#62
“What if the person you love became a zombie?”
It wasn’t exactly an easy question to imagine. Even though it was a genre I’d seen countless times, I hadn’t watched them with the assumption that something like this could actually happen in reality.
So instead of answering right away, I asked for Han Jiwon’s answer first.
“What about you, hyung?”
“Hmm.”
He began to think with a quite serious expression.
“The zombies in movies are usually infected through bodily fluids, right? Since it’s a virus.”
“That’s usually the case. They get infected through wounds. That’s why they bite and tear at people.”
“If the other person gets infected, it would be difficult for them to think normally. Then I’d have to take responsibility and control them. If I became a zombie in that process, it would be problematic in many ways…”
Han Jiwon continued with a bright smile.
“I guess I’d have to pull out their teeth first? Biting is the biggest problem.”
“…Their teeth? All of them?”
“I can’t just selectively pull out a few.”
Well, if you only pulled out the front teeth, that would be its own problem.
It seemed like a realistic solution, but seeing him say such terrifying things so casually with that bright face made my hair stand on end.
‘In a way, this is physical therapy too.’
When I rubbed my jaw and subtly moved away, feeling like all my teeth were aching, Han Jiwon burst out laughing.
“Why, Sanho? Where are you going? I’ll make a special exception for Sanho – even if you became a zombie, I wouldn’t pull out your teeth and would take good care of you.”
“No, no. I don’t want to become a pet zombie… But I’m grateful that you’d leave my teeth alone…”
“Ahaha.”
“But it sounds like you’d pull out other people’s teeth if it wasn’t me?”
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Someone Taeseong hyung’s size would be too much for me to handle, wouldn’t it?”
Taeseong hyung! You must be careful in the zombie apocalypse world!
While I was internally screaming meaninglessly, Han Jiwon’s voice, which had been mischievously laughing, became quite serious.
“But to give an accurate answer to the earlier question, I could kill them. No, if the moment came when I had to, I would end it with my own hands.”
Han Jiwon’s gaze briefly touched on the movie. The protagonist and companions were searching through a half-destroyed store for food, sleeping huddled together in the ruins.
“I think having a dignified end in a world where it’s easy to become miserable might be a kind of blessing. Not everything that’s breathing is living.”
“…”
“Because I love them, I think I’d try hard to take responsibility. Whether it’s the value of life or the weight of guilt.”
I stared quietly at his face as he spoke calmly.
Han Jiwon is a kind person. However, his kindness doesn’t simply result in being nice and giving in. He doesn’t avoid moments when he needs to be strong, and when he needs to be firm, there’s no hesitation in his words and actions.
I thought he was amazing. At the same time, I was envious. Because I couldn’t do that.
“I’m not confident.”
I said in a small voice.
“It might sound pathetic, but that’s how it is. Even knowing that they could never return to how they were before, I wouldn’t be able to harm them. I’d be careful because I’d be scared, but I wouldn’t have the confidence to leave, so I’d end up staying by their side in a wishy-washy way and eventually give myself up.”
Han Jiwon nodded as if he agreed.
“Sanho seems soft-hearted. Hmm, no. Weak to affection? Because you like people.”
It was true. I hated being lonely and liked people. I hated losing familiar and beloved people more than anything in the world, so when asked what I feared most, I would always answer without hesitation: separation.
He smiled gently and stroked my head.
“That’s probably one of Sanho’s charms. But you can’t let just anyone lead you around by the nose.”
A face suddenly came to mind. He probably thought of the same person and was targeting him.
My obvious, pretty, and just that much wicked first love. And my ex, Lee Chan.
“It wasn’t just anyone though…”
Now that we’ve obviously seen all there was to see, both good and bad, I think not only I but anyone who has feelings for me would inevitably view Lee Chan badly.
Still, could all that time have been nothing but painful? Among the memories I had with Lee Chan, there were quite a few ordinary and good ones too. There was also that solid sense of security that only that guy could give.
I crunched on popcorn and said.
“Anyway, I’ll be more careful from now on.”
“Yeah.”
