Some emotions are contagious just by being in the same space—and for Seiyad, the hand he was holding had started to weigh on his mind. He figured it should be fine to let go now since he’d gone along with what Ressas wanted, something akin to a handshake anyway. So he relaxed his grip.
But Ressas didn’t let go.
“…Isn’t this enough?”
Ressas, who had been staring vaguely at their clasped hands, slowly lifted his head. His face returned to its usual impassiveness as he shook it.
“Did you forget we promised to dance together?”
“I thought that was just something you made up.”
“No, I was serious. You promised, remember? That once I came of age, you’d dance with me at a ball—just once.”
Ressas brought up something from a distant, forgotten childhood. And since Seiyad had just come to realize how much that time must’ve meant to Ressas, he couldn’t dismiss it outright. He did, in fact, remember that promise. He just didn’t see what the fun in it was.
“Two men dancing together doesn’t sound very entertaining. It’s far more enjoyable when you’re partnered with a lady, matching your steps with hers.”
At that, Ressas widened his eyes, as if he were genuinely shocked—stunned, even. Those beautiful violet eyes went blank for a moment before his lashes fluttered, confusion flickering in them.
“…You like women?”
It wasn’t the kind of topic that should be coming up in this situation, at this exact moment. But the surprise on Ressas’s face seemed sincere, so Seiyad paused to consider it.
If he had to put it into words—yes, he liked women. He wasn’t particularly driven by lust, and many feared him to the point that even women had long since stopped approaching him. But in the past, there had been times when, after undergoing purification with Aster, the residual lust had found its outlet with passing women.
The relationship between a Tither and a Guide inherently allowed for same-sex contact, so he had always taken it in stride. That didn’t mean he preferred men.
“That’s correct.”
“But then… purification, how…?”
Ressas spoke in fragments, unable to string a proper sentence together, but Seiyad still understood what he was getting at.
“The contact between a Tither and a Guide is a separate matter. I’m sure Your Highness was educated on that.”
Ressas said nothing, his long lashes simply flickering in silence. Whatever it was that had startled him so, Seiyad decided to wait it out. Fortunately, Ressas didn’t remain lost in thought for long. He composed his expression and swept the hair from his forehead—still keeping one hand firmly clasped with Seiyad’s.
“Even so, we can still dance.”
“…Fine.”
Seiyad let out a faint sigh and tugged on Ressas’s hand. Since the one who’d suggested dancing didn’t even seem to know how to start, it was clear who’d have to lead.
“Have you danced much before?”
“No. This is actually the first grand banquet I’ve ever attended.”
Ressas answered as if it were nothing.
“My mother never allowed me to appear in public.”
He spoke in a voice devoid of any emotion, but then suddenly softened, his brows drawing together gently.
“I didn’t mean to bring up the Queen on purpose. Was that uncomfortable for you?”
“As long as I don’t have to see her face, it doesn’t matter.”
Seiyad still found it hard to fully believe, but hearing that the Queen held so little significance to Ressas made the words coming from his mouth feel less repulsive. Ever since his return, the intense hatred that had once consumed him had lessened. What remained most vividly was the blame he directed solely at himself.
“In that case, follow my lead.”
Ressas nodded as if Seiyad’s words were a sacred command. His violet eyes locked onto Seiyad’s, as though determined not to miss a single movement.
Seiyad pulled him closer and placed a hand around Ressas’s waist. Though Ressas had always appeared slender, his waist didn’t fit neatly within Seiyad’s arm. The muscles beneath Seiyad’s palm were firm and unexpectedly thick.
He’d known Ressas was skilled in swordsmanship since witnessing it the previous winter, but his body was more well-trained than anticipated.
“Support your partner’s waist so they don’t wobble….”
As Seiyad’s hand pressed more firmly into Ressas’s back, he felt the other man’s spine tense.
A memory from earlier in the day resurfaced—how Ressas’s arms had trembled slightly when he’d supported Seiyad’s waist. The reversal of roles made the image amusing.
He had assumed Ressas’s personality had matured to match his grown physique over the past six months, but this raised questions about how purification would even be possible.
He’d been so good at spouting embarrassing lines that Seiyad thought he’d been fully prepared—but clearly, that wasn’t the case.
