“What?”
“That’s why I came to get noona’s help.”
With slightly narrowed eyes and a smile, he glanced at his watch. The scheduled departure time hadn’t arrived yet anyway. What was the rush that made him come as soon as the shop opened?
“You’re not going to appear in a drama someday, are you? Our Young-won is too handsome for that.”
There’s a limit to exaggeration. Though he knew it was meant as a joke, Tae Young-won couldn’t help but snort.
Drama, what nonsense.
He certainly wasn’t coming to the aesthetic clinic just for such trivial matters.
“Why, Young-won, since you were little, your face has been nothing short of angelic. If you still attended church diligently, you’d still look like an angel… Come to think of it, you don’t still think you have a face that’s commonly seen on the streets, do you?”
“Well, I’m pretty average, I’d say.”
Of course, he had never once thought that way.
If asked whether he had ever, even fleetingly, harbored such a thought in his entire life, the answer would be no.
Whether he had wanted to appear humble or had just said it thoughtlessly, it had apparently been quite shocking. His entire family firmly believed that Tae Young-won considered his face “an utterly ordinary face commonly seen on the streets.”
Of course, Tae Young-won had never once corrected this misconception. A proper amount of modesty tends to make people like you, so there was no reason to bother clarifying. Each time, he would just silently smile.
Far from thinking himself average, Tae Young-won was someone who knew better than anyone the advantages he was born with. So today, too, he was here to make use of those advantages.
Judging by how she’d been probing with various comments, his particularly attentive appearance today must have been noticeable. As it happened, Young-won needed confirmation at this very moment.
“How do I look today?”
“What?”
Even as he faced his cousin’s astonished laughter, he calmly raised his eyebrows.
“How good do I look today?”
His face seemed to be asking how his reactions so far had appeared, but today he needed a stronger reassurance.
Today’s outfit made Tae Young-won look like the epitome of perfection.
He had chosen the most flattering tone from countless sky-blue dress shirts that looked similar but had completely different color nuances, and he wore the watch that someone once said suited him best and looked the most stylish.
His hair, freshly cut a week ago, gave him an even neater impression than usual. Thanks to this, his appearance today was closer to that of a working professional than a college student.
“You know I’ve worked on all sorts of faces here—actors, models, all those gorgeous people?”
“I know.”
He was very confident in his current appearance, but at the same time, he wasn’t. That’s why he had to ask. As he continued to wait for an answer with expectant eyes, a response finally came.
“Believe me when I say this. You could live off your looks anywhere.”
“Hmm…”
He raised the corners of his mouth in satisfaction. His cousin immediately scolded him, saying she had never seen such an annoying expression before, but he couldn’t help it.
In reality, he had heard that he could “live off his looks” quite often, and most of those comments were accompanied by curses. But hearing it didn’t make him feel at ease.
“But why are your dark circles so deep every time you come?”
It was a question that hit the mark, showing she had a keen eye. He pressed firmly on his temples, which suddenly seemed to ache.
Why were his dark circles so deep? Obviously, this wasn’t a question he could answer honestly. How could he tell her that some boy had set his heart on fire and he simply couldn’t sleep?
That his cat would rather live in a temple than with him, and how could anyone sleep properly in such a situation…
“Still, you look better today. When you first came, I was really shocked.”
“…Was I that bad?”
“Yes, you were. But it’s not much different now.”
“You just said I look better today.”
“Actually, that was a lie. Sorry.”
“Haaah.”
It was something he knew himself. Tae Young-won let out a deep sigh that could have sunk the ground.
“I’ve been tired lately. So much to worry about, so much to prepare.”
“What? What are you preparing for?”
Not being able to sleep wasn’t his choice. He had never been a good sleeper to begin with, and lately it had gotten even worse.
It was now time to leave. Tae Young-won picked up his phone from the table with a slight smile.
With tea still left to drink, she narrowed her eyes in apparent disappointment.
“I’m dying to know who you’re trying to impress…”
Tae Young-won couldn’t respond to that question.
