It would have been better if he had never heard of him again. If he had never known, it might have been different, but once he became aware, Cha Jae-woo remained on his mind.
He knew how foolish he was being. However, the occasional uncomfortable sensation he felt made it impossible to forget Cha Jae-woo. The sensation he felt when leaving Cha Jae-woo’s house still lingered around him.
‘……It can’t be true.’
What if it was?
A chilling and regretful feeling washed over him simultaneously. If there had been another Guide for Cha Jae-woo, he wouldn’t be having these thoughts.
But since there was no other Guide, useless thoughts kept creeping in. Just a tiny worry.
“Who am I to worry about him….”
It was absurd. Cha Jae-woo didn’t need his worry. Even if he did, he didn’t want to give it. Cha Jae-woo hadn’t worried about him, hadn’t cared for him, and had treated him like an object.
To an Esper, a Guide was just that—an object. Cha Jae-woo had even used his feelings for Guiding, lying about loving him. And he had fallen for it.
Of course, even without any excuses, he couldn’t Guide Cha Jae-woo. No matter how hard he tried, his mana would just scatter. But had anything changed now? No, he was still afraid of Cha Jae-woo.
‘……What am I even doing?’
Lying down helplessly, staring at his phone, he couldn’t help but laugh bitterly.
He had no intention of Guiding, no reason to worry, and knew he couldn’t do it. Yet, before he knew it, Cha Jae-woo’s name was in the search bar again, looking for any news about him.
“……Jo Gyeong-hoon should have just died.”
Yes, this was all Jo Gyeong-hoon’s fault. The karma he had accumulated over a long time was causing both Cha Jae-woo and him to suffer.
If Jo Gyeong-hoon hadn’t killed Cha Jae-woo’s parents that way, wouldn’t Cha Jae-woo’s condition be better now? At least better than being thrown into the world of ability-users alone at the age of ten.
On top of that, Jo Gyeong-hoon had killed all the Guides compatible with Cha Jae-woo. People said he did it because he feared Cha Jae-woo, who remembered everything, might threaten his life.
He thought the same. But the more he thought about it, the more frustrated he felt. If Jo Gyeong-hoon valued his life, he shouldn’t have done those things in the first place. So many innocent people had died because of him.
“Sigh…….”
If it weren’t for Jo Gyeong-hoon, things wouldn’t have gotten this bad.
He knew he shouldn’t worry, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to check, to know how Cha Jae-woo was doing now.
‘What will you do if you find out?’
But then, negative thoughts surfaced. Knowing wouldn’t change anything. If Cha Jae-woo was in a bad state, would he pity him? Try to Guide him? Go back to that life?
He had escaped from that, from Cha Jae-woo…….
He turned off his phone screen and closed his eyes tightly.
He should pretend he didn’t know. He hadn’t seen anything. He shouldn’t look for Cha Jae-woo. He had found peace by escaping from him. He never wanted to step back into the world of ability-users.
A world of monsters who killed easily and were indifferent to death, a world of utter cruelty.
“……!”
But despite his resolve, he opened his eyes and jumped out of bed.
The sensation of Cha Jae-woo, which he thought was just a lingering feeling in his heart, was now vividly present beside him.
It was unmistakable. The distorted and chaotic sensation, somehow even worse than the first day they met, was definitely Cha Jae-woo’s.
Bang!
After all the thinking and deciding to ignore him, in that moment, everything was forgotten. He rushed out of the house, not even properly putting on his shoes.
“Sigh…….”
He rushed down from the third floor and looked around. The neighborhood near the school was quiet, as classes had not yet started.
He scanned the silent alley, but there was no sign of anyone. The vivid sensation he had felt of Cha Jae-woo’s presence had vanished without a trace.
But it wasn’t a mistake. Cha Jae-woo had been nearby; he was sure of it. That meant Cha Jae-woo had been lingering around him.
“…….”
Ironically, recognizing Cha Jae-woo’s presence again made his body tremble. Fear gripped him, and despite having rushed out, he quickly returned home.
He locked all the door locks and closed every window, even though he knew Cha Jae-woo could easily bypass them. He turned off all the lights.
“Ugh…….”
Still feeling uneasy, he burrowed under the blankets. Although it was meaningless as a barrier, feeling enclosed made him feel slightly safer.
‘He was here.’
The moment he was sure, fear surged within him. The fear that he hadn’t escaped Cha Jae-woo, that Cha Jae-woo was watching him.
But that wasn’t all. After the initial fear subsided, surprisingly, worry flooded in.
‘His presence…….’
Cha Jae-woo’s presence had been a mess. How could a presence feel so tormented?
Presences don’t have emotions; they only reflect an Esper’s state. He knew that, yet he felt loneliness from Cha Jae-woo’s presence.
Loneliness. Pain. Sadness.
None of these emotions suited Cha Jae-woo. So, it must have been a mistake. He knew all of this.
“Haha…….”
What did he want?
Why was he having these delusions?
Had time passed and erased all the pain he felt then? How could he read emotions that didn’t suit Cha Jae-woo and feel pain himself?
“Stupid idiot…….”
A self-deprecating laugh escaped him. He felt like crying, and his stomach churned. Something must be wrong with him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be feeling this way about Cha Jae-woo.
All feelings for Cha Jae-woo should have been gone. If any remained, they should have been side effects from Guiding.
But even long after he stopped Guiding Cha Jae-woo, a lingering, frustrating feeling remained. What could he call it?
“…….”
He pulled the blanket over his head and suppressed a sigh. He didn’t want to admit it wasn’t a side effect, so he stopped thinking about it.
* * *
After that day, he never felt Cha Jae-woo’s presence again.
News about Cha Jae-woo became even harder to find. If Cha Jae-woo had problems and stayed home, the world should have been abuzz with the news, but strangely, there was no word about him.
“Tto-yul, you’re going to wear out your phone.”
“Ah…….”
“Don’t drink too much.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then don’t drink.”
“Am I a kid? Why are you telling me what to do?”
“Well, are you a kid or an adult?”
Not hearing anything about Cha Jae-woo should have been a relief, but it felt strangely unsettling. He shook his head and followed Kim Geon-ung.
After six months, he was back at school, and today was the welcome party. He hadn’t touched alcohol while taking medication, but today, he felt like drinking and even got his doctor’s permission.
Kim Geon-ung clicked his tongue and called him crazy, but it wasn’t a big deal.
“The doctor said a little is fine, not that you can drink as much as you want.”
“Anyone hearing you would think you were at the appointment with me.”
Kim Geon-ung’s concern made him smile faintly. He had talked too much about getting permission.
He checked his phone again and shook his head.
Today, he wanted to drink to his heart’s content. If he were to make an excuse, it was part of returning to his normal life before.
Yes, there was no other reason.
He stubbornly pushed away the image of Cha Jae-woo that kept creeping into his mind.
