It was as if he had forgotten how to breathe. Since it was a plan made before D-day, the escape route must have been secured. However, he couldn’t continue speaking. It wasn’t concern for Seung-kwon.
Jae-young stared at Seung-kwon with his lips slightly parted, unable to close them. Perhaps thinking that his seriously altered expression was out of concern for him, Seung-kwon tousled Jae-young’s hair.
“Don’t worry about me, just take care of yourself. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought you might have developed feelings for that bastard in the meantime. So…”
“…”
“I didn’t tell you because I was worried it would mess up the job.”
“What…”
The sound he made for an excuse leaked out powerlessly like powder. Seung-kwon unfastened the bracelet on his wrist. He put the bracelet, which wasn’t even the right size, on Jae-young’s wrist instead.
“Usually, it would be right not to trust, but you…”
Seung-kwon trailed off. His voice, which had been cut off once as if making a decision, resumed again.
“I trust you.”
“…”
“I trust you, Jae-young. That’s why I’ve worked with you, and kept you by my side all this time. If you’re tired and want to rest, I’ll let you rest after this job is done.”
He seemed to be brainwashing himself, chewing over the same words multiple times.
“So if that bastard does something weird again, don’t hesitate to call.”
He silently looked down at the newly fastened bracelet. He blinked once, and slowly exhaled the breath that had been knotted up until now.
A calm laugh was heard. Jae-young slowly raised his eyes. His lips moved mechanically.
“I’ll do it.”
“Do what?”
“What you were going to do. I’ll do it.”
“Forget it, kid. Don’t complicate things and just stick to what you were doing.”
“I want to do it.”
“Even if you want to, hold back. I’ll finish it. That’s safer.”
He couldn’t insist anymore in the face of such a resolute statement. Jae-young closed his mouth as if giving up and forced a smile.
Suddenly, he felt the urge to cover his eyes with his hands. He wanted to rub his face, and moisten his parched lips with saliva.
***
He sat quietly in a room with all the lights turned off. Originally, he had planned to take a taxi back, but since Seung-kwon had insisted on driving him, he had gotten into his car.
They had discussed many things throughout the ride home. How long Seung-kwon had been infiltrating. His plans, and Han Ju-seong. He needed time to organize his thoughts.
Jae-young, who had been staring into space while sitting at the dining table, blinked his eyes languidly. His pupils rolled at a speed as slow as a turtle crawling.
What caught his sight was a bottle of wine that Sa Gong-hyun had given him as a gift before. The packaging box, which he hadn’t even opened and had kept stored, suddenly caught his eye.
“Haah…”
A sigh laden with worries escaped. Jae-young mindlessly fiddled with the laptop mousepad. After being in a daze for about 30 seconds, he checked his inbox.
The mouse cursor was directed at an email from Park Yu-shin, the head of the detective agency.
There were a total of three emails from Yu-shin. All of those emails had photos related to Seung-kwon attached. Jae-young looked at Seung-kwon in the photos.
“And about Cha Seung-kwon. It has been confirmed that he is working for Sebin’s security team. It doesn’t seem like he’s just handling security-related work. He goes out frequently and the people he contacts have no commonalities in their professions. I’ll send you the list and photos of the people Cha Seung-kwon has contacted via email.”
Each one showed him looking sharp. Always cautious of his surroundings, and when alone, secretly talking to someone on the phone. There was even a shot that looked like he was being slapped by someone presumed to be a member of an organization, and a back view of him confronting someone while holding a tool.
After looking at those photos, Jae-young let out another long sigh. He should have noticed when the injuries on his face started increasing one by one. He continued scrolling down without stopping.
Handing over a USB to Ju-yeon, and hiding a newly received USB in his jacket’s inner pocket. After receiving documents from someone, he makes a call while moving. Looking like someone who by all appearances doesn’t have an ordinary job.
And above all, whenever he had time, he was hiding somewhere watching someone else. That person was him.
At that time, Jae-young was with Sa Gong-hyun, but Seung-kwon wasn’t hiding to monitor Sa Gong-hyun. The only time Seung-kwon could rest was when Jae-young was marking Sa Gong-hyun. Or to take care of personal matters.
