When, and how, should he push forward so it wouldn’t come off as a side effect, but clearly as his genuine feelings?
If only Guides had something like imprinting too. He was pretty sure he would have already imprinted several times over. It wasn’t that it hadn’t been studied yet—it was entirely possible that he had already imprinted without realizing it…
“I should get going.”
But now wasn’t the right time to bring up such thoughts.
Lim Haeyul hesitated for a moment, watching Cha Jae-woo, who had already finished getting ready to leave. Then, in a sudden flash of recklessness, he thought, Screw it.
“Ah, my head…”
He hurriedly clutched his forehead and collapsed onto the bed.
Even by his own standards, it was horrendous acting. Falling onto the bed looked so incredibly unnatural, and the words that left his mouth would have been better left unsaid.
Still, he had already spoken and acted. Unfortunately, this wasn’t a drama or a movie—he couldn’t just shout “Cut!” and start over. Swallowing his shame, he squeezed his eyes shut.
“What’s wrong? Does your head hurt?”
Still… well, if it could even be called fortunate, the very person he was trying to fool—Cha Jae-woo—had completely fallen for it.
As Cha Jae-woo approached him with a worried expression, Haeyul squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.
“Ugh, I’m feeling so dizzy…”
Putting his whole heart into it, Haeyul faked his illness. He wriggled slightly where he lay on the bed.
The position was uncomfortable, but he forced himself to stop moving. If he got too comfortable, it would look suspicious.
“Can you hold me?”
Part of him genuinely believed that Cha Jae-woo would somehow make it work.
Sure enough, Jae-woo pulled Haeyul’s arm over his own shoulders, then gently lifted and laid him properly down on the bed. He even tucked the blanket over him with meticulous care.
Honestly, a little worry crept in—was Jae-woo just going to leave him like this? Haeyul didn’t dare say he was fine, that he just needed a little rest.
Any words he spoke would only betray his terrible acting, and he didn’t want to screw this up by saying things he didn’t mean.
Even without speaking, the way Cha Jae-woo’s voice wavered with concern betrayed his unease. He clearly didn’t understand Haeyul’s sudden behavior, but he was genuinely worried.
It seemed like Jae-woo was truly flustered. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t realized just how bad Haeyul’s acting was.
Haeyul deliberately twisted his face into a pained expression and squirmed slightly. He had experience pretending not to be hurt—but pretending to be hurt was a first. He honestly didn’t know if he was doing it right.
“Haeyul, what are your symptoms? Are you dizzy?”
So far, so good.
Cha Jae-woo’s tender voice made Haeyul’s body feel like it was melting. He was starting to think he might actually be sick. Maybe it was his guilty conscience, protesting because he was lying just to satisfy his own selfish desires.
Still, this much was a success.
At least he had stopped Cha Jae-woo from going straight home. The real problem came next. Doing his best to look dizzy, Haeyul parted his lips and worked his brain furiously.
“Ugh… I don’t know. It feels like everything’s spinning…”
Maybe he should’ve had a drink beforehand. That would have made this much more believable.
Of course, if he were actually drunk, nothing would have happened anyway. That much he was sure of, after all this time observing Cha Jae-woo.
“Let’s go to the hospital.”
Jae-woo’s voice was serious. He believed Haeyul completely. He trusted his nonsense acting more than he trusted his real feelings.
It made no sense, but if he wasn’t careful, he might actually get dragged off to the hospital. Haeyul quickly shook his head—while making sure to look dizzy, of course.
“No… I’ll just lie down for a bit.”
His hand tightened slightly around Jae-woo’s sleeve.
He grabbed onto it deliberately, not wanting to hear whatever was running through Jae-woo’s mind. He knew it would only be a matter of time before Jae-woo realized he was acting, but he couldn’t bear to hear that realization aloud.
“……”
Cha Jae-woo stayed silent for a moment, his brows furrowed in deep thought. He looked seriously troubled. Haeyul tightly shut his eyes, choosing to ignore the expression altogether.