Today was the day he was going to see his cat after about a month.
Though of course, Mo Yeon wouldn’t know anything about it.
After leaving the café, he drove for two hours on the highway. Mo Yeon’s voice had begun repeatedly coming to his mind much earlier than that.
“…Think about it again. Even if you’re certain, think again. If I were sunbae, would I be able to believe those words?”
“…”
“Don’t look for me, don’t beg me to believe you, please…”
What am I going to do when I get there? Will I just end up pleading again?
Tae Young-won suddenly glanced at his face in the rearview mirror.
“Fuck, with a face like this, what the hell.”
Tae Young-won knew very well when he shined the brightest. And he also knew it wasn’t today, when he had dressed up like a peacock.
No matter how much others might praise him until their mouths ran dry, there was nothing he could do about the shadow cast over his expression.
Mo Yeon had complimented him so much, saying his face was decent and worth looking at. In Young-won’s view, what Mo Yeon liked most was his smiling face.
And right now, he didn’t have the confidence to show Mo Yeon a smile.
If I go there with a gloomy face, I’ll just scare him.
He knew his heart was weaker than it appeared. Moreover, since there had been a time when Mo Yeon liked him, his feelings could waver. But he didn’t want to exploit that and bring him back as if kidnapping him.
Even he thought he was being overly dramatic right now.
“Endure it.”
“…”
“Endure it until you’re at death’s door.”
Because if it’s not truly near-death, he won’t forgive me this time.
It’s not time yet. More time is needed.
“If I could go anywhere, I’d want to go far away… To a place where I could live well without sunbae.”
No matter how much those words cut into his heart, making him avoid sleep even in dreams, he felt he couldn’t be forgiven yet.
Until this morning, he had thought the time had come, but the moment he made his decision, he couldn’t head there anymore.
In truth, this wasn’t the first time.
How was it the first time?
As he drove aimlessly, he could clearly envision the look in Mo Yeon’s eyes. He couldn’t face those eyes, tired of his repeated one-sided and selfish actions. The second time wasn’t much different.
And then the next. Because he wouldn’t even be able to show a smiling face, and because he didn’t want to be overly dramatic again.
Unable to overcome his heart pounding excessively like a person experiencing fear, he had no choice but to return home.
Today marked the third attempt.
***
As more time passed, Tae Young-won prepared himself once again.
Mo Yeon seemed to think that Tae Young-won acted honestly, at least with him. But the reality was a bit different.
At some point, Mo Yeon had become the person to whom he least wanted to show his true self. To maintain that, he needed to pull himself together from now on.
The trigger for his departure wasn’t anything special. Today, he just felt like he had to go.
To be more precise, he suddenly had a very strong premonition that if not today, it wouldn’t work.
“…In a little while, you won’t even think about me anymore.”
Was it because Mo Yeon’s voice suddenly came to mind when he had said that? Quite some time had passed since Mo Yeon went into the mountains.
If today passed, Mo Yeon might gradually become convinced of such an impossible thought.
That absolutely couldn’t happen. If he delayed any longer, Mo Yeon would completely forget about him. He’d probably forget all about someone like him and just live in the mountains, grazing on grass with the dogs.
Along with the tremendous misconception that he had completely forgotten him as he said he would. It felt like discovering a trap laid in one place after being told to wait and doing nothing but waiting.
He left immediately, so he didn’t get to have his skin treatment, but what he had done regularly made him look presentable. After Mo Yeon left, he had lain like a corpse for the first few days, but after that, he had immediately thrown himself into grooming his appearance, and it had paid off.
After all, one of the most effective ways to change a man’s heart is probably beauty…
Since he had received good feedback from others on his previous outfit, he wanted to appear in the same look as much as possible.
After driving for four hours without rest, when he finally arrived at Seokdamsa Temple, he spotted Mo Yeon doing something in the distance as soon as he parked.
It took him some time to get out of the car.
It was because his eyes kept trying to contort behind his sunglasses.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
