#26
I requested about a day off from the production team.
‘It’s because of my heat cycle. I did get an IV, but I think I need to rest for a day.’
‘There’s still time before the second date, so it should be fine. The production team has prepared accommodations, so you could go there if you’d like. What would you prefer?’
‘……Can’t I just go home? It’s not that far from here.’
‘You can do whatever’s comfortable for you. But before you go, could you help us with just one interview and one event shoot? Are you feeling okay? The interview is solo, and the filming won’t involve running into other participants.’
‘What do you mean by not running into other participants?’
‘Ah, well……’
Anonymous chat. That was the identity of the event the production team requested.
[Have a conversation with the X of the person you’re curious about!]
[Choose one of the participants and have a conversation with that participant’s X. Your identity will remain anonymous.]
[The client can ask the counselor 5 questions, and the counselor can ask the client 1 final question.]
After receiving the message and hesitating for a while, I asked the production team a question.
[Do I have to choose only from the Alpha group?]
[You can choose regardless of trait.]
Before I could make a decision, another message arrived from the production team.
[A participant who wants to ask about your X, ‘Lee Chan,’ has arrived. Please enter the chat room.]
The other party wasn’t revealed, but it was a problem where I knew the answer from the start.
‘It must be An Lei.’
There wasn’t a single person in the dormitory who didn’t know that Lee Chan and An Lei had been attracted to each other from the beginning and were showing mutual interest. Even Hwang Yeonwoo, who had shown subtle curiosity toward Lee Chan, had grumbled that there already seemed to be no gap between the two.
Love at first sight, destined romance. A relationship that grows better the more you know each other. That’s the kind of narrative they would have wanted, and everything was flowing according to Lee Chan’s expectations.
I dragged my feet as I entered the chat room. Meanwhile, I received a message asking me to choose an anonymous chat partner.
[An Lei]
Bae Taeseong and Han Jiwon were people I could ask directly anyway, and I had nothing to ask about Choi Eungi.
If I had to ask something, I’d rather ask An Lei’s X various things.
While I was pondering exactly what questions to ask, the first question came from the other party.
[(Q1) What is Lee Chan’s ideal type?]
I looked at the screen with a gloomy expression, then shook my head vigorously. Naturally, cameras were installed throughout the chat room as well. Since I didn’t know how the broadcast would turn out, I wanted to show a good image as much as possible.
[(A1) Actually, I don’t really know either…… He likes fearless people.]
It was natural that I didn’t know well what kind of person Lee Chan liked. I was always by his side. Of course, he did cast his eyes elsewhere a few times, but since I rarely encountered those people, it was hard to grasp their characteristics.
That said, I couldn’t exactly list my own traits saying he likes people like me. It wasn’t because I was his ideal type that we dated.
But at least that answer was truthful. Lee Chan hated cowardice. More precisely, he got angry when he thought he was being held back by my fears.
‘What the hell is wrong with you, Yoo Sanho. We’re not kids, how long are we going to keep this up? Huh?’
‘……Sorry. I know it’s frustrating. But, but…… I really tried hard with this, Chan……’
‘We’re dating. You say you love me. But when I see your expression…… I feel like I’m being treated no differently from that bastard who tormented you.’
‘……’
‘I know. That it doesn’t work the way you want. That you’re trying to overcome it by going to counseling, taking medication, doing all sorts of shit. I understand, that’s why I’m staying by your side, but I’m human too, so sometimes I get tired.’
I had nothing to say. Because Lee Chan was always right and I was always wrong about that issue. Because he did well and I did wrong, and it was my defect that I could never fulfill what he wanted.
My guardian after losing both parents was my maternal uncle. As the only family I had left, he was actually just a stranger with no blood relation – he was someone my maternal grandparents had adopted because they wanted a son.
Uncle raised me carefully with the fortune left by those who departed first. The grace of saving a life that might have ended up on the streets – he was so devoted, saying he would repay it by being good to me.
Let’s be happy together, us orphans with nowhere to lean on under the sky. On nights when he came home drunk, uncle would hold me and chant like a spell.
‘We’re going to be happy, Sanho. We’re definitely going to be happy.’
At those times, I would think while quietly held in his embrace.
Why does uncle look for happiness that’s far away? I’m happy right now just because this embrace is warm. According to uncle’s words, two orphans with nowhere to lean on under the sky came together to become a family, so there’s nothing more to wish for.
Our peace didn’t last long. Because uncle got a lover.
They said the Alpha rejected marriage several times because having a dependent child would be burdensome, but after seeing me, they said I was charming and suggested adopting me.
Uncle accepted that Alpha’s proposal, wanting to give me a proper family. Not knowing it was a scheme to do something after learning I was a manifested Omega.
Eventually, the following summer, something terrible almost happened. I ran away from that house, uncle got divorced, and we went from being a family back to two orphans with nowhere to lean on. I was seventeen at the time.
