Chapter 72
“After graduation he was at Knox Hotel’s New York branch. He worked there the whole time and got transferred to Seoul with good conditions.”
“And you were here trying to be an actor?”
I nodded while stroking the smooth surface of the small glass with my hand. Taeyoon’s words contained the meaning of an exquisite coincidence. Because I agreed with that, a faint smile spread across my lips as I nodded.
Moreover, our first reunion was in Bangkok. Not Paeli, not New York, not even Seoul… to meet again in a place where we had no connection at all…
The point where our complex life trajectories accidentally collided had considerable unexpectedness. My smile deepened.
“Well, that much could be called fate.”
Taeyoon spoke as if grudgingly acknowledging it, and soon a mischievous smile appeared on his face. His face came closer.
“Did you like him right away when you saw him? Did old feelings come bubbling up?”
Taeyoon’s such questions were excessively embarrassing. I scratched behind my ear and poured alcohol into my empty glass. However, Taeyoon didn’t give up on hearing an answer.
“Those kinds of memories are bound to be romanticized. Why do you think they say you shouldn’t look for your first love? That was so long ago. Among guys, there are plenty who already have an ahjussi vibe at twenty-seven. You’re the monster. Even the kids working in this alley are already treated as has-beens at twenty-seven.”
I half-listened to Taeyoon’s talk and brought the glass I had filled to my lips.
Since I didn’t recognize him right away, old feelings didn’t revive the moment I saw him. But even without knowing it was him, my heart was drawn to him from the moment I saw him. Because his appearance perfectly matched my taste that had been shaped by the past him.
The moment I knew he was the same person from the past, emotions immediately overflowed from the sealed past and swept over the present me. So it was true that I liked him right away when I saw him, and it was also true that old feelings came back to life.
Suddenly another question was thrown at myself in my head.
If I had never known that the current him was the past him, what would have happened to my feelings?
“What’s this, you don’t answer when I ask but suddenly your face is turning red? Is the alcohol hitting you?”
At Taeyoon’s action of bending deeply to peer at my face, I flinched and pulled back.
“Uh… it suddenly hit me hard. I must have drunk too fast.”
I pressed my palm against the surface of the soju bottle, then rubbed that cool sensation on my cheek, blaming the alcohol.
But the reason for the heat was different.
The answer to the question I had posed myself was clear.
Even without memories of the past, I would have eventually opened my heart to the current him.
My feelings toward him, examined through one simple question, were more passionate than I thought.
I was continuously, increasingly, drawn to him. Perhaps since Bangkok. I had wanted to reach out and comfort him when he looked tired, and even while saying I wouldn’t contact him, I couldn’t throw away the memo he left behind.
While grabbing a water bottle instead of alcohol and twisting the cap, I answered in a daze as if muttering.
“He changed so much I couldn’t recognize him right away. But even though I couldn’t recognize him… I liked him again.”
“Excuse me, who are you? Have you seen my friend who was sitting here? He’s the guy who’s allergic to love talk.”
“When did you tell me to please date someone? And what’s with that reaction when you’re the one who asked?”
I complained while lightly hitting Taeyoon’s shoulder with the water bottle I had capped after taking a sip.
“I didn’t know you would… do it that way even if you dated someone. Ah, I can’t adjust. Is it because you’re an actor? You held out not dating for so long, then you start like some movie.”
Taeyoon, who had been acting like he wanted to find fault with him somehow, changed the atmosphere after drinking one more glass of alcohol I poured. He put down his glass with a serious expression and immediately poured alcohol into his glass again without eating any side dishes.
“Whether his whole family immigrated or just sent their son to study abroad… to have that much success at that age, there must have been considerable support from home… but it probably isn’t the kind of family that can influence the entertainment industry like Yoon Juho’s.”
Taeyoon seemed to still regret about Yoon Juho.
Yoon Juho and I had an extremely dry relationship even for sex partners, though we occasionally drank together. We had never dined at a romantic restaurant, or even taken a short trip to enjoy different sex in a new environment.
That indifferent distance, not demanding more private time or emotions, was a big part of why I maintained a long relationship with Yoon Juho. I thought Yoon Juho felt the same way.
Looking at Taeyoon’s profile as he drank consecutively, I asked in a subdued voice.
“Do you think <Eternal Night> happened because of Yoon Juho’s influence?”
“It’s not that I doubt your ability.”
“I know.”
“Hwang Sooyoung isn’t an unknown PD, and no matter how much Yoon Juho is, he couldn’t control even Hwang Sooyoung. Even if he didn’t play a decisive role, it’s true that you got the audition opportunity through Yoon Juho’s influence. That’s what I mean.”
“……”
“It’s a world where ability alone isn’t enough. I just wish you had at least one person who could be a strength to you in that world. Of course, you’d say you don’t need such things.”
Taeyoon, who added the last words to avoid talking too heavily, put a piece of flounder fin in his mouth while praising the freshness of the sashimi anew. I deliberately added playfulness with a gentle voice while firmly massaging his shoulder.
“I don’t need such things, but I don’t dislike you worrying about me either.”
“Seeing how well you say things that give me goosebumps, you’re really drunk.”
