#144
Lee Han-sol shouted haphazardly by himself, stomping his feet loudly. Kim Jin-oh backed away, startled by Lee Han-sol’s intensity as he yelled until his face turned bright red. He nervously nudged Ham Yun-ah who was standing beside him to get her attention.
‘What the hell is he talking about? Is Lee Han-sol possessed or something? Hey, Ham Yun-ah. Do you understand what this guy is saying? Betrayal… what? Fuck, playing with me? Is he possessed by some middle school ghost…? But seriously, getting cursed out for taking someone’s side is a first. Lee Han-sol, hey, if Ham Yun-ah and I aren’t on your side, whose side are we on?’
Kim Jin-oh beat his chest in bewilderment. Lee Han-sol became increasingly frightened. He felt like he might faint because of Kim Jin-oh, who acted wronged without so much as blinking.
I don’t believe anything. So why pretend it’s real? Stop it. Don’t tell me I need to believe. Don’t act like Ki Baek-woo who claims he never changed. Don’t tell me to try. Just leave me alone, please. Please…
Lee Han-sol didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to continue speaking, and though he felt like crying, no tears came. He just kept hitting his head repeatedly with his fist in agitation. Alarmed by this, Kim Jin-oh stammered, ‘Hey, what’s wrong, why are you acting like this?’ It was Ham Yun-ah who firmly grabbed both of Lee Han-sol’s arms.
‘Lee Han-sol.’
Ham Yun-ah’s pronunciation was precise like a news anchor’s. Her gaze, as straight as her pronunciation, met Lee Han-sol’s eyes.
‘We’re friends.’
‘Why are you doing this too…? What’s the reason for going this far? Did I really do something wrong? Why are you doing this…?’
‘It’s not a lie. Why would I tell such a cheesy lie? I’d like to say we’re not friends too. But since you’re making such a fuss about not being deceived, I’m holding back the cringe and telling you. We are friends. Since when? Since I first saw you. Since I asked if you wanted candy, and you said you wanted plum flavor—that’s when our friendship began.’
‘Stop it.’
‘We are friends, so we’re on your side. Unconditionally on your side. As long as it’s not murder, I’ll take your side even if you steal from someone, dine and dash, or urinate in public. Actually, even if it’s murder, depending on the reason, I might take your side. I’ll write a petition for you if you get caught. So if anyone badmouths you in front of us, we’ll beat them up like we did today. Because you and I are friends. Got it?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous…’
‘If you don’t want to believe it, then don’t. Just do whatever you want. That’s okay too.’
‘Stop, shut up. Don’t say any more.’
‘It’s okay because we like you.’
We won’t badmouth you. You don’t have to answer calls, you can ignore us. Do whatever you want. We can wait that long. It’s odd-numbered without you, but it’s fine since you’ve always been high-maintenance anyway. Would we suddenly care about that now? Just join in when you want to. It’s all fine. Because that’s what friends do—overlook these things. Got it?
That day, Ham Yun-ah had said such things. With a nonchalant face, she completely messed up all the thoughts Lee Han-sol had desperately created to protect himself. That they must have ulterior motives, that everyone’s the same, that no one likes me, that I’m the outcast of this world, it doesn’t matter because I think you’re all shitty too. So I’m not lonely at all, just get lost everyone. She carelessly stirred up the only defense wall that had protected Lee Han-sol during the twenty-five time loops…
No… if this happens… I can’t hold on… I hate this…
Lee Han-sol was at his limit. He couldn’t bear the flood of new things. Don’t do this to me too. I already want to die because I can’t handle just Ki Baek-woo. Saying you like me must be a lie too. You’re trying to deceive and play with me. If you liked me, you wouldn’t make things harder for me.
His heart stung with resentment. Lee Han-sol didn’t want to meet anyone anymore. It didn’t seem right. Humans are indeed the worst trash, Lee Han-sol stubbornly muttered repeatedly to himself. Only humans had made Lee Han-sol like this. So he needed to be alone. Someone might try to break his comfortable prison again. Lee Han-sol thought, Fine, I’ll just shut myself in at home.
– Han-sol! I warned you. I’m breaking in!
Lee Han-sol sincerely wished that Choi Tae-hyun outside the door would disappear. He was afraid that Choi Tae-hyun’s persistence might shake his fortress again. Like Ham Yun-ah or Kim Jin-oh… saying that what you see is the truth, that they really worry about him, luring him with such sugar-coated words. Since it seemed like Choi Tae-hyun would also say they were friends, Lee Han-sol was truly afraid.
Please don’t try to break down my walls. If you arbitrarily break down the barriers, Ki Baek-woo will think it’s a door. He’ll come in as if he’s been waiting…
Lee Han-sol didn’t want to collapse pathetically again. He was genuinely struggling.
***
“Come on, ah.”
