Chapter 40
Black and deep eyes were carefully looking down at Eunseong.
‘Is getting slapped once by a girl really something to cry about? That girl’s wrist looked like it had no strength at all.’
Though he said that, Mujin’s voice was full of upset feelings. He cupped both of Eunseong’s cheeks with his large hands and wiped away the tears with his thumbs.
‘It’s unfair! Because of Jaeseong, what is this every day. Whether it’s two-timing or three-timing, it’s all Jaeseong who does that stuff-.’
Originally, I like you, Mujin! Since he absolutely couldn’t spit out the words inside, he was about to get sick from frustration. So tears poured out instead of words.
‘Right, why can’t everyone tell the difference? Your eyes are clearly different and your expressions are really different too.’
Mujin wrinkled his nose bridge as if troubled. It was clearly a face holding back laughter, so Eunseong got angry.
‘If you’re joking around right now, I won’t eat dinner with you. I’m really mad.’
‘Huh? No, really. Your hair color is a slightly brighter brown than Eunseong’s, and here at the corners of your eyes too, when you smile this part folds slightly. Your lips are also a bit plumper……’
Mujin’s eyes, which had been carefully examining Eunseong’s face, darkened for a moment. When he withdrew the playful smile he always wore in front of him, Eunseong felt intimidated for no reason. He would lightly laugh and act annoyingly playful, but sometimes like this he would just stare silently and give off an intimidating presence.
When the startled Eunseong grabbed Mujin’s wrist, only then did he flinch and relax his stiff expression. Then as if nothing had happened, he curled up the corners of his mouth.
‘Should I put a dot on you?’
‘What?’
While firmly holding Eunseong’s nape, Mujin fumbled around the pencil case on the classroom desk. He grabbed a black permanent marker and grinned. He bit the cap with his teeth to pull it off, then brought the thick pen tip right to Eunseong’s mouth.
‘Here? Or next to your nose? Under your eye? Choose.’
‘Are you crazy? Don’t!’
He struggled but was no match for his strength. Soon the pen tip touched his cheek and mercilessly drew across it.
‘Hey!’
What followed was a brawl. Eunseong tripped Mujin and climbed on top of him. He snatched the pen and drew two more black eyes on his forehead. He dotted teardrops under his eyes and not satisfied with that, even drew mouse whiskers on his cheeks.
Though Mujin could have subdued Eunseong with one hand, he lay there helplessly and just looked up at Eunseong drawing on his face. The moment their eyes met, his smile deepened.
‘Are you not mad anymore now?’
The gentle laughter and generous voice crossed time and pierced Eunseong’s ears.
Ah, what should I do. How much have I forgotten?
“Eunseong?”
Mujin gripped Eunseong’s shoulders with both hands. It was because his ragged breathing through his teeth seemed serious.
Eunseong panted and raised his head toward where Mujin’s face was. But not being able to see anything was too similar to his current state.
“Ugh……”
The security glasses that had felt comfortable by protecting his aching eyes suddenly became unbearably stuffy. Eunseong hastily moved his hands to tear at the buckle and threw off the security glasses.
“Mujin.”
As soon as he saw light, tears poured out. Due to his vision blurred by tears, he couldn’t even clearly see Mujin’s face frozen like a fossil.
“I don’t remember everything…… it’s really all a mess and I can’t distinguish what’s what, but…… I’m really sorry for not remembering you, huuung……”
How could I have forgotten you, whom I liked so much.
Eunseong rubbed his face with both hands to wipe away tears. His sobbing burst out miserably, his words became unclear and scattered, and his whole body shook violently. Even so, Mujin watched over Eunseong quietly without a single waver.
He had such a hard time for three years. He killed someone. This kind and puppy-like guy…….
“Can, can I call you Mujin? From now on…… ugh…… huuk……”
“……”
“Then I might remember better……”
The emotions that had been pent up exploded all at once. They overflowed uncontrollably and collapsed Eunseong. It wasn’t something that had built up since Hanyeong got hurt and he met Mujin again.
Much earlier than that, when he opened his eyes at the Bottom three years ago.
Right when the world surrounding him had completely changed and he realized he had been broken. It was probably emotions that had built up since then.
He was certain he had lost something precious, but he resented himself for being too afraid to face it. Had his heart been at ease while locking away even his memories and running away? Looking back, it wasn’t.
He was always uneasy in one corner of his heart, thinking he was missing something important. Now he finally knew how painful it had been for those who were looking for him while he ran away, how painful it had been for Mujin. He had been an indescribable coward and fool.
Unclassifiable emotions were pouring out like a burst dam. Even without memories, only the shape of emotions was clear. Sadness, longing, desperation – all sorts of things he had barely suppressed were now overflowing.