Somehow, it felt like he had realized a truth he shouldn’t have known.
The continuously scrolling stopped at one photo. Although they were quite far apart, Sa Gong-hyun and Seung-kwon were captured in the same angle.
He said he would go find him. Suddenly, his chest felt tight. Jae-young, with his head bowed and both hands clutching his head, exhaled a deep sigh. His hands, which had gone to the back of his head, grabbed his hair.
Everything fit together. Cha Seung-kwon, who had been unusually sensitive and strange about this job. Though he hadn’t asked him directly about why he was going so far.
If that’s the case, why did he suggest doing this job? Stress rose to the tip of his chin.
For the first time, Jae-young was curious about the cigarettes Seung-kwon smoked whenever he was stressed.
He soon raised his head and deleted one by one the emails he had received from Yu-shin. It was a choice made without reservation since there was no longer a need to be wary of Seung-kwon. After deleting all the emails without a trace, Jae-young then picked up his phone.
[You can stop investigating. No need to refund the money.]
He wanted to clear his head, even just for a moment. He flipped his phone over on the bed. He got up from his seat and headed to the refrigerator to check inside. As far as alcohol went, there was only one bottle of soju.
Jae-young’s head turned toward the wine packaging box on the table. He felt even more unsettled. He didn’t want to open that wine yet.
“…It won’t even reach my liver.”
He wanted to drink whiskey. He missed the burning sensation that seemed to set his throat on fire with every sip. However, since he couldn’t go back to that house, he reluctantly took out the soju.
Jae-young downed the soju like water. He removed the bottle from his mouth to catch his breath and exhaled. The alcohol smell was already rising thickly.
“Why am I so irritated, really…”
Not being able to understand the reason made him even more irritated. Why did it bother him so much? Why did Sa Gong-hyun’s unaffected smile keep coming to mind?
As Seung-kwon had said, he had clearly stated with his own mouth that he would make Sa Gong-hyun shed tears of blood. But he had somehow forgotten that while spending time with him.
When he heard Seung-kwon’s plan, he felt an impulse to see the evidence himself.
He wanted to take away the USB he had gotten to see under the excuse that he needed to check it immediately to put his mind at ease.
That’s when he realized it. That showing Seung-kwon a face that hid his true feelings and taking pleasure in it was all to lower Seung-kwon’s guard. Because he wanted that USB to come into his hands.
Jae-young put the bottle to his lips again to suppress his stifling feelings. His head hurt.
He had clearly hated Sa Gong-hyun to the point of loathing. His sexual preferences had been repulsive, and he had harbored resentment. Belatedly, the atrocities Sa Gong-hyun had committed came to mind. Why had he forgotten them? The questions he asked himself were complex issues without answers from beginning to end.
‘I thought you had developed feelings for that bastard.’
Feelings. What feelings? What feelings could there be? Even though he had corrected his habit of feeling uncomfortable around homosexuals, he didn’t question his own sexual identity.
“…That’s ridiculous.”
Though he denied it calmly, he was no longer confident. His voice lacked strength, and his expression looked like he might cry at any moment.
“That’s ridiculous…”
Despite sneering that it couldn’t possibly be true, the uneasiness didn’t dissipate. A red alert blared in his head. It was a signal with a different texture than his usual work-related ones.
Eventually, Jae-young nervously ruffled his hair and hurriedly emptied a bottle. He walked to the bedroom and flopped down on the bed.
Even though he had drunk hastily, the alcohol hadn’t taken effect at all. He felt like shouting loudly, but instead of getting drunk and rowdy, he closed his eyes.
He said he would visit him. The fact that such a thought came to mind even in this situation was the most infuriating thing. If he could, he wanted to pull out now.
***
He needed to calm his mind. He couldn’t go to a temple to recite the Heart Sutra, and meditation was hard to concentrate on. Going to a gaming center to clear his mind didn’t appeal to him either.
Author: Hyacinthus B
Hyacinthus
