#065
“What?”
“I’m asking if you want to have sex with Kwon Jiyeon.”
“Are you insane?”
“Answer me.”
“Fuck, why would you…”
Yechan twisted Jiwoon’s wrist that he was gripping tightly. “Ah!” Jiwoon screamed at the pain of his joint being bent and kneed Yechan in the ribs.
Even while bending over in pain, Yechan kept babbling.
“If you want to have sex, do it with me.”
Jiwoon, who had been laughing with Kwon Jiyeon, looked like he could abandon Yechan and leave at any time. Just like he had done before.
Anxiety strangled Yechan’s throat. No. His whispered voice was low.
Yechan, who never wanted to be abandoned again, had to secure the seat next to Jiwoon by any means necessary. The realization that feelings were a luxury hit him hard. After all, what Jiwoon had enjoyed was only his body.
“You’re really good at talking bullshit.”
“Why? Are you sick of it?”
“Fuck, you really…”
“There’s no way you’re sick of it. You liked it so much last time.”
Jiwoon was at a loss for words. Yechan smiled bitterly with an expression Jiwoon had never seen before.
His chest throbbed. Humiliation overflowed like a burst dam.
“I’ll satisfy your sexual desire. Have sex with me.”
Even though he was clearly the one who had hit first, at those words Jiwoon had to feel as if he’d been struck in the head. Yechan was digging into the remains of Jiwoon’s heart.
Blood splattered again from the spot where unforgotten days had remained as scabs.
“To you, I’m… No, what the fuck are you trying to do with me?”
“Didn’t you hear? I said let’s have sex.”
Yechan pushed up Jiwoon’s t-shirt again. Jiwoon, who was boiling over, kicked Yechan in the ribs once more.
Hard enough to bruise. Under Jiwoon’s grinding weight, Yechan bit his lip at the overwhelming pain.
“I won’t do it.”
Jiwoon stood up, pulling away and picking up his coat. Then Yechan bolted up and grabbed Jiwoon’s arm.
Even though Jiwoon kept kicking at Yechan, Yechan was immovable.
Fucking stamina. Yechan roughly snatched the coat from Jiwoon’s hands and threw it across the living room. The sound of agitated breathing filled the living room.
“Why are you acting like this?”
“I’m going to sleep with hyung.”
“Were you such a sex-crazed bastard?”
“Who made me like this?”
Yechan twisted his lips. Jiwoon breathed in to control his anger.
He could see Yechan’s split lip bleeding. Jiwoon barely suppressed his rising fist and managed to catch his breath.
“I don’t want anything. Let’s just get along like before. Since we’re both adults now, let’s include sex. We’ll satisfy each other’s sexual desires, and during that time, don’t have sex with other people.”
Only then did Jiwoon understand why his conversation with Yechan had flowed toward having sex with him. Yechan was talking about hygiene and cleanliness.
Fucking ridiculous, really. Jiwoon burned away the fleeting hope he’d had for a moment and spoke whatever came to mind.
“That’s called being fuck buddies, you idiot.”
“Then let’s be fuck buddies, whatever. And I’m not an idiot. If hyung keeps cursing, I’ll curse too.”
Fuck buddies. At the definition of their relationship that came from Yechan’s mouth, Jiwoon’s heart became completely bloody. He thought it had already burned black and was full of nothing but burnt ashes, but his heart that had hardened black crumbled as it was and dripped with blood and pus.
Yechan’s face, who had smiled prettily while saying thank you all this time, flashed before his eyes. But the old promise to stop doing such things had long since disappeared.
Seo Yechan had fallen. Jiwoon felt like he might cry.
He wanted to just collapse. Jiwoon gritted his teeth and put strength in his legs, desperately mulling over his thoughts.
Jiwoon had definitely resolved never to get physical with Yechan again. But fuck buddies?
Being sex partners was the worst relationship Jiwoon could have with Yechan. Several ways to make Yechan give up came to mind in Jiwoon’s closed eyes. Jiwoon gritted his teeth.
Close senior? Fuck that. And Jiwoon chose the cruelest method among them.
“Hah…”
Jiwoon closed his eyes tightly, let out a long breath, and looked straight at Yechan.
“Yechan.”
Yechan’s eyes were still full of anger. Jiwoon hardened his face coldly.
“What kind of fuck buddy are you? You’re just a toy.”
Instantly, Yechan’s eyes widened. Nausea surged up.
“I was just playing with you. I threw you away and came back, so why are you being so clingy?”
Finally, the expression disappeared from Yechan’s face.
“Sick of it? I’m fucking sick of it.”
The taste of blood rose in his throat. His heart was torn to shreds, and it felt like the blood filling the inside was overflowing and flowing back up.
“Hah…” Yechan turned his head away from Jiwoon and gasped for breath.
“I thought that might be the case… but it really was true.”
