“Not really. It’s not that I trust you, but there’s no one else I can ask.”
He had to do his part properly. Otherwise, there was no telling how Cha Jae-woo would react. That fear was what drove him. He justified seeking advice from Kim Sol by telling himself that. He didn’t want to believe he was wrong.
“…You’re saying you can’t guide Cha Jae-woo properly right now, right?” Kim Sol frowned as he asked. Lim Haeyul immediately nodded.
“Look, Haeyul. Whose side do you think I’m on?” Kim Sol threw back the question with an almost incredulous look. Well, it wasn’t that hard to understand why.
“That’s why I said it. I’m not asking because I trust you—I’m asking because I have no one else.”
In the end, Kim Sol tried to shield himself by using Lim Haeyul’s feelings for him as a shield. Haeyul knew he couldn’t fully trust someone like that. But whether he trusted him or not could be decided after hearing him out. Right now, Haeyul simply needed a reason. He was in a position where he had to do something—for his own safety.
“…Sorry.”
After a long silence, an apology finally slipped from Kim Sol’s mouth. Whether he didn’t know the reason, or didn’t want to explain even if he did, Haeyul wasn’t sure. Either way, he didn’t feel the need to pressure him into a clear answer.
He still couldn’t tell if the urge to guide again came from fear of Cha Jae-woo—or from genuine concern. But if it was the latter, then maybe it was better not to know. His life was precious, sure, but he didn’t want to be the fool who worried about someone else in the middle of it. Maybe it was pride talking, but he had no intention of denying it. He didn’t want to reveal the lingering emotions inside him, the ones that still hadn’t completely faded. Even if his feelings weren’t anything grand, it felt too wasteful to simply pour them out for Cha Jae-woo.
“No, uh… You might find it meaningless or insincere, but suddenly it hit me that maybe I’ve never properly apologized since coming here. That’s why I said sorry.”
“…”
“I guess… I pushed you a bit too hard.” Kim Sol rubbed the back of his neck and let out a deep sigh.
“Back then… I wasn’t in my right mind. It felt like I was going to die. No, I would have died. Even knowing that, I fought like hell to survive—”
“Hyung.” When Lim Haeyul cut him off with an indifferent voice, Kim Sol, who had been rambling, stopped and turned his unsteady gaze toward him.
“I know. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”
“…Haeyul.”
“If you’re really sorry, then help me guide again. I have to fight too, same as you did.”
Lim Haeyul felt a clear sense of danger from Cha Jae-woo. Sure, Cha Jae-woo had never shown any intent to harm him. But Haeyul knew better than anyone how easily people could change their minds. Just like Kim Sol had fought to survive, Haeyul needed to find a way to survive too.
Yes. This was right. The fact that Jo Gyeong-hoon was alive didn’t matter to him. He wasn’t worrying about Cha Jae-woo because his poor guiding might put him in danger. It was for himself.
Even if it wasn’t the truth, it didn’t matter—as long as he believed it.
“Cha Jae-woo would never hurt you. Why are you even worried about that?” Kim Sol answered with a subdued voice. Haeyul shook his head and answered without hesitation.
“I don’t believe it. You were someone I trusted too, hyung.”
At that, Kim Sol pressed his lips together, unable to offer any rebuttal.
“…Maybe Cha Jae-woo brought you to me because I couldn’t guide him properly?”
Haeyul voiced his thoughts aloud. Cha Jae-woo had sent him to Kim Sol before, telling him to learn how to guide. And now, Cha Jae-woo had brought Kim Sol directly in front of him. It felt like a clear message: Do it right this time.
“I think that’s what it is.” As he spoke, his mind began to organize itself. Without even waiting for Kim Sol’s answer, Haeyul nodded to himself.
There was no other reason.
“…I don’t know.” Kim Sol bobbed his head up and down before shaking it side to side.
“So, what’s not working exactly?” He leaned in slightly, signaling that he was willing to listen.
Lim Haeyul glanced toward the door, then dropped his gaze. Had Cha Jae-woo left? Or was he still somewhere in the house? If he was, then he must be hearing this whole conversation.
Good. This was a chance to show that he wasn’t deliberately refusing to do it. Feeling the dryness of his mouth, he quietly wetted his lips under the growing tension.
“You know too, right? That my way of guiding… it’s a little different. Originally, I would insert mana directly into Cha Jae-woo’s body and soothe the distorted wavelengths from within. It felt almost like… purification.”
“Then while inserting mana, you would’ve been constantly sensing Cha Jae-woo’s wavelength, right?”
