Seeing the startled look in his eyes, Seiyad slowly swallowed. He knew the one he was kissing had no physical form, merely a soul—but the sensation was sweet and soft, no different from the living world. The moment he tasted those tender lips, the torment that had withered him for so long began to fade. The agony, so harrowing that he’d willingly paid the price of power, vanished without a trace.
‘I really can’t give you up. I’ll take you back with me like this… and savor every part of you, without missing a single bit.’
Desire, which had briefly waned, surged up again, pushing Seiyad forward. He gave in completely to his yearning for Ressas, moving without hesitation. As he began licking the stiff lips with his tongue, Ressas jolted in surprise. His violet eyes trembled violently, and soon, they lost focus. Just like that moment in the garden, Ressas briefly lost all sense of reason.
The body that had stayed so still now suddenly clung to Seiyad. Dropping to his knees instinctively, Seiyad found his face cradled in both of Ressas’ hands as he desperately rubbed their lips together. As if in disbelief, he lightly bit Seiyad’s lips, then trembled at the sensation and slid his tongue inside.
The kiss was wild and voracious, as if trying to devour Seiyad whole, leaving him breathless. The moment his strength began to waver, Ressas pushed him down and climbed atop him. Maybe it was the weight of his feelings, but the pressure of his body pressing down felt incredibly heavy. The unfamiliar sensation sent a shiver through him.
Seiyad stretched out both arms and pulled Ressas’ upper body closer. Dragged down in a rush, Ressas leaned in and locked lips again, sucking on Seiyad’s tongue. They stayed like that for a long time, completely immersed in the feel of one another. The rough, unskilled movement made Seiyad feel like he was going insane with pleasure.
Truly, even if an hour had passed, it would have felt believable—it was that long and deep of a kiss. Like drinking from a fountain of life, Ressas indulged in Seiyad until finally pulling away. With flushed lips, he gazed up in a daze, and their eyes met. Panting heavily, Ressas seemed to come back to his senses and suddenly recoiled. Staring down at Seiyad pinned beneath him, he muttered blankly.
“I’ve… never done anything like this before…”
“What are you talking about? In the garden, Your Highness looked like you were going to swallow me whole.”
Seiyad rebuked him with a tone of disbelief. Ressas blinked. A look of confusion spread across his pale face, and he tilted his head, as if something was seriously off.
“Eid?”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
“…But Eid shouldn’t be here. This is a place only for the dead.”
Mumbling to himself like that, Ressas’ face suddenly went ashen. Terror and fear swept across his pale features. Tears that had just barely stopped welled up again and trickled down as he clutched Seiyad frantically.
“E-Eid, y-you… died? I… I didn’t save you? I-I… again…?”
The hands clutching him trembled violently. If a dead soul could die again, this would be that moment—his face, drenched in despair, made Seiyad’s heart plummet. He hurriedly sat up and pulled Ressas into an embrace.
“No, Your Highness. I’m alive. I’m very much alive and came looking for you, so please don’t cry. If you cry, my heart breaks.”
Pressing his face into his chest, Ressas let out ragged breaths. Like a frightened little animal in his arms, Seiyad could feel the twitching movements and the heat of his breath. Ah, he wanted to take Ressas back right now and soak in this warmth to his heart’s content.
“…Really?”
After holding him like that for a while, Ressas finally calmed down and asked in a small voice. How foolish he’d been to think of someone this boyish as mature. He may have a grown body, but inside, he was still the same child frozen in that year he reached adulthood. Seiyad hadn’t seen it until now. Ressas was even younger than he’d thought.
“You broke the promise we made and ran away, so I had to come all the way here to find you. The Sun let me in. So now, please, come back with me.”
“Ah…!”
Startled at the mention of breaking their promise, Ressas suddenly raised his head. Sitting upright, he looked down at Seiyad from his now-heightened angle and burst into tears again, unsure what to do.
“I’m sorry, Eid.”
“Yes, and you should be.”
Seiyad’s voice turned a bit cold, and Ressas looked as if he might faint. The tears that had briefly stopped started flowing again, soaking his cheeks. The stream rolled down to his chin, dripping onto Seiyad’s clothes.
“…I was wrong.”
“Why did you do it, Your Highness? I told you, didn’t I? That I can’t bear it when you’re in danger. You don’t need to sacrifice yourself for others… so why…!”
His voice dropped as the sorrow overcame him, and Ressas shrank back in fear. Realizing this, Seiyad quickly softened and pulled him into a gentler embrace.
“I was just so upset that you ended up like this. I’m not angry… it’s just that I was heartbroken. I’m sorry.”
“…No, it’s my fault. You were right. I really did try not to push myself too hard, but… I thought, if too many people died, Eid would be too sad…”
Seiyad decided to wait. To let Ressas say all he wanted.
“I hate it when you’re sad. So I… I didn’t want anyone to die if I could help it.”
“Is that really all there is?”
“…What?”
“Did it never occur to you that if you died, that would be a far worse agony for me? That it would hurt so much I’d want to go mad or even die myself?”