Jiwoon’s heart dropped with a thud. Yechan met Jiwoon’s eyes again.
They were eyes filled with contempt. It seemed like sorrow had flickered through them briefly. During the time he spent searching for Jiwoon, Yechan had thought countless times.
What was I to hyung? And the answer that came back was always similar. A toy he played with and threw away.
Every time he thought that he was such an insignificant existence to Jiwoon, Yechan had to struggle with misery. And finally, he heard that worst word directly from Jiwoon’s mouth.
The strength drained from Yechan’s body completely. But soon, defiance filled that space. With what kind of heart, doing what kinds of things, waiting for how long, and how I found you. No.
“…That’s good. Play with me more. You’re sick of it? What should I do? I’m not sick of it.”
Fucking hell. Jiwoon muttered a long curse. His breath was completely blocked. He seriously felt like he might die.
This won’t work. Jiwoon, who had violently messed up his hair, finally spat out his true feelings.
“Yechan. Have a sincere relationship.”
“Is that something the person who just said he was playing with me should say? Hyung must have had a change of heart.”
“Yeah. I had a change of heart. I won’t do this kind of thing anymore.”
A dagger pierced Yechan’s chest. If this isn’t sincerity, then what is?
From the moment Yechan realized love, he had regretted it countless times. He lived drowning in self-hatred for not knowing, for realizing it too late.
But now Jiwoon, who had returned to a distance that seemed within reach, was completely destroying his only place. This shouldn’t happen. This was cheating.
Resentment turned into anger and made his head spin frantically.
“…I have someone I like. That person doesn’t like me. They say absolutely not.”
Faced with cheating, Yechan ultimately took a detour. He spat out the truth, but not all of it.
“Comfort me.”
And he committed a new cheat.
At Yechan’s words, Jiwoon’s head went cold. To have fuck buddies even though he has someone he likes? Yechan’s words went beyond simple corruption to being complete trash.
His hands trembled with disappointment and betrayal. It didn’t seem like the Yechan he knew.
“…Why did you change like this?”
“This kind of playing around, hyung taught it to me. Take responsibility.”
“So in the end, you’ll forget by sleeping around?”
“That sincerity hyung is talking about—you’re saying it won’t work out anyway. So comfort me.”
Yechan caught the shifting argument with fierce eyes. Jiwoon rubbed his face hard with both hands.
His senses were dulled by the alcohol. But he wanted to drink even more.
“Just like someone else. Don’t ruin your life sleeping around.”
“If liking someone was up to me, would I be doing this right now?”
Yechan’s words drove deep into Jiwoon. Fuck, exactly. If it was up to me, why would I be doing this?
Jiwoon let out a tired breath. He had no more energy to waste. Whether he’d comfort him later or end it like this, he just wanted to stop for now.
“I don’t know about comfort or whatever, just fuck off. Don’t pretend to know me from now on.”
Yechan looked up at the ceiling. Jiwoon’s firm rejection hurt beyond measure.
Further conversation seemed useless. The moment he realized failure, his strength drained completely.
Don’t pretend to know me… Haha. Suddenly Yechan wanted to give up everything. The alcohol encouraged self-destruction. Impulse moved his body.
“Then I’ll just grab anyone and get it over with.”
Yechan, who had spoken quietly, grabbed his coat. His eyes looking at Jiwoon were cold, as if asking why he wasn’t leaving.
Jiwoon froze in place. He couldn’t move his body from shock.
Yechan, who had been staring at the frozen Jiwoon, soon turned around.
“I’ll leave first.”
“Seo Yechan.”
Yechan didn’t stop. Jiwoon’s body shot forward.
Jiwoon grabbed the arm of Yechan who was trying to leave, turned him around, and asked.
“Where are you going?”
“I wonder. A club? A bar? If I go anywhere, won’t I catch at least one person?”
Jiwoon swallowed the taste of blood down his throat. Yechan checked his wristwatch.
At that action, his heart pounded anxiously. Something crashed down in his head.
“Are you crazy?”
“I just learned for the first time that one-night stands are crazy.”
“You… if you go out and sleep around with anyone, will you feel a little better?”
“I haven’t tried it yet, so I don’t know. It got better when I did it with hyung. Now if I try it with other people, I’ll find out.”
Yechan answered without changing his expression at all. Once Yechan started going astray, he was running wild without knowing the end.
Wow, I’m an idiot too for calling this pretty. Jiwoon gritted his teeth and clenched his fist.
“This bastard treats me like a male prostitute to the end.”
Yechan’s face instantly became murderous. He had never once thought of Jiwoon that way.
Lee Jiwoon was his countless firsts. The most brilliant existence full of sparkle.
He hated Jiwoon, who said he had a change of heart but wouldn’t give him even a little space beside him, who only said harsh words. He hated him so much.
“I never did that. If I really treated hyung like that kind of thing, would we be having this thing called a conversation right now?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
