Chapter 97
Baek Rak’s house was cool after being empty for several days.
Seo Won entered the house and looked around the interior after a long time.
The studio-type room, with only hard furniture like a stiff sofa, large wardrobe, bed, and small table, hadn’t changed at all from before. Having stayed outside except for the last day at Gangnam Station, even this empty room felt moving. Moreover, his heart felt somewhat at ease, so it seemed he had grown accustomed to this place.
Seo Won flopped down on the bed and muttered while looking up at the ceiling.
“They say humans are animals of adaptation.”
Had he perhaps recognized this as a ‘place to return to’? Like his relaxed heart, his body also went limp.
But the future was the problem. He didn’t know how to approach Baek Rak. He couldn’t just stubbornly demand to be accepted.
He couldn’t carelessly touch that guy’s ‘past he didn’t want to look back on.’
Even those two people who had seemed so brilliant ended in tragedy, and it was somewhat pitiful to think that there was no law saying he wouldn’t end up the same way. Intensely remaining memories couldn’t be easily shaken off.
Anyway, since he had been so coldly rejected, he figured Baek Rak would avoid being around him for a while…
“……”
Seo Won didn’t know whether he should be happy about this or not.
While it was fortunate that he was given time to worry about a problem with no answer, he was also anxious not knowing when he’d be able to face him and talk.
Unlike him, Baek Rak was someone who could distance himself anytime he wanted to.
Seo Won slowly closed his eyes. Even in the midst of all this, his body couldn’t endure the fatigue and was crying out.
Although he had slept a bit before arriving at Yeongdeungpo Station, perhaps because he had been tense, his tiredness didn’t seem to have lifted at all. On top of that, he had received mental shocks several times. It would have been stranger if he were energetic.
Seo Won felt as if he was gradually being submerged in water rising from the floor. Then, as if he had never been worrying, he instantly fell asleep.
Rest came first for now.
Blink blink.
Seo Won woke from sleep, slowly blinking his eyes, then silently stared at the scene before him.
‘……Déjà vu?’
He definitely had a memory of facing the same situation. When he woke up from sleep and opened his eyes, he had seen Baek Rak. Now it was exactly the same as then. He could see Baek Rak’s face right in front of him.
Contrary to his worry that Baek Rak might avoid him, Baek Rak had come into the house and was sleeping next to him. He knew that guy was shameless enough to be second to none, but he hadn’t expected him to be this indifferent.
“……”
Still, he really was handsome. His long eyelashes and straight eyebrows looked particularly beautiful.
Seo Won was about to reach out his hand without knowing when he flinched at a strange feeling.
When he slowly looked down, wasn’t his hand – his hand that he thought had been behaving itself – tightly embracing Baek Rak’s waist! He had done this before too, so it seemed there was definitely a problem with his sleeping habits. Something like having to embrace something while sleeping…
Anyway, just as he was breaking out in cold sweat wondering how to get out of this situation.
Seo Won suddenly felt doubtful. Why should he run away as if he had never embraced him?
If that guy wasn’t avoiding him, then he had no reason to avoid either, right? Rather, this was an opportunity for him. He was holding the person he liked – who knew when such a day would come again.
Who would have thought that guy’s shamelessness would be helpful at a time like this.
Seo Won left his arm wrapped around Baek Rak’s waist as it was and raised his gaze again. Baek Rak still had his eyes closed without any movement.
“……”
But what on earth was he thinking, lying next to him and sleeping? Did he think it didn’t matter if there was a prior occupant since it was his bed? Even though that occupant was someone he had coldly rejected?
Generally, if someone was reluctant about the other person, they would either sleep on the sofa themselves or move the prior occupant from the bed to the sofa, but Baek Rak hadn’t done that. To lie down together while clearly knowing his sleeping habits – how should he interpret this?
Was Yu Sol’s words right after all?
That he had feelings but was deliberately rejecting him. That he had hurt him in order not to abandon his resolution.
If he asked like that, Baek Rak would definitely deny it. Whether that was sincere or false was unknowable, but he would definitely shake Baek Rak up in some direction.
Seo Won closed his eyes briefly, feeling his gradually quickening heartbeat.
As expected, his heart didn’t lie. Being this transparent, he couldn’t help but know.
At times like this, he felt hateful and angry, but still didn’t feel like he wanted to be apart. He always wanted that guy to be in front of his eyes at any time.
The emotions he had finally properly faced were this passionate. It was strange that he hadn’t known until now.
He slowly opened his eyes again.
“……!”
Baek Rak, who he thought was sleeping, was looking at him with open eyes. Seo Won couldn’t say anything and just looked at him.