Ressas blinked, as if the thought had never crossed his mind. Seiyad spoke gently, like someone trying not to startle a timid creature.
“Your Highness always told me to value myself, yet you’ve never treated yourself that way. You seem to understand just how unbearable it is to see someone you love get hurt or die—did it never occur to you that I would feel the same?”
Ressas froze completely. Judging by the way he stared wide-eyed at Seiyad, it seemed the thought had truly never crossed his mind.
“After you left like that, living no longer felt like living. You left me in a living hell worse than death. Your Highness, even if the world isn’t perfect, a life with you in it is far happier. I need you to be happy. A world without you has no meaning. You’re the one who made me this way.”
“…I did?”
“Yes. You made me love you so desperately.”
The moment the word love was spoken, Ressas flinched hard. Watching his lovely face blink in disbelief, Seiyad realized—this might be the first time he’d ever heard that word in his life. Of course. That must be it.
“I love you deeply, Ressas.”
Seiyad whispered carefully, reverently—each syllable deliberate and unmistakable, ensuring Ressas wouldn’t miss a single word. The cold expression that had once resembled a piercing northern wind now softened, as if the ice had begun to thaw. A gentle, warm glow settled over his gaunt face like the morning snow. His sharp brows relaxed tenderly, his eyes creased slightly, and one corner of his lips curved upward.
As if time had stopped, Ressas stared in a daze before his expression crumpled. Like overwhelming joy that turns into sorrow because it’s too much to bear, he couldn’t process the rushing emotion and let out a trembling breath. Still not believing it, he asked again.
“You love me?”
“Yes. I love you.”
“Even someone as pathetic and useless as me? I broke my promise, made you angry… and you still don’t hate me?”
“There’s no law that says you stop loving someone just because they made a mistake. If they do something wrong, you get angry, you forgive them.”
“But… I’m not worth it…”
Ressas still couldn’t bring himself to believe it. Seiyad had expected as much and decided not to rush him. It had taken a long time for Seiyad himself to believe in love and learn to value himself, so he knew Ressas would need just as much time. To Seiyad, loving and comforting Ressas was a happiness in itself—so no matter how long it took, he would gladly keep telling him.
“Your Highness, I didn’t fall in love with you because you were useful. I simply fell in love with the person named Ressas Solias. You’ve said that you aren’t kind or good, but even when I met you at the age of fourteen, you were already more than lovable enough.”
People who’ve spent too long hating themselves can’t see themselves clearly. So Seiyad decided he’d say it to him, over and over, until it sank in.
“A person’s worth isn’t defined by their usefulness. It comes from who they are. All your sharp edges and flaws—that’s what makes you, you. And I love all of it. So please, stop worrying over foolish things like that. When you put yourself down like this, it hurts me, the one who loves you. You hate it when I devalue myself, don’t you? Then why can’t you understand I’d feel the same way?”
Seiyad gently brushed back Ressas’ hair, softly calming his trembling body and wrapping him in his arms as he whispered sweetly. And like a child afraid of being scolded, Ressas confessed in a tiny voice.
“But… there’s something you don’t know, Eid. I can say it now. I actually lived a life once that you don’t remember. In that life… I was so pathetic… and Eid… should’ve seen it…”
“Are you talking about what I’m seeing now?”
Even though Seiyad spoke gently, so as not to startle him, Ressas flinched hard. His shoulders, which were broader than Seiyad’s, seemed so small and pitiful as they trembled with fear.
“…Yes, Eid. Everything I’ve shown you… I just copied the original you. I’m nothing. Vine, Rigda, Zion—everyone who was beside me was originally yours. I only clung to traces of you for a while. And…”
Ressas made a grimace, like someone forcing out words they’d rather die than speak. After a deep breath, he confessed with a tone of repentance.
“My older brother wasn’t even that bad, at first. The original him was your… g-guide, not my… Tither. I… I took you…”
Just saying it was painful beyond words—Ressas shivered as he whispered it. His body trembled uncontrollably.
“I stole you from my brother…”
Like vomiting up a long-hidden, rotten truth, Ressas began confessing the things that had haunted him. His eyes showed both resignation—as if expecting to be abandoned—and the relief of finally letting it out, as if he’d been waiting for this day.
“Everything I wear… was Eid’s image. My brother’s glory. None of it was mine. And I pretended it was, lived cowardly, clinging to Eid… with such greedy longing…”
Watching him sob as if he might faint from sorrow, Seiyad calmly looked around. He’d never imagined there was a life Ressas remembered that he himself did not. But he had suspected Ressas was hiding something. And now that he was finally seeing this—Seiyad realized that this demeanor, so different from anything he’d seen before, had its roots in that hidden past.
What he saw was merciless. Traces of some brutal battle lingered everywhere, painting a hellish landscape that made it easy to guess who was behind it—of course, it had to be Nox.
As Seiyad silently took in their surroundings, Ressas hung his head as if it were all over. His shoulders, small and shrunken, remained slumped. Looking like a child, he murmured:
“This is who I am… The one you know, Eid… was all just a lie.”
