“I denied it dozens, hundreds of times every night. That I was mistaken, that it couldn’t be.”
Seung-kwon exhaled roughly as if upset. The strength visibly intensified in his hands gripping the steering wheel.
“But it’s not like that, is it? I haven’t known you just for a day or two, how could I not know?”
“…”
“Let’s forget it and leave, Jae-young. That bastard… can’t even be called human.”
If that statement brought up sudden resentment, what kind of feeling would that emotion stem from?
Jae-young recalled Sa Gong-hyun, who was far removed from being human.
His face that smiled genuinely while car racing, his nights where he could only sleep peacefully with Jae-young by his side, the occasional loving gaze directed at him.
If that wasn’t a human, then who the hell was?
“I only need Do Jae-young. Because you are my comfort and my peace.”
Suddenly, the voice that had once called Jae-young his comfort and peace rang in his head. How could one definitively say that the gaze directed at him in that moment wasn’t a human’s?
His mind was troubled. The blank shock continued in his head afterward.
Even until now, when he had removed his mask to escape from him, he had been deceiving him. He had to achieve his goal, so there was no other way.
Now that he knew about his past activities, what dominated Jae-young’s mind wasn’t that he was an even more heinous murderer than imagined.
It was concern for him: If I disappear like this, will you face those long nights again?
His gaze fell to his wrist, which had become empty. Jae-young silently gripped his right wrist.
Seung-kwon roughly parked the car somewhere at the harbor. They had changed vehicles at least three times on the way.
“Let’s go.”
Even as he got out of the car, Jae-young remained sitting still. Finding it frustrating to see Jae-young like this, Seung-kwon opened the passenger door for him. Jae-young’s head turned stiffly.
“…”
Without any particular response, Jae-young followed Seung-kwon out. He stared at Seung-kwon, who was running ahead without even closing the car door. His steps, which felt like they were being forcibly dragged, stopped not long after.
The reason Seung-kwon had brought Jae-young to the harbor was clear. He planned to leave Korea with Jae-young. Upon realizing this, his steps came to an abrupt halt.
Seung-kwon turned to look at him as if he had eyes on the back of his head.
He came back to Jae-young and grabbed his hand to pull him along. Jae-young unconsciously pulled his hand back.
“I don’t want to go, hyung.”
He stood firmly in place. Seung-kwon’s face, turning to look at Jae-young, filled with a rage never seen before.
Even amid his distracted state, his face was twisted into a threatening expression.
“Stop fucking around and come.”
He lowered his voice threateningly. Jae-young twisted his hand free.
“No, I’m not going.”
“…”
Eventually, Seung-kwon’s fiery voice dropped.
“Shibal, why aren’t you going? What’s the problem!”
“There’s something I want to find out.”
“What? What the hell do you want to find out? Do Jae-young, I’ve told you everything. Is there anything more to know there? Stop talking nonsense and let’s go. You’ll really die, you bastard! Do you think Sa Gong-hyun will leave you alone like before?”
Seung-kwon shouted desperately. None of what he said was wrong. Anyone could see that if Jae-young went back now, he was as good as dead.
But Jae-young didn’t think so. He always moved by intuition. That hadn’t changed now, and it wouldn’t change in the future.
Jae-young’s intuition was telling him. Perhaps this time too, he would overlook Jae-young’s mistake.
Sa Gong-hyun had overlooked things many times before. Of course, the accumulated mistakes could change his decision.
Even if that were the case, he didn’t want to go. He realized that the uneasy feeling he’d had all along stemmed from here. It was a moment when emotion had conquered reason.
“Hyung, you know I’m hard to kill.”
“You’ll regret it.”
“I’m still not going.”
“Do Jae-young!”
He knew without Seung-kwon having to shout so loudly. He knew he should give in, but he just couldn’t.
“We agreed to part ways after this job anyway. I meant it.”
“…I told you to forget about it. My heart… Yeah, I can give it when I don’t know better. But Jae-young, this is…”
“I know.”
What he was saying too. No one could think they could be happy beside a man who had never experienced affection in his life.
Jae-young, in that fleeting moment, replayed his times with him.
Was he really unhappy?
He couldn’t tell. No, he thought he wouldn’t be able to tell, but the reason for this ambiguous feeling was also that there weren’t any memories unhappy enough to remember.
Even the moments when he was bound to him weren’t hellish. It was comfortable. He liked falling asleep and waking up with him.
When he woke up at dawn, the heartbeat coming from him was like a lullaby to Jae-young.
If he had known that Seung-kwon wasn’t being held captive, Jae-young would have pressed Sa Gong-hyun in his usual manner.
Raising his voice, acting more impulsively, and if he still kept holding onto him, he might have continued living that way.
By his side, under his protection.
“You’re mistaken about that.”
“Even if it’s a mistake, I’ll deal with it.”
“Shibal, really. Why are you being so stubborn!”
“Hyung.”
Unlike Seung-kwon who had swallowed his excitement, Jae-young, who had maintained his composure all along, spoke in a low voice.
“Why did you ask me to do this job?”
“…”
“What did Shin Kwang-do tell you that made you agree to do this?”
“…”
Seung-kwon became speechless at the piercing question. From his inability to speak, Jae-young realized that what Sa Gong-hyun had said was true.
“Jae-young, I…”
“…”
“I just…”
His emotional state was glimpsed in the voice he barely managed to utter.
“It wasn’t a choice you were forced into, so why did you take it out on me? What did you expect from me?”
Seung-kwon lowered his head and inhaled unsteadily. His Adam’s apple rippled once.
Gradually, strength entered the hand holding Jae-young. After taking a long breath, Seung-kwon raised his eyes.
“…I didn’t want to lose you.”
Seung-kwon’s eyes were bloodshot.
“I was afraid if I approached you carelessly, I’d lose you. I wanted to know somehow. If I also…”
“…”
“…If I also had a chance.”
Jae-young’s expression, as he looked at Seung-kwon, contained no emotion whatsoever. No desperation, no pity, no joy. Just coldness.
For a considerable time, Jae-young waited for his lips to part once more.
But Seung-kwon’s mouth didn’t open again. What filled the subsequent silence was Jae-young’s hollow laugh.
“Is that all?”
“Jae-young…”
“You’re really trash.”
“…”
What followed was cold words, now without even a hollow laugh.
“Where did your age go? I’m the fool who ran away to save you.”
“…”
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
