#164
“You were together with him often. Every time I saw you with that guy, I was…”
“I told you, he’s just a landlord.”
“What did you two do? Why did you go to his house?”
Because when I was alone, the thoughts wouldn’t stop. From the moment Jung Yi-dam barged in and started spouting nonsense, the image of your death, which I’d never actually seen, kept circling around me. You, covered in blood, spinning around me like a ghost, whispering like an incantation to forgive Ki Baek-woo. I felt cornered. Afraid I might end up joining you without accomplishing anything. It felt like you were just waiting for that. So I needed someone, something, anything.
Even though in the end, I still couldn’t do anything and came to you like this anyway.
Lee Han-sol decided this was something he should never tell, not even if he died.
“I went because I was bored. His place is practically an amusement park. He even has a dog.”
“…Is that all? There was nothing else, right?”
“What else? You think we had some naked heart-to-heart? Are you being paranoid? If that’s how you’re going to be, why did you say you wouldn’t mind being second?”
“…I’m sorry for asking so much. It’s my problem. I don’t know why I keep thinking you’ll go to him. You said you wouldn’t, but I can’t help thinking… You have somewhere to go now besides our place, and that makes me so… I thought if you were a little more clear about it, I might feel better…”
Looking at the distressed Ki Baek-woo, Lee Han-sol finally said something he hadn’t particularly wanted to say.
“Ki Baek-woo, don’t be like that. Choi Tae-hyuk is a good person.”
“…Good?”
“He’s such a pushover that he’s destined to lose everything and end up penniless someday from co-signing loans or getting scammed by the wrong person… but he’s not a bad guy.”
Ki Baek-woo’s face, which had seemed to calm down, clouded over again. He asked, “Is it good that he’s nice?”
Lee Han-sol was dumbfounded by Ki Baek-woo’s way of twisting his words.
“No, why can’t you understand what I’m saying? I said no! Choi Tae-hyuk is a good person! He’s not at my level to date me, okay? He’s pitiful, so don’t get involved with him.”
“…Hyung, wait. What do you mean by your level? What…”
“Only gloomy guys like you who act differently behind people’s backs and secretly spy on others like me. Others don’t. Nobody likes me except you! I don’t have frien… well, I might have a few… Anyway, who would like someone like me? It’s really annoying, but you’re the only one with that weird taste. So stop asking about it already.”
Ki Baek-woo’s expression soured in a different way than before. He looked like he’d received some kind of shock. Meanwhile, Lee Han-sol’s face was slightly red. He felt ashamed for having spoken such realistic and miserable words about himself in front of Ki Baek-woo. Even though he’d said the same things countless times in front of others. Lee Han-sol tried to ignore it and spoke again.
“Instead of having this weird jealousy, you should be grateful to Choi Tae-hyuk. Because he told me to be happy.”
I came here for that reason. Because I want to be happy. But those words would never pass through Lee Han-sol’s vocal cords. Instead, he just stared at Ki Baek-woo with a bored expression. “Are we done now?” he commanded again.
“Just lie down while I’m still asking nicely.”
***
I didn’t know then. How could I have guessed that afterward, Ki Baek-woo would spout strange nonsense all night?
Recalling the commotion about Choi Tae-hyuk from just a few hours ago, Lee Han-sol inwardly let out a long sigh. Since this round of the story began, Ki Baek-woo had been acting differently from what Lee Han-sol knew. Watching Ki Baek-woo behave anxiously in a way he’d never seen before, Lee Han-sol had already thought:
Do people usually… go this far? I might be a hopeless case, but… why is Ki Baek-woo going to such extremes? The Ki Baek-woo I knew was jealous but gentle, and the one created by the system was cold and cynical. This Ki Baek-woo is too clingy and persistent. He’s clearly abnormal. Strange.
But he hadn’t thought deeply about it. Rather, to avoid being swayed by the frighteningly clingy Ki Baek-woo, Lee Han-sol had to remind himself several times a day: This is all just the setting for this round. It’s behavior designated by the system. The desperate, dying-for-attention appearance—it’s all fabricated. This gloomy Ki Baek-woo can’t possibly be real. But then Jung Yi-dam appeared and said something shocking.
