#28. Guiding Star (6)
I can’t fall asleep.
In my defense, this isn’t my fault. It’s Na Jihan’s fault for completely abandoning any sense of distance.
Of course, Na Jihan was just acting as usual. We’ve slept side by side like this so many times that counting them would be meaningless.
Right, let me admit it. The one being conscious of it is me. The arm firmly supporting my neck and head, the outline of his handsome face visible even in the darkness with a bluish tint, his quiet and soft breathing, his body scent that approaches close enough to warmly reveal its presence.
Because you’ve become so conscious to me that even the most familiar things feel entirely new.
‘Right, then it’s my fault.’
The feeling of liking someone is really strange. It makes things that were natural no longer natural. It makes me want to give another name to all the good things piled up like mountains between us.
It was unfair. It’s not like I didn’t try to fold, press, reduce and hide this feeling toward Na Jihan as small as possible, but as days went by, my heart only grew larger.
So in the end, I lose my composure and become restless over trivial matters. Just like right now.
‘Isn’t the camera on?’
When I slightly turned my head to look at one side of the room, I could see the red light on the camera. Of course, it’s dark so it probably isn’t recording properly, but still.
“Yoon Seowoo.”
Just then, a large hand wrapped around the back of my head and pulled me.
“Mmph.”
“Sleep quietly. You’ll be tired tomorrow if you keep this up…”
Na Jihan, who had pulled me and practically buried me in his embrace, muttered. It sounded like it came from a half-asleep state, scratching his drowsy throat.
I had only turned my head slightly.
“Stop that brain of yours from spinning.”
“How do you even know that?”
He pressed his body closer with a bit more strength in his hand and replied.
“I can hear all the acorns rolling around in there.”
“…”
“Don’t worry about the camera.”
The rustling sound was particularly loud. Na Jihan, who was carefully covering me with blankets, whispered quietly.
“I’m going to ask them to edit out today’s footage anyway.”
“Why… ah.”
I recalled the conversation we had before lying down earlier. It was brief, but some personal talk had come up. Even though it was a small conversation in a blind spot not captured by the camera, the audio might have been picked up.
I, the person actually involved, had completely forgotten about it, but it seemed Na Jihan had been concerned about it the whole time. He even pressed his cheek against the top of my head and apologized, saying sorry.
I should have said it was okay, but my mouth wouldn’t open. That really was okay, but my current state wasn’t okay.
My heart was beating rapidly and noisily as if it would jump out of its place any moment. I was terrified that this pounding might be transmitted to him through our touching bodies.
‘Calm down, please!’
Is there any need to advertise that I’m dying of affection?
When I made groaning sounds while slightly adjusting my position, the hand that had been wrapped around my head came down to pat my back.
“If anything hurts, don’t endure it and wake me up.”
With those words as the last, light breathing sounds spread softly. Fortunately, he didn’t seem to have heard this noisy pounding.
I decided to try sleeping as quietly as possible in his embrace. For the sake of my inner peace and stable heart rate, I should probably distance myself from him a bit, but Na Jihan was as quick to wake up as he was to fall asleep. If I tried to escape his embrace, he would definitely notice like a ghost.
‘…Idiot.’
I grumbled with my head buried in the darkness.
Stupid Na Jihan, who has ghost-like perception at times like this but never knows my heart. When I see him like that, I sometimes want him to suddenly discover my feelings, but then I also don’t want him to find out for the sake of our relationship.
Silence settled layer by layer over the blanket we shared. The darkness that fell flake by flake seeped into me, making my eyelids heavier and heavier.
It was when I had unknowingly fallen asleep like that.
Perhaps because I had been thinking about Na Jihan until I fell asleep, Na Jihan appeared in my dream too.
He was putting a rabbit ear-shaped headband on my head while smiling brightly.
“Let’s go. You said you wanted to go on an amusement park date.”
True to a sweet dream, things that would never happen in reality were endlessly given. Starting with being able to walk around comfortably in a crowded outdoor place without a hat or mask.
“Give it here.”
“Huh?”
“Give me your hand. Don’t you want to hold hands?”
“…No. I want to hold hands.”
Even our hands tightly clasped with fingers interlocked. It was truly a dream-like story.
Us as lovers in the dream.
While I was enjoying the sweet fantasy, I suddenly remembered one fact.