“Move your feet in rhythm, in the direction you want to go.”
As payback for earlier, Seiyad intentionally closed the distance between their bodies. He tightened his grip around Ressas’s waist and firmly squeezed their joined hands.
He followed as Ressas swayed clumsily, adjusting to the erratic path. The more closely they pressed together, the more Seiyad could feel the heat rising through the white formal uniform Ressas wore.
The warmth spread fast—so fast that even Seiyad was momentarily caught off guard.
“Se… iyad.”
Ressas’s voice had sunk low, breaking into a rasp.
The hand entwined with Seiyad’s twitched and jerked, then grabbed him again, repeating the motion.
“Yes.”
Their faces were so close their noses could touch. As Seiyad exhaled, a shallow breath fell across Ressas’s cheek.
At that moment, his chest rose and fell deeply.
Ressas’s pale face, staring down at Seiyad, had gone completely white.
Just as Seiyad was about to ask what was wrong, Ressas murmured in a whisper—
“Is dancing… supposed to make it hard to breathe… like when you kiss someone?”
In that moment, Seiyad also became acutely aware of how close they were.
Up until just a breath ago, he’d thought nothing of it—still vaguely irritated by Ressas’s behavior earlier in the day. But now, looking at it clearly, the distance between them was needlessly close.
They were so near he could see each other’s reflections in the other’s eyes. Silence fell heavily between them. Ressas’s breathing, erratic and uneven, grew louder, then softer, and then louder again—it rang in Seiyad’s ears.
Perhaps it was the spring breeze, but even the trembling of Ressas’s long lashes seemed needlessly vivid. His black brows, slightly furrowed as though overwhelmed—like he was struggling to contain something far too great—made Seiyad’s chest turn queasy.
Haa…
As Ressas finally exhaled the breath he’d been holding back so tightly, Seiyad took it as his cue to release his hand from the other’s waist.
He swiftly let go of the hand he’d been holding and stepped back. The tremor in Ressas’s breathing echoed in his ears like a lingering pulse.
Suddenly, the heat inside him surged, and Seiyad scowled. Spring in the capital was unbearably warm—more like summer in the north.
“This is how you dance.”
He couldn’t answer Ressas’s question.
Even during intense dances, it didn’t make sense for someone to be out of breath from such simple steps. But just moments ago, he too had felt that sensation, so he couldn’t deny it, nor could he confirm it.
“…I see.”
The voice that escaped Ressas after a short silence was low and cracked.
Unlike the earlier boyish way he’d asked the question, the deep, fractured tone that now came from his throat belonged unmistakably to a grown man.
It was strange.
“…Yes. That’s right.”
They echoed similar words back and forth.
There was nothing else to say. His mind felt oddly blank. A suffocating tension clogged his throat, and Seiyad swallowed dryly.
Eventually, he reminded himself that it was truly time to return to his quarters.
“If that was all you needed, I’ll be taking my leave now.”
“…Wait.”
Before he could even turn, Ressas grabbed his hand again.
They’d held and released hands so many times by now that it should’ve felt unremarkable, but this time, it burned like a brand.
“Two weeks from now, once the festival ends, I’ll be going into the forest….”
Ressas’s voice gradually broke, becoming so faint that by the time he asked his final question, it was nearly inaudible.
“Starting tomorrow… I want to begin preparing.”
Seiyad understood what that meant.
The purification earlier in the day had clearly only been a temporary fix. To undo the effects that had built up over the winter and prepare for battle, he’d need to follow Ressas’s lead.
He opened his mouth to say “Understood,” but his throat had gone dry—perhaps from catching whatever symptoms Ressas had been suffering all along.
Mm.
He let out a low hum to clear it and nodded.
Ressas, who had been watching Seiyad’s slowly moving jaw with quiet focus, finally released his hand.
Now able to breathe again, Seiyad turned quickly on his heel.
Suddenly, he remembered what Vetria had once said about purification.
“It makes you feel alive. Like you can finally breathe.”
It was true—he did feel alive.
But instead of feeling like he could finally breathe… it felt like he couldn’t breathe at all.
And he had no idea how to make sense of that.
