His hand was tense and pale. I bit my lower lip and then released it.
“You want me to be your Guide again, right? That’s why you’re doing this,” I said.
Cha Jae-woo seemed overwhelmed, trying to grasp the situation. But I was impatient. I wanted him to nod, to agree.
Of course, I knew he wouldn’t. But what if, just maybe, Cha Jae-woo hadn’t given up? What if he had decided to let me go, and this happened because he couldn’t receive guiding? This ridiculous assumption made me anxious.
It was laughable. Even in this situation, I wanted confirmation from Cha Jae-woo. After everything, why did I still…
“…How did you get here?” I asked.
It took Cha Jae-woo a long time to respond. He was slow to understand the situation and still seemed distracted. He was nothing like the person I knew.
I turned my gaze away from him. Seeing him weak made me feel like I was falling apart. I had to stay strong, or at least avoid looking at him. I didn’t want to fall for his tricks again.
“Just answer the question,” I said, finally speaking after avoiding his gaze. I could feel him moving, but I stubbornly stared at the floor. I was determined not to look at him.
“…Did you guide?” he asked.
My resolve to not look at him shattered instantly. I lifted my head and saw him frowning.
“Ha.”
A hollow laugh escaped me.
Ah, so that’s what’s important. He figured it out.
I shouldn’t have been concerned about his intentions. Realizing this, I felt a chill run through me.
Truthfully, I had always felt the mana flowing within me. The mana that had been faint when I left Cha Jae-woo’s house had gradually returned. I thought I might be able to guide again. Not that I would, or should.
But as soon as I saw Cha Jae-woo, I forgot all about it. I had told myself I never wanted to come back here, yet I had given him a reason to keep me.
My body, stiff with tension, slowly relaxed, and a hollow laugh escaped me. There was no point in hiding it now. Cha Jae-woo knew, and the outcome was inevitable.
“Yes, I stupidly guided,” I admitted.
Maybe that’s why I felt no fear. Cha Jae-woo needed guiding. If I didn’t guide him, he would end up like before. He couldn’t harm me, so I had no reason to be afraid of him.
“So, what now? Are you going to lock me up in this house again?” I asked.
Cha Jae-woo shook his head. He frowned and looked away briefly, but that was all.
He couldn’t do anything to me, even if he was upset. He needed my guiding. He probably pretended to be pitiful, waiting for me to feel better.
As expected.
It was a somewhat disappointing conclusion. I had hoped that guiding was his goal, but I was the one who got hurt by my own assumption. It was ironic that I was disappointed by the answer I had come up with myself. I sighed deeply and rubbed my cheek.
“It must be nice. That I can guide again,” I said.
“That’s not what I─”
“You can’t deny it.”
I was filled with resentment, directed at no one but myself. Why had I come here? Why had I guided? What was I hoping for, waiting for Cha Jae-woo to wake up?
I knew what Cha Jae-woo wanted. Even though I didn’t know when it would happen, I was sure he would find me. I thought I should either enjoy the present moment or run away completely.
But I couldn’t resist and rushed to Cha Jae-woo’s house to guide. Now, I was like prey walking right into a trap. Cha Jae-woo could do whatever he wanted with me. It was as if I had given him permission.
“I should have just ignored it…”
Regret washed over me, but it was too late. I didn’t want to go back to how things were before. The mere thought made me feel suffocated.
Of course, it wouldn’t be exactly the same as before. Just as Cha Jae-woo realized I could guide, I knew he couldn’t do whatever he wanted with me anymore.
“It must be nice. Your manipulations are working so well.”
“…It’s not like that.”
Cha Jae-woo denied it immediately, but he didn’t say anything more.
What wasn’t like that? Was he saying he hadn’t manipulated me? That he didn’t intend to keep me here?
His words were so vague. Come to think of it, Cha Jae-woo was always like that. He would say ambiguous things, and I would interpret them however I wanted.
I was playing right into his hands, getting hurt in the process.
“You always do this, Cha Jae-woo.”
I felt a surge of anger. Even though I knew he couldn’t do anything to me, the lingering tension and fear slowly faded away, replaced by anger.
“You toy with people. You say something vague and leave me to figure it out on my own. You make me obsess over what you’re thinking, what you meant, until you’re all I can think about.”
He remained silent.
“You keep me on a leash, and I dance to your tune, always ending up doing what you want. This time is no different. I came here on my own, and I guided again.”
It was frustrating.
I had hoped that maybe Cha Jae-woo wanted me, not just my guiding. I thought maybe he was truly sorry. But now that I knew that wasn’t the case, I felt empty.
“No, that’s not it.”
After I finished speaking, Cha Jae-woo finally spoke up. But again, he didn’t elaborate.
I grimaced and shook my head.
“Even now, you’re doing it. What’s not it? What am I misunderstanding? You just say ‘no’ and…”
This was a waste of time. I didn’t want to talk anymore. Talking wouldn’t change anything. Cha Jae-woo wouldn’t change his attitude just because I said something.
I stood up, determined to leave the room, or at least the house.
“…What do I need to do?”
Just as I was about to leave, Cha Jae-woo’s urgent voice stopped me. It was as if he was trying to keep me from leaving.
I hesitated but decided to ignore him and keep walking. Staying would only hurt me more. I didn’t need to listen to him. Even if he tried to stop me, I had to at least try to leave.
“I don’t know what to say…”
Unfortunately, my attempt to leave was halted at the doorknob.
I couldn’t bring myself to turn it. Cha Jae-woo seemed so lost, and I couldn’t ignore the feeling that he was genuinely struggling.
I turned back to face him. He was still on the bed but had one foot on the floor as if he wanted to come closer but couldn’t.
Why did he seem so hesitant? Why did it look like he didn’t know what to do?
Or was I just seeing what I wanted to see? How much more of a fool could I be?
“Can you tell me…what to do?”
I felt a surge of frustration and pain. Cha Jae-woo asked me this with a voice full of desperation and sadness that I couldn’t believe was coming from him.
“I’ll do anything.”
His hands were clenched into fists, trembling slightly. He couldn’t hide it completely.
I stared at his hands, the veins standing out. They were Cha Jae-woo’s hands, trembling as he asked me what he could do.
“…Why?”
No, don’t believe him.
He’s lying.
He’s trying to trick you.
The warnings in my head disappeared. I couldn’t ignore him. I had to ask again.
“What can you do?”
