Chapter 78
In Jiin’s family, adoption wasn’t a taboo word. They didn’t deliberately bring it up often, but they didn’t treat it as a sensitive bomb either. When it naturally came up in conversation, they would mention as much as necessary.
But it had been a really long time since the adoptive father brought up that story. The story from when Jiin had just been adopted. It was a story that the adoptive father used to tell when he was pleasantly drunk in the distant past.
About the fate that made it impossible not to bring Jiin in as his son, and about the miracle of Jiin starting to speak again in New York where they stayed for treatment. The adoptive father back then liked to recall that moment while looking at his son, at Jiin, with loving eyes moistened with tears.
The adoptive father completely stopped eating the more than half-remaining grilled sea bass. He pressed his lips with a napkin to clean them, then began looking earnestly at Jiin.
“While waiting for the test results, I really… couldn’t even swallow water properly. From Harvard University Hospital in New Jersey to Columbia University Hospital here in Manhattan… We hired consultants and visited almost every skilled doctor in this area for consultations. It’s already been over 20 years since then…”
He looked at Jiin with a face that chewed over the impermanence of time, immersed in sentiment. Jiin’s emotions began to stir too. He seemed to see him from the past, his father.
Jiin had been protected at a facility in Seoul that his adoptive mother had consistently sponsored and volunteered at. He had been registered as a report of a lost child and moved to the facility after failing to find his guardians for more than a certain period.
Jiin, who appeared to be about three years old based on his physical development, couldn’t speak at all, so it was impossible to determine whether he belonged to the category of missing, abandoned, or lost children. Therefore, it was harder for him to be adopted than children whose parents had directly completed parental rights relinquishment and adoption permission documents.
Moreover, due to the problem of not speaking, adoption opportunities were further reduced.
Bitterly, the reality was that the closer to infancy and the more decent the appearance, the higher the adoption probability. Despite his eye-catching appearance, Jiin hadn’t met adoptive parents for over a year and was increasingly moving away from the preferred adoption age.
Whether Jiin couldn’t speak due to physical or mental problems, or whether he had voluntarily closed his mouth to protect himself. With the facility’s tight finances, they couldn’t even dare to get precise examinations, let alone treatment.
After much consideration, the adoptive mother decided to adopt Jiin, whom she had been watching since admission. Since she was facing retirement from the entertainment industry, moving to Italy, and marriage, the adoption was rushed. And before entering Italy, they chose to go to America first to accurately diagnose and treat Jiin’s condition.
“I really wondered what would happen then, but the test results showed nothing wrong… It seemed like we could breathe a sigh of relief, but from then on, it was a race against time.”
The adoptive father’s voice was trembling almost imperceptibly. He paused briefly to clear his throat, and perhaps feeling restricted in emotional expression, he temporarily switched to English to continue his story.
“The round-the-clock devoted care wasn’t in vain—like a miracle, he opened his mouth in the seventh week of being in America. Your mother and I will never forget what you said then for the rest of our lives.”
At that time, the adoptive mother was growing cymbidium orchids in the Manhattan apartment where they were temporarily staying. Without any other pots, she had brought in only one orchid and devoted care to it, even adjusting humidity and temperature.
With the heart that good things would happen to Jiin too when that orchid bloomed, she desperately waited for the flowers. Although a flower spike had emerged, she couldn’t relax because there were many cases where they would wither and die even after the spike appeared.
Two days after the surface of the cultivation soil had dried, in the morning. When giving water to the orchid at regular intervals, Jiin always watched his mother from beside her and listened to her stories about waiting for flowers. Even though she couldn’t tell if Jiin was listening, she told him many stories.
One day, it was just around dawn.
The mother, who had been sleeping deeply, opened her drowsy eyes to the hand gestures shaking her awake. Jiin, who should have been sleeping soundly beside her, was looking down at her with bright, alert eyes. When she smiled and tried to embrace her son, his small lips moved.
“Mom, the flowers came.”
It was the heart wanting to quickly tell her that the flowers his mother had been waiting for so much had bloomed that opened Jiin’s mouth.
Of course, Jiin didn’t remember that incident. The same was true for the story of the three of them looking at those flowers together and embracing each other.
But when hearing that story from his adoptive parents, he would be filled with intimacy and happiness. Even though not connected by blood, he could feel reassured knowing that he was a precious existence to them, that they had shared beautiful moments together.
“Dad really… still cries when telling that story? Here, wipe your tears.”
Yui’s eyes were also reddening as she handed a paper napkin to the adoptive father while scolding him.
Jiin lowered his head. Perhaps he had been overly sensitive in his reaction.
Even after the adoptive father became somewhat arrogant and obsessed with material things, he remained a consistently gentle father to the twins. If he was such a person, even if he had become materialistic, his feelings toward his adopted son might perhaps remain the same. They had once been a really affectionate father and son, envied by none.