The movie was still boring. The action scenes with zombies rushing in were decent, but after that, the scenes of wandering through the city looking for missing companions started dragging again.
Eventually, unable to bear the boredom, I started nodding off, and Han Jiwon wrapped his arm around my head and let me lean on him. His characteristic camellia scent tickled my nose.
“I guess I’m comfortable for you, Sanho.”
I answered as if mumbling.
“Isn’t it good if you’re comfortable…”
“Mmm.”
The touch running through and tousling my hair was endlessly gentle.
“It is good. But then again, there’s no tension at all… Well, for you that might be an advantage too. It’s ambiguous.”
“Ambiguous?”
“Yeah, this too.”
What did he mean by “this too”? What else wasn’t clear to him?
I was dozing off while wondering whether to ask, when suddenly there was a loud bang. Startled by the booming sound transmitted too vividly through the sound system, I straightened my head.
“That, that startled me.”
As I clutched my fluttering chest, Han Jiwon laughed and turned down the volume.
“You don’t like being startled?”
“It’s scary. It seemed like nothing was happening, then suddenly there’s a loud noise and something jumps out.”
“Aren’t the zombies’ appearances scarier…”
Still, once the sound was reduced, I wasn’t so startled by the thumping sounds. As I sighed in relief, Han Jiwon casually asked.
“How would you like it to end?”
“The movie’s ending?”
“Yeah.”
Even though I already knew from reading the original work, I still said stubbornly.
“I’d like everyone to be happy.”
After thinking for a moment, I added.
“I’d like at least one more person to be happy. Since it’s hard to achieve that in reality, at least in stories.”
“Do you think happiness in reality is hard to achieve?”
I stared for a moment at Han Jiwon’s cheek, which was tinged white and blue from the light from the screen, then said.
“Because it’s not something that can be written and fixed by someone’s will.”
“That makes sense… But they often say happiness is like a bluebird.”
He smiled brightly and sat up.
“Look carefully. Your share might be closer than you think.”
“…”
“Should we start cleaning up and move to the next place?”
“Where are we going?”
“Let’s stop by a foot bath cafe and then go for cocktails. Their signature cocktails and desserts are good there, I thought you’d like them. They also have whiskey affogato.”
“Oh, sounds good. Let’s go.”
As I followed him with quick steps, I suddenly looked back. It was because the conversation we’d just had while sitting there naturally came to mind.
Happiness is like a bluebird – even though it seems to be very far away, it actually already exists very close by.
The happiness allocated as my share.
At those words, I briefly thought of Jin Woohyeon’s face.
* * *
“It was better than I expected, right?”
“Yes. The atmosphere was nice… The cocktail balance was really good. Was it the lavender party? I was curious about that one too. That was also a signature, right?”
“Yeah. You should have tried it. I don’t think that one had almonds in it.”
“My alcohol tolerance was on the edge.”
I was really disappointed that I couldn’t try the whiskey affogato. Since it used 30-year Ballantine’s, it was the menu I was most looking forward to, so we ordered one each as soon as we got there.
‘I’ll enjoy this… mmph.’
‘Sanho, sorry. Just a moment.’
Right when I was about to take a bite, Han Jiwon urgently covered my mouth. While I blinked in confusion, he had some conversation with the bartender, then showed me a troubled smile.
‘I tried it first and the taste was strange, so I asked – they used walnut ice cream. You can’t eat this.’
Since I couldn’t risk my life just to satisfy curiosity, I had no choice but to return the walnut ice cream affogato to Han Jiwon.
Even though I knew it couldn’t be helped, I kept feeling disappointed about it, and that kept coming to mind the whole way back – probably the only flaw in today’s date.
Perhaps reading my disappointment, Han Jiwon smiled.
“Let’s go again next time.”
As he opened the door to the lodging, he added.
“Next time we’ll try the lavender cocktail too, and ask them to change the ice cream in the affogato.”
“Is that possible?”
“Yeah. I know the owner there.”
“Wow. Then next time…”
At that moment, a low voice came from the darkness.
“Are you planning to date Jiwon hyung again next time too?”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
