Picking up the phone again, his hands were unusually slow in putting on clothes. Room service was prepared, but he wasn’t in the mood to put anything in his mouth. Refusing it and just moistening his lips with water, his steps were heavy as he left.
Last night, when entering this room with Andrea, he had felt like a prisoner walking to the gallows, but now it was the opposite when leaving. He didn’t want to go out. Walking through the corridor and just before boarding the elevator, Icanoth, who had been imagining escaping to a distant place, lowered his gaze. It was the first floor. He could see a familiar vehicle parked outside the revolving doors. Edik, who had been sitting in the driver’s seat, immediately came out and opened the back door.
“Please get in.”
“You don’t need to open the door for me…”
Even saying this was actually pointless. Icanoth knew that Edik was someone who carried out Andrea’s orders, not someone who would listen to his requests. That’s why his words trailed off. Without saying more, he got into the car and sat down. After about 10 minutes of meaninglessly touching his phone, they would soon arrive at the company. Looking up at the building that would make one’s neck hurt, it drew closer. Suddenly, he tried to recall his duties.
They didn’t exist.
It had been a long time since he let go of regular work duties. If he had to explain, it was like being a dog taken for a walk, pulled here and there by Andrea’s invisible leash and following behind him. He was probably the only person in that building who wasn’t doing proper work. That’s what Icanoth thought.
Though he still pretended to work as Andrea’s secretary and followed him around, in reality, he wasn’t assigned any actual tasks. Other people seemed to think he was doing confidential work as instructed by Andrea, but that wasn’t the case. His original duties appeared to be handled by a newly hired person.
Just following Andrea around, and when work is done and he demands my body… obediently spreading my legs and falling asleep at his house or hotel. Should I call that work? Self-mockery leaked out involuntarily.
“We’ve arrived.”
I got out before Edik could open the door, not wanting to drag things out. White sunlight shattered down from above. Though it wasn’t a particularly long journey, I felt dizzy. Perhaps it was a feigned illness created by a body that didn’t want to enter the company. I stumbled inside and took out my employee ID. The 54th floor, practically the highest level, was where Icanoth needed to go.
Come to think of it, didn’t he say tomorrow—that is, today—would be quite busy?
My dulled mind belatedly recalled Andrea’s words. It was already the 54th floor. A floor where only a select few chosen by Andrea worked. However, all seats were empty.
“…No one’s here.”
It was natural. It was already 11:15. Everyone should be busy working. Icanoth, who had no tasks, sat down. About 10 minutes after maintaining his position in the office, he saw Andrea coming in with other secretaries. But it seemed he wouldn’t stay long, as he immediately headed to the elevator. I took out my phone and saw a text from Edik.
[He’ll be going out after the meeting ends.]
I would naturally be with him. While other secretaries boarded company-provided vehicles, knowing my place was beside Andrea made my entire body tingle as if sitting on pins and needles.
However, today I was fortunate that Andrea was unusually busy. He was so occupied that he hardly spoke even in the car, and the afternoon wasn’t much different. Though Icanoth’s situation of having to follow him was similar, being somewhat away from his gaze provided some breathing room.
“Regarding that matter, I heard about it this morning, but I think it would be better to check it directly before proceeding.”
“Mr. Carp, should we cancel the 2:30 schedule then?”
“Please do.”
Thanks to spending most of the afternoon looking at Andrea’s back, a small hope arose. He’s human too, so maybe today he won’t call me to a hotel.
Moreover, a charity party that Andrea needed to attend was scheduled for the evening. Although it was being held in the banquet hall of the hotel where I had stayed last night, wherever he went, people wanting to talk to Andrea were as numerous as his wealth. He would respond to each with a kind expression, so he would inevitably be extremely busy.
“Andrea, you’re early. I heard you’d be later.”
As expected, as soon as Andrea appeared at the party venue, people approached. His great-uncle, Cedric Carp, came with a young woman. The woman was the heir to a major pharmaceutical company that Icanoth had seen in newspapers a few times, and she seemed to want to greet Andrea with the help of his great-uncle.
“Could we have a chance to talk, just the three of us? It’s a bit difficult with others’ ears around.”
“Yes, of course.”
