It was a realization far too late.
He had never believed he could come to like someone, and certainly never imagined that Ressas, of all people, would be the one to stir such feelings in him. Part of it stemmed from the years of mental conditioning that insisted he must hate the boy, and part of it was simply because he had always seen Ressas as just that—a boy. Never had he thought he would like him this way.
But no— It was undeniable now. Seiyad wanted Ressas.
Every time he saw him, he wanted to run to him and hold him close. He longed to melt into the warmth of his soft body. Whenever they kissed, the bliss was so overwhelming he couldn’t think of anything else, and the awareness that he was undergoing Purification faded into the background. All that remained was his instinctual desire for Ressas.
He had believed he was the one taming this naive young man, but the truth was—he himself was being tamed.
The fog that once blinded him had not only cleared in the Forest of Dawn. The mist clouding his heart had also lifted, finally giving him the chance to face the truth.
Why had he been so stubborn? He had thought only of Ressas with his entire soul. He had cared for him even more than for the younger sister he hadn’t seen in years—and still, like a fool…
“…I’ve only just now realized it.”
His voice, deep and cracked with emotion, repeated his confession of love several times, before ending in a self-reproaching murmur. The realization, so late and so pathetic, weighed heavily on him. His voice sank with gloom. He knew all too well how little Ressas trusted in the affection directed toward him, and Seiyad had wanted to smile—wanted to show him something that would make him believe. But it wasn’t easy.
Confessing his feelings was more agonizing than he could have imagined. It was like tearing through every tendon just to dig the emotion out of his heart. It was an act that went against every instinct to protect oneself—a surrender of the soul, the body, of everything.
And Ressas… had been doing this all along, without pause.
Seiyad now fully felt, in his body and soul, the pain behind every word Ressas had ever spoken.
And at the same time, he found himself wanting—desperately wanting—to hear Ressas whisper once more that he loved him.
As Seiyad spoke, Ressas didn’t even breathe. His entire being was focused on him. Those deep purple eyes, once veiled in darkness, now stared with terrifying intensity. It was as though if he blinked, the moment would vanish. He remained frozen in this slice of time. For a long while.
The wind stirred high above. Leaves rustled, fell, and swirled into a small gust that swept over them. The breeze flowed like a wave, brushing their ankles, rising up to scatter Ressas’s hair. Strands of black, soft as silk, floated upward, revealing the full clarity of his pale face.
And on Ressas’s face, a slow transformation took place. His thick black brows drooped at the ends, as if tinged with sorrow, while his eyes crinkled in silent joy. A quiet smile touched his lips. He was rejoicing—yet far too sadly.
Conflicting emotions—sorrow and joy—coexisted on his face.
“More than I thought…”
A faint whisper slipped from Ressas’s lips. He didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he repeated the phrase.
“More…”
His lips parted slightly, barely moving. And that was it. The words faded into silence.
Then, Ressas returned to his usual soft smile.
The tears had stopped, thankfully, but the smile he wore was not the kind Seiyad had hoped for.
There was no shy joy, no giddy confusion from someone flustered by every touch, no trace of the bashful happiness he’d grown used to seeing from Ressas. Seiyad had believed that when this moment came, Ressas would be even happier.
That wasn’t to say Ressas wasn’t happy.
It was just that instead of shining with delight, he looked at Seiyad with eyes full of bittersweet gratitude.
“Thank you, Eid. For granting my wish. It must have been… too much to ask.”
“Why would you say something like that?”
Seiyad made no effort to hide his frustration. He had never been the type to back down. And if he wanted to make sure Ressas didn’t start thinking strange things, he had to push back—now.
“Because you… said what I asked you to.”
Ressas couldn’t even bring himself to utter the words ‘I love you.’ It was as though assuming Seiyad loved him was a sin in itself.
“What kind of idiot says they love someone just because they’re told to?”
As always, Seiyad chose to act recklessly with him.
At his cynical rebuttal, Ressas blinked in surprise. He looked like a startled fawn. Adorably so.
A new kind of yearning began to burn in Seiyad’s chest.
He wanted to surprise him. He wanted to see him so overwhelmed with happiness that he didn’t know what to do.
He had long forgotten how to make others happy—but still, he believed in the way Ressas had always responded to him.
No matter what he did, Ressas would be happy.
“Did it never occur to you that maybe I said those words because I truly love you?”
“I know now that you don’t hate me anymore, Eid.”
“No. That’s not what this is.”
Seiyad paused for a moment, then reached for Ressas’s hand—the one still holding onto him, thankfully—and gently turned his arm to wrap his fingers over the back of Ressas’s hand. Interlacing their fingers, he whispered:
“I want to touch you even when there’s no need for Purification. I hate it when you’re not by my side. And when your eyes look at anyone other than me… I get angry like some immature boy.”
His voice thick with possessiveness, Seiyad stared directly into Ressas’s eyes.
The usual dull gray had been overtaken by an intense passion.
His desire, his longing—none of it was hidden. It was raw, scorching, blatant.
Ressas’s eyes widened in response. He blinked, lifting his lashes high, his lips parting slightly. The breath that slipped out between them came out hot.
“I know I’ve treated you poorly for far too long, and I don’t expect you to trust me so easily. But I’ll prove it to you. I’ll live—not die—and give you everything you desire. If you want honor, I’ll give you honor. If you want happiness, I’ll give you happiness. Or… if it’s something else you want…”
As he said those words, Seiyad gently moved their joined hands. Guiding Ressas’s hand to his own cheek, he raised his gaze, making his intentions unmistakably clear. His sharp nose nuzzled softly against the trembling hand that cradled his face, then he parted his lips and, using only his mouth, slowly licked Ressas’s palm and fingers. His dry lips rubbed against the warm skin, heating up with each slow movement.
