Chapter 90
Sunlight seeped through the gap in the blackout curtains, settling on Seo-jung’s sleeping face. The power of that single streak of light was quite strong. His motionless eyelashes trembled, and soon Seo-jung’s auburn eyes were revealed.
He slowly closed and opened his eyes without avoiding the sunlight. Where am I? His head, still not fully awake, began to move sluggishly.
“Ah, the company dinner…”
Seo-jung let out a small groan. The answer came to him quickly as soon as he saw the cellphone on the bedside table. He remembered asking the production team for permission to stay at his own home and return later, due to the unexpectedly high level of intoxication from the previous night.
No cameras filming him 24 hours a day, and no Cha Yoon whom he so desperately wanted to avoid. Realizing he was in his own private space, Seo-jung relaxed his tense body. He raised his arm to cover his eyes with his forearm. Despite clearly having slept for a long time, he felt more tired than rested, his head heavy, and an inexplicable pain in his body.
Maybe I’ll sleep a little more. He had unintentionally gained a short day off due to consecutive work days. Usually, he would have hurried to return to the X House, but given the circumstances, Seo-jung indulged in an uncharacteristic lie-in.
As Seo-jung turned to his side to avoid the sunlight, adjusting his position, he suddenly stopped while fixing his shower robe that had slipped. How much time had passed like that? Seo-jung abruptly sat up. His previously calm heartbeat began to race.
The face of Cha Yoon whom he met when he opened the door at the sound of the doorbell, the image of himself hugging Cha Yoon and begging for forgiveness, and the sex that followed with Cha Yoon – the events of last night came flooding back to his mind in fragments.
Was it a dream? That seemed more likely than believing it was reality. But the memories were too vivid and clear to dismiss as a dream.
That wasn’t all. Unlike his last memory, he was wearing a shower robe instead of pajamas, and looking down, he could see countless hickeys through the gaps in the robe.
As his thoughts turned in this direction, he realized that the pain he felt upon waking was muscle soreness from using muscles he hadn’t used in a while. All these things pointed to one fact: the memories that had surfaced in his mind had all happened in reality.
How could this be? Seo-jung’s eyes shook violently.
Cha Yoon regaining his memories, and forgiving him for leaving irresponsibly – he had believed all of these things were absolutely impossible. That’s why they could only remain dreams. No, he thought it didn’t make sense to even dream of such things. He knew it was something he wasn’t allowed to have. That’s why he had hidden these thoughts deep in his heart, not even daring to speak them aloud.
But now, the things he thought should remain forever as dreams had actually happened. Seo-jung tightly gripped the fallen blanket.
As he sat frozen, barely able to breathe due to the events that had unfolded, he was awakened by the sound of movement outside the door. He reflexively turned his head to look at the closed bedroom door. Even after that, a small, regular tapping sound continued to come through the door.
“Ah…”
Seo-jung hurriedly covered his mouth. He hadn’t misheard. There really was someone outside. In this space where he had been alone since the accident, in this quiet and silent space.
And that someone must be…
Before his thought could finish, Seo-jung got up from the bed. He wanted to see with his own eyes. To confirm if what he remembered was true, if Cha Yoon was really outside that door.
Seo-jung moved step by step until he reached the door. His trembling hand reached for the doorknob. But he couldn’t easily pull it. Now that he was here, he felt scared. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was beating so loudly it made his ears feel stuffy. He slightly tightened his grip on the handle, then loosened it.
Numerous thoughts tangled complexly in his mind. What if it’s all just my delusion? What if I’ve really gone crazy? Countless thoughts arose and disappeared weakly. Among them, the only clear thought that remained was that he needed to open the door, that he needed to go outside.
Taking a deep breath in and out, Seo-jung pressed down on the doorknob. Soon, the door opened silently. Seo-jung couldn’t take his eyes off the gradually widening gap between the door. And soon, the back of a man came into view.
The man, with a build well above average, was wearing only pants and busily moving around in the kitchen. Only then did Seo-jung realize what the regular sound coming through the bedroom door had been. It was the sound of the man preparing vegetables.
As he recognized the man standing in the kitchen, senses that had stopped one by one began to awaken. He heard the sound of something boiling, and the smell of food tickled his nose.
It was Cha Yoon, who always woke up first on days without flights to prepare breakfast for him. Seo-jung’s vision blurred at this familiar sight he had seen for years.
“Yoon…”
Seo-jung called out to Cha Yoon in a choked voice that barely came out. It was such a small sound that it wouldn’t have been strange if it had been buried under the ambient noise.
But even so, Cha Yoon didn’t miss Seo-jung’s voice. He turned around from where he had been showing his back. Their gazes met in mid-air.
Seo-jung couldn’t take his eyes off Cha Yoon. He wasn’t even allowed to blink. He was afraid that if he closed his eyes and opened them again, Cha Yoon would disappear without a trace.
1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds… Time passed helplessly, and it was Cha Yoon who broke the silence that seemed like it would continue endlessly.
“Hyung.”
“…”
“Did you sleep well?”
I deliberately didn’t wake you up, why are you up already? I was going to wake you when the food was ready… Seo-jung blankly stared at Cha Yoon, who seemed both embarrassed and happy, his eyes shining. None of Cha Yoon’s words that followed registered in his ears.
It was then that he started to feel something was off. The formal speech that came with the term “hyung”. The overly polite language that seemed out of place for his lover to use.
