He drifted in and out of consciousness repeatedly. It felt like chaos, with days and nights blurring together. Every time he opened his eyes, fear gripped him. Visions of sudden attacks and people dying before his eyes haunted him.
Things were even worse when he saw Cha Jae-woo. He was more violent and cruel than Lee Jae-hoon. Whenever he closed his eyes, nightmares would follow. He was helplessly devoured by monsters chasing him, unable to escape or resist.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten properly. Voices expressing concern about his need to eat blurred together, indistinguishable from one another. He wondered if it even mattered who they were.
He had lost track of time. One day, the nightmares finally stopped, and he could open his eyes with a bit more ease.
“……Are you okay?”
Cha Jae-woo’s voice shattered the momentary peace, making his muscles tense up and his body recoil. The mere presence of Cha Jae-woo in the same room made him anxious. Cha Jae-woo stood a few steps away, but his presence felt overwhelmingly close. He wanted to pull the blanket over his head, but a fragile sense of reason held him back. He clutched the edge of the blanket tightly.
“……Yes.”
The response came after a long pause. Cha Jae-woo had called his name several times over the past few days, asking if he was okay. This was the first time he had responded.
Cha Jae-woo remained silent. The realization that they were alone in the room made his heart ache. He wished to be alone, not to face Cha Jae-woo right after regaining consciousness. He would have preferred to stay asleep.
But he knew it was a futile wish. Cha Jae-woo would have been there regardless of when he woke up. He knew Cha Jae-woo had been waiting for him to wake up, even amidst the nightmares.
The reason was simple—Cha Jae-woo wanted him to provide Guiding.
“……Um…….”
His lips struggled to form words, breaking the prolonged silence with a shaky voice. His throat felt sore, either from sleeping too long or from screaming every time he woke up.
His thoughts began to flow slowly. He should thank Cha Jae-woo for saving him from Lee Jae-hoon. But if it weren’t for Cha Jae-woo, none of this would have happened in the first place. Or was it his unique method of Guiding that caused all this?
He questioned whether he should thank Cha Jae-woo at all. He didn’t feel grateful. He didn’t want to be taken by them, but Cha Jae-woo treated him no differently. They both saw him as less than human, so why should he be grateful to Cha Jae-woo?
Just because Cha Jae-woo provided a slightly more comfortable place for him? Because he waited until he regained his senses?
That meant nothing to him.
“I… I can’t do Guiding.”
He conveyed his inability to fulfill Cha Jae-woo’s wish instead of apologizing. But as soon as he spoke, regret washed over him. He remembered his place.
He was not in a position to defy Cha Jae-woo. He was supposed to do as Cha Jae-woo wanted. He couldn’t refuse Cha Jae-woo’s demands. He remembered all too well what happened when he couldn’t perform Guiding properly. Cha Jae-woo had shown him personally.
“I, I, I didn’t mean to, if you give me a little time, I think I can, but right now, yes, right now….”
His initial defiance crumbled into a desperate explanation. A chill ran through him, and his body started to shake. He wrapped himself in the blanket and shook his head. He knew his face must have paled.
“Somehow, I, I will, I will fix this. But right now, I can’t, no, I can’t do it. Please give me some time—”
“I never told you to do Guiding.”
He gasped, but it might have been too late. The cold response from Cha Jae-woo made him hiccup. Cold sweat trickled down his face, making him dizzy.
He didn’t need to do Guiding? Then what was he supposed to say or do? His mind went blank, and his mouth hung open. Fear consumed him, making his entire body ache.
He remembered Lee Jae-hoon’s face. The way he had urged him to do Guiding, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if he existed solely for that purpose. It felt like Lee Jae-hoon was right in front of him, even though it was Cha Jae-woo standing there. The silent pressure was overwhelming.
“Ugh…….”
His breath became ragged, contradicting his earlier thought that today might be a better day. He struggled to remember how to breathe, his chest heaving desperately.
“Huff, huff!”
But the air wouldn’t come. He writhed in discomfort, trying to catch his breath. Cha Jae-woo stepped closer, his voice stern.
“Lim Haeyul! Breathe properly.”
He nodded unconsciously, but his condition didn’t improve. As Cha Jae-woo approached, his limbs twisted, and his breath grew even more labored.
“Damn it…….”
Cha Jae-woo stepped back a few paces. His frustrated muttering was crystal clear. A chill ran through him, and his vision blurred. It seemed like another nightmare was about to begin.
Would a nightmare be better? At least he could wake up from a dream. But waking up meant facing a reality he didn’t want. He just wanted to sleep, dreamless and deep. But he knew that was impossible.
The room erupted into chaos. Strangers rushed in, and Cha Jae-woo moved even further away. Ironically, that distance brought a small sense of relief.
His vision darkened again.
* * *
Days turned into weeks, and he remained bedridden. Cha Jae-woo stopped visiting. He must have grown tired of seeing him unable to perform Guiding and having repeated panic attacks. Frankly, he was relieved. Seeing Cha Jae-woo was too much to bear.
He didn’t leave the room, so the people he encountered were limited: the lady who brought him meals, the doctor who checked on him, and a few others who occasionally peeked in as if to confirm he was still alive.
He grew accustomed to their presence, though it never became comfortable. The open window let in a cool breeze, signaling the end of summer and the approach of autumn.
‘……School will start soon.’
The changing air reminded him of the upcoming semester. He glanced at his long-neglected phone. He needed to contact his friends and prepare for school.
But could he? Would he be allowed?
He needed Cha Jae-woo’s permission. Although Cha Jae-woo had said he could go to school, the situation had changed. Danger could strike at any moment.
Maybe it was already over. He hadn’t kept track of the days, but a lot of time had passed. Many things must have happened, and Cha Jae-woo was safe. That meant Lee Jae-hoon, Jo Gyeong-hoon, and the others had likely been dealt with.
“…….”
Thinking about it made him nauseous. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
He was scared. Whether they were alive or dead, he didn’t want to know. He had turned off his phone and locked himself away, not wanting to face the reality of what had happened or how many more lives had been lost.
“……Hey.”
The room was silent. He tried to push away the thoughts that kept flooding his mind. He spoke aloud, knowing Cha Jae-woo would hear.
“Just one more time…….”
He didn’t know how Cha Jae-woo would react.
“Could you put me under hypnosis again? Maybe this time…… it will work…….”
He couldn’t guess Cha Jae-woo’s thoughts. He just wanted to escape. If he could go back to a time when he knew nothing, maybe he could find some peace.
Maybe if his memories were erased, and he could pretend to be Cha Jae-woo’s lover again, it would be better than this reality. He desperately wanted to escape this terrifying world.