‘It’s not different.’
Right. It wasn’t different. What wasn’t different was Na Jihan’s attitude. Na Jihan, who was moderately playful, easygoing, and naturally kind as if it were obvious, was no different from his usual self.
That gave me a very strange feeling.
It wasn’t because his feelings were lacking. Rather, it was the opposite. It was because the emotions I wanted to receive as a lover were almost completely fulfilled. Just that appearance, no different from usual, was enough.
The fact that we were actually just friends wasn’t particularly unfair. Whatever we were, I liked Na Jihan, and I was the one desperate to bask in even a little more of his affection.
“Seowoo.”
Before I knew it, night had come to the dream amusement park. We were standing in front of a carousel spinning with colorful lights.
“How was today?”
“Today…”
I answered with a beaming smile.
“It was good. Comfortable and fun like usual…”
As I answered while looking up at Na Jihan, several fireworks burst behind him against the night sky, showing off their romance.
Na Jihan, who had been quietly looking down at me, narrowed his eyes.
“It felt like usual?”
His voice felt like it was tickling my ear and my heart.
“That won’t do.”
“…”
“We’re dating, Seowoo. Then it should be different from usual.”
The tickling sensation touched my forehead, cheeks, and nape in turn. It wasn’t because of his voice.
Firm fingertips tapped my chin playfully, then lifted it slightly.
“…Jihan.”
“…”
“Na Jihan.”
Ah. Could this be…
My heart naturally started pounding because of a certain expectation that came to mind. When I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to overcome the tension, my vision was blocked and other senses naturally became alert.
A large, warm palm wrapped around my entire cheek and then fell away, pressing my cheek with thumb and index finger.
What came to me as I waited for a kiss with an anxious feeling was…
“…Uweh.”
My caught cheek stretched out long and I snapped awake.
“Yoon Seowoo, wake up now. I’m all washed up.”
“Ugh…”
“You were tossing and turning all night, so I let you sleep 15 more minutes. Now I really can’t delay anymore.”
When I barely lifted my drowsy eyelids, I could see Na Jihan’s face with a towel over his shoulder, having just washed up.
I knew it was a dream, but it was still disappointing. The thought that at least I had a date in a dream and the thought that it was just a dream after all started bickering noisily from the morning.
Na Jihan lifted my body and sat me on the bed, then pushed something into my mouth. It was a small piece of cut apple.
“Eat a few more. There’s quite a bit of waiting time while preparing for filming.”
“Mmm…”
I didn’t particularly have an appetite, but since there was no reason to refuse, I ate a few more pieces. Meanwhile, Na Jihan was busy without rest, finishing drying his hair and organizing his bag.
“Since you washed your hair and slept yesterday, you just need to change clothes.”
“Yeah.”
Na Jihan tapped my shoulder and took the empty plate that was beside me.
“I’ll take this downstairs and come back, so get changed.”
“Mmm.”
“Don’t fall asleep again.”
Even in the midst of all this, he doesn’t forget to nag. I pouted and quietly talked back, saying I know.
Although I didn’t fall asleep again as Na Jihan worried, my body and mind were still heavy beyond measure. I grabbed some clothes with my eyes half-closed and stuck my head through.
‘Huh? How is the length…’
Isn’t it too loose? I was thinking that while looking down at the half-covered sleeves when.
“It suits you well.”
Na Jihan, who had returned quickly and was leaning against the doorframe, was smiling mischievously.
“That’s my shirt.”
“Huh?”
Only then did my mind return. I opened my eyes wide and looked at the bedside. My shirt was neatly folded right next to it. Since they were both black, I must have gotten confused.
“Just wear that and go. We’ll change into sponsored outfits when we get there anyway.”
I ended up accidentally switching clothes. Fortunately, I also wore shirts loosely, so it fit Na Jihan without any problem.
“Na Jihan-ssi, Yoon Seowoo-ssi. The manager says you’ll be moving soon!”
At the call from beyond the door, we became even more busy. Na Jihan, who had finished preparing, grabbed two bags at once with one hand and pulled my arm with the other.
“Let’s hurry.”
I was hurrying to follow him when I stopped and brought the sleeve to my nose with my free arm.
‘…Na Jihan’s scent.’
It wasn’t intentional, but I decided to think I was lucky anyway.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