That the current Ki Baek-woo was perfectly real. That he was acting entirely on his own, more completely than ever before. And that guy was originally this unpleasant, Han-sol. But you can love even that disgusting essence, right? You have to do it. Do it and give me peace.
So Lee Han-sol thought that Ki Baek-woo must have some discrepancy between his outer and inner self. He already suspected that there was an inner side different from the sweet, cute, heaven-sent angel he remembered. After all, no well-adjusted person with their head screwed on tight could act like Ki Baek-woo. Having mentally prepared himself, Lee Han-sol judged that he wouldn’t be surprised or flustered by whatever strange things Ki Baek-woo might say to him. In other words, he’d been vaccinated.
‘No, I didn’t expect it would be this bad. How did this guy hide it so well? This is practically fraud.’
When his thoughts reached that point, Lee Han-sol lifted his head sharply. The face of Ki Baek-woo, lying opposite him, immediately caught his eye, leaning against the blue light of dawn. Ki Baek-woo’s half-closed dreamy eyes blinked slowly, like a cat saying hello.
“…I won’t hide anything from you anymore, hyung.”
That low, cracked voice said abruptly. After saying all those strange things that had disturbed Lee Han-sol, the culprit himself now looked oddly relieved, as if he’d made a confession. Lee Han-sol’s brow furrowed with displeasure.
“You’ve been saying that all along, haven’t you? Didn’t you stay up all night until sunrise talking, trying not to hide anything?”
“Yeah, that’s right…”
“I seriously can’t believe this. When you were young, I thought, ‘Where did this angel drop from to come to me?’ But angel my ass… At least a demon would have some style, but this is just a water ghost.”
“…Still, don’t hate me. I know I’m strange… That’s why I tried not to get caught until I died…”
“My ears have already formed scabs, you know? This is basically you telling me not to treat you the same as the system.”
Ki Baek-woo embraced Lee Han-sol with weak strength.
“After hearing everything, you should know. I can never, ever do anything bad to you, hyung. I was made that way from the beginning…”
Lee Han-sol was conscious of Ki Baek-woo’s hand touching the ambiguous area where his nape met his shoulder. Perhaps because of what he’d just heard, it bothered him a little. He thought that the touch, light as cotton, somehow felt ticklish and persistent. And he recalled the time when they had just finished discussing the issue of Choi Tae-hyuk, before he knew things would turn out this way.
‘Hyung, you use the bed.’
‘Why is the patient acting up…? Don’t argue and go lie down.’
‘But the caregiver’s bed is too uncomfortable… I’d really like you to use the bed, I’ll go down.’
‘This is seriously getting annoying. Ki Baek-woo, are you some kind of fragile baby? Why is it so hard to get a fully grown man to lie in a bed? Hey, lie down. I’ll lie down with you, so just do it without arguing.’
After such a dispute, they finally lay down facing each other on the single-sized patient bed.
‘Hyung… can you hold me?’
Ki Baek-woo, who had been hesitating silently for a while, asked carefully. Before things had come to this, he would just dive into his arms without asking. Lee Han-sol suddenly felt that they had come back from a very long journey. With mixed feelings, he willingly embraced Ki Baek-woo. Because of the narrow single bed, they had to stick close together anyway to avoid falling off. Ki Baek-woo’s stiff arm roughly crossed Lee Han-sol’s back. Their chests pressed against each other. Thump, thump, thump. Lee Han-sol felt Ki Baek-woo’s rapidly beating heart through the thin t-shirt, making his chest area slightly ticklish.
‘Ki Baek-woo, why is your heart beating so fast? You’re not still fantasizing that Choi Tae-hyuk and I have something going on, are you? I don’t cheat like you do. The thing I hate most in this world is cheating and affairs.’
At those words, Ki Baek-woo tensely swallowed, and his protruding Adam’s apple visibly moved up and down. He hesitated and spoke intermittently.
‘I, hyung, if it were the real me, I wouldn’t have done that.’
‘What?’
‘When I was under the system’s control, I really didn’t know who I was. So you shouldn’t think that was Ki Baek-woo. How could it be me if I couldn’t even remember you? I, the real me, could never do that to you. I’m not just saying this… I, hyung, I have something to tell you… Can you listen?’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
