Cha Jae-woo remained silent for a while.
Did he expect me to be touched by his words? Even if he thought I was that foolish, I had no right to complain. I had been that blindly devoted to Cha Jae-woo.
But not anymore. Even with the same feelings, there’s a big difference between trusting someone and not trusting them.
That’s exactly how I feel now. I don’t trust Cha Jae-woo. So, I won’t be swayed by him anymore.
“Is that all?”
My words, laced with a bitter laugh, seemed to ripple through Cha Jae-woo’s presence as if in response.
It felt almost laughable. Were those waves a sign of his sincerity? No, they couldn’t be. Cha Jae-woo had never been sincere with me. In the end, he was just trying to deceive me again.
Should I be grateful that he gave me time to come to my senses? It was a ridiculous thought.
“If that’s the case, don’t come looking for me.”
I tried hard not to let any emotion show in my tone or expression, but my voice came out cold.
I let out a small sigh and clenched my fist. I knew my words wouldn’t affect Cha Jae-woo.
Another silence followed. What was he thinking? What would he say next?
Cha Jae-woo wanted only one thing. And I was curious to see what choice he would make to get what he wanted.
Being domineering is easy. But humbling oneself to change someone’s mind is hard, especially for someone like Cha Jae-woo.
Yet, he had said he was sorry. It must have been incredibly humbling for him. And my reaction, as if I found his words laughable, must have stung even more.
So, I expected Cha Jae-woo to stop this charade and revert to his usual ways. He might suddenly drag me back to his house.
The thought of that house sent a shiver of fear through me. But I told myself there was no need to be afraid.
Would being afraid of Cha Jae-woo change anything? No, it wouldn’t. Either way, he wouldn’t get what he wanted.
So, if I had to go back to that time, at least I didn’t want to bow my head to him anymore.
‘Ah….’
So many thoughts raced through my mind in that brief moment.
I was still afraid of Cha Jae-woo and didn’t want to be his Guide. I was tired of Espers and just wanted a normal life.
But if Cha Jae-woo was determined to take me, I couldn’t avoid it. If that happened, I would just accept reality. Maybe this was the only life I was meant to have.
Strangely, that thought brought a sense of calm. If I didn’t desire anything, life wouldn’t be so hard.
“……What do I need to do?”
Cha Jae-woo’s voice suddenly broke the silence.
I flinched, surprised. I had been so sure he would be domineering, that his question caught me off guard.
His tone wasn’t harsh. If someone who didn’t know him heard it, they might think he was in pain.
“……What do you mean?”
I was confused by his question. What did he mean by “what do I need to do”?
Fortunately, the confusion didn’t last long.
“If saying I’m sorry isn’t enough…… then what do I need to do?”
Cha Jae-woo kindly explained further.
For a moment, I was shaken. His tone, his expression, and his presence all seemed to show that he was genuinely distressed and at a loss.
But I quickly shook my head and dismissed the thought.
‘He must be really desperate.’
He was just trying to deceive me into guiding him again, with a face that anyone would believe.
My chest ached. If he had been forceful, I would have been scared, but I wouldn’t have felt this way. How far was Cha Jae-woo planning to toy with me?
“……What.”
My throat felt itchy. I struggled to hold back a curse, and my voice came out with difficulty.
“What can you do for me?”
I had no intention of guiding him. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. But I suddenly became curious. If he was determined to deceive me, how far would he go? What could he do for me?
If there was something to gain, I should take it. If Cha Jae-woo was pretending to be sorry and acting like he cared for me, I should get compensation for the pain and suffering he caused me. Although no compensation could heal my wounds.
“Can you do everything I ask?”
Of course, no matter what he did, I couldn’t guide Cha Jae-woo. Even now, I could feel the mana in my body rejecting him.
But I wanted to test his limits. How much could he endure? How much of my behavior would he tolerate?
Maybe he would end up in the same situation as the people he had killed without a second thought.
I wondered why he had only subjected Jo Gyeong-hoon and Jang Gijun to legal punishment. Was it out of kindness?
In reality, Cha Jae-woo still had the power to kill them at any moment. He had just spared them temporarily.
Maybe he did it for this moment, to make me realize that he needed me as a Guide. Maybe he spared them because he knew I didn’t want them dead, using them as pawns to manipulate me.
I still didn’t understand Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts, but somehow, I felt like I knew now. Cha Jae-woo was capable of such cruelty.
“……If you want.”
The certainty in my mind vanished, replaced by Cha Jae-woo’s uncertain voice. I was being foolish, easily swayed by his words.
I shouldn’t be moved by someone who was just pretending to let me go. Cha Jae-woo was only humbling himself to make guiding easier.
“Why?”
My voice came out sharp, but it didn’t matter.
“As I said, I can’t guide you.”
I can’t guide you. So why are you trying to do something for me? How far will you go to deceive me? What do you hope to gain?
“To be exact, I can’t guide you. So there’s no point in doing this.”
I wanted Cha Jae-woo to back down. But part of me wanted him to stay.
I was conflicted. I didn’t want him to leave, but I also didn’t want him to stay. Either way, I would be hurt.
“……It doesn’t matter.”
Cha Jae-woo replied shortly.
“I didn’t come here to be guided……”
Every word seemed difficult for him to say. He was truly something else.
I barely suppressed a bitter laugh, my eyes stinging with unshed tears.
“……Then why?”
“…….”
“Did you come just to say you’re sorry?”
“…….”
“You didn’t come to be guided, and you just came to apologize? You? And you expect me to believe that?”
Questions poured out, but I didn’t expect any answers. Whatever he said, it would only cause me more pain.
The smartest thing to do would be to tell him never to show his face again. But I had never been good at making smart choices.
“……I’ve always been sorry.”
Cha Jae-woo hesitated, which was unlike him. If I hadn’t been prepared, I might have fallen for it.
But I couldn’t. The thought alone was infuriating.
“I don’t believe you. How could I?”
I had never considered forgiving him. I had been too focused on escaping and surviving to think about forgiveness.
But seeing his detestable face again, I realized I never wanted to forgive him. I wanted to make him pay for the pain he caused me, tenfold.
“If you’re really sorry, show me.”
I wanted him to try his hardest. If he wanted me back, if he wanted to feel at ease again, Cha Jae-woo had to do something.
“Who knows? Maybe I’ll start to trust you again, just a little.”
Of course, even if that happened, nothing would change. But I wanted to see Cha Jae-woo pretend to care for me, just once.