It felt strange to say this, since Jae-woo had fallen for it so easily at first, but he was normally very sharp. He wasn’t the type to be fooled by bad acting.
Maybe he had been too flustered at first to notice, but he would realize the truth soon enough. What if he already had? What if he was trying to figure out why Haeyul was doing this?
There was always the possibility. His ulterior motives might be exposed at any moment.
It was a little embarrassing, sure, but that wasn’t the real problem. The problem was that the same trick wouldn’t work twice, and he’d have to find some new way to hold Cha Jae-woo here next time.
And if that cycle kept repeating…
‘What if… he gets so worried about my side effects that he decides not to come at all?’
The thought alone made his mind spiral. Anything else could be tolerated—but not that. That was the one thing he would never allow to happen. Absolutely not.
Either way, he was in a sticky situation now. Maybe he should just come clean? Say it was a joke? Maybe then he could gloss it over and laugh it off—
“Ah…”
It was at that moment that Cha Jae-woo leaned down and placed a hand on his forehead.
He seemed to be checking for a fever, but Haeyul’s heart leapt before anything else. It had been so long since Cha Jae-woo had reached out to him first. Usually, Haeyul had to be the one to initiate.
Even when guiding, Cha Jae-woo always hesitated. This Cha Jae-woo, right now, was the one Haeyul had turned into such a coward. The Cha Jae-woo that everyone else saw on TV was no different than before. Only Haeyul got to see this side of him.
He knew that already, but realizing it all over again sent a thrill through his chest. Haeyul stared at the hand that was slowly withdrawing. Then Cha Jae-woo bent closer, and Haeyul’s heart thudded wildly.
“Did you maybe… force yourself guiding?”
Unlike him, Cha Jae-woo was filled with nothing but pure concern. He wasn’t doubting him at all. He had turned into a complete fool—someone who could be tricked by this half-assed acting.
Haeyul wanted to just be happy about it, but thinking about it like that stung a little.
He had once mistaken it for love, and had acted like they were lovers—until fear took hold and he ran away. And then, of his own volition, he had decided to come back.
He had never regretted it. He needed to do it—for Cha Jae-woo’s survival. Not just because it was the right thing to do, but because it was Cha Jae-woo, it mattered even more.
He didn’t want to see Cha Jae-woo die. Especially not such a lonely, miserable death.
His feelings for Cha Jae-woo were still intact. It might have looked like they were buried under fear at the time, but he had always liked him.
Because he knew that all the small things Cha Jae-woo had done for him weren’t lies. Even if Cha Jae-woo had told himself he was just going along with Haeyul’s whims, those unconscious gestures were real. Done for him.
If Cha Jae-woo had realized his feelings sooner, if he had cherished him more quickly, maybe they wouldn’t have ended up like this. But there was no use regretting the past. All that mattered was doing things right from now on.
He wished that Cha Jae-woo would think the same. That it was okay if they just started again now. That they were starting again.
But Cha Jae-woo seemed to have erased that possibility entirely. As if he had firmly decided that there was no chance for them anymore.
All he cared about was Haeyul’s safety. Doing exactly what Haeyul wanted, while avoiding anything that might hurt him again.
The heartbreaking part was that Cha Jae-woo seemed to believe that every moment Haeyul had spent at his house was a wound. A scar.
That’s why he did nothing now. Smiling at Haeyul, speaking to him kindly—he treated even those things as forbidden. He tried to be as neutral as possible. Never burdening Haeyul, never doing anything for his own sake.
“Cha Jae-woo.”
His eyes were full of Haeyul. Because Haeyul had said he was sick, he was believing it without the slightest doubt. That made Haeyul’s heart ache bitterly.
“Yeah.”
Couldn’t he just accept him naturally?
How could he make Cha Jae-woo understand that, as long as he loved him, Haeyul would never suffer another deep wound again?
“Hold me.”
“……”
“I’ll take responsibility.”
It sounded silly, but he wasn’t joking. He wanted to hold him tightly again. To embrace the Cha Jae-woo who was trying so hard not to repeat the same mistakes, who wouldn’t even step near him out of fear.