‘Sanho, Yoo Sanho. What’s wrong with you. Your face is pale…… Sanho!’
Though it was an incident that ended as an attempt, the scars ran deep. I would break out in cold sweat even during kisses. Acts that were supposed to be shared out of love felt only frightening and terrible to me.
I know. Lee Chan isn’t that Alpha. It wasn’t strange at all that he wanted to hold my hand, kiss me, and do more. The one who couldn’t walk out of that summer when I was seventeen was the problem – me.
Even knowing this, I was afraid. I was terrified beyond belief.
After being afraid of him for ten whole years, Lee Chan’s irritation kept growing. Somewhere in my memory, like a stake driven in, were his words that he wished I wouldn’t tremble so much at least during kisses.
Lee Chan gradually grew tired of my cowardice. I thought it was only natural.
An Lei probably doesn’t have such flaws. He seemed like a lively and radiant person. So he probably wouldn’t receive those looks of pity either. I was genuinely envious.
While I was lost in thought, the second question arrived.
[(Q2) How long did you date?]
The moment I received that question, I knew. An Lei might know that the person he’s talking to now is Yoo Sanho, but he definitely doesn’t know much about our relationship.
Of course, I couldn’t rule out the possibility that he was testing the waters, but I had the intuition that he seemed genuinely curious.
[(A2) We dated for over 5 years.]
[(Q3) What do you think was the reason the two of you broke up?]
[(A3) I think we broke up because I was someone who could no longer offer X a future. Our paces were different.]
[(Q4) Do you still have lingering feelings?]
I stared at the blinking cursor and let out a deep sigh.
It would have been nice if I could say no. I quietly apologized inwardly. Sorry for being pathetic, Lei-ssi.
[(A4) I do.]
Should I add that I don’t think things will work out well?
Before my deliberation ended, the next question came through, cutting off my chance to speak.
[(Q5) If I get together well with Chan-ssi, could you congratulate us?]
[(A5) I’m not sure what value my congratulations would have…… but if you want them.]
All five question slots were exhausted, and my turn came.
I clenched my slightly trembling hands into fists, then relaxed them before typing on the keyboard.
[Q. Do you think you know who I am?]
The answer came back before long.
[A. I think I do.]
As I stared uneasily at the lone answer floating there, a notification soon appeared saying the chat had ended.
“Is it all done……”
In the morning it was just a slight headache, but now my body was gradually drooping and I was even getting chills.
I want to go back quickly. As I was glaring at the screen with that thought, the screen briefly went dark then brightened as a popup window appeared.
[Connected with An Lei’s X.]
[You can input five questions.]
This time I became the questioner, and An Lei’s X would provide the answers.
Who could his X be? The strangely calm Choi Eungi? Or Kim Sehyeong? Hwang Yeonwoo?
I’m somewhat lacking in social awareness, but I might figure it out through conversation. I took a deep breath and typed the first question.
[(Q1) What kind of person is An Lei?]
The reply came back quickly.
[(A1) He seems like someone who gets very lonely.]
[(Q2) How did you end up breaking up?]
[(A2) Because I made An Lei-ssi feel lonely.]
This is really out of nowhere, but Jin Woohyeon’s words to me came to mind.
‘Do you know what I heard from my ex? That being with me made them feel lonelier. That being together was more desolate than being alone.’
It seems many people break up like this unexpectedly. I nodded.
[(Q3) Do you want to meet An Lei-ssi again?]
I hope not. An Lei is already dating Lee Chan…… Don’t get hurt for no reason…….
This time too, the answer came back quickly. It was a very firm attitude.
[(A3) No.]
This made it certain. Just like with Lee Chan, it was An Lei who received the casting offer. Lee Chan and An Lei accepted the appearance because they had something they wanted, and they proposed joint appearances to their respective Xs – me and this person.
At the time, I accepted because I wanted to try to hold onto Lee Chan, but this person has no hope or motivation for a reunion.
Then what did they want to gain by coming out?
[(Q4). What do you think are An Lei-ssi’s strengths?]
[(A4). What he’s thinking is clearly visible. I guess having little pretense is his strength.]
So he’s not the type to deceive people carelessly. Somehow I felt relieved.
“……What else is there?”
Since I didn’t have much interest in An Lei, I ran out of things to ask. I thought for a while, then decided to ask this person the same question I asked An Lei.
[(Q5) Do you think you know who I am?]
‘He must have had or will have a conversation with Lee Chan too.’
Could he be mistaking me for Lee Chan? If it’s after chatting with Lee Chan, he might be curious about my identity. That’s why I asked.
Even in this situation, I was curious whether Lee Chan had been here before me. It was pathetic.
[(A5) I don’t know.]
I was curious what the other person was thinking, but unfortunately all my question slots were exhausted.
Unlike me, who typed slowly while deliberating, the other party asked me questions at an unhesitating pace.
[Q. You don’t want to get together well with An Lei-ssi, do you?]
I bolted upright from my seat.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