“Yes.”
Even without injecting mana, he could sense Cha Jae-woo’s state if he set his mind to it—but he decided to leave that part unsaid. Honestly, he didn’t know how much he should even reveal.
“But these days, even starting to inject mana feels completely blocked. Even when I force it in, it just… scatters inside.”
“…”
“I can’t properly see his wavelength anymore, so I can’t guide him properly either. At this point, it feels like it would be better to just shove mana in and hope for the best…”
Even though the door was firmly shut, Haeyul’s gaze kept drifting toward it. It wasn’t like he could feel Cha Jae-woo’s presence—yet it weirdly felt like he was standing right outside.
His fingertips trembled with anxiety. A growing fear crept up inside him, the kind that made him feel like if he said even one wrong word, Cha Jae-woo would burst in and physically silence him.
“S-So… I think I have to do it right, but… but I don’t know how…”
Panic quickly overwhelmed him. His eyes darted nervously between Kim Sol and the door. Following his gaze, Kim Sol looked toward the door too and tilted his head in confusion.
“Haeyul.”
“…What should I do, hyung.”
“Why are you shaking so much?”
The question was tender, almost painfully so. It had always been like this—except for the day he was abducted. Even his kindness now felt foreign.
The fear toward Cha Jae-woo rushed up to Haeyul’s chin. Even Kim Sol, standing right in front of him, was starting to feel frightening.
Clenching his fists tightly, Haeyul struggled desperately not to let the emotions he was feeling show on his face.
“It’s… it’s cold. S-Sometimes it just happens. I think maybe I’m just not feeling well… Anyway, hyung, do you know anything?”
He didn’t want to seem strange, but his eyes kept flickering around.
Kim Sol furrowed his brow, studying him, and then let out a long sigh.
“I’m not certain since I don’t guide the same way you do, but if even inserting mana feels that difficult…”
He trailed off, seeming ready to answer the question. Haeyul tried to focus entirely on him, hoping against hope that he actually knew something.
“…Then honestly, it might just be because you really, really don’t want to.”
“…What?”
Kim Sol’s answer caught him completely off-guard.
“You just… don’t want to guide. That’s all.”
“W-What are you even saying?!”
Haeyul shot up from his seat, shaking his head furiously.
He hadn’t thought that. …Had he? No. No way. He had tried his best to guide. He never once thought about liking it or hating it.
So Kim Sol had to be wrong. Either he was lying—or he was applying his own flawed experience.
“I think it’s a kind of rejection response…”
“Hyung!”
“You’ve gone through some really overwhelming things, Haeyul. Maybe it’s not surprising if it feels like too much now.”
Haeyul tried to protest as he jumped to his feet—but then he felt it. Even though his back was to the door, he was absolutely certain it had opened. He couldn’t say a word.
Kim Sol’s eyes froze, locked on something behind him.
Cha Jae-woo had entered. Haeyul could feel the violently agitated waves of power he was giving off, furious at the failure to guide properly. It was so intense, he couldn’t even bring himself to turn around.
“T-That’s not…”
His legs began to tremble violently. Forcing his body to move, he slowly turned his head.
As expected, Cha Jae-woo stood there, staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“I-It’s not like that. It’s not because I didn’t want to…”
His knees almost buckled on the spot. He was terrified Cha Jae-woo would accuse him of refusing just because he didn’t feel like it—that he’d explode with anger at any moment. The fear wouldn’t leave him.
“I’m not—it’s not because I didn’t want to…”
“I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do.” Cha Jae-woo’s voice cut through his panicked rambling, flat and emotionless.
The moment he spoke, the whole room seemed to freeze over. The air grew chillingly cold, as if it had solidified.
“What exactly is the problem?” Cha Jae-woo stepped toward him, his strides firm and without hesitation.
With a face that seemed genuinely confused, he reached out and grabbed Haeyul’s arm.
“Ahh!”
Immediately, Haeyul’s entire body twisted in pain. He didn’t know whether it was because of something Cha Jae-woo did—or because he had lost control of his mana out of sheer terror. He couldn’t even think straight enough to figure it out.
“Haeyul!”
Kim Sol’s shout barely registered.
In an instant, all the mana inside Haeyul was being sucked out, pulled directly into Cha Jae-woo. His vision blurred. Strength drained from every muscle in his body.
Ah…Maybe it was for the best.
The moment he lost consciousness, unable to block the guiding and having his mana drained dry—that was the only thought he had.
That it was a relief, at least, to escape this situation, even if only for a little while.