Moreover, there were plenty of biological parents in the world who couldn’t accept their biological sons’ coming out. The awkwardness in his relationship with the adoptive father after coming out might not have been because he was adopted, but simply because it was difficult to accept his son’s sexual identity.
Such hopes began to settle in Jiin’s mind and heart.
And at the same time, he seemed to understand his true feelings—how he had felt lonely about the distant relationship with his adoptive father while pretending to be indifferent. Because to Jiin, they weren’t adoptive father and mother, but simply the father and mother who had protected and embraced him from his very first memories.
That he had missed paternal affection. That he had been waiting for his father to love him again like he did the twins, like when he was young. Jiin had no choice but to quietly acknowledge this.
The adoptive father’s invitation to this trip might indeed have been an effort to restore their relationship. Like before. Like childhood when he would sit him on his lap, kiss his hair, and tell him what a special child he was.
■
From the hotel room window, one could view St. Patrick’s Cathedral and Rockefeller Center behind it.
Perhaps because Christmas was right around the corner. All the lights on Madison Avenue seemed to contain the affectionate yet lonely sentiment unique to year-end. Even the one-way procession of cars lined up heading north looked like Christmas tree lights.
Looking out at the dizzying skyscrapers standing closely together in layers, Jiin thought of Paeli.
The low lights that gradually quieted as night deepened and the Christmas tree set up in the ‘Mio Palazzo’ lobby. The Christmas decorations throughout the hotel and the luminarie in the garden.
The precariousness that a human feels when their feet leave the ground suddenly made Jiin anxious. It felt like he had come too far from home.
Just that afternoon he had thought it was good to come to New York, but not even a full day later, Jiin let out a deflated laugh at himself for missing home.
Just as he turned his eyes from the splendid view and was about to step away from the window, the doorbell rang.
Had Yui or Ian come to borrow toiletries they had forgotten to pack? With a pleased heart, Jiin hurried across the living room toward the entrance.
However, the visitor confirmed through the round peephole was the adoptive father.
“Did something happen?”
At the words that came out as soon as he opened the door, the adoptive father hesitated and made an awkward expression.
“Do I need something to happen to come visit?”
“No, that’s not what I meant…”
For a long time, Jiin had never spent time alone with the adoptive father without the twins. So reflexively, worry about whether something had happened came first.
“I was in the kids’ room… stopped by briefly before going back. It’s been a long time since I talked with you.”
“You’re welcome. Please come in.”
While pulling the door open wider, Jiin stepped aside so the adoptive father could enter. After passing through the corridor into the living room, he stood in the middle pacing around like someone who didn’t know what to do.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you while you’re resting.”
“No. I wasn’t particularly doing anything. Please sit.”
While Jiin prepared two glasses of whiskey at the mini bar, the adoptive father sat in the seat Jiin had offered. He rummaged through the travel brochures scattered on the coffee table and Broadway schedules that Jiin had printed from Paeli. From his unfocused, hazy gaze, it didn’t seem like he was particularly interested in what he was doing.
Jiin handed him a glass on the rocks and sat in the single chair across from him.
“Thank you for being polite during tonight’s dinner with the managing director. You’ve always been… a child who never disappoints.”
The adoptive father was dressed in elegant casual clothes with a thin, light cashmere coat beside him. Yet somehow he looked shabby and exhausted, as if soaked through.
Though he said nothing was wrong, had something really happened? Jiin carefully observed his mood.
“I couldn’t say this in front of the twins… but actually, he’s an unpredictable person, so I was very nervous.”
With an awkward expression that was neither smiling nor frowning, the adoptive father confessed this and swallowed several consecutive sips of strong whiskey undiluted by ice. He seemed like someone who couldn’t speak difficult words without borrowing the momentary strength of alcohol.
“He seemed to… like you very much. He praised you a lot.”
“Yes…”
“What about you.”
“……”
The adoptive father, who had been leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs, raised his eyes to look at Jiin.
It was awkward to receive such a question from the adoptive father. Jiin fiddled with his untouched glass and answered ambiguously.
“He seems like a good person, but… it’s not like I’ll be staying in New York forever. There’s nothing particular to like or dislike…”
When Jiin had revealed his sexual identity, the adoptive father had shown strong bewilderment, and their distance had continued to grow since then. In recent years, they had only exchanged formal phone calls. Yet now he was trying to arrange a romance with a man. The realization that six years was by no means a short period of time was striking.
But his expression wasn’t bright at all. Since his boss liked Jiin, he was reluctantly recommending him to Jiin, but perhaps he still had homophobic tendencies.
While Jiin was thinking this, the adoptive father hesitantly opened his mouth again.
“Even if you don’t necessarily become lovers or anything… there are things like… memories from travel destinations… aren’t there.”
“……”
What did he mean by that? Jiin’s brow furrowed as he looked at the adoptive father.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
