fingertips.
What did you feel like when you were caught in your life’s last rain? Were you scared? Was it painful? Or were you bewildered?
While I think I hope you closed your eyes without feeling anything, I’m concerned because you probably didn’t. Since you’re such a caring person, you probably worried more about me who would be left behind than about your own pain or death.
When my whole body cooled down and I felt chilly, a sneeze came out naturally. After sneezing twice in a row, I opened my tightly closed eyes to see a familiar figure with a black umbrella entering my view.
Na Jihan, who had been approaching leisurely, scowled when our eyes met.
“When I said to stay put, that included not opening the window.”
I avoided his gaze slightly and made an excuse.
“I felt stuffy.”
“You don’t know how scary catching a cold can be.”
“I do know how scary your nagging can be.”
“You don’t seem to know that either. If you were really scared, you wouldn’t have left the window open like this.”
He pressed a hand warmer he had in his pocket into my hand.
“It hasn’t even been ten minutes since I promised your mother I’d take good care of Yoon Seowoo. Don’t make me a liar by cooperating.”
“Mm-hmm. What should I cooperate with first?”
“Hold onto that until we get back to the dorm.”
That’s not difficult. I gripped the warm hand warmer tightly with both hands and followed Na Jihan with my eyes. Maybe because he was wearing a suit, he felt a bit different from usual. He looked much more solemn, pure, and even mature.
“Stop staring and get some sleep. We’ll be stuck in traffic for a while.”
As soon as we got onto the main road as he said, densely packed cars surrounded us. It wasn’t surprising since it was typical of the busy year-end when everywhere was crowded.
The air was cozy and the hand warmer was hot. Leaning back in the soft seat, I eventually started dozing off.
I felt like the heat gathered at my fingertips was spreading to my palm, to my wrist, and then throughout my entire body. Warmth became heat, and heat soon began boiling inside my body…
Ah, I see.
I thought as I was falling apart. This would probably be the last pain given to me this year. Maybe I was getting sick one last time to shake off everything cleanly.
* * *
When my hazy consciousness returned, it was already late at night. I must have been moved while sleeping, as familiar scenery filled my view.
When I turned my head slightly, I could see Na Jihan sitting by my bedside. He was dozing with his arms crossed and his head slightly lowered, and every time he occasionally nodded off, a few strands of disheveled black hair would fall over his smooth forehead and sway.
Seeing that even his defenseless appearance looks wonderful, I really must like you a lot.
‘He didn’t even change his clothes.’
He probably noticed my condition had worsened and stayed glued to my room, abandoning his own affairs. It was such a typical Na Jihan choice.
As soon as I couldn’t hold back the tickling sensation in my throat and coughed softly, Na Jihan’s eyes flew open. Before I could feel embarrassed about having been staring at his face to my heart’s content, his hand came over and touched my forehead and cheek in turn.
“You’re hot.”
I’m not hot. Rather, I felt unusually cool, so it was quite nice when he touched me.
“You’re the one who’s hot, dummy.”
…So it was because of me.
“I contacted them to cancel tomorrow’s vocal lesson. They said it would be good for you to rest during the year-end since you’ve been working too hard usually anyway. Your vocal cords aren’t something you use for just a day or two and throw away.”
When I nodded instead of answering, he tapped my nose with his fingertip.
“What should I do with you who only rests when you’re sick…”
It’s not entirely like that, I was planning to rest after visiting the grave this time even if I wasn’t sick—I tried to answer, but.
“……”
I opened and closed my mouth with a flustered expression. I had definitely put strength into my throat, but there was only pain and no sound came out. No matter how hard I tried, only a slight wheezing sound would come out.
When I frowned and pressed my lips together, the hand that had been tapping my cheek and chin and sliding downward gently wrapped around my throat.
“Don’t force yourself to speak. Your tonsils are swollen.”
“……”
“It’ll get better in a few days. Let’s stop by the hospital when day breaks tomorrow.”
When I nodded, the hand that had been caressing the back of my neck slowly moved away.
“Can you take medicine? I brought water and medicine. The anti-inflammatory is a pill and the fever reducer is syrup.”
After hesitating briefly, I shook my head. Just trying to speak a little hurt enough to make facial expressions difficult, and now he was telling me to take medicine. I didn’t want to whine if possible, but I really couldn’t bring myself to do that.
‘Later, when I feel a bit better.’
I shook my head with that feeling, but Na Jihan, who had been checking my temperature by touching various parts of my face, frowned.
“It seems like it would be better to take at least the fever reducer now…”
“……”
“Should I help you?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