The atmosphere lightened again as we giggled at each other in the sharp alcohol buzz. Taeyoon, who had been admiring his own skill as if the spicy fish stew made with sauce from the raw fish restaurant was his own cooking, put down his spoon and subtly asked.
“Is your boyfriend handsome?”
Only a chuckling laugh escaped at the word boyfriend that I couldn’t get used to.
“Funny… he must be handsome. More than Yoon Juho?”
“Well, in my eyes, yes.”
It was an honest answer I gave with great resolve, but he frowned.
“This is how scary dating is. A person changes in an instant. Stone-hearted Jung Jiin got hooked, so I need to see that amazing face. When will you show me?”
Dating, which was practically my first time doing it properly, had more hurdles to overcome than I thought. Since it was a same-sex relationship, I couldn’t introduce him to everyone around me, but I couldn’t hide my partner even from my one and only friend who knew everything about me.
“A sex partner might be one thing, but you have to show me your boyfriend. Right?”
Taeyoon demanded an introduction once more with an expectant face. Imagining him, me, and Taeyoon together, words of acceptance didn’t come easily.
While I hesitated, my phone on the table vibrated. Because he had taken my phone away earlier, the phone was closer to Taeyoon.
“What’s this? Team Leader Lee Han?”
I immediately snatched the phone from Taeyoon’s hands as he held it and looked at the screen.
“Oho… from your reaction, is that the guy?”
I got up from my seat completely to avoid him whose eyes were shining with curiosity. I moved as far as possible toward the entrance and connected the call. Come to think of it, it was already office workers’ lunch time.
[Is it okay to answer the phone? Am I disturbing you?]
As if he didn’t expect the call to connect, he spoke hesitantly and carefully.
[It’s just… drinking with a friend, just the two of us.]
[I reserved one glamping tent at Hongcheon Resort. The date is Saturday.]
Did he call just to report that quickly? At his voice that didn’t hide his excited emotions, even my chest felt ticklish.
[How was there an empty spot even during peak season? It’s not abuse of employee authority, is it?]
[No matter how much of an employee I am, I can’t do anything about rooms already reserved by customers. There’s one tent of the highest grade. If it were a hotel room, it would be like a suite. Even I think the price is a bit wicked… so it’s not fully booked every day even during peak season. It is true that I made the reservation at the employee discount rate though.]
[Finally going to that Hongcheon. You’ve been saying we should go since we met at Director Kang Woohyeon’s party.]
[Right. I got flatly rejected then. Because of someone who told me not to think about setting the mood and just hurry up and take you to bed.]
Back then, I couldn’t understand him trying to take me all the way to Hongcheon just for sex. At the time, I thought the only value we sought from each other was sex.
But he wasn’t like that. Since sex wasn’t the ultimate purpose, the place mattered, and he wanted to set the mood.
When I unconsciously raised my head, my face was reflected in the mirror hanging on the wall next to the entrance. Undisguised laughter filled my entire face. It was the face of someone who was dying of happiness, just as Seohae hyung had said before. This time I couldn’t deny it either. It looked that way even to me.
I made eye contact with Taeyoon through the mirror. Taeyoon was shaking his head with an expression that he couldn’t stand it. I rubbed the floor with my shoe in embarrassment and subtly looked away.
[Um, it’s lunch time now, right? Even if you’re busy, make sure to eat your meals properly.]
[Hyung, wait a moment.]
[……]
[This time… you really won’t stand me up, right? It’s our first date as lovers. I’m looking forward to it several times more than last time, so you really can’t cancel, okay?]
I roughly answered him who was demanding a promise in an earnest voice and hurriedly ended the call. My appearance while dating was quite different from my previous self even in my own opinion, so it seemed I would need an adjustment period before naturally revealing it to people around me.
As soon as I returned to my seat, Taeyoon’s teasing began as expected.
“Did you already decide to go play in Hongcheon? I heard there’s a typhoon coming?”
“The typhoon is next week. We’re going this weekend so it’s fine.”
“The day would come when I’d want to date because I’m stimulated by Jung Jiin. Ah… where is my dom?”
Since our school days together in Paeli, Taeyoon had early on defined himself as having BDSM tendencies. All my shallow knowledge about BDSM came from Taeyoon.
Contrary to most expectations that he would have dominant tendencies, he was a submissive.
He had such clean looks and eloquent speaking skills that he quickly rose to the ace position in the host bar industry, which was jokingly said to be as competitive as the entertainment industry. He had good social skills and seemed light at first glance, but was by no means an easy person. Even in the entertainment industry where they say even aces who make big money every month absolutely can’t save that money, he was tough enough to save startup funds in three years and get out.
Despite being such a Taeyoon, in his private life he had desires to be dominated and submit to someone he could respect.
According to someone’s comment left on the internet, just as I, who seemed like I would only know missionary position and would even taboo oral sex, actually craved sex where my partner would push me until the bottom of my instincts was revealed.
Since ‘female doms’ were so rare, he didn’t know how much longer this lonely night would continue. Taeyoon brought up the complaint he always made. While half-listening to his grumbling, I typed and sent him a message.
《I’m looking forward to Saturday a lot too. So don’t worry about it being canceled. This time it will take priority over anything else.》
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Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