Some important guests prefer that secretaries not remain present. Thanks to the great-uncle’s oily smile, I was finally able to escape from Andrea. As I turned away with a long sigh, an employee who had followed poked me in the side.
“Icanoth-ssi. Icanoth-ssi.”
“Ah… Bailey-ssi.”
“Icanoth-ssi. We work at the same company, but I wonder why it feels like it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other. Have you been well? I heard Mr. Carp gives you many field assignments, are you very busy?”
“Yes, well… I suppose so.”
“Today was very busy too, you really worked hard. I worked hard too! There wasn’t even time to say hello properly.”
Bailey was right. It had been almost two weeks since we’d properly faced each other. Seeing her after a long time, she was slightly more tanned than before. She said she had gone to the beach during her three days of vacation, and the tan still remained.
“Take some vacation time and go sometime. There are many newly opened shops to play at and places to eat.”
“Yes. I’ll definitely do that.”
Would they grant it if I asked for vacation time? I’m not sure. After confirming that Andrea, who had gone to the terrace area, hadn’t returned, I walked around the party venue with Bailey. There were quite a few celebrities as well as company executives. Since Icanoth didn’t know many people, Bailey mostly pointed out who was who.
“Oh my goodness. Icanoth-ssi! Do you see that? That person is the actor Ethan Seas. There. There.”
“Pardon?”
“I mean, over there.”
I reluctantly turned my head following Bailey’s finger. Even though I wasn’t particularly interested, I couldn’t help but respond when she was so excited beside me. I narrowed my eyes.
“Ah—”
“Did you see? Did you see? Oh my goodness, how wonderful. I heard he was interested in donations, so he came here too.”
“……”
The accidentally met gaze froze as if nailed in place. I might mistake others, but not him. Icanoth belatedly noticed that his slightly parted lips were trembling. Contrary to Bailey’s or Icanoth’s wishes, what I saw wasn’t the actor Ethan Seas but Bjorn who was nearby. The moment I saw his red curly hair, my heart rapidly plummeted, and when our eyes met, it exploded with a loud noise.
Icanoth was the first to look away. And didn’t look back again. My head felt as hot as if it were on fire.
‘I’m really sorry.’
It was the first time seeing his face since hearing those words. Despite Bailey beside me wondering, I couldn’t lift my head and barely clasped my hands together. My fingertips were cold, but my mind was boiling. And my chest where my heart was beating violently.
…My insides are rotting and collapsing. If emotions alone could cause that, there would be no trace left, all rotten away already. Even trying to move calmly felt like having my heart torn out.
“What’s wrong suddenly? You don’t look well.”
“No. It’s nothing. No, I… I’ll just go to the bathroom for a moment.”
“Are you okay? I’ll go with—”
“I’ll go alone. I’m really fine.”
If I stay here, I might collapse at any moment. Complex emotions cut through my feelings from all directions.
Icanoth resented Bjorn. While resenting him, ironically, I felt guilty about my relationship with Andrea. That guilt came back to mock me.
Do you still think you’re engaged? He abandoned you!
When I answered the accusing voice that Bjorn had no choice, that it was Andrea’s fault, the inescapable reality felt even more vivid. All day today, I had just been dragged around by him. Watching him busy, I had hoped that today I might not have to follow him to a hotel. That was all for today. A day where all I felt was joy at the chains loosening slightly.
“I’m sorry. Just a moment, hn… just a moment, please.”
Hastily pushing past someone standing in front of the bathroom door, Icanoth grabbed the toilet as soon as the door closed. Having put nothing in my stomach until evening, only acid leaked out.
“Ugh. Urp.”
After closing my mouth, I buried my head again within seconds. It felt like all the nausea that had been building up over the past few days rushed in at once. My stomach twisted as if being wrung out with great force. Even after flushing with difficulty, it was hard to get up from the floor. When I finally managed to sit on the toilet by forcing strength into my legs, my head and body tilted sideways. My vision spun violently. When I tried to fix my gaze somehow, it only spun faster. During that time, I might have completely blacked out for a moment. When I came to my senses, my mouth still felt unpleasant, and my face was hot as if burned.
I shouldn’t have been in the bathroom for too long.
Hoping there had been no calls in the meantime, I walked out. Too distracted to check the time on my phone, I anxiously rinsed my mouth and returned looking visibly drained.
