Chapter 199
“That child, is he happy?”
“Yes. He said he was happy. He spoke with strong determination that he would protect the happiness he enjoys now in the future.”
“What about me? And you?”
“His Majesty and the young master will be with you, Miss, and I… as long as that person is there, I’ll always be happy, so the end of that story will be a happy ending.”
Irene nodded and shed tears. She wanted to hug him just once. She wanted to say she loved him. She wanted to hear that longed-for voice.
‘It’s become impossible now…’
But now she would be able to move forward. Having glimpsed even fragments, it seemed she could live on.
“Is Luwen okay?”
He couldn’t answer. He had resolved to act calm because the Miss was worried, to answer nonchalantly, but his mouth simply wouldn’t open. Perhaps it was because he had used up all his energy pretending to be calm in front of Fei. Luwen eventually trembled and sobbed.
The truth was, he wanted to bring that person here. He wanted to bring him to this world where everything was over and love and be loved to his heart’s content. If he could have done that, he would have.
‘Fei…’
How should he live when he already missed him so achingly? What meaning could there be in a life spent alone without that person? He couldn’t find anything.
But even so, Luwen would live on. Holding Fei’s memories, thinking of that person’s smile, believing that another version of himself would live happily.
‘So I don’t regret it.’
He drew out all his remaining mana and changed ‘Luwen’s’ body. So that he could absorb and use the power of aura more quickly. So that he could obtain more powerful strength in preparation for the coming war.
Although this meant he wouldn’t be able to watch until the war ended, he was confident they could grasp the life they wanted. So he would be able to live on in this world without Fei. No, he had to live. Because he had promised to love until the moment of death. To love for even a little longer.
* * *
When I opened my eyes, I saw Luwen. He had been looking at me with a worried face, and he pressed his forehead against mine and let out a sigh of relief.
“I’m glad you came back.”
I could read the fear faintly lingering in his murmuring voice. Had he noticed that my consciousness had gone there and back?
“Of course I’d come back, since this is where I belong.”
My vision was blurry, so I blinked to regain focus. But my sight became hazy again.
Luwen lifted his head and rubbed my cheek.
“That person might not have sent you back.”
“That person is also Luwen. He wouldn’t do something I’d hate.”
I felt sorry that tears kept coming. It seemed like he would know I was crying because of that person. But I couldn’t stop. Even though Luwen was in front of me, the eternal farewell with another Luwen was so sad I could barely bear it.
“Aren’t you trusting too much? To my eyes, it looked like he wanted to take you away, young master.”
But he’s Luwen. It would be unreasonable not to trust him. As a result, I’m here now, so I wasn’t betrayed either.
“That might have been the case. But now…”
The words got stuck in my throat. I couldn’t bring myself to continue and only moved my lips.
“It’s okay. Even if you don’t say it, I understand. You’re this sad because that person disappeared.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Right now, you’re by my side, young master. But that person can never see you again, not even once more.”
Luwen said that since that person was also himself, he could understand what kind of feelings he must have now.
“So you can cry. Cry until your heart feels at ease, and let it all out. Please leave only me in your heart, young master.”
“I only have you. I just… I don’t know. I try to think he’s not you, but he keeps seeming like Luwen. I feel like I abandoned you, like you’re crying alone somewhere without me… and that hurts.”
“I also acknowledged that he was another me when I met him. We have different memories, but our essence is the same person. So it’s not unreasonable that you feel that way.”
Luwen held me tightly in his arms and comforted me. Perhaps because he soothed me to cry comfortably, which put me at ease, I couldn’t stop easily. I buried myself in Luwen’s embrace and sobbed like a child.
After crying until my eyes stung, I felt a little relieved. But I was worried I might look ugly with my eyes all swollen, and embarrassment came rushing in belatedly. What a fool I was, a grown adult man crying like a child.
“…I need to write a letter to Taran.”
Embarrassed, I changed the subject by mentioning the original purpose of coming to the office. Luwen quietly let me go without teasing me. I wonder if he knows how grateful I am for that.
At first, I was a bit stuck, but as I wrote down what to tell the leader and the strategy, using my head, my rationality returned and I became calm. Thanks to that, I could organize the content smoothly.
“Oh, and I heard this from that person.”
I explained to Luwen about the meaning of my death that he had seen. While talking about how there seemed to be a first life, I naturally came to mention the second life as well. Since I had to explain that the death he saw wouldn’t happen because there was a second life.
I worried about what to do if he didn’t believe me, but it was a needless concern. He accepted my words all too easily.
“I see. That’s fortunate.”
“…You believe me?”
“Because you have no reason to lie to me, young master.”
It was a simple answer. I never thought I would confess such facts to anyone. So I thought I’d have to carry it alone for the rest of my life. But now that I’d spoken honestly, I felt relieved.
“But it’s war. We don’t know when something might happen, so we can’t be at ease. That’s why I’d prefer to leave you at the safe mansion, young master, but…”
Luwen looked at me quietly, then sighed softly and smiled.
“You’re not someone who would stay still.”
“Is, is that so?”
With his arms crossed, Luwen pondered something unknown for quite a while. Looking at the flow of our conversation just now, it seemed he was probably considering whether or not I would ‘participate in the war,’ so I waited quietly to see what conclusion he would reach.
“No matter how fast, we’ll have at least a year to prepare…”
Finally, he spoke. I perked up my ears and focused on what followed.
“During that time, I’ll become a real Aura Master. If that person helped, it must mean that power is necessary to protect you during the war.”
I hadn’t thought in that direction, but recalling the ‘Luwen’ who had continuously suffered over my death, it didn’t seem like a wrong interpretation.
“And since you’ll probably secretly follow even if we try to stop you, young master, you might as well come along.”
“Huh? Really?”
I had been planning to create a new identity to secretly follow Luwen and my sister, but if they would take me along from the start, I would naturally welcome it. It would be more comfortable for me too if I could move around openly.
“Yes. The you that I saw somehow followed the war no matter what. And I think that would be the same even for you with memories of your past life, young master.”
Now all that remained was my sister’s permission. I was thinking I should casually bring it up when my sister returned, when Luwen got up saying he needed to quickly select a new guard.
“I’m going to train my aura to the limit before the war breaks out. So I might not be able to see you as often as now.”
“Ah…”
That’s disappointing. But I welcomed him getting stronger for Luwen’s sake. If he became an Aura Master, he’d be able to break through enemy lines and survive even in potential isolation situations.
“You said you’re going to Taran. Could you wait just a moment?”
“Yeah.”
Luwen hurriedly left the office.
While waiting for him, I mulled over the forgotten memories. My death in my past life that I hadn’t told Luwen about. The final moment I couldn’t remember all along, which I recalled this time.
I had died by falling into the Han River in the dead of winter. That’s why when I first realized my past life, even though I had fallen into a shallow lake, I felt like I had fallen into deep water.
‘It was the same when I was swept away by the rapids.’
Actually, at that time Luwen told me that when this life ended, next time…
‘You will be reborn in my hometown. You will be loved by many and live happily. I made a wish for that to happen.’
‘I’m not naive enough to believe in fairy tales.’
‘There are things called miracles and magic in the world.’
I thought at the time that a human old enough to know better was saying naive things. Looking back now, it was all true, but at the time I considered it nonsense.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