Unlike yesterday, he couldn’t sense any embarrassment from Baek Rak. He wasn’t drowsy either, nor did he seem tired.
Just as he was about to remove the hand placed on his waist, Seo Won hurriedly put strength into his hand. Only then did Baek Rak react. His eyes flinched and his gaze wavered.
“……What, why.”
“……”
An expression of disbelief gradually appeared on Baek Rak’s face. He must be wondering why he was being so bold. Normally he would have been startled and pulled away. But now he had no intention of doing that at all.
“You also knew everything when you lay down.”
“……”
“It’s also familiar to us.”
After quietly listening to Seo Won’s words, Baek Rak suddenly sat up. Rather than getting up together, Seo Won buried his face in Baek Rak’s side while still embracing his waist. Then that guy’s characteristic cool scent penetrated his nostrils.
“What are you doing? If you woke up and confirmed this situation, you should let go.”
Finally opening his mouth, what he said was so cold.
Seo Won realized he strangely felt no impact and chuckled.
“Why should I?”
“Yoon Seo Won.”
“You also do whatever you want, so why can’t I?”
“……”
“If you hate me touching you, you should have slept on the sofa.”
Seo Won readjusted his embrace around Baek Rak’s waist and held him tighter. Before, he had embraced him back with solid arms and they had slept together, but thinking there would be no such occasions in the future made him feel so regretful.
It had been such a secure and warm embrace…
Then Baek Rak removed Seo Won’s arm that was gripping his waist and said.
“What I said yesterday, don’t you understand what it meant?”
“What? To sort it out myself?”
Seo Won swatted away Baek Rak’s arm that was trying to push him away and embraced his waist again. At that sight, Baek Rak looked incredulous and tried to remove his arm again, but only got hit on the back of his hand as if being told to move it away.
“……What are you doing?”
“I’m doing what I want.”
“Yoon Seo Won.”
“This has nothing to do with awakening as a guardian. Is there a reason I should listen to you even about personal matters?”
Looking at Seo Won coming out boldly, Baek Rak let out a hollow laugh.
“Stop being so unreasonable.”
“It’s my heart, so you don’t have the right to tell me this and that.”
“I told you I have no intention of accepting you.”
“That’s something we’ll have to see.”
Did Yoon Seo Won have this kind of shamelessness? Baek Rak felt for the first time what it meant to be at a loss for words.
He had roughly predicted what actions Yoon Seo Won would take after being rejected by him. He thought he would be troubled or depressed, or if not that, get angry and confront him. But that wasn’t the case. It was too different from the reaction he had expected from seeing Yoon Seo Won until now.
Moreover, while he usually ran away well, now he was clinging and wouldn’t let go. Whether he was being cold or pushing him away, he was being resolute, saying he would do as he pleased.
“Don’t waste energy on useless things and let go.”
“You stop wasting energy on useless things and give up.”
“Yoon Seo Won.”
“That damn ‘Yoon Seo Won’… Isn’t it time you called me ‘Seo Won-ah’ now?”
“……Why are you being so selfish? Were you originally this shameless?”
“Because I have to be like this to handle you.”
When Baek Rak hesitated, Seo Won finally raised his head. He looked over Baek Rak’s face that was looking down at him with furrowed brows and chuckled.
“You get flustered too? The great Baek Rak.”
“……”
“But setting aside being shameless, wasn’t I already acting selfishly before? Me? That’s why you were quite troubled in the beginning too. So it shouldn’t be that surprising.”
Thinking about it, nothing had changed from then to now. Of course, in the past it had happened because he tried to be helpful.
That’s how he saved Yu Sol, and that’s how he wandered between life and death.
Seo Won leaned his head against Baek Rak’s thigh while recalling the past.
“What, did you think I would give up as you said?”
“……”
“Do people’s hearts change that easily…? I’m not sure, but I don’t.”
While he basically had a tendency to get along well with people all around, he did make distinctions in his own way.
People he could casually hang out with, people who weren’t bad to spend time with, people with whom there was no need to continue the relationship itself, and people who would be with him for a long time.
People he trusted, he would believe in until the end even if they made mistakes, so he sometimes heard from friends, “You have no middle ground.”
To that extent, once he set his heart on someone, he would embrace them until the end, but strangely, he had never once had his heart flutter for anyone until now.
Slight fondness, curiosity. He had had that level of interest before, but even that would often cool down quickly. Each time that happened, he would get scolded by his friends. That he didn’t properly continue relationships. But what could he do when his heart didn’t go there? It was easy to maintain an appropriate relationship, but when they tried to cross the line beyond that, it was only uncomfortable.
But the person who had wedged into such a heart was Baek Rak.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