It was when they hadn’t been dating for long. Cha Yoon, with a rather solemn expression, had said this:
‘I’m not going to use formal speech with you anymore, hyung.’
‘Okay.’
‘I won’t call you hyung either, I’ll use your name.’
‘Alright.’
At this nonchalant response, Cha Yoon’s eyebrows twitched as if to say, “This isn’t right.”
‘Is that all? Aren’t you going to ask why?’
‘Do I have to ask that? If that’s what you want to do, Yoon, then do it.’
He meant exactly what he said. Cha Yoon was already giving up a lot just by being with him. There was no way he wouldn’t allow something as simple as this. He wanted to give Cha Yoon anything he could.
But Cha Yoon, not knowing Seo-jung’s feelings, made a sulky face. It seemed like he had prepared many things to say. Seo-jung found this cute and was tempted to keep teasing him, but he held back. If Cha Yoon got upset, who knows how he might overwork himself again.
‘Now that I think about it, I am a bit curious about the reason. Why did you suddenly want to do this?’
At Seo-jung’s question, Cha Yoon seemed to take a moment before starting to list the reasons he had prepared.
Many words poured out, but the core was this: The term “hyung” and formal speech seemed to constantly remind Ki Seo-jung of the fact that he was younger. Besides that, shouldn’t lovers be equal? If you think about it, since he was born in America, this made more sense. He didn’t seem to realize that saying such things made him seem even younger.
Ki Seo-jung didn’t dislike this side of Cha Yoon. He couldn’t dislike anything about him. He was the first person with whom he shared the emotion called love, and surely would be the only one. There was no way he would be hung up on such trivial matters, no matter what Cha Yoon did.
‘Yeah, now that I hear it, it does make sense.’
‘See, I told you I was right?’ Although he didn’t say it out loud, his face looked triumphant. Holding back a laugh, Seo-jung changed his tone and continued speaking.
‘But let’s be careful with how you address me at school for now. We don’t want to cause any misunderstandings. I’ll be graduating after this semester anyway, so I can compromise that much, right?’
‘Okay.’
‘But, come to think of it, I am a bit disappointed.’
‘About what?’
‘I like it when you call me hyung. It makes you seem cute and makes me want to give you anything… But if you don’t want to, there’s nothing I can do. I guess I’ll have to hear it a lot at school before I graduate.’
At these words, spoken while shrugging his shoulders, Cha Yoon’s expression became a bit strange. He looked somewhat embarrassed and shy. After composing himself, he opened his mouth.
‘…Then I’ll call you that very rarely. Really, really rarely, only when I’m in a good mood.’
‘Are you being generous?’
‘Ye… I mean, yeah. Since Ki Seo-jung wants it, I’ll be specially generous.’
‘I’m truly honored.’
“I’m really grateful, Yoon-ah?” Noticing that Seo-jung was teasing him with his playful voice, Cha Yoon raised one eyebrow and immediately rushed over, planting kisses all over his body.
And really, after that, Cha Yoon seemed to faithfully keep his word, thoroughly using informal speech and constantly addressing Ki Seo-jung by his name and the pet name “jagi”. Occasionally, he would use the term “hyung” when he needed something, but even that was limited to when they were in bed or when he was trying to cajole Seo-jung with aegyo.
How could that Cha Yoon be using such a way of speaking now? Seo-jung clenched his fist at this behavior so different from the Cha Yoon he knew.
No, it’s just a silly thought. He hastily shook his head. It didn’t make sense to feel this way just because he used a speech pattern he rarely used once. It must be because what happened seemed too dreamlike, that’s why he was having these thoughts. Seo-jung tried hard to shake off his anxiety, but his heart beat even faster.
He decided to tell Cha Yoon not to use such an ill-fitting way of speaking, that it wasn’t like him, but somehow the words wouldn’t come out easily. As Seo-jung just opened and closed his mouth without saying anything, a hint of puzzlement mixed into Cha Yoon’s expression.
Why is he suddenly acting like this? Now that he looked closely, Seo-jung’s expression wasn’t good either. Focusing on the fact that Ki Seo-jung had woken up, he hadn’t noticed before, but now Cha Yoon put down the kitchen knife he was holding on the cutting board.
“Hyung, what’s wrong?”
“Cha Yoon, why are you…”
Unlike before, Seo-jung’s voice now trembled. Just as he was about to speak the words he had prepared, hoping that his anxiety was just needless worry and that all his concerns would prove meaningless, a question popped into Seo-jung’s mind.
But was it really ‘just once’? The thought that arose without him even being aware of it was enough to awaken his dormant memories. The image of Cha Yoon who had come to his house, consistently calling him “hyung” and using formal speech, and the oddness he had tried to ignore during sex all came together and overwhelmed Seo-jung.
Seo-jung’s eyes trembled in confusion at the flood of information. All the information pointed to one thing.
Cha Yoon hadn’t regained his memories.
The person standing there wasn’t his lover.
Seo-jung, facing the truth he had wanted to deny, clutched his forehead with a pale face.
Seeing Seo-jung like this, Cha Yoon stopped what he was saying and hurriedly approached him. Cha Yoon embraced Seo-jung’s waist as if to support him.
“What’s wrong, all of a sudden? Are you in pain? If so, I’ll take you back to bed…”
“…Let go of this.”
“What?”
“Let go of this, and get away from me.”