Seiyad had wondered why Ressas held himself in such contempt. Now he understood. This was a past so harrowing it was painful even to witness. Seiyad fell silent for a moment. His heart weighed heavy.
Because he didn’t remember this version of reality, he couldn’t fully console him. From what Ressas had said, the version of himself in that life must have taken a completely different path—he couldn’t even begin to imagine what that Eid had been like.
But there was one thing Seiyad knew for certain.
“You’ve suffered so much, Ressas.”
All of this hell—remembered and endured alone—must have weighed unbearably on him.
“You were hurting, grieving… and never had a moment to be comforted, did you.”
Seiyad understood the sorrow of the one who survives. The dead had already departed the world, but those left behind were forced to carry the weight of loss and pain alone. It was a wound of the soul that could neither be lightened nor forgotten, even in death. Now, at last, Seiyad understood why Ressas had always seemed so sorrowful. He finally grasped the heart of his beloved—something he had so desperately wanted to know.
At his whisper, heavy with genuine comfort and sadness, Ressas slowly lifted his head. His pupils had shrunk into pinpricks, and his eyes were opened wide, as if the words had struck him completely unprepared. It was likely even Ressas himself had never thought of it that way.
‘You fool.’
‘That’s why I have to stay by your side.’
Seiyad smiled, eyes crinkling. He felt, more than ever, just how deeply his beloved young prince needed him.
“Come here.”
Like consoling a child, he opened his arms—and Ressas collapsed into them. A grown man now, taller even than Seiyad, held him just like Cecilia had once done—sobbing, clinging to him fiercely. As if drowning and clutching at driftwood, Ressas gripped him tightly and let out a searing breath. Finally, he was letting go of sorrow swallowed for years beyond imagining.
The Sun had said Ressas had never left the day of his first death. Watching him crumble in tears now, Seiyad finally understood what that meant. Without overcoming that day, Ressas could never live again. If he hadn’t been able to shake off death, how could he have ever reached for life?
‘I walked that road too.’
Ressas had once stayed by his side and helped him cross it. Now, it was Seiyad’s turn to take his hand and lead him through.
“There really is so much senseless cruelty in the world. Like what the queen did to you. Like what Nox did to our lives. Sometimes, those things are just… accidents. And none of it was your fault, Ressas. Even while wounded, you did your best to live. You were more than enough.”
He had fought harder than anyone, never once seeking shortcuts or clever ways out.
“That truth must’ve felt so unfair and impossible to accept that you had no choice but to blame yourself. I did the same. When things are too painful to understand, it’s easier to hate yourself. If you make it your own fault… it gives you something to hold on to.”
He had thought they were such different people. But both of them had walked the same path.
“You don’t have to do that anymore.”
Seiyad pressed a soft kiss to the crown of his head. The hair, smelling faintly of trees, was smooth as silk and eased his heart.
“I don’t remember the moment you’re talking about. No matter how I try to imagine it, it would only be a lie. What happened with His Highness Aster—yes, I’m sure it was tragic, and I probably cherished him… but that has nothing to do with the me who exists now.”
Clinging to what’s gone will never change anything. It only leaves behind regret. The same was true for Aster, and the same would be true for the life Seiyad had once lived and lost.
“So live the present with me, Ressas.”
Everything was over now. Seiyad wanted happiness. And for that, he needed Ressas.
“Make me happy.”
At his heartfelt request, Ressas looked up. Even with his tear-streaked, ruined face, there wasn’t a single thing that wasn’t beautiful. Seiyad was certain—no matter how old Ressas grew, even if he lost this face, he would always be the most beautiful person in his eyes. He wanted this beautiful person to be happy. He wanted them to be happy together.
“Let’s live together.”
Slowly, Seiyad rose to his feet. He would take this foolish man—who hadn’t found peace even in paradise—and lead him back to the world of the living, to happiness.
Once upright, he reached a hand toward Ressas, who sat on the ground, looking up at him with tear-soaked eyes that saw only him. Seiyad knew he could fill those eyes with nothing but smiles from now on. As he smiled with all his heart, Ressas slowly raised his hand and, at last, gripped Seiyad’s tightly and stood.
The strength in his grasp wasn’t the unsteady grip of someone swayed by the wind—it was the firm, unshakable will of a man yearning for life.
“Yes.”
Ressas answered earnestly. Holding onto Seiyad, he embraced him and said again in a voice trembling with overwhelming desire.
“I want that, Eid. Please take me with you. I want to stay so close, you’ll grow sick of me—so close that even in death, I’ll still be by your side…”
Ressas’ journey, longer than most, had finally come to an end. A young man now ready to begin a new life had taken hold of his love.
Without hesitation, Seiyad took Ressas’ hand and stepped out of the ruins. With each step in sync, the sorrow- and blood-soaked castle began to collapse behind them. The broken pieces scattered like dust, paving a path before their feet—as if urging them, leave this place now.
10/10
Now they can finally live in peace, hand-in-hand
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