Ugh, huuk, Eunseong’s shoulders shook violently. Even his two hands wiping away tears were soaked, so water spread all over his face. He couldn’t tell if he was wiping or rubbing.
“Hey, what are you doing, Baek Mujin.”
Lee Haesu, who couldn’t stand watching anymore, approached and smacked Mujin’s back. He pushed the frozen Mujin aside and gently embraced Eunseong’s shoulders.
“Eunseong-ssi, come here. Lie down first. You’re also a patient, so you can’t cry like this. You’ll get exhausted, okay?”
He laid Eunseong on the bed. He pressed a handkerchief into Eunseong’s hand and urgently drew up energy to heal him. He also picked up Eunseong’s security glasses that had fallen to the floor and infused healing energy into his own hand that had hit Mujin’s back.
Ugh- that stone head, at the grumbling sound, Eunseong’s emotions gradually calmed down. His rapid breathing and sniffling from crying gradually decreased. Eunseong exhaled a long wet breath and focused on the warmth surrounding him to calm his heart.
“Eunseong.”
Mujin’s voice approaching carefully was extremely low. He asked Lee Haesu to give them space. Soon only Eunseong’s sniffling remained in the quiet treatment room.
“……”
Mujin didn’t ask questions like why Eunseong was suddenly acting this way. He just bent his waist and leaned on the bed while quietly examining Eunseong’s face. His gaze was so heavy it felt like the mattress was sinking deep.
It was when they were carefully meeting eyes.
“……But Eunseong, am I seeing things because I’m surprised?”
Mujin suddenly reached his hand above his forehead.
“Huh?”
Eunseong followed his hand’s movement with his gaze and ended up gaping. Then Mujin tilted his head. His black eyes held a strange certainty.
“This guy, Eunseong, you know this one, don’t you?”
A handful of yellow fur was caught in his large grip. Eunseong was so surprised he forgot all about crying.
Beep- Curry cried with a powerless sound.
* * *
Mujin quietly looked down at Eunseong’s sleeping face.
Tears hadn’t dried around his eyes yet, and his lips were slightly parted while dried up. Like a child asleep with fever, his face was flushed red and cold sweat beaded on his forehead.
‘He always falls asleep after crying.’
It was a familiar pattern since childhood. He was very lonely, very shy, and highly anxious, but had no skill in expressing himself. Even when pressed, he would usually mumble and swallow his words, and when he reached his limit, he would pitifully shed tears drop by drop.
If they became a little closer, he would show his inner thoughts better. Mujin’s thinking was a miscalculation. As he got older, Eunseong hid more. He spoke less and suppressed everything more tightly. Sometimes it felt like he was hiding especially more from him alone.
When he tried to soothe his heart thinking something had made him angry, it backfired instead. On days when he avoided eye contact particularly often, it was enough to make him sick with frustration. When he bit his lips tightly and cast his eyes down, he was so curious about what was inside that he felt the urge to use truth serum. Though he held back for fear that he’d never see stubborn Yoo Eunseong’s face again.
As a result of long observation, Mujin came to reflexively guess when he saw Eunseong crying. That he must have had quite a hard time.
He also got scared, wondering if he had done something wrong again…….
Mujin carefully reached out and smoothed Eunseong’s hair. Though the hair color had changed so much that he hadn’t recognized him right away when first found at the ‘Bottom,’ the texture was the same.
Lost in thought, he supported Eunseong’s neck. He slipped his arm underneath to rest his head on his shoulder. Then he hugged his shoulders tightly with both arms. He held him firmly so Eunseong’s cheek pressed against his chest and his breath scattered in his embrace.
“……”
The unidentified yellow bird was still hovering around Eunseong. When Mujin trapped Eunseong in his arms and rested his chin on his crown, preventing approach, it cried softly beep-beep as if displeased.
Mujin was dumbfounded. It was because he remembered the expression Eunseong made when the bird was discovered. He had opened his round eyes as wide as they could go and made a face of surprise like someone whose secret that would never be discovered had been found out.
‘……Can you really see it?’
That one sentence even filled him with fear. When Eunseong had secrets, hadn’t he lost him right before his eyes?
Mujin rolled the Seorin hanging around Eunseong’s neck with his fingertips. Then the yellow bird carefully approached and observed with obvious stares. Its small tilting head and black button-like eyes seemed innocent at first glance.
“Curry.”
Beep-
“Unbelievable.”
Was it trying to get some affection? At its appearance of crying and responding, Mujin made a fierce expression.
‘What the hell is this? Could it be a monster?’
‘It’s Curry. It doesn’t bite.’
‘Is a monster your pet?’
Having asked that far, Mujin shut his mouth at a chilling sense of déjà vu.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