“I’ll give you everything I have.”
Through fluttering lashes, those entangled purple eyes came closer—dangerously close. The hands that had once been so cautious, as though shielding a feather from being blown away, now gripped tighter. Ressas dipped his head and devoured Seiyad’s lips.
There was no pretense of composure as Ressas surged forward, pressing the other arm down against Seiyad’s waist to trap him entirely. As if desperate to draw him in completely, he wrapped his arms tighter and kissed him again.
Despite all the instruction he’d received, Ressas attacked with the same clumsy, honest eagerness as their first kiss. It was unmistakably him—this man who seemed gentle on the surface but proved rough and greedy underneath. Even with Seiyad completely in his grasp, Ressas kept pulling at his waist, trying to get closer still.
Their lips fit together as if made to align in just this way. As Seiyad sucked lightly on Ressas’s soft, yielding lower lip, a trembling breath escaped from the other. That low moan, rumbling from Ressas’s throat, sent a shiver racing down Seiyad’s spine. A chain of sensations followed, making his body tremble. It was a kiss that felt like being devoured, and yet his mind was going blank from the overwhelming pleasure.
Then, a tongue slipped past his lips. As if seeking out its rightful place, it twisted its way in, tasting each of Seiyad’s teeth before licking the roof of his mouth. As the tip traced over the ridged upper palate, Seiyad flinched violently. The ticklish sensation overwhelmed him, and a moan escaped without warning.
“Ha—ah… ngh.”
His vision whitened from how good it felt, and instinct took over. Every time they touched, logic vanished, leaving behind only a primal urge to go further. This time was no different—if anything, it was worse. Now that he was aware of his feelings, the longing to melt down and blend into Ressas consumed him.
As he pressed their bodies together, slipping a thigh between Ressas’s legs, Ressas’s chest heaved with a sharp inhale. The hand supporting Seiyad’s back crumpled his clothes in a tight grip. With a gasping breath like he was about to go mad, Ressas suddenly pulled away. His face was flushed, overwhelmed with joy—yet his eyes looked lost, as though unsure if this was right.
“Eid… words like that… shouldn’t be said so lightly. I’m not the good person you think I am. I… don’t deserve it.”
Even after hearing the very words he’d longed for, Ressas tried to retreat. And watching him, Seiyad remembered something Ressas had once said—back when they spent a night together in the southern woods. He’d claimed he only wanted to offer love, not dare to desire. At the time, Seiyad had assumed he was just drawing a line because of his own coldness. That, as always, Ressas was simply being kind for Seiyad’s sake.
But now he saw it. Ressas genuinely believed he was unworthy of love. Without even the slightest doubt.
Seeing that made Seiyad’s fingers go cold. He realized—painfully—just how deeply he had misunderstood Ressas. He had thought that after awakening his powers, Ressas would stop blaming himself. But even now, Ressas continued to loathe who he was.
“Then why did you ask me to whisper that I loved you? Now that I’ve said it, are you no longer interested? I didn’t think you were the kind of man who loses interest once he gets what he wants. But perhaps I was wrong.”
“Eid—”
Seiyad didn’t want to put any more distance between them. Not when their feelings were finally out in the open. He was sick of retreating, sick of turning away. He refused to ignore what he’d just come to understand. So he chose to push forward—deliberately, forcefully.
Those words made Ressas’s face darken in an instant.
“Don’t say that. My feelings have nothing to do with that kind of petty desire. You have no idea what I’m willing to do to keep you in this world. If keeping you alive meant sacrificing everyone else, I wouldn’t hesitate for a moment.”
The cold certainty in his voice was chilling.
These were not the words of the kind, compassionate man who always rushed to save others. What he said was horrifying, incongruent with who Ressas appeared to be.
But the intensity of it—the absolute, devastating clarity of his devotion—struck Seiyad with awe and fear at once.
“I’m giving you a chance to run, Eid. Before you see how ugly, how pathetic I really am, and get scared. This is your only chance. If you take my hand now, you’ll never be able to leave my side again.”
Seiyad had always thought that Ressas’s purple eyes resembled the northern iceflower—the mythical blossom said to melt ice and bring eternal happiness. But anyone who touched its petals, captivated by its beauty, could be poisoned to death. That truth couldn’t be seen from afar.
Ressas was different. Twisted in ways others weren’t. Incomplete in places Seiyad hadn’t even noticed. He didn’t fully understand who Ressas truly was.
And yet, one thing was certain—unchangeably so, regardless of what kind of person Ressas might be or what he had done:
Ressas loved him. More deeply, more fiercely than anyone else in the world.
“I’m a Tither, Your Highness.”
That was the only thing Seiyad needed to know. Everything else was irrelevant.
“I’ve never once run away from anything.”
Straightening his back, Seiyad replied with an unwavering voice. He held out his hand to Ressas—just like he had that first time, when he’d found the boy hiding in the palace garden, spying on the banquet. A faint but clear smile curled on Seiyad’s lips.
“So take my hand, and go ahead—chain me to your side, as your greedy heart desires.”
The moon had descended.
Its light, soft and pale against the darkness of night, silvered Seiyad’s hair. Not as blinding as the sun, but for someone lost in the shadows, this moonlight was the brightest and most radiant thing of all.
That light now filled Seiyad’s face with a smile unlike any other.
The moon. My moon. The one light that illuminated my life, my love, my soul.
From the moment Seiyad first spoke his name, he became Ressas’s world.
That was long ago—when Ressas was facing his tenth winter.
They had two first meetings. The summer that Seiyad remembered, and the winter that Ressas could never forget.
Ressas Solias had once lived a life that no one remembered. It had been a beautiful time. Everyone loved Seiyad, and Tither had stood by him as they defeated Nir’a together.
Such a time had once existed.