The dessert spoon tapped Lee Han-sol’s lower lip twice. Lee Han-sol stubbornly kept his mouth shut and turned his head away. Choi Tae-hyun persistently followed that mouth and tapped it twice again.
“This is delicious. It’s the jelly you said was good last time. They only sell 50 a day.”
“……”
“Do I need to make airplane noises like you’re a baby? Swoosh?”
“Are you joking…?”
“Just eat one bite. People need food for energy.”
Lee Han-sol couldn’t understand Choi Tae-hyun’s behavior at all. He’d been puzzled since days ago when he kept knocking persistently on the front door.
Isn’t this too much? How long does he plan to keep this up? There’s a limit to pretending to care out of courtesy. Being this persistent makes it seem like he’s showing off that it must be genuine.
Listening to the persistent knocking, Lee Han-sol felt like he was being mocked. He had a talent for knowing his place. He was excellent at not expecting anything beyond his means, enough to boast about it anywhere. So he wouldn’t get excited just because Kim Jin-oh and Ham Yun-ah said a few unbelievable words about being friends and taking his side. But the current situation seemed to be treating him that way, which was unpleasant.
Actually, aren’t you expecting something? Maybe thinking that Choi Tae-hyun might really be worried about you, that you weren’t completely abandoned in this world—are you thinking that? After rambling that you don’t need anyone, was your heart actually this trivial?
It felt like being tested by the world. There’s no way he would think Choi Tae-hyun was sincere just because he’s acting like this. I may be uneducated, but I’m not that stupid… He’ll leave eventually anyway, so don’t pay any more attention. Lee Han-sol felt ashamed.
And that day, Choi Tae-hyun really broke down the door and came in.
To be precise, he removed the door lock and latch. There was a loud mechanical sound—whirr—and when the door flung open, even Lee Han-sol was genuinely surprised. Though he was still curled up under the blanket due to extreme lethargy, his heart pounded with shock. He really hadn’t expected Choi Tae-hyun to go this far. Because, they weren’t anything to each other. At least that’s what Lee Han-sol thought.
‘Han-sol!’
Choi Tae-hyun urgently calling his name as if something terrible had happened was one thing, but the murmuring behind him was even more absurd.
‘Huh, gasp! Don’t tell me he died alone…!’
‘Poor thing. Landlord, should we call an ambulance? No wonder it was so quiet, like a dead mouse…’
‘Excuse me… hello… Is something wrong…? I’m just curious since everyone’s gathered here…’
‘Oh, the girl from 401? No, the guy who lives alone here. Something seems to have happened… The landlord was knocking on the door with concern.’
‘Gasp. That good-looking guy? The one with the weird personality?’
‘Don’t bring up the past too much, seeing how this ended up, there must have been circumstances we didn’t know about…’
Lee Han-sol, motionless under the blanket, must have looked dead. Suddenly becoming a corpse, Lee Han-sol thought it wasn’t even funny how people were gathered in front of someone else’s home gossiping as if it were a spectacle. I wish I were really dead. While Lee Han-sol was inwardly being sarcastic, the blanket was suddenly pulled away.
‘Han-sol…!’
Choi Tae-hyun, who had urgently dropped to one knee, half-embraced Lee Han-sol and made a fuss. He alternately placed his ear against Lee Han-sol’s nose and heart. Just as Choi Tae-hyun was breathing a sigh of relief—
Lee Han-sol finally couldn’t stand it and opened his eyes. The sight he saw then…. At that moment, Lee Han-sol desperately wanted to lose consciousness. Choi Tae-hyun’s complexion, which had been irritatingly bright from being well-fed and well-rested, was a mess. A pale face, deeply furrowed brow, eyes somehow watery like Ppomi’s.
Lee Han-sol didn’t believe in such things, but he wasn’t a psychopath, so he knew what that face meant. It was a face of concern. At that moment, Choi Tae-hyun was extremely worried about Lee Han-sol, and when Lee Han-sol opened his eyes, he finally felt relieved.
Why are you doing this to me? I’m just one person, why are you suddenly attacking me as a group? Cowards. I must seem easy to you. Don’t be ridiculous, I won’t lose even if I die…
Lee Han-sol gritted his teeth and pushed against Choi Tae-hyun’s chest with his weakened hand. Inwardly, he affirmed multiple times. I don’t believe it. They’re all malicious lies. I’ve been deceived twenty-five times. This is all just the system’s prank to completely break me down. If not that, then it’s Jung Yi-dam’s trick trying to provoke me to obtain death. There is no truth, no sincerity in this world. Good things are never my share.
So pull yourself together, Lee Han-sol.
He warned himself almost desperately. Then he glared at Choi Tae-hyun.
‘Who the hell do you think you are, opening someone else’s door and coming in as you please…?’
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
