Chapter 121
I momentarily froze at the mention of China.
Knox Shanghai branch, which Lee Seogyeong manages, was a hotel in Pudong’s Lujiazui Financial and Trade District as far as I knew. Even though I knew it had nothing to do with resorts including golf courses, just hearing the word “China” from his mouth made my throat tighten.
I drank more water to avoid being caught swallowing dry saliva. I was fortunate to be wearing sunglasses.
“Father started teaching me golf from middle school, and it was really torturous. I wanted to ask him to hire an instructor, whether a professional golfer or whatever, but I couldn’t even say such things. It seemed like he placed significance in teaching me directly.”
“You were a good son.”
“Rather than that, I had no right to refuse.”
He chuckled and drank water refreshingly.
Except for the sound of waves gently hitting the rocky cliffs and the wind cutting through our ears, the field was quiet around Tuesday lunchtime. The scattered teams we’d seen playing on the way also seemed to have returned to the clubhouse for meals.
When I turned my eyes away from gazing down at the islands floating long and overlapping each other in the not-so-distant sea, I felt his gaze. He was looking at me from behind his sunglasses, his chin slightly raised as he drank water.
He was sitting in the back seat of the buggy, and I, sitting in the front row, had my body half-turned toward him with my arm draped over the seat.
He set down the water bottle beside him and took off his sunglasses. Folding the temple arms, he continued his story.
“Many people think that as a son of Hanseo Group, I must have traveled abroad so much that airport thresholds wore out, but among my school friends, I actually traveled less frequently than average. My parents weren’t leisurely enough to take relaxing trips together…”
Nevertheless, he was obligated to take one trip per year.
He had to decide the destination, travel theme, and routes matching the theme himself, accompanied by attendants or tutors. Very rarely, one or both of his parents would accompany him.
“After returning from trips, I had to write reports and essays. I still don’t know if father actually read them. Forget father—probably someone at the level of father’s attendant’s attendant’s attendant read them and reported back.”
Listening to his low, gentle voice made me feel drowsy. Not from boredom, but from a pleasant relaxation of body and mind.
I smiled a little watching him complain, and he smiled back at me too.
“Real vacations where I could just rest completely without thinking about anything were maybe 3-4 days per year? Since there’s quite an age gap between me and my older sister and brother, I spent relatively more time with my parents, and even though they educated me less strictly because of that, it was still to that extent.”
Fidgeting with his sunglasses in his hands, he added with a bitter smile:
“That might be why hyung hates me so much.”
“……”
“Because he thinks father favored me.”
My chest tightened again. Incomparably more than when I heard the word “China,” it felt like all the moisture in my body evaporated at once.
Who I was dating.
Moments of realizing this were bound to increase in the future. To say I had taken his hand again without any expectation would be too naive of me. But it also wasn’t a decision made after thoroughly considering and preparing for every possibility.
I simply couldn’t give him up. Even after saying it was over, I had no confidence in stopping myself from continuing to hover around him. So without any preparation, I returned to him recklessly. So very different from my previous self.
Lost in thought, he was quiet for a moment. I was stroking the artificial leather seat back with my fingertips when I slyly tried to change the subject.
“Do you… not do martial arts anymore?”
A puzzled face looked up at me.
“Before, you said you learned several for self-defense. I was wondering if you still do those sports.”
Unexpectedly, his face quickly turned red. Starting from his neck up to his ears and forehead, like a glass being filled with tomato juice, the process of redness gradually rising was clearly visible.
“Ah…”
Groaning with a pained voice, he covered his face with one hand. Then like someone trying to pull together a crumbling mind, he rubbed and swept his face several times.
When he finally removed his hand and faced me after a while, his complexion had mostly calmed down.
With a face unable to hide his amusement, he lightly grasped my hand draped over the seat back. It was a touch without any force, like a gentle breeze brushing against hair by the ear.
“You remembered all of that?”
How could I forget?
Even as the edges of memories became increasingly blurred while experiencing various things, his back figure running across the square chasing Luca never crumbled. Just like forgetting the faces and names of directors or actors from impressively watched movies, but vividly remembering the most memorable scenes and emotions felt through them.
