Cha Jae-woo seemed to be deep in thought for a long time. I waited for his contemplation to end. I was determined to listen to whatever he had to say.
“……Anything.”
However, after all that waiting, Cha Jae-woo uttered something frustratingly vague.
“Ha.”
A hollow laugh escaped first, a natural reaction.
“Anything what?”
The question was laced with irritation. I expected Cha Jae-woo to frown immediately, but he did not. He seemed lost in thought, as if pondering how to express himself.
“What do you mean by ‘anything’? Tell me what you can do for me. You won’t actually do everything.”
“……I’ll do anything.”
His unconvincing response made me sigh involuntarily. Even conversing with a phone AI would be better than this.
I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair in frustration.
“Don’t be vague. If I told you to get down on your knees and beg right now, would you do it? I doubt it.”
I didn’t actually want that; it was just the first thing that came to mind. Surprisingly, a faint spark of life flickered across Cha Jae-woo’s face at that moment, as if he had found something he could do.
“I’m not asking you to do that.”
I must have imagined it. There’s no way Cha Jae-woo would go that far.
Even as I thought this, I quickly dismissed the idea. Even if Cha Jae-woo actually got down on his knees and begged, it wouldn’t make me feel any better.
“…….”
Cha Jae-woo’s expression darkened again.
But I couldn’t truly understand Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts. I needed to stop assuming I knew what he was feeling. Why did I keep thinking I could sense his emotions?
“Just be more specific about what you can do for me…….”
I stopped mid-sentence, my mouth clamping shut.
Why was I explaining this? Cha Jae-woo wasn’t a machine or an idiot. He should understand what I was saying.
Was he waiting for me to get so frustrated that I would explode and just stay here? If this continued, Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t have to say much, and I would end up losing my temper and staying.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It was always hard to stay rational around Cha Jae-woo.
“Never mind. Figure it out yourself. Why do I have to explain this to you?”
I turned around sharply, my steps decisive this time. If Cha Jae-woo wasn’t going to forcefully stop me, he could figure it out himself. Explaining how to do it seemed ridiculous.
Before, he was all talk. Now, he was silent, which was even more infuriating. Was it too hard to keep up the lies? He had no problem lying about loving me.
The memories of his smiling face, his gentle touch, and the soft voice calling my name—memories that once made me happy—now felt like blades cutting into me. He managed to do it then. Why not now? If he talked to me like he used to, I might have fallen for it again.
“I—”
Lost in these thoughts, I hesitated for a moment, and then Cha Jae-woo’s voice reached me.
I finally moved my feet. I shouldn’t listen. Yes, I might fall for it again. I knew myself better than anyone. Despite fearing and hating it, I was trying hard to convince myself to give in.
“I’ve never met anyone like you.”
The door swung open. Cha Jae-woo’s voice followed, feeling like a hand trying to hold me back, making each step heavier. But I forced myself to keep moving.
“I don’t know what to do…… I don’t know how to handle this.”
But efforts can quickly come to nothing.
I couldn’t walk any further and stood still. Cha Jae-woo was still sitting on the bed, as if my feet were rooted to the spot.
“What to say. How to act.”
Lies.
It wasn’t like this before. He made a fool out of me completely. Now he says he doesn’t know what to do. Cha Jae-woo was lying.
I scoffed and opened my mouth. It was funny how he talked, and how stupid I felt standing there listening to him.
“You did just fine before. So why is it so hard now? Is it not that you’ve never tried to change someone’s mind with words?”
Unlike before, when I was blindly devoted, I now had my back to Cha Jae-woo. Maybe it hurt his pride. Maybe he hated having to try to keep me.
Cha Jae-woo was arrogant. He probably never had to humble himself to anyone. This situation must have been awkward and uncomfortable for him.
Maybe he found it easier to manipulate my personality than to apologize sincerely. Cha Jae-woo could certainly calculate that far.
So I knew it too. Stopping in my tracks at his words, listening to this meaningless talk—it was all pointless.
Even as I said I didn’t trust him, I knew I might end up staying by his side. The feelings that should have vanished when I realized he was using me were still lingering.
I felt anxious. I wanted Cha Jae-woo to do something before I pitied him and faced him again. I didn’t want to be the one to return to his side.
“……You’re right, there’s nothing.”
I couldn’t let that happen again. But knowing didn’t make it easier to act accordingly.
Cha Jae-woo’s voice sounded defeated. I turned back to face his hopeful gaze directly.
“So what? What do you want me to do? Should I consider your lack of experience and act accordingly? Do you want me to be blindly devoted like before? Really?”
“No, that’s not what I—”
“Then what? What do you want? What do you want to do? Don’t you want something from me? That can’t be true! Just say it. Say you want me to keep guiding! Stay in this house and keep guiding you!”
My voice rose sharply, but Cha Jae-woo shook his head. His words, spoken without hesitation, only confused me more.
“You don’t have to guide. I’m not asking for that.”
No guiding? It was a story no one would believe.
“Don’t be ridiculous. What other reason would you have to seek me out? Your only goal should be that. Right? Rather than claiming you have feelings for me or miss me!”
“……Haeyul.”
“That’s deceitful…….”
I was fine a moment ago, but suddenly, tears welled up. I couldn’t stop them, no matter how much I didn’t want to cry.
I roughly wiped my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Maybe that worked before, but now I know I’ve been deceived. So it won’t work anymore. So…….”
I wished he would just say he needed guiding. That would be better than trying to manipulate my feelings.
“So say what you really want. Stop the ridiculous act. Today is the last time I’ll listen to you. After this, I won’t listen to you anymore.”
I wasn’t sure I could stick to that resolve, but I had to try. For myself. To stop hating myself for being swayed.
I looked straight at Cha Jae-woo, my eyes wet with tears.
Tell the truth. Say you need guiding. Then I’ll do it. At least until his body recovers and he finds another guide. Not for him, but for me. I didn’t want anyone to die because of my refusal.
But if Cha Jae-woo chose to deceive me again, I would never see him again. I didn’t want to be manipulated by someone who only wanted to use me. From that moment, Cha Jae-woo would be nothing to me.
“……I’ve been thinking about how to keep you, or at least see you again. But I can’t find an answer. I don’t think it’s possible. So I’m just here.”
“…….”
“By the time I realized how important you were to me, you had already left. I couldn’t turn back time. Even now…… I know it’s too late.”
I slowly shook my head at Cha Jae-woo’s words. He had chosen the wrong path. The one I didn’t want.
“But if you want me to say what I want to say, I will. It won’t be the answer you want.”
“…….”
“……I like you.”
My face contorted, and I wanted to run away immediately, so I did. Cha Jae-woo’s voice followed me as I hurriedly left.
“I want to have you.”
His desperate voice echoed in my ears.
I covered my ears and fled from Cha Jae-woo. It felt like the only thing I could do.