Another person angry because of my pain.
He was like an existence whose pain receptors were connected to feel my pain directly. Because I was hurt, it was his scream. So there was no way I could forget.
Just from the fact that I remembered the past, he blushed, and for a moment I saw his twenty-year-old self overlap with him. I vaguely understood how small he felt in front of me.
The stabbing pain spreading from around my chest and the choking feeling made me unable to answer aloud. Instead, I gripped tightly the hand that was lightly holding mine. Hoping this alone would convey it.
“……”
He suddenly took off my cap. I thought my sweat had cooled considerably, but removing just one hat made my whole body feel refreshingly light. Not minding that it was wet with sweat, he swept my hair back.
“I’m dirty from sweating.”
“I’m a guy who wants to do golden shower play with hyung. Would I worry about mere sweat being dirty?”
His serious expression while saying that made me laugh instead. He smiled satisfactorily after arranging my hair that had been pressed down by the hat.
“Originally, on noona’s orders, I lived at the main house after returning to Korea. My own house was just for coming and going.”
Crossing his arms and draping them over the back of the chair where I sat, he bent his waist deeply.
“Even calling it my house, I owned it because of the land value, and I’d never lived there so I had no attachment…”
From a position lower than me, he craned his neck to look up.
“Lately it feels like my house. I can see hyung’s traces at home. Hyung who scared me by saying you’d drunkenly return to Paeli in the dining room, hyung who said you’d take responsibility for me sitting in the reception room, and in the bedroom…”
“Okay, I get it, I understand what you mean.”
This time it seemed like my face would burn up, so I hurriedly covered his mouth. He laughed while gently pulling my hand down.
Pressing firmly into the hollow of my palm like acupressure, he looked down at my hand with regretful eyes as if reminiscing about something precious he’d lost.
“My two visits to Paeli were all we had. When I returned to my life, there were no traces of hyung at all. But now little by little… I can feel that hyung is also entering my life…”
He didn’t conclude with a complete sentence. Not looking at each other’s faces but continuing to focus only on my hand, he said quietly in a pained voice:
“While we couldn’t meet, I actually waited nicely. But I keep becoming more greedy. Hyung, please want me more too.”
More than he thought, I already desired him greedily. Enough to choose being by his side while ignoring all the rules and priorities that used to move my previous self.
For someone like me, that was not just simple deviation but radical change.
Two six-person buggies were noisily approaching from the direction of hole 5, apparently moving to the shade house for late lunch. He slowly let go of the hand he was holding and straightened his back.
“You’re hungry, right? Shall we go eat too?”
His words sounded like a kind of awakening suggestion that brought me back from a hypnotic state.
The unrealistic drowsiness until then disappeared and I felt dazed as if waking from a deep sweet dream.
■
The restaurant for lunch was about 30 minutes south from the resort. Since he had recommended this place when planning this schedule, I visited with anticipation.
Crossing Jindo Bridge, a land bridge connecting mainland Haenam with the island Jindo, the restaurant was cozily nestled at the foot of a not-too-high mountain.
I had expected a much more popular appearance for a duck meat specialty restaurant, but the restaurant operating in three renovated old hanok buildings looked like an upscale Korean traditional restaurant at first glance.
From the time we slowly entered the parking lot, a woman in her early sixties was waving with a bright face from the restaurant entrance. He lowered the passenger window and waved back in response. She seemed to have been eagerly waiting for him right on schedule.
“How many years has it been? Oh my, if I saw you passing by, I wouldn’t recognize you. You came once before graduating college after returning to Korea, right?”
“Yes, have you been well? That was already about 5 years ago.”
“You don’t know how much I waited after hearing you were coming. You were handsome before, but now you don’t look like a student at all. You’re becoming more and more like your father.”
“Haha… is that so?”
“Though you’re more handsome than your father.”
While guiding us to the reserved room, the owner held his hand tightly and was as delighted as if her grandson had come.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